70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters
Dear Reader,
I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.
The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!
Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!
Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.
Chapter One: Light
First Way To Obsess Over Light
Take up becoming a serial killer. If you aren't that dedicated in trying to rid the world of evil then purchase a cheap paperback notebook and paint in your best handwriting the Death Note title across the front! Perhaps writing down your ex's name or whoever you despise that has injured humanity.
Warning: Don't get too carried away because once your parents find said 'Death Note' then, you're likely to be staring at ink blots in the next week or so along with attending therapy sessions and taking antipsychotic meds.
Second Way To Obsess Over Light
Begin talking to an imaginary shinigami! Maybe create a name and have conversations with said god of death. There are endless possibilities when you have a friend who cannot be seen by the general public and reads people's death dates!
Warning: Once again, therapy is something your parents may issue as only six and seven year olds have imaginary friends. But, adding the description of a dead creature that floats around going to neither heaven nor hell, yeah, they have meds for that too!
Warning: The use of medication without real purpose isn't healthy…
Third Way To Obsess Over Light
Dress up as a wannabe businessman! Prep your hair carefully and prestigiously into place, compulsively looking in every reflective surface to catch a glimpse of your own face. Buy several ties and business shirts and pants while throwing away your jeans and band shirts.
Warning: Becoming conceited with your own looks can create social barriers between your friends and you. If you prize your autographed band shirts and numerous frayed jeans then you may reconsider trashing them.
Fourth Way To Obsess Over Light
Develop a hate for insomniac detectives who love sweets! Glare daggers and the first panda eyed person who see and make your displeasure of being around them obvious. Try to create a tense silence between the two of you and make them waver first.
Warning: Isn't disliking insomniacs a stereotypical thing? Once again, don't go around hating on others without knowing first hand that you may lower your social standings.
Warning: Don't be disappointed when you don't discover an insomniac L-like person at first! Remember, they usually aren't in public often which makes it an even greater challenge!
Fifth Way To Obsess Over Light
Change your last name to Yagami, legally that is. So, when you go to do so wherever, and if they ask why you want to have a Japanese last name, just glare hatefully and flip your hair.
Warning: Yagami equals 'Im A Gay' which means, whenever your friends discover this fact, yeah, humiliation will become an ally! That also means another name for your Death Note!
Sixth Way To Obsess Over Light
Develop a competitive tennis hobby in which you hate to lose. Challenge all your opponents and come out victorious, then gloat about your win over some coffee.
Tip: Make sure to practice sufficiently to become good enough to confront someone. Maybe a local gym?
Warning: Don't go around shunning people you know that could beat you and/or kick your ass. If you know you won't be the winner of the match, don't try! It ruins the image!
Seventh Way To Obsess Over Light
Become a goody goody in front of your parents and make up excuse to blame others! What a better way to impress you father than to act like they've always wanted you to. Try to whine and get your way like a little child!
Tip: Anime tears always improve a begging session. But, don't glare hatefully if they don't buy it.
Warning: Being a suck up will not get you far…especially when it comes to ditching your friends and blaming them for shit they didn't do. Not recommended for people who value sentimental things such as friendships.
Eighth Way To Obsess Over Light
Become a quick thinker so when you have to plan your serial killer murders ahead of time, you won't get caught in doing so! Refer to how Light, in the anime, thinks quickly trying to remove himself as a suspect!
Tip: Try making lists! Lists always help when it comes to making sufficiently devious plans!
Warning: Please don't try this when you have long term memory loss because all hope isn't going to make you remember what plan you concocted a year ago!
Ninth Way To Obsess Over Light
Worship the almighty potato chip! Perhaps you should reenact said clip when Light oh-so brilliantly cherishes and laughs over his line, "I will take a potato chip…and EAT IT!" Yeah, make sure to dramatically pause before you take a bite.
Tip: Make sure the potato chips are regular flavored! It won't be script-like when you crunch on a barbeque chip instead of the original!
Warning: Are we seriously back on the whole therapy consequence and medications shit? Well, when your mom or dad comes home from work to find you video taping yourself cackling evilly and laughing so hard you start spitting pieces of chips out onto your desk then, yeah!
Tenth Way To Obsess Over Light
Make yourself the god of a new world! Defeat all evil on earth and become the ruler of a peaceful world!
Tip: You may need a lot of self confidence and self esteem to go through with this…so, join boot camp to build character!
Tip: Scratch that, they don't allow people to read fanfiction and obsess over animes in boot camp, I think.
Warning: If you somehow do succeed, don't be disappointed when you find that people are mortally afraid of you and worship the ground you spit on out of fear, not respect.
Warning: Becoming a dictator will take away much of your free time when you're ridding the world of evil! Therefore, you will no longer have the leisure of reading stories, fancying over Death Note characters, or whatever things you like to do!
I am very surprised at my lack of creativity actually…It is exactly 8:46 p.m. when I finished typing this chapter up. So, not to put my efforts in vain…review? Pretty please with Mello shaped sprinkles on top? Near formed marshmallows? Eh, Matt shaped gummy bears?...I give up…