It Happened Like This

by CaseyIsMyValentine

A Sammy Keyes PSYCH-out.

It Happened Like This - A Sammy Keyes PSYCH-OUT.

"It was dark," Casey says, looking deep into my eyes like a soul-searcher searching for my soul or something, "Very dark. That's how dark it was- very dark."

Billy shakes his head. "Dark? You kidding me? The sun was shining, that's why it was so freaky!"

I roll my eyes. "No way, Billy."

"Just because I didn't hypnotize you with my goggly big brown eyes doesn't mean I'm the liar!" he complains. Casey smirks.

"It was dark and I swear, I was going to die!" Casey exclaims. "Thanks to my machoism, we conquered."

"Shut your macaroni breath up!" Billy threw a marshmallow at Casey.

We were sitting outside in Hudson Graham's backyard, makes s'mores. Discussing The Night (Or Day, as Billy Recalls) of the Day They Almost Died. Aka the day stupid Billy and Casey were wandering around alone in the seedy side of town and almost got killed by some gangster who thought they were like, Greasers or something.

Or was it Socs?

Anyway, it's been a whole week and they're trying to tell me how it happened.

Casey: "It happened like this. It was dark, we were walking and suddenly Billy the idiot goes, 'Man, I sure wish we could eat some burritos right now!'" Casey says the burrito line with an exaggerated Mexican accent.

"Weren't you guys in Mexican gang territory?"

"EXACTLY!" Casey cries out. "The idiot goes talking about burritos like he's never have one in his life."

"I did not." Billy huffs. "It happened like this. I saw a taco shop and wanted a burrito so I said, 'I want a burrito' and Casey yelled, 'WHAT? A BURRITO? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODFORSAKEN MIND, YOU OAF?'"

"Oh come on," I protest, sticking a marshmallow on a stick. "Casey did not call you an oaf."

"She's right, I didn't." Casey glares at Billy. He stands up and holds his arms wide open. "All I snapped at him for was 'Billy, why in the world would you think of BURRITOS when you pass a TACO shop?'"

"Well, tacos and burritos are all the same thing! Mexican!"

"Food can't be a race, you idiot, it can be native to a race!"

I held my palms up. "You realize this is going into racist territory, right, guys?"

"BILLY is the racist one." Casey grabs my arms and pulls me up. "He sees a Chinese person on the street and goes, 'Look, I bet they have a fortune cookie in their pocket!'"

"I am only food-oriented racist." Billy argues.

Casey huffs. "See? You just said 'oriental'."

"ORIENTED! ARE YOU DEAF? DO YOU NEED A HEARING AIDE, OLD MAN? ARE YOU GETTING TOO OLD TO HEAR ME?"

"Oh please," Casey scoffs, "I'm only four months older than you, you foolish child."

"See, you just called me a foolish child!"

Casey wraps his arms around my waist. "It was dark, okay?" he says, and his voice sounds deeper than usual.

I sort of giggle. Ugh. I did not just say 'giggle'. "You're creepy, Casey."

"It was BROAD DAYLIGHT. THE SUN WAS UP. We live in the SUNSHINE STATE!"

"No, we don't, you moron!" Casey snapped his head back to glare at Billy. "We don't live in the Sunshine State! Do you even pay attention in California History class?"

"What the HELL is California History, may I ask?" Billy banters on.

Casey returns back to me and in a low voice says, "Excuse the interruptions." he kisses me.

"I think it's really odd how you suddenly went from bantering with Billy to romanticizing with me." I laugh.

"Yeah, I think it's very awkward how you start getting all smoochy-smoochy one second and yell at me the next. It's quite insulting, really!" He says the last part in a British accent.

"Oh, don't get all Harry Potter on me!" Casey snaps. "I can't stand your abominational referencing to a perfectly good series! You turn the whole bloody chirade into a wreck, you do!" he said the whole thing in a British accent, too.

I pull back from Casey. "Not EVERYONE with a British accent is from Harry Potter."

"Who ever said that?" Casey sticks his head out so his ear is facing up. "Did I hear YOU say it? Nawww. Me? No. Billy? THAT is a question worth asking." he taps his chin. "Hmmm."

"Oh shut up, go evabra-cadabra yourself." Billy huffs.

Casey snorts. "You mean evada-cadavra?"

I crack up, I can't help it. "No, he means bibbity bobbity boo."

"Just because you and him are all 'together', ewwwww, doesn't mean you have to take his side all the time." Billy starts marching around. "BIASED! BIASED. RIGGED. RIGGED."

"IT HAPPENED LIKE THIS!" Casey yells. We all stop hustling. "It was dark. Billy wanted tacos."

"Oh, now it's tacos?" Billy's voice is snotty.

"Oh, go euthanize yourself!" Casey dismisses.

I crack up again. "EUTHANIZE yourself?"

"I can't take credit for that," Casey says. "I picked up that line from Psych. Nigel St. Nigel?"

"Oh, please!" Billy says. "Casey steals ALL his lines from everywhere!"

"I SAID, EUTHANIZE YOURSELF!"

"That's so wrong!" I say.

"It's a federal offense, euthanizing yourself. You can go to jail for it." Billy says.

"Or be put on death row."

"If someone tried to euthanize themself but got caught before they did, and were put on DEATH ROW for committing a federal offense, how is that maiming anything different? They're going to die, just like they had wanted anyway."

"IT'S FULL CIRCLE. IT'S WIN-WIN! JUSTICE IS SERVED, WAIT. JUSTICE IS SERVED…"

"PANCAKES!" Casey snaps. "Pancakes are served!"

"I think you two should write a Pysch episode script. You'd be very good at it."

"So am I Shawn? And he's Gus?" Casey asks.

"OH, PUH-SHAW!" Billy cries out indignantly. "I'm more Shawn then YOU ever will be! You're Gus."

"I'm not even black!" Casey complains.

"Well, neither am I! And now who's the racist one?"

I sigh.

I can't believe we're arguing about this. Well, THEY are.

"Maybe you two should be on the show called American Idiots."

"Is that a show?" Casey asks."I thought it was a Green Day album and a rock opera."

"No, it's not a show, but you guys should MAKE one."

"Only Casey watched operas. Gay! Gay!" Billy coughs.

"There's nothing wrong with gay people, even though I'm not gay." Casey scoffs haughtily. "Anyway, as a matter of fact, operas are very good! Rock ones, anyway."

"I liked Phantom of the Opera."

Casey breaks out into the Phantom song, but instead of saying 'the Phantom of the Opera is on my mind', he says my name.

"Samaaaantha Jo Keyes is ON MY MIND!"

"Oh, please." I blush and wave my hand away.

"I still can't believe you told me to euthanize myself!"

"Well, YOU were the one who called the gang guy a NACHO before he jumped us! THAT's how it happened!"

"No, no, no, it happened like this-" Billy is about to say something when out of the bushes jumps a man. Ricky Martin? Geraldo? Or the guy from the El Pollo Loco commercial? I couldn't tell.

"YOU'RE the guy who jumped us!" Casey calls. "HALT!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Billy screams like a girl.

"I was the one to jump you! I'm the one who jumped you, and my name is Zapato Dulce! I was a former judge on the show American Duos. THIS ATTACK WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE, MINE, MY SPOTLIGHT! But nooooo!"

"Dude, what are you TALKING about?" Casey shrugs. We all look at each other like, "…The hell?"

"I GOT FAN LETTERS TO GERALDO! RICKY MARTIN! THE GUY FROM THE EL POLLO LOCO COMMERCIAL! BUT NEVER AVE I EVER IN MY LIFE BEEN CALLED NACHO! WHHYYY WONT YOU DIIIEEE!"

"Hey, this is just like that American Duos episode of Psych!"

"Of WHAT? You try to MAKE FUN OF ME EVEN MORE?"

Casey starts laughing. "I love it when Nigel St. Nigel is like, 'THATS your attempt at murder!"

Billy starts laughing too. "Now that I think about it, your attempt to jump us and kill us was terrible."

"I know!" Casey laughs back. "I mean, you missed us by like, five feet! We were standing two feet away from you the WHOLE TIME!"

El Pollo Loco guy goes crazy.

Or was it Ricky Martin.

Wait, I think it was Zapatos.

"Hold on a minute," I say, "What's so different about you being called Nacho? I mean, doesn't zapatos mean SHOES in Spanish? Why would you want to be named SHOES?" I start laughing. "Shoes Dulce!"

Silence. All of us. Silent.

Suddenly me, Casey, and Billy burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

Zapatos has had it by now. But of course, Hudson has witnessed the whole thing, called the police on Crazy Chicken Shoe Guy (El Pollo Loco Zapatos?) and soon our loco pollo is gone and behind bars or, more accurately, getting some serious "help" if you know what I mean.

But of course, the police arresting the crazy chicken shoe guy wasn't really the main point of a story.

Of course.

I mean, it's a story, why would it be?

Later when things had settles down, Casey grabbed me and pulled me into a long kiss…right in front of Hudson, awkwardly enough. In my ear he whispered. "It happened like THAT."

We could hear Billy's voice from about 10 yards away.

"Eeeeewwwwww, cooties!"
PSYCH!
THE END.

Note: SO HOW DID YOU LIKE IT? It's pretty much a Psych episode twisted int SAMMY KEYES.

I think it's very clever indeed, I do. I think maybe I should get a Nobel Peace Prize for all the people I bring joy to in their lives. All the joy I bring to people…all the people I bring joy to? OH WHO CARES.

Sorry, I spent most of my road trip watching Psych in the car.

Me and Siera re-watched American Duos like five MILLION times because it's seriously the funniest episode in the world. I swear to god, Nigel St. Nigel.

"GIVE IT BACK!"

"NO!"

lolololol

I LOVE PSYCH AND I HAVE TO THANK SAMMY4EVER GRACIOUSLY BECAUSE ITS BECAUSE OF HER I WATCHED IT.

xoxo