Ninja haircare
Warning: Implied yaoi in the omake at the end. Apart from that just some goriness and implied nudity.
Single italics are for emphasis. Phrases in italics are thoughts. The random italic phrases are just used for separating stuff. They don't mean anything, I just like them.
Enjoy : )
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Itachi has long, very thick hair that hangs down his back like a rope. It is often slightly greasy. After all, how often can you wash half a meter of hair while on a mission?
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cords of muscle move under your hand
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Deidara's hair is lighter, both in colour and density. Carefully groomed, it has grown into a blonde curtain which looks golden when the sun is high.
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Their teams once took a common mission and their respective partners told them to go wash first so they could "do each other's hair". Deidara turned red and raged, Itachi said nothing and went to get his towel. Kisame of course. While he totally respected Itachi, he still wasn't awed enough to refrain from joking at his expense.
They got to a shallow river with pebbles at the bottom and Deidara finally stopped muttering to ruffle into his bag. He took out a small bottle and a brush and proceeded to strip.
He then went to sit in the river (the water came up to his waist), leaned backward to dunk his hair and started brushing it. Itachi sat to the side and kept an eye out for any intruders. It was common for shinobi to get killed in enemy territory while they had soap in their eyes or were toweling their faces.
The blond finished scrubbing and brushed through his wet hair once again. As he got his pants on Itachi started to strip. Deidara discovered by mistake that while the carpet matched the drapes it was more deep brown-red than black.
As the brunette moved to get a comb his hair swung down as one, lightly swiping the blond who recoiled in disgust.
"Eewwww! Your hair's all solid, yeah! When did you last wash it?"
Itachi straightened up and stared at him:
"Since before I assassinated by last target.
- When was that—", Deidara paused, "You mean you haven't gotten the blood out?
- There was no time. We had been discovered and had to fight our way out.
- Eewwww.
- What about your clay? Is that not an occupational hazard?
- Well I don't slaver myself in it, yeah. At least it's good for the skin. But blood... How come you don't stink, yeah?"
Itachi looked briefly miffed and answered: "Genjutsu". He went to sit in the river and wet his hair. He then tried to pass the comb through it. It stuck.
"You're not gonna manage like that, yeah. You'll tear your hair out."
Itachi tried again closer to the ends.
"You can use my shampoo if you like."
The brunette turned to him and the comb stayed in his hair. Deidara chuckled.
"Is it scented?
- Of course not! You want me to get sniped, yeah?
- The wind does carry smells a long way.
- I'm blond, not stupid, yeah... What was that?
- Nothing.
- Whatever. Anyway it'd be better if you didn't leave your hair like that for a long time. It's not good for it.
- Actually, I usually find my hair is softer after bloody missions."
The blond suddenly looked a bit queasy.
"I don't think blood makes a very good conditioner, yeah."
Meanwhile the brunette had gotten out (comb having finally come unstuck) and reached for Deidara's shampoo bottle.
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back muscles contracting lightly with each step
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It had taken most of the shampoo, but Itachi's hair was finally clean.
Sasori came and went, checking they hadn't gotten eliminated ("Pity" "Shut up").
Ideally only one ninja at a time should wash/defecate/sleep to prevent ambushes. However, unless in the height of war most partnerships of more than two ninjas only set one rotating shift for the night and two or three people washed together to minimise time loss.
Kisame did so upstream and grimaced at all the pollution going on.
"I told you you should have washed it at the base. Now all the fishes are going to get Uchiha'd.
- Hn."
His hair was now hanging in a thick sheet of black and Deidara's had had time to dry. With the good weather he calculated it had taken half an hour.
"You done, yeah?"
Itachi stood up, dried himself and got his lower half dressed. Water dripped down his back from his hair and he flipped it over his face to towel it. Who knew killers could be so girly, mused the blond, oblivious of the hypocrisy.
"It's gonna take ages like that, yeah. I know a trick to dry it quicker.
- What is it?
- The trick? Katons." The pyromaniac grinned.
"I wish to dry my hair, not incinerate it.
- No no, you just do a very small flame and if you coat your hair with chakra you can dry it without burning anything, yeah."
An eye peeked from under the mass of keratin.
"Chakra through your hair? Do you channel it or apply it with your hands?
- I channel it", said the blond with a hint of pride, "yeah." He'd obviously tried to stop that yeah, but it had proven too stubborn.
Deidara's pride was actually justified. Hair is the most inert of all body-parts due to it being made of dead cells and only loosely connected to the body. To focus one's chakra finely enough to pass it through while still using enough of it to protect against external destruction — fire — took a lot of skill. Itachi was somewhat impressed and showed it. Deidara's chest puffed up.
The brunette finished wrangling a maximum of water from his hair and brought his hands together in a few rapid signs. He breathed a small flame which flew to rest on a log right next to Deidara, who had ducked a second before. Itachi smirked.
"Could have warned me, yeah.
- Of what? That I wasn't going to burn the forest down?
- Oh, feel the pain", drawled Deidara
The brunette was already passing his glowing hands through his hair and holding some of it in the flame. The method proved worthy and he was ready to go after five minutes. They picked up their towels and respective untangling equipment, Deidara permitting himself a disgruntled look at his nearly-empty shampoo bottle; Itachi remarking "You offered" had him glaring and snapping he'd been thinking about a dollop, not the whole frigging thing. The other shrugged and went ahead of him.
There the light caught his hair an instant, glowing mahogany-brown, dark and reddish. The blond — for the second time that day and totally different reasons — shuddered. I wonder, he thought, I wonder. Is it his natural colour or did he just bathe in the stuff too much?
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wiry under you, so that's who he reminds you of
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Omake:
"Did you just see that? Did you just SEE that?!
- Yes.
- I mean, EEWWWW!! Was it really what I think I saw?!
- What do you think you saw?
- Your partner humping mine.
- Yes.
- It wasn't a dream, was it?" Deidara was desperate. Itachi, out of the bottom of his sadistic little heart, decided to end it quickly.
"It was them and yes, they were, for lack of a better word, having sex.
- Isn't Kisame a shark though?
- Isn't Sasori a puppet?
- Good point. Do you think they'll have finished by now?
- At the rate they were going?
- Come on, how long can a shark last?
- Last I timed an hour and twelve minutes.
- You checked?!
- He rustles a lot. It wakes me up.
- Suuure. Whatever you say." Itachi looked back.
"The moaning has stopped. I think we can go back now."