A/N: Once again, some sort of Fitzsimmons introspection, mostly Fitz.
Spoilers: For 1x06 F.Z.Z.T., and 1x22 Beginning of the End and very slightly for 1x18 Providence.
Disclaimer: The rights to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. exist neither inside nor outside my glass windows. However somewhere out there they do exist, but I don't own them.
And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation
- Khalil Gibran
He'd always been the one outside looking in or the one inside looking out. Observing. Always there, but never a part of something. Alienated. Separated from others by circumstance. Never quite fitting in, but always longing to be on that side that was just out of his reach.
In school they'd made fun of him for being weird and liking science so much. He was always left inside all alone condemned to look out the window at the others while they had fun kicking a ball around or throwing snow at each other. Never was he allowed to be one of the boys, to be in with the in-crowd.
At the Academy - a place where science was celebrated and not frowned upon - he was one of the youngest and therefore he once again found himself set apart from the others. The window this time being more metaphorical than actual there, but still the barricade existed. A hindrance that he couldn't seem to break through. And the things he sought once more seemed to be just exactly out of range.
That was, until he met Jemma Simmons. True, her major was biochemistry and his was engineering but somehow they still seemed to be speaking the same language. And suddenly he wasn't the only one left on the other side of the glass, now he had company.
The thing with Jemma though, was that she had the ability to break through the invisible barriers, to move between the two worlds as if they were one, like she was in some way immune to the imperceptible screens that separated them. And as long as he followed her, he too could pass through unaffected and was able to blend in with the ones on the other side. Jemma had changed his world, opened up the curtains, broken down the walls, put in doors, build bridges, hurdled fences and paved the road for him. And for that he was grateful. No glass, no barriers, nothing would ever again separate him from anybody, especially her.
That's why when Coulson told him.., when he saw her in there.., in their lab.., all alone.., isolated, his whole world seemed to come crashing down. Somehow this time she was the one left on the wrong side of the glass with no means of escape, while he was stuck on the opposite side, the one he'd always wanted to be on. Was it possible for her to have used up whatever good fortune she'd had on him? Leaving him with what he'd wanted, but condemning herself to his old faith in the process. If that was what had happened, he'd much rather prefer being the one on the wrong side looking in on the lucky ones. No one deserved this - isolation - least of all her.
He helped her as best he could, but she was the capable one, the one that had to fix this. Like she always did. She acted strong but even with a wall between them he felt her waver, and for once in his life he wanted to be on the other side of the glass. Time flew, despair followed, but just like it's darkest before the dawn a revelation occurred to both of them. As he fetched the object that had caused their current situation, he didn't even think twice before he crossed the doors that separated them. He had to be the strong one when she couldn't. This wasn't a one-way street it was a partnership, and it had taken him this long to realize that, but they still had time, and now they could fix this together, like they always did.
Over the course of the next few months their whole world got turned upside down and inside out, but by the end of the day they still had each other.
Other people were set apart from them, separated by invisible seeds that had long since taken root and grown into a forest of highly visible trees, shielding off any and all light trying to shine through. And so once again Fitz found himself separated from his surroundings by circumstance and a thick layer of glass. But this time at least he was on the same side of the glass as Jemma, which was one small comfort to be drawn out of the dire circumstance they found themselves in.
They were in this together, the question was, were they able to find their way out? He'd done the math, looked out of the window as they slowly sank. The barrier to the outside world growing exponentially the deeper they got, light disappearing along with the surface. Fish passing them by like they were just another reef in the ocean. Outside that small window the world went by as if nothing monumental had just happened.
They had surrendered themselves to their faith, they were going to die down there. It seemed fitting, dying as he'd lived, set apart from everybody. At least the most important person still remained, Jemma was still with him.
She was talking, giving a mini speech. Inspired words flowed in times of trouble, those nerves had a way of affecting ones vocal chords, in more ways than one. He too was about to speak up, was going to tell her something important. He just barely managed to choke out her name: "Jemma", when suddenly her voice stopped after having uttered four little words: "Just outside that glass..." Without even trying she had found a spark of hope. And he knew her well enough to know that right from that moment on she had stumbled upon a way to fix this. To break through the glass barrier like she always had been able to do. "What?" he asked. There was a way, one that he hadn't seen in his calculations, one that she had found. "The glass. Fitz the glass." The excitement in her voice was hard to miss, and rightly so. The barrier that separated them from the outside world, that sealed them in their doom could be there only way out. The one thing he had overlooked she had found. This were how they worked, they were better together, filling in the others gabs, two pieces united in solving a puzzle, he might be smart and she might be brilliant but together they were unstoppable, they weren't just Fitz and Simmons, they were Fitzsimmons.
One thing was solving the main problem, another was figuring out the consecutive problems that followed in its wake. There was only oxygen enough for one. He gave it to her, better she make it than none of them did. It had been a steep learning curve, but gradually through life he'd found that the grass wasn't always greener on the other side. Breaking through meant change and change meant something different each time. The world didn't stand still, it didn't wait for him to catch up. Only he had the power to take that next step, to decide which forces would be able to stop him. That was why he pushed that button. Death might have him in a glass case of his own making, but he wasn't going to let that be her faith. With his love for her he broke that final glass barrier so she was able to pass through like she had always been meant to do.
xXx
She had known him for so long, but she hadn't seen the change, hadn't felt it. He was her best friend in the entire world, they'd been through so much together, how could she not have known?
She was standing outside the room looking in through the glass window at the motionless body on the bed. How had things gone so wrong? How had they ended up here? Thousands of what if's and if only's swirled through her brain like clouds in a storm and wouldn't let her mind rest, not that she would rest if she could anyways. She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the cold glass surface to try and numb her thoughts. It didn't work. She could still hear the musings that gave voice to the crippling fears of doubt and uncertainty. But rationally she knew that she couldn't live her life backwards, couldn't change what had happened. All she could do was to accept what was on the other side of that glass. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again seeing nothing different than she did a minute ago.
She drew back, walked to the door and halted, her hand on the doorknob. One barrier at a time, she thought to herself, she could do this, then she pressed down on the handle and entered the room. Jemma hardly left after that. Afraid of what might happen in her absence. Days went by, months, and any changes that occurred were minimal. The colours outside the windows faded then picked up again, bright turned pale and pale turned even brighter. Seasons changed and time went by. But inside their room things remained the same. She couldn't do anything but watch over him and it made her feel so helpless.
Of all the times Fitz had overcome something, being it by himself, with her or even for her, he'd found a way and broken through whatever held him back. This time however it seemed harder than ever and Jemma felt as trapped as she had in that pod under the sea. But in here, in her current prison, things could enter and then leave again, here there were hope. And life began just outside those glass windows, she could see it, almost touch it, but she couldn't join in, couldn't leave, not without him, it felt wrong. He might have thought he saved her, but her love for him had made her as much of a prisoner as he was. Trapped on two sides in the same room. They were literally inches apart but most days it felt more like they were actually miles adrift. Separated even in their proximity.
One day she awoke to a chill, she'd left the window open the night before and sometime during the night an insidious wind had found its way into the room. A storm was gathering. For others in the vicinity of the secret base it would be remembered as the worst storm in a decade, but Jemma would always look back at the storm's prelude fondly and call it the winds of change. Because that's what it was, change, that's what it had brought with it. She had gotten up to close the window, to separate them from the wild forces of nature when she heard someone say her name: "Jemma." It wasn't much more than a loud whisper, but it was enough for her to turn. He was awake.
Inside, the dark clouds had dispersed, Fitz had once again joined them, and all enforced separation had been discontinued. Outside, the storm was increasing, growing louder with each passing minute, howling at everything and anything that would dare stand in its way.
A/N: I don't even know what this was... tried out for a kind of a separation theme, but it was a bit harder than I imagined it, and it sort of went in all directions. I found myself saying 'this is making no sense' more times than not.
And I'm sorry I keep writing about the same epi (1x06), I just love it so, so much! Hey, but at least I got some others in there too this time.
Is it September yet? All this waiting is driving me nuts.