She studied him closely while his eyes were seemingly focused on the game. He acted completely normal. Well, about as normal as Barney Stinson could be, but even still, it was like the past twenty minutes never even happened.
"You should've taken a picture when you had the chance," he said coolly, eyes not wavering from the game. "It would've lasted you longer."
Robin felt her cheeks go warm, and if that wasn't bad enough, she could've sworn he was smiling at her discomfort. "Barney," she warned.
He looked up at her flirtatiously, ignoring her plea. "Although, if you're interested, I do have wallet-sized pictures I can give you."
"Just make a move already", she finally blurted out, almost instantly regretting her choice of words when she saw him staring at her, grinning sheepishly.
"Now, now, Scherbatsky, I already made a move," he said without missing a beat. "Now it's your turn," he winked.
She shook her head, "You know what I mean." Jesus, she saw Barney's penis, and now she could barely keep it together.
"Alright, alright," he conceded. "B-14," he called out.
She checked her grid. "Damnit," she sighed. "Hit."
"I thought you said you were good at this."
"I am!" she insisted eagerly. "The game's not over."
"Might as well be," he said dryly. "I'm this close," he mimed with his fingers, "to sinking your battleship and I still can't believe that you don't get how that's a euphemism for sex"
"Because it doesn't make any sense," she retorted. Seriously, why would anyone use a children's game as a euphemism for sex? It's disconcerting, really.
He looked at her, bemused. "Of course it makes sense, just think about it. I-filled-all-your-holes," he purposely drew out each syllable so she'd make the connection on her own. "Or how about my ship capsized on your -"
"I get it," she cut him off sharply. "I guess I just don't see the point of using it as some lame pretense for sex."
He laughed. "What would you prefer, Scherbatsky?" He spoke in a low, husky voice, "Hey baby, do you want to come over and ride my Zamboni?"
"Right, because naturally that would work on all Canadian women" she said sarcastically, chuckling at his lame attempt to mock her. "I just think if you meet someone, and there's chemistry there, you can invite them up to your apartment without the pretense."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Where's the fun in that?"
Sometimes Robin couldn't understand Barney. On one hand, he was all about sleeping with hot random chicks, but if that meant being honest with a woman about his intentions, he just couldn't do it. "Come on Barney, you don't always have to pretend to be some astronaut on a mission to get laid."
"I don't," he said flatly. "Sometimes I'll tell a chick that I'm the lawyer who can get them off. What up?"
Robin just stared at him in disbelief.
"Oh come on, Scherbatsky," he said, clearly noting her look of disapproval. "Half the fun is the chase."
She rolled her eyes. "I left the room for not even a full minute and you were completely naked before I-"
"Because I thought we were going to have sex," he reminded her grumpily for the umpteenth time.
"Yeah, I know what you thought." She sighed. That really wasn't the point she was trying to make right now. "I just think a man who goes 'bare pickle,' as you so eloquently put it, when the girl who he's trying to sleep with isn't even in the room, can't be all that interested in the chase."
Barney looked at her with wide eyes, and an impish grin. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were kind of wishing I would've put the moves on you," he said.
"No," she quickly corrected him. Although, maybe there was some truth to that, because let's face it, taking off all your clothes when the girl who you're trying to screw isn't even in the room is incredibly lazy. It's not like it matters though because she wouldn't have slept with him either way. She liked Ted, and Barney was Ted's really good friend, and even though she didn't know the group very long, she really enjoyed spending time with them. Robin knew sleeping with Barney would ruin all of that, so even if there was a tiny part of her that was impressed with what she saw, she'd never act on it. Besides, it was Barney. She's seen the kind of women he picks up, and she was not about to lump herself into that sad echelon of women.
She took a few seconds to think about the best way to phrase this without him getting the wrong idea. "All I'm saying is if you're going to sleep with someone, maybe you should start with a little bit of foreplay before you strip down."
"Well, to be fair, I did ask if you wanted to undress me," he pointed out.
"You were already undressed!" she argued. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she immediately retracted. "Not that it would've made a difference one way or the other, but I don't know, I guess I always thought a guy who was as…," she thought carefully of the best word to use to describe him, "…experienced as you, to well, you know, be a little better at the game."
"So let me get this straight," he said, amused, "You haven't even had sex with me yet, and you're already disappointed by it?"
She sighed. Why did she even bring this up? "Barney, that's not what I meant."
He looked at her pointedly. "I'll have you know that I am AWESOME at sex."
She nodded. "Okay." Her tone was soft, and serious. Her eyes were unwavering as he analyzed her. She really just wanted to drop it. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to give him any sort of indication that there was any doubt in her mind because then Barney would feel the need to over compensate and then -
"Robin," he began, as he moved closer to her on the couch,
Too late. She mentally chided herself.
"Do you know what would have happened if you said yes tonight?"
Robin scoffed. "Are you serious?" What was he going to do? Give her some play by play about all the raunchy things he would've done to her just to make his case?
He smiled mischievously. "We would've made magic together," he said simply before retreating back to his side.
"Wow," she said, caught completely off guard. She knew Barney could be cheesy with all the pick-up lines and ridiculous costumes, but she never expected him to be corny. "Magic, huh?"
He nodded, grinning at her like an idiot. "Magic," he confirmed. "I'm talking about 'earth-shattering, sparks flying, knees buckling," he paused to give her a wink, "magic."
"Wow," she said again, chuckling. As ridiculous as it was, Barney certainly had a way of piquing her curiosity. "Now what would make you think something like that when we haven't even so much as touched, let alone make any proverbial magic together?"
"Because you and I," he pointed back and forth between them, "We have chemistry."
Robin laughed. "Chemistry?" The sarcasm laced in her tone didn't even faze Barney. He was completely serious, and once Robin realized that, she stopped laughing. "Um Barney, maybe there's an attraction between us -"
Now it was Barney's turn to laugh. "Oh no, Scherbatsky. There is definitely an attraction between us."
"Maybe so," Robin didn't argue with him. "But since when does attraction equate to chemistry?" She's slept with enough attractive men in her life to know that attraction and chemistry were not one in the same.
He smiled. "It doesn't." When Robin just stared at him, he elaborated. "To have chemistry, there needs to be an attraction, but the opposite isn't always true. In our case, we have chemistry."
He was saying it so matter-of-factly that she wasn't even sure how to respond to that. "yeah... I'm not even going to ask anymore." She turned her attention back to the game and concentrated on her next move.
He cleared his throat. "Before there can be wonders, there has to be wonder."
Robin let out a sigh. He obviously wanted to keep her guessing. "Go ahead, Barney. Enlighten me."
Barney didn't seem to mind that she was completely feigning interest at this point. Instead, he gave her a cheeky grin. "I'm glad you asked, Robin. Those profound words were spoken by my friend and co-magician, David Copperfield."
Barney liked magic? It made a little more sense now, but still, Robin couldn't hide her surprise at the new revelation. "Wait, so you mean you're into magic? Like a wand-waving, red cape-wearing, pull-a-rabbit-out-of-your-hat type of magic?"
Barney stared at her, offended. "Pull a rabbit out of your hat? Who still does that?" He shook his head. "Nevermind, its Canada, the country equivalent to the guy who still wears his cell phone on his belt." He grimaced. "But to answer your question, yes, I like magic. Who doesn't? I'm amazing at it! The fact that I'm on the board at The Academy of Magical Arts really speaks for itself."
"Wait, there's a board?" Robin laughed in disbelief.
"Of course there's a board," he said dryly, clearly not understanding what was so amusing. "But we're getting off topic here."
"But I have so many questions." Robin giggled. The whole thing was just so ridiculous.
"And I'll be happy to email you an informational brochure later on, but right now I'm trying to prove a point."
"Okay Barney," she motioned for him to proceed, "What is your point?"
"My point is...," he paused for dramatic effect as Robin stared at him with raised eyebrows, "...that I make you curious." When Robin looked like she was going to interject, Barney held up a finger to let her know he wasn't finished. "Like magic, chemistry is about two things: the allure and intrigue. We have both."
She eyed him skeptically. Barney seemed to genuinely believe what he was telling her, but Robin wasn't buying it. "Chemistry is completely physical, Barney" she stated. "It can't be measured in any other way."
"It's science, Robin," he argued.
A moment of silence passed between them as Barney held onto Robin's unyielding gaze. "Okay…prove it," she finally spoke.
He blinked. "What?"
"Prove it," she challenged him. When Barney looked at her suspiciously, she rolled her eyes. She's basically giving him permission to make a move on her, and now he decides to second guess her intentions? "Nevermind," she said as she moved closer to him on the couch, and laid her hands on his chest. "I guess I'll just find out for myself." She pushed her lips onto his. She let her tongue explore the inside of his mouth, and before she knew it, Barney was responding with equal fervency. His tongue was following hers in perfect synchrony. Robin wasn't even sure who was leading who anymore. Barney's hands grasped at Robin's sides while her fingers were sliding down his clothed torso. Robin felt herself losing complete control. Without breaking the kiss, Barney pushed them both down on the couch with him on top. Robin tugged at his shirt, and Barney held on tightly to her waist. All thoughts of Ted and long term consequences were momentarily forgotten. That is, until Barney abruptly pulled away from her, breathing heavily. Robin felt a cool chill wash over her body from the sudden loss of friction.
"So you like Ted huh?" He moved away from her to put some much needed distance in between them.
Barney was certainly the king of non-sequiturs, she thought to herself. Still feeling a little dazed, Robin barely managed to pull herself up. Barney seemed like he was already back to his regular self, but Robin felt like she was still lagging. She took a deep breath in an effort to compose herself. After several seconds passed, she finally spoke. "Yeah...I do."
An awkward silence filled the room.
"So I guess it's your move," Barney finally spoke.
"My move?"
"Yeah," he said plainly, gesturing to the game. "Your move."
She really needed to get it together. "Right. My move." As she shifted her weight on the couch, she was stubbed in the foot by one of her own pegs. She was really starting to hate Battleship. She quickly studied her grid. "A-10," she finally called out.
He checked his grid and grinned. "Miss."
She shook her head. "There's no way I haven't hit you at least once."
"Well, considering it is a cheaters grudge match...," he reminded her.
"I know," she complained. "But it's just not that fun if we're both cheating."
He chuckled. "You're just mad because I'm better at the game than you are."
Robin ignored the obvious double entendre. "It's your turn," she stated.
"B-7" he called out.
She didn't even need to look at her grid to know she lost. Barney's smug grin gave it away.
"Say it," he prompted.
"No," she protested. "This game is stupid."
He laughed. "Come on, Scherbatsky, don't be a sore loser. Just say it."
She rolled her eyes. Barney kept staring at her with those pleading blue eyes, and she sighed in defeat. "You sunk my battleship," she finally mumbled.
He held up his ear, "Can you repeat that?"
"You sunk my battleship," she repeated through gritted teeth.
He grinned triumphantly.
The end of the game signaled the end of the night as Robin not so subtly looked at the clock ahead until Barney caught her line of vision. Barney took the hint.
"Well, Scherbarsky," he got up and clapped his hands together, "This was great, really it was, but now that I've both defended my honor and pretty much demolished yours, there's really nothing else here for me." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, "Unless, of course, you've decided to reconsider my offer."
She gave him a small smile. "Good night Barney," she said as she led him out the door. Robin was grateful that things between them returned to normalcy in a matter of minutes. If this were to happen with Ted or some other man friend/acquaintance (What exactly was Barney to her?), something like this would probably change the course of their entire relationship, but with Barney it wasn't a big deal. It was just a kiss, and aside from learning that Barney was a pretty great kisser, and probably great at some other things too, it didn't change anything. And yet, for some reason, Robin was pushing him out the door right now, not because she was tired (Although it was late), or because she had to go to work the next morning (which she did), but because right now, at this very moment, his presence was unsettling to her.
"I had to try," he shrugged, smiling at her. "Again," he added for good measure after an awkward pause.
"Barney?" she called after him as he was heading out the door. He turned around. Robin wasn't sure if she should even be asking him this, but she knew it would nag at her if she didn't. "That stuff you said about chemistry?"
He chuckled knowingly. "Yeah, you're right. It's totally physical."
She nodded. That's what she figured.
"I was still right though," he said, winking at her. "G'night Scherbatsky."
And with that, he was gone. Robin closed the door behind her, and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, and for a brief moment, she let herself consider the possibility.