Author's Note: For some reason, my mind has been going to angsty places lately. I guess it's just this time of year….
Small Comforts
Severus slouches by the fire, a small glass of cloudy, strong-smelling liquid in one hand.
"Do you ever wonder, if you could just go back and change one thing in your life, that it would change everything for the better?" His voice is flat, nearly dead, and he stares at the dancing flames with a morose expression.
"Are you asking as the Hated Headmaster of Hogwarts or as Severus, who is my friend?" A tall figure wearing a tall, pointed hat steps out of the shadows behind him and fixes him with a wary look.
"Minerva…" Severus looks back with a pained expression. "Here…we are not our titles. We are simply ourselves. I assure you that nothing said within these walls will ever leave them."
"If I have learned anything from the past, it is that there will always be dodgy bits, Severus." Minerva walks slowly to the fire, her eyes focused on the fireplace, and places her hands out to warm them.
"I was so sure…so many times…that I had done the right thing, but everything I touch twists and withers."
"It's easy to say that with hindsight, lad," Minerva replies with a shrug. "The only way you can keep yourself from going mad is to learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward."
"Every step forward I make with dread," Severus says, his voice quivering slightly. His hands are fidgeting so badly that he finally forces himself to grab his knees, his fingers digging painfully into his flesh to stop them from moving.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Minerva's voice is cautious and soft as she turns to look at him.
"You know I can't. Albus forbade it. The less you know, the better." Severus unbuttons his collar and pulls open the neck of his robes to reveal a shining rune. "He ensured my compliance long ago."
Minerva looks at the mark sadly and shakes her head. "You were too young to make those decisions. He had no right."
"And which 'he' are we referring to, Minerva?" Severus replies tiredly.
"Hmph," Minerva replies. "Any of them! You should have been allowed to be a boy. I tried my best to give detentions to those boys for harassing you…but…I failed you, Severus. I failed you and I regret it every time I see that look on your face- yes, that one! That painful, lost expression you always make when you feel you've been abandoned again. Followed by that lost puppy look."
Severus snorts. "I do not look like a lost puppy, Minerva."
"You do from where I'm standing, lad," Minerva replies, taking a step towards him. She raises her hand slightly, as if to place it on his shoulder, but then he flinches backwards instinctively and she stops.
"Oh, Severus. What have they done to you?" MInerva's voice breaks ever so slightly, and suddenly, a small tabby cat with spectacle markings is standing before him. She leaps onto his lap, purring madly and rubbing her face against his, scent-marking him as her own. Severus doesn't seem to know what to do at first, but then his fingers trace the soft line of her back and he rubs under her furry chin as she closes her eyes halfway and purrs throatily with enjoyment. She lays on her back and he rubs her belly and she doesn't move when a large tear drips down his large, hooked nose and falls onto her fur. He hugs her close as she squeaks in surprise and buries his face in her fur.
Minerva resists the urge to bat at his head and lets him cry. Sometimes, after a particularly bad night, she'll sleep at the foot of his bed, her furry body pressed against his feet like a familiar weight.
And tonight has been a bad night. She can still smell the singed skin and hair on Severus' body from having been attacked by the Carrows.
Minerva dearly wishes that there is more that she can do, but she knew that there is nothing that can truly take away the magnitude of his suffering. And so, she lies there, purring her heart out as Severus clings to her like a drowning man to a lifeboat.
It will have to be enough, she thinks.
She does not dare think of the coming morning.