Hello!
This is a particular story considering it'll have only two chapters and that it derives from one of my main fanfics "Sowlmate" with Bokuto's love story. This two-shots is for Akaashi, and his loves. I suppose you can read these two-shots even without reading Sowlmate, as long as you are aware that Bokuto's gilrfriend (one of my OC) is in here, and that both Ami and the ~Dove~ are my OCs as well.
I hope you'll enjoy this short story~
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : SOWLMATES ~ The Owl & the dove ~
Once Upon a Time…
"You are part of my soul.
I am part of yours.
Forever."
— Bruce Adler
Koi no Yokan : (noun) A Japanese untranslatable word, koi no yokan is the instinctual knowledge that you are destined to fall in love with someone you've just met. It is not quite love at first sight, but it is the recognition that a future love is inevitable.
"You're something between a dream and a miracle."
— Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Love Letters
"Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot."
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
"I meant it when I said I didn't believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don't belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can't take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try."
― Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces of You
"Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have. Maybe there's a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again."
― Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home
"What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone."
― Amanda Grace, But I Love Him
"You did love me," I whispered. "Just not the same way I loved you."
― Jess Rothenberg, The Catastrophic History of You and Me
"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares."
― Aman Jassal, Rainbow - the shades of love
"Neither of us is happy but neither of us wants to leave so we keep breaking one another and calling it love."
— Rupi Kaur, Milk And Honey
Akaashi Keiji sighed deeply as another person bumped into him and apologized. He just wanted to stop right here and sleep but his girlfriend's hand, Furuda Ami, pulling him lightly forward, convinced him to continue to move through the thick crowd. Or rather, he didn't have much of a choice.
He still wasn't quite sure how he had ended up in the most crowded mall of Tokyo, on a double-date with his girlfriend and his friends, Bokuto Koutarou and Kanemoto Ayaka, when he was hot, tired and hated such crowds. It was September but it was too hot to his tastes, especially in such a crowd. He kept being bumped into and they had spent more time struggling to walk than actually walking. Or shopping. Or whatever it was that he had been dragged here for. He had remained late studying the previous night and hadn't gotten his hours of sleep. It was a Saturday, there was no practice, he had been supposed to have a day to himself and rest. But no. Bokuto had decided at the last moment to go to the mall to buy new high knee-pads (he had somehow managed to rip his two days ago and refused normal knee-pads and complained constantly about the bruises on his knees).
Because Bokuto and Kanemoto couldn't bear the thought of being apart for more than eight hours at a time, his girlfriend had gone with him. But Ayaka and Ami had been supposed to go shopping this day.
"Let's all go together, then!" They had decided without even asking Akaashi before showing up at his place while he was sleep-deprived.
Fresh air reached his lungs and Keiji took a deep breath, feeling a little more awake now that they were in more open-space. The two couples stopped near a big fountain surrounded by miraculously empty benches.
"It's so crowded! It's taking us forever to go anywhere!" Bokuto whined, sighing as he put his hands on his hips and glanced around.
Ayaka openly stared at his chest and biceps considering he was wearing his extremely tight Captain America tshirt that his girlfriend appreciated for very different reasons than the volleyball Captain – he assured he looked 'cool' in it. Ayaka had very different thoughts if the way she discreetly licked her lower lip was any clue.
"It is the end of the summer sales, after all…" Ami answered sheepishly, waving her fan with cheeks red from the heat.
"Once we're done, let's go get a drink. Ice-cold drink. Or an ice-cream." Ayaka said, shoulders dropping.
"Agreed! But before! My kneepads!" Bokuto exclaimed, already turning around.
"I'll probably have a look at art supplies, we'll walk right next to the art shop," Ayaka said with a smile.
"You're right! The sales are a huge opportunity!" Ami exclaimed enthusiastically.
"I'm staying here, you'll find me when you're done…" Akaashi murmured, closing his eyes and sighing.
"Eh? Akaeaashi? You don't want to go have a look at the sports shop?" Bokuto asked.
"I don't need anything and I need to rest. I'll stay here where it's fresh…" Akaashi answered, stepping towards the nearest bench and letting himself fall on it.
The fountain just behind him gave a refreshing atmosphere and the crowd was a few meters away so he would be cool and at peace on his own here.
"Okay, tell us if you need something or get lost!" Bokuto shrugged, taking his girlfriend's hand.
I'm not moving from here, you big oaf, Akaashi thought to himself without voicing the words, simply rolling his eyes.
"You do look a little pale," Ami remarked worriedly, her hand on his cheek.
Keiji barely reacted to the touch, feeling too dizzy to acknowledge her worry for him. Ami pouted and decided to take his lack of answer as not feeling well and quickly followed her friends.
Keiji glanced down at the little paper bag he was holding from the bookshop – the only place relatively quiet they had gone to, except the fountain place. He closed his eyes and breathed calmly, trying not to fall asleep while his brain clicked on and off, the voices of the crowd smothered in the loud background sound. Some people walked near him but he ignored them all, taking in the relative calm he had until his boisterous friends and clinging girlfriend would be back.
He opened his eyes and lifted up his head, realizing he had been nodding off. Was he that tired? Did he fall asleep for a long time? A few seconds, a few minutes or even hours, he couldn't tell, but a look at the giant clock at the other side of the mall and he could tell that not that much time had gone by. But this little rest had been enough to feel more alive and more aware of his surroundings. He straightened up a little and blinked, awake for a little while as he almost felt cold in the freshness of the big fountain behind him.
CLICK!
Keiji blinked and turned to his right where a girl had sit when he had been vaguely unconscious. His eyes slightly opened in shock, he stared at the foreigner as she lowered her camera, obviously after just taking a picture of him. The moment her face appeared from behind the camera, their eyes met and Keiji's heart accelerated.
His dark gray-blue eyes were fixated on bright sky blue eyes. He couldn't look away, he was mesmerized and the girl seemed just as stunned as him.
They weren't in a crowded mall anymore, they were standing on infinite plains of fluffy clouds, surrounded by endless blue sky. A summer sky, a beautiful sky that made you want to lay in the grass under the sun. Fresh air shook their hair and they felt at peace. No one else, nothing else existed in the world but the two of them at this moment. Their hearts were beating strongly, steadily but it wasn't overwhelming, it was soothing as if finally… finally they had reached the culminating moment of their lives. As if their entire beings existed for this very moment…
Realizing he wasn't breathing and staring at a girl he didn't know, Keiji blinked and shook his head. It seemed to cut the girl out of her reverie as well because she looked away from him and down at her camera, cheeks flustered.
Keiji swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous and cursing himself when he felt his entire body, and mostly his cheeks, heat up.
For long seconds when neither dared glance at the other, there was something tickling in the air. As if their skins were covered in electricity that needed to be rejected by a touch, as if their hearts didn't quite feel like theirs anymore. But it wasn't pressuring, it was as if the atmosphere was appeasing them despite the way their hearts just kept reminding them of the intense moment of reverie they had shared.
"I… I'm sorry…"
For a moment, Keiji didn't realize who was talking but then, he turned wide eyes towards the foreigner. She had turned to him once again, munching nervously on her lower lip but looking away from him.
Her voice was soft, quiet, like an angel's. Keiji ignored the feeling that he was suddenly surrounded by white feathers and he realized that she had spoken in Japanese, with a light accent… English?
"I shouldn't have taken your picture without your permission," she continued, caressing nervously her camera with her thumb.
Keiji stared at the girl, too stunned by what had just happened, by the intensity of it, to really take in her words and what it meant…
He stared at her and observed everything he could see… She must have been around his age, with a pale complexion covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat, her cheeks were a bright red, though. Probably from the summer heat as well. Or… because she was as embarrassed as he was. She had soft-looking, rosy lips, golden, silky hair and… eyes of the brightest shade of blue he had ever seen. Blue sky, a summer sky that took him in and transported him somewhere that existed only in dreams. There was no way she could have such blue eyes, that such a vibrant shade of blue could possibly exist…
When he remained silent, the blond-haired girl turned to him apologetically, lips thin while he stared at her with wide eyes and mouth hanging open, still shock frozen.
"I… I'll erase the picture if you prefer. I… I'm sorry, I just… couldn't help it. I saw you and you were so… so handsome, I just had to take the picture…" She murmured in explanation.
She chuckled awkwardly, blushing a little more as she glanced down at her camera screen, fingers stumbling a little nervously as she was about to erase the picture she had just taken of him.
"It's…"
Hearing his voice, she glanced up and Keiji swallowed hard, his heart missing a beat when he met her enchanting eyes once again.
"It's okay… I was just surprised…" He said.
He blinked, realizing that his voice had wavered. Did it? His voice never wavered, never trembled. He was always in control. So why did he feel like his heart and body didn't belong to him anymore but to her? Forget the heart and body, his entire soul seemed to have been bewitched with a single gaze…
"O-oh… t-then… could I keep the picture?" She asked politely, raising lightly the camera, as if afraid she wouldn't be understood otherwise.
Keiji glanced down at the camera where there was a picture of him. He didn't usually have complete strangers taking pictures of him and he wouldn't like that but he actually… didn't care whether or not she kept a picture of him.
He nodded and she sighed in relief, a bright smile appearing on her face:
"Thank you so much! I want to become a photograph and the light had been just perfect! It lit up your hair and eyes wonderfully! I had never seen such beautiful… such beautiful eyes…" She finished in a low voice.
She blushed and glanced down with a shy smile, Keiji feeling his own cheeks burn.
Your eyes are so much more beautiful… He thought but his mouth was dry and he couldn't voice out his thoughts.
"I've felt bewitched by them," she added in a breath.
Keiji had almost not heard her calm, polite voice because of the crowd but he chuckled. It made her look up and he quickly forced his usual neutral mask on his face.
"I should be the one saying that." He said to himself, lips barely moving.
She blinked, as if confused by what he had said. He wasn't sure if it was because he had spoken in such a low voice and she hadn't heard, or if she hadn't understood his exact words…
"You… your Japanese…" He hesitated.
"Ah! I-is it weird? I-I've been practicing since only very recently! I'm sorry rude to you have been rude, uh, if I can't speak properly o rude you!" She exclaimed immediately, suddenly so nervous about her Japanese that she stumbled over her words and messed up her structures.
Her accent was also clumsier, as if her native language was taking over.
Keiji blinked, finding it to be a rather beautiful sound whereas he usually disliked people messing up Japanese grammatical structures. She was a foreigner, he might be more forgiving for that. Yes, it was the reason why. Definitely not the way his heart had sped up.
She struggled for a short moment before giving up and glancing down at her nails, scratching delicately the side of her camera. Keiji kept staring at her, feeling more and more like he was staring at an angel…
Sensing his unwavering gaze on her, she glanced up and smiled softly the moment their gazes met. Once again, they were filled with a feeling of immense peace, as if they belonged here, staring at each other…
Keiji had never felt like this with anyone else before. Not with family, friend or lover. There had always been a wall refusing to let him go all the way through whatever he felt. But right now, there was no wall, no fear, no thought… just… feelings and emotions. He had never felt so himself, so alive…
Suddenly, for a reason he never understood, she stood up and walked away from him, right into the crowd. Jumping out of his reverie, Keiji jumped up with wide eyes, feeling something close to panic threatening to overwhelm and destroy him if he was losing her. Something silvery caught his eye and fell at his feet, he stopped and bent down, holding a thin necklace with a delicate pendant…
A dove…? He thought to himself, recognizing the little bird.
Keiji looked up but the girl had disappeared. Heart beating too fast, he moved forward, trying to catch a glimpse of her. When he saw some golden hair shining, he advanced:
"Wait – your name! Tell me your name!" He exclaimed, almost desperately.
He wasn't sure whether or not she could hear him, but he was pretty sure his voice had reached her anyway. He saw her hair swift around, as if she had stopped and turned around. He listened closely to hear her sweet voice, took a step forward but bumped into someone and almost lost his balance. When he looked again, she was gone. He couldn't see her golden hair anymore, she had disappeared into the crowd and–
A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder and Keiji gasped when he was strongly pulled backwards.
"Hey! What are you doing, Akeeasghi?" Bokuto asked loudly.
Keiji breathed hard, glancing quickly at his friend before lifting himself up on his tiptoes to try to see the golden-haired girl but… he couldn't see her anymore…
Staring at the endless, dark mass of people, clutching tightly the dove in his hand, Keiji felt lost and confused. Why had he felt so attached, so quickly to this girl? Who was she? Did she hear him when he had asked her name? What… what was it he felt? Why did he feel so strongly for someone he had barely met?
"You're okay, man?" Bokuto asked worriedly, frowning lightly.
Shaken out of his reverie abruptly, Akaashi turned around and went back to the bench, retrieving the paper bag with the book he had bought and had dropped on the floor when he had gone after the girl. The girl with enchanting, sky blue eyes… Eyes he had never seen and would never see again. He had the feeling that her face, the details of her features, her nervous fumbling with her fingers, the way her golden hair caught the sun, were already fading away from his memory but… her eyes. Her eyes were still bright, of this unique and magical shade of blue and he knew that he could never forget these eyes.
"Akaashi?"
The setter turned towards Bokuto, feeling as if the world was dark and hot and sweaty again. It wasn't refreshing anymore, he wasn't standing on clouds anymore and it irked him up.
"I'm fine, Bokuto-san," he lied.
It was such an obvious lie that even Bokuto could easily guess that. He raised a doubtful eyebrow but Akaashi didn't seem to notice that he had been caught lying… Akaashi kept glancing around, frowning and tapping his fingers against his thighs, or fumbling with his hands then checking his pockets… he looked nervous, shaken up… but Bokuto couldn't guess what had happened.
"Did something happen to you?" He asked curiously, tilting his head on a side, the way an owl would do it.
"No." He lied again, avoiding eye contact.
He didn't want to meet anyone's eyes for the moment. He was scared that if he met another pair of eyes than the girl's, he'd forget the exact shade of her blue eyes.
"…Okay…" Bokuto said, not buying it but decided not to push his friend when he looked so not himself, "The girls still are at the art shop. Ami-chan didn't want to leave you alone for too long so we decided to separate to be done faster. I finished first, as per usual… Y'know how girls are in shop, uh!" He exclaimed with a laugh, elbowing Akaashi with a wink.
But when Akaashi didn't react, Bokuto frowned even more. He was confused and couldn't understand why his friend seemed in a daze, staring in front of him at someone who wasn't even here… Could he see ghosts?
"Oi… Akaashi…" Bokuto started with a strong voice.
It brought back the setter back on earth and he forced himself to turn towards the Ace.
"I'm sorry… Bokuto-san but… I'm not feeling very well…" He said, looking confused and this time, he wasn't lying.
He had felt dizzy before meeting the girl and even if during the time their meeting had lasted, he had felt only peace and fulfillment… right now he felt… empty, not quite himself. As if she had left with a part of him… but there was something more in him as well – the part of her she had left behind.
His fingers went into his pocket, making sure another time that he hadn't dreamed it all. The dove was the proof of it.
Wasn't it crazy to feel so much for someone he barely knew? He didn't know this girl, not even her name, and there was nothing in particular about her that stood out except her bright eyes… she had even stolen a picture of him… Why… why, why, why, why, why…WHY.
"I'm not feeling very well… the heat…" Akaashi mumbled, sitting down on the bench once again.
"You look… pale, yeah…" Bokuto remarked in confusion, sitting next to him, "You look weird. Like… you… what the hell happened to you? You were taken by aliens or something? AH, here! Take this!"
The Captain took a bottle of sports drink he had bought a few minutes ago because he had been just SO thirsty, it was half-empty and he knew that water was better for the heat but… it was the best he had at the moment and Akaashi really looked like he could need a nap. Or a bath in an ice-cold water. Or both.
Akaashi stared at the bottle for a moment then thanked his friend with a nod of his head, taking the bottle, the freshness of the drink shaking him up from his daze a little.
It must have been the heat… I overreacted because of the heat and the exhaustion, that's why. I wouldn't have acted like that with this girl if I had been in my normal state. Just the heat. He convinced himself, finishing the bottle in a few thirsty gulps.
But why does my heart hurt so much…? And yet, feels so full of everything?
Ayaka and Ami came back and started talking excitedly about the art supplies they had found – Bokuto's enthusiasm made up for Akaashi's quietness. They went to take a drink and ice-cream and the entirety of the time they remained in the mall, Akaashi's eyes kept wandering around. He was looking for the blue-eyed girl. The sound of the crowd, or his friends talking, was all background noise and he was trying desperately to hear her voice. The soft voice of an angel, with a light accent. He tried catching sight of some golden hair, or her bright blue eyes but he couldn't find her in the crowd… He kept hoping he could see her again, but lost all hopes when they entered the train that took them back to their neighborhood. Shoulders dropping, he blinked in astonishment to feel so much at a loss. What was wrong with him today?
"Thank you for walking me back home," Ami told him when they arrived in front of her house, "Do you want to come in?" She continued with a smile and flushed cheeks.
"No, I'm… tired. I'll go home directly," he answered, already turning around.
But she grabbed his hand and forced him down towards her, kissing his cheek before chuckling:
"I don't even get a goodbye kiss?" She asked, pouting but there was something he couldn't read in her eyes – it seemed to be… sadness?
Keiji hesitated before leaning down and kissing the corner for her lips. She quickly turned her head so they'd kiss fully on the lips.
It was only when he was home that Keiji sighed and let his shoulders drop. He flopped down on his bed and took out the little dove from his pocket, staring at it for a moment. Then, he glanced up at the window, at the blue sky. But it wasn't as bright, as blue, as the girl's eyes. He still felt bothered and annoyed but it wasn't because of the heat anymore, it was just because the world seemed a little more empty for no reason.
Some days later…
The brightest shade of blue he had ever seen, for the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. A small but happy smile – so lovely, so inviting. Keiji leaned down, brushing her cheeks delicately with his fingertips…
"You're so beautiful… as beautiful as an angel…" He whispered, leaning closer.
Her lips moved and she said something but he couldn't hear, he had forgotten her voice. Her words didn't reach her, he leaned closer to listen and to kiss her inviting lips but she kept talking voiceless words. He looked back into her blue eyes and–
Keiji woke up suddenly, gasping and sitting up. In one swift move, he turned off his clock that had been ringing and he let out a deep breath. He pulled at his collar, feeling strangled up by it and cursed the lingering summer heat even though it was almost October. He was sweating and his heart was beating so hard he thought he was going to pass out – as if he was in a match, for the longest rally of his life…
What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm starting to dream of this girl now?! He thought to himself, angrily pushing away the covers and standing up.
He opened the curtains and was immediately blinded by the sun. He covered his eyes and after getting adjusted to the amount of light, he blinked and looked up. Not a cloud, just an endless blue sky. But not nearly as blue as the girl's eyes.
Stop thinking of her eyes. He ordered to himself.
He turned around to get changed and purposefully ignored his night table where the little dove was resting. He went to school, glad there was no morning practice – theoretically there should be no practice at all but Bokuto couldn't stay away from the court for more than one day so everyone was dragged in for more practice in the afternoon. He was reading his notes for a test in the day when someone called his name and from the loudness of the voice and the way his name was turned into something new that was not 'Akaashi' he knew before turning around who it belonged to.
"Bokuto-san," he greeted with a nod.
The Ace wave at him and hurried behind him, obviously waiting for his girlfriend to arrive. After some small-talk, Akaashi was about to continue his way to the classroom when two voices rang:
"Koutarou!"
"Keiji!"
Ayaka and Ami arrived in the same time to their boyfriends. Koutarou laughed and happily lifted up Ayaka before kissing her on the lips as Ami reached Keiji and surrounded his arm with hers.
"Good morning," he simply said, glancing at his notes once again.
"Is this all? You could greet me a little more enthusiastically. Look at how Bokuto-san and Ayaka-chan act!" She complained, glancing to the other couple.
Keiji glanced at the two others who were sparkling to see each other, smooching each other's faces constantly and sweet-talking. He felt sick just thinking of showing that much attention in public. But because his girlfriend was pouting and would keep complaining about his lack of physical attention, he leaned down to kiss her cheek. She was satisfied with it and the two couples started advancing towards the school building.
"Are you studying for the English test?" Ayaka asked Akaashi.
"Mm… I don't feel confident enough about it."
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine! Right, Kou?" She continued, looking up at her boyfriend who nodded enthusiastically.
"Sure you will! You're good at everything, Akeeasghi! Also, you had great help! From my Ayaka! There's no way you could fail this way!"
"If you say so, Bokuto-san…" He murmured.
As expected, the test went well and he even finished a little in advance. He reread what he had written a few times and noticed Ayaka spacing out, done for a long time considering English was as natural for her as Japanese. She was drawing some portraits of Bokuto. Keiji glanced by the window, at the blue sky with a few clouds here and there – one seemed to be shaped like a dove… He sighed, feeling somehow melancholic without quite knowing why. Or rather, he knew why but refused to acknowledge it.
A few seats away, Ami glanced up and saw her boyfriend looking at the sky with a sad look on his face. As if he was a bird missing his freedom and dreaming of diving into the blue sky… She forced herself to focus on her English test, but her mind kept going back to Keiji.
Later, Keiji went for practice but after a while of daydreaming, the others on Fukurodani's volleyball club, started noticing his behavior. It wasn't rare for the setter to stay on his own, or be lost in thoughts but… there was something different from usual.
"…Doesn't Akaashi seem strange to you…?" Konoha finally asked when Akaashi went to open the gymnasium doors.
"He keeps glancing up at the sky but they didn't announce any rain, right?" Sarukui continued.
"And then he sighs. Have we done something to annoy him today?" Komi continued, glancing at Bokuto who startled.
"Why are you looking at me when asking that?!" He exclaimed.
"You know why," they all answered at once.
He startled once again but before he could get into a dejected mood, Akaashi came back to remind them to start warming-up. They followed his lead and kept a close eye on the setter but he was practicing as usual, nothing seemed that strange. Akaashi, on the other hand, did notice the behavior of his teammates who kept staring at him from afar or glancing at him then whispering to each other – they probably thought they were discreet.
"Now that practice is over," he started after they had all taken their showers and were changing, "Will you tell me why you've been acting so distant with me during practice?" He asked, turning towards his teammates.
Startling to have been caught, they all glanced around and at each other before all gazes rested on Bokuto – silently asking the Captain to be brave for all of them and ask outloud what they've been wondering for a while now.
"Uuuuuh…" He started, "It's just… we've been thinking… you're a little strange… Today in particular but recently, you're a bit weird, Akaashi."
His eyes widened, shocked that his teammates and friends had noticed a change in his behavior. It left him stunned and unable to find an answer right away…
"What do you mean 'strange'?" He asked, pretending he didn't care.
"Well… you look lost or absent-minded, or daydreaming… You sigh a lot more than before even if we don't do anything to annoy you… You look at the sky sadly…" Konoha listed, raising an eyebrow.
"If you weren't dating Ami, I could believe you're in love!" Komi added, Washio nodding beside him.
Keiji froze mid-way into putting on his clothes, the others blinking at his reaction. He blinked once then forced his body to turn towards the others, continuing to put on his clothes.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just desperate about the bunch of you being such dorks even though you're third-years…" He said with a perfectly calm voice.
They all startled, except Bokuto who was staring at him, then Konoha sighed.
"AH well, we should have known it wasn't about a girl! Or any other reason! You should be used to our dorkiness by now, though…"
The others concluded Akaashi was telling the truth and shrugged it off, slowly leaving, one by one the changing-room to go home. Once everyone was gone, Akaashi lifted up his bag on his shoulder, Bokuto following his lead, for once, being silent.
"You know," he started suddenly, "You can fool the others but not me. You do act strange but it's not because we're idiots – does it have anything to do with Ami-chan?"
Not for the first time, Akaashi was surprised by Bokuto's sense of observation – if one person knew him better than anyone, it was him, as annoying as it could be at times. But instead of lingering on his awareness concerning him, Keiji blinked at what he had asked.
"What do you mean, Ami? There's nothing wrong between Ami and I, we're doing all right." He said.
"I know buuut, I couldn't help but notice… you two, you argue for a lot of petty things, and you don't show much love towards each other either!"
"Not everyone can be as lovey-dovey as you and Kanemoto-san," Akaashi replied, not seeing the Ace's point.
"I knooow! It's just…! How should I say it? You don't seem very much in love with her – she is obviously in love with you, but you don't seem to share her feelings with the same depth… y'know?" Bokuto continued, looking a little sad for his friends.
Keiji stared with wide eyes at his friend, wondering whether or not it was true… He might not have had feelings for Ami when they started dating, but it had changed now. He was still having a hard time opening up to her, he was still trying to get over his past trauma and broken heart from Middle-school but… did they not appear to be in love? Both of them?
"Am I really that distant?" He asked now sounding genuinely curious.
Bokuto nodded vividly, his lips a thin line.
"Ami-chan talked about it to Ayaka the other day, they kinda argued too from what Ayaka told me when she had called me about it but… it's mostly the past few days– erm, perhaps a week or so that you've been acting very distant with Ami-chan. You might not have realized it and at first I thought it was because of the tests coming up but… you have to cherish your girlfriend! If you don't show her you like her, you'll lose Ami-chan!" He continued, giving heart-felt advices because he just wanted his friends happy.
Keiji thought back on the last two weeks. It was true he had stopped spending time with Ami outside of school because he wanted to study but she was as busy and they were texting or calling each other almost everyday – well, she was calling him. Perhaps it was the problem: he wasn't putting as much efforts as Ami in their relationship.
The young men were leaving the Academy grounds, Akaashi deep in thoughts while Bokuto continued rambling:
"Now that I think of it, you've seemed absent-minded ever since we went to the mall the other day! You had looked like you had met a ghost or something! Ahah!"
Akaashi froze, eyes widening when he thought back on that day. Instantly, he saw bright blue eyes, a dove in his hands, a girl as beautiful as an angel. He felt light and fresh, as if he was up in the clouds once again, with her…
Bokuto observed his expression, blinking at the strange behavior.
Keiji's heart missed a beat then accelerated – more reactions than he ever felt with anyone, not with Ami, not even his first girlfriend, no one had ever made him so… so unlike himself. Feeling his cheeks heating up and his mind going wild, he lifted up one hand over his mouth, looking away in confusion.
"Eh…? Akaashi, don't tell me…" Bokuto started, starting to understand that for his friend to look so unlike him and blushing like a middle-school girl, something must have happened, "You didn't do anything to Ami…? Or with someone else BUT Ami?! Did you?!"
Blushing even more, Keiji jumped in panic on his friend, covering his big mouth and hissing in his ear:
"SSSH! Shut it, Bokuto-san!" He exclaimed, glancing around nervously when several students glanced in their direction.
But Bokuto wouldn't let it go so easily. He grabbed Akaashi's hands and pushed them away to talk, his eyes wide:
"What did you do?! How could you cheat on Ami-chan?! I know you're popular but to act like Kuroo, it's so unlike you! Why would you do that, Akeeaasghi?!" He exclaimed.
"It's enough, Bokuto-san! Stop screaming!" Akaashi hissed, pushing his friend over to an area that was more distant from the students, "I didn't cheat on Ami! I'm not that heartless!" He exclaimed, glancing around to make sure no one else was here.
"Then, what–"
"Nothing!" He exclaimed, flushing in embarrassment.
Bokuto stared at Akaashi. Keiji looked away while the Captain kept staring intensely until he felt attacked…
"It doesn't seem like nothing…" Bokuto calmly replied, raising a curious eyebrow, "What happened?"
"…There was this girl…" Akaashi finally sighed, giving up hiding what had happened to his nosy friend – why was he clever for all the wrong things?
"AH! I knew it! You met your Sowlmate!" He shouted excitedly.
Keiji threw him a harsh look and frowning darkly at this idea.
"No. She wasn't."
Bokuto opened his lips, a huge grin on his face but Akaashi spoke up before him:
"She wasn't! Nothing happened, okay?! I wasn't feeling well and that's why I reacted the way I did but–"
"How did you react?! What was she like?! Do you have her name, her phone number?! How do you feel when you think of her?! Do you think of her often?! Do you–"
"Enough, Bokuto-san!" Akaashi exclaimed, interrupting him before he could keep going, "I don't know! I don't know anything! I noticed her because she took a picture of me, and when our eyes met… when our eyes met…"
His voice trailed off and he looked away.
It was the most beautiful gaze I had ever seen, the brightest shade of blue I had ever encountered… He thought to himself, finishing to himself what he had started saying.
"Time stopped?"
Eyes widening, Keiji looked back to Bokuto who was smiling softly.
"That's how I feel whenever I look into Ayaka's eyes. Whenever we look at each other, we feel peace, warmth and comfort. That's how I know we're destined to be together it's like… she has a piece of my soul in her heart, and I have a piece of hers in mine." He explained, knowing from the way Keiji's eyes shone, that he felt the same way.
"It… it doesn't… No. I don't know her, I met her just once–"
"It can be just once, not every stories are as dramatic as Ayaka and I's. Someday you meet a person, you know it's the one and that's how it starts. It doesn't have to be epic to be true." Bokuto added with a shrug of his shoulders.
Keiji looked away, not wanting to believe it. It was too unlikely – too unlike him and his personality. Crushing or falling for someone after one meeting… just because of one shared gaze… No. It wasn't for him. He wasn't ready, he didn't want of that, he didn't want to fall in love again. It hurt too much in the end.
"But, what are you going to do about Ami? You're dating her and you like her enough to care for her well-being and feelings – you don't want to hurt her but how can you tell her you found your Sowlmate?" Bokuto continued, serious once again.
"Hold on – I never! She's not my Sowlmate or any overly-sweet and romantic things you and Kanemoto-san have! Ami and I are doing good together and I have no intention of telling her anything – ever! If you even just think of sharing this with her, or with Kanemoto-san! I will kill you, Bokuto-san!"
"Even if you want to stay with Ami, it's not right to keep it a secret from her. Not telling her you are thinking of another girl… wait, who is this girl you fell for anyway? Was she pretty? Did you talk? What did you do? Do you–"
"STOP! I did NOT fall for this girl! I don't know her! She was sitting next to me for five minutes and then she was gone! She was pretty though… but… there is no way I could contact or find her ever again…"
"Wha– how do you know? Perhaps she had a uniform on or some clue about where she lives or–" The Ace continued, just wanting to be helpful for his friend and help him find his ~One and Only~.
"No there was no clue and let's be reasonable, Bokuto-san. There are millions of people living in Tokyo – billions in the whole world! Finding one person is impossible!"
"Don't exaggerate, Akaashi! Even if Tokyo is big– wait, why the whole world…?"
"…She's not Japanese… She spoke Japanese but she had an accent, probably English but…"
"That's great! That's so cool, Akeeassghi!" He exclaimed, making the setter startle and blink, "Okay, she might be gone from Japan by now… which would make it even harder to find her… but it also means it's someone who speaks English! So, it lowers the possibilities to… um…"
"England, America, Australia, so many more countries…" Akaashi muttered, wanting to say 'I don't want to find her' but knowing he wouldn't listen to him.
"Ah. Did she have something particular about her appearance? Something unique, that stood out?"
"…Golden hair, blue eyes."
"…Very Occidental then…"
"This is not going to help."
Keiji blinked, his hand going to his pocket before remembering he didn't have the dove on him.
"There was…"
"Yes, yes?" Bokuto asked enthusiastically.
"She said she wanted to become a photograph… and she dropped a little dove."
"We have some clues! We can find her!"
"I don't want to find her."
"If we start now then perhaps it'll–"
"Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with a hard voice that made the Ace look over his shoulder, "I… I don't want to find this girl… I'm good with Ami. I don't need anyone else."
Koutarou stared at his friend, seeing in his eyes that he was giving up before even trying to find this dove of his… He knew Keiji cared for Ami and perhaps it was why he didn't want to find another girl, he was happy with how things were for the moment and didn't need anything more. But because Koutarou was in love with his Sowlmate, with Ayaka, he knew how much more precious and beautiful True Love was. He knew that choosing to be with someone else was not the happiest choice for anyone.
"…If you say so… But, let me tell you, Akaashi… Sowlmates are meant to be together, someday, you'll cross path with your dove again. And when you'll do, you might regret never pursuing her at all. More importantly, for you current relationship with Ami, if you don't work to show her you do have feelings for her… she'll end up leaving you. Especially if your thoughts are turned to some foreign girl you met just once."
"…You want me to find this girl, but then you tell me to stop thinking of her to focus on Ami. I don't understand why you are so feeble with my own love life. I know how to handle it."
"I just want you happy, or rather… I don't want you and Ami to be unhappy because you're holding onto a relationship you're not working for." He replied with a shrug.
"…Sometimes, you say some very wise words, Bokuto-san…" Keiji sighed with a little smile, glad his friend had his back.
"Hey, hey~! Am I the Ace or not?! AHAH!" He exclaimed proudly, hands on his hips.
"It has nothing to do with your speeches."
"HOW?!"
Keiji sighed but his thoughts were turned towards his dove… and Ami. Bokuto might be right: he needed to show Ami some more love, or he'd lose her. He didn't want this relationship to turn sour once again – his precious girlfriend had cheated on him, had broken his heart. If Ami felt unloved, she might turn to another man and he didn't want this to happen. Never again. Even if it meant he'll have to swallow back his pride and his true feelings, he'll preserve what he had with Ami. He'll just have to forget about his dove.
Easier said than done if everytime I'm looking up at the sky, it reminds me of her… He thought bitterly.
That night, he hesitated to call Ami for a while, until he decided to just send her a message. But she answered a long time later because she had been in the bath and she told him she was going to bed. The next day, Keiji and Ayaka were studying for another test, helping each other when they were confused about some details of their lesson when Ami arrived. She leaned over Keiji's shoulder and after some words exchanged, the teacher arrived. She went to her seat before he could talk to her. What would he have to say, anyway?
Despite his intention to make things right with Ami, Keiji's focus, like Ami's or Ayaka's, (and he wished his teammates' too but it was asking for too much) were on their studies. They were in a preparatory class, which meant good grades were expected of them. It was only after the period of exams was done that Ami went to visit Keiji – it had been weeks.
"I'm so glad the exams are done! I couldn't keep up anymore with that much studying! Urhg!" She exclaimed, flopping down on his bed while he was putting some order – he disliked it when she came without warning and he showed it by remaining as silent as he could.
She didn't seem to notice his annoyance, or that he was busy tidying up his bedroom. She turned over on her tummy then noticed something on his night table, a huge smile appearing on her face.
"Oh! It's so pretty! Is it for me?" She asked, sitting up.
He glanced at her absent-mindedly but froze when he saw Ami taking the little silver dove from the blue-eyed girl.
"No!" He exclaimed suddenly.
Ami froze and looked at him with wide eyes as he hurried to her and took the accessory from her fingers roughly, turning around and putting it in his pocket. He froze, realizing he had acted like he never had before – he had never looked so frantic with her, he had never lost his cool. But the idea that she thought it could be hers, taking the dove in her fingers so casually… it had drove him mad just for the few seconds his outburst had lasted.
"…Is it for your mother?" She asked in a low voice, "Is it a gift for another girl…?"
Keiji didn't dare turn around because he knew he had hurt her and that the moment he would look at Ami, regrets would seep in. Regrets already made his shoulders drop.
"…A gift from another girl…?" Ami continued, her voice no higher than a whisper, trembling probably because she was holding back her tears.
Keiji slowly turned around to face her, he opened his lips to answer but he had taken too much time. Ami stood up and walked past him, keeping her hair hiding her expression.
"Wait, Ami–" He called, grabbing her forearm.
She pulled away from him, both stopping in the middle of the hall, outside his bedroom.
"No. Don't touch me." She said harshly.
She walked down the stairs and it took a short moment for Keiji to react, his heart beating hollowly against his chest. He ran after her, trying to keep her from leaving but he didn't dare touch her again – he didn't want her to pull away from him like that, it hurt to see her leaving him, it hurt to realize he had made a mistake he couldn't erase. His pretty face and soothing voice wouldn't help him this time. Ami wouldn't forgive him this time – she had already forgiven too many things.
"Wait, Ami, please! Listen to me, it's not what you think!" He continued, following her even though she put on her shoes and advanced towards the door, "Ami!"
"I know you're popular Keiji and when you decided to date me, I was very happy and I thought I was very lucky that after what you had gone through, the one person you would trust and like was… me. But I realize that you never liked me! I was just here for your own pleasure!" She exclaimed, tears streaming down her face as she walked out the door.
Keiji didn't try to catch up to her this time. He was frozen in the doorway, unable to go after her, to tell her he was sorry, that he would try harder, that he did like her and never asked her out for his pleasure.
But her face, red from ugly tears escaping her tears, her lips in a vicious line, her eyes burning in anger… it was branded in his mind – he was the cause of these tears and these feelings. He had hurt her in the worst way possible – she thought he had betrayed her. He had hurt her the way he had been hurt two years ago. He hated himself for provoking such emotions in Ami, she was too good, too nice to go through that… it was this hatred against himself that kept him from going after her.
He went back into his bedroom and sat at his desk, opening his notebook to study. But it took him an awful long time to find the strength to take a pen and start the exercises, his mind only half to it. He hated himself for making Ami suffer, but knowing he didn't even find the heartache to cry or beg her to listen to his explanations made him hate himself even more. They were right – his teammates, his friends, Ami, to doubt he actually liked her. If he liked her half as much as she liked him, he would be in tears right now… But he wasn't. He did find Ami attractive, he did care for her and liked her the way he had never liked anyone but it wasn't nearly as strong as what he should be feeling right now.
Keiji didn't realize at which point he stopped writing, the pen slipping from his hand as, with one hand, he grabbed the page of his notebook in a hateful fist until it was almost ripped off, and with the other, he grabbed his hair while he glared at the numbers perfectly alined on the pages.
The next day, for morning practice…
"HEY HEY HEY! How was this spike?! I totally blew you away, Washio!" Bokuto exclaimed proudly after he had done a particularly beautiful spike.
The blockers from the 3 – 3 they were doing right now glared at him even though they were used to his outburst of overjoy.
"Neh, neh, AKEEASghi! Wasn't it great?!" He exclaimed, turning towards his setter.
Akaashi didn't seem to hear him, grabbing a ball and quietly going behind the serving line. His teammates stared at him, not knowing what had happened for their setter to be so down and quiet – he had remained stubbornly silent whenever they asked him questions. Bokuto looked over at the other third-years and shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what had happened… but a little worried after what he had learned from Akaashi some time ago about Ami, his dove and what he intended to do. Koutarou had no idea whether or not Keiji had done anything they had mentioned…
Ayaka stared from afar at her friend, not understanding everything but understanding enough to remain quiet. It was only after practice, when they were walking to their classroom – Bokuto had had to remain behind with coach – that she spoke up:
"You seem awfully absent-minded today, Akaashi-kun. Does it have anything to do with Ami-chan crying her heart out to me last night?"
He didn't slow down his steps but his eyes widened and his heart missed a beat as she continued:
"She said you had a gift from another girl and that you had cheated on her. I doubt it but… I do hope it's not true otherwise, I'll be the first one to throw a ball in your face. Everyone on the club will take turns doing that – be careful with Koutarou's turn, it might hurt more than the others."
"I didn't… cheat on Ami. She left before I could explain to her."
"Aah, so, it's your dove? Koutarou did mention that you had something from this girl. Did you keep it that long?"
When he stared at her, stunned, a slowly growing anger in his eyes because Bokuto Koutarou had shared the truth with his girlfriend – how could Keiji be stupid enough to trust him to keep quiet?!
Ayaka seemed to catch on what he was thinking because she turned to him:
"Ah, Kou told me about that but don't worry! No one else knows! He kept the secret, and so did I!"
"He kept the secret except for you," he mumbled.
"We don't keep secrets from each other – we trust each other and tell everything, that's why we're doing so well together. If you had trusted Ami earlier and told her honestly about your dove, it wouldn't have turned out like that." Ayaka answered.
Keiji looked away, lips thin. He felt as if she had slapped him with her words – it was so true it hurt. He should have trusted Ami.
"Look, Akaashi-kun…" Ayaka continued as they arrived in front of their classroom, "Ami-chan still likes you, she's hurt but if you find the right words and start being honest with her about your feelings – you can still fix what you broke."
He didn't answer but he kept an eye at Ami's desk to make sure he wouldn't miss her when she'll arrive. Unfortunately, she arrived in the same time as the teacher – obviously to avoid talking to him. Just like she avoided looking at him. At break, she escaped him before he could catch up to her, same thing for lunch and in the afternoon. Ready to catch her before she could escape after the classes, he arrived to her level before she could walk away.
"Ami–"
"Akaashi-kun," the teacher called him.
The time he looked over his shoulder, she had already walked away. Ayaka pouted upon seeing that and went after her friend while Akaashi had to talk to the teacher. The setter went to the changing-room, waiting in front of it for his classmate to come back and when she did, she had a dark expression on her face…
"What is it, Ayaka?" Bokuto – who had been waiting, already changed, next to Akaashi – instantly asked worriedly, stepping towards his girlfriend.
"…Ami said I had sided with Akaashi-kun, she doesn't want to listen to me…" She mumbled, quickly burying her face in her boyfriend's chest.
He hugged her for comfort, glancing over at Akaashi who looked away.
"I'm sorry that your friendship with Ami has… been touched because of my mistakes, Kanemoto-san."
"It's not your fault Akaashi if Ami-chan's too stubborn to listen to people! She doesn't have to attack my Ayaka! She's innocent in this story! If Ami says one bad thing about either of you, I'm going to–"
"It's fine, Koutarou, she's angry, that's all… I don't think she would break our friendship just because she dislikes me talking to her ex-boyfriend." Ayaka interrupted, looking up at the Ace who didn't stop frowning.
"You think? What if she does that anyway?"
"…I'll see when it'll happen, if it happens…" She mumbled.
Akaashi turned towards the changing-room, surprising the couple.
"Where are you going, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, blinking.
"To change? Practice will start soon, I have to be ready." He answered as if it was obvious.
Ayaka and Koutarou glanced at each other, thinking the same thing in the same time.
"See, Akeeasghi, that's why Ami thought you didn't care for her – you put practice and studies before her! You never show how you feel, you never chase after her and fight for you two!"
Keiji blinked, staring back then, because he didn't know what to say or do, entered the changing-room to ignore the situation for the moment. He couldn't miss practice – he was the Vice-Captain, he needed to keep Bokuto in check. He'll settle the problem with Ami later.
Unfortunately, he didn't have any opportunity – she didn't answer his messages or calls, she avoided him at school… He didn't want to chase after her like some desperate, clinging ex-boyfriend but if she wanted to break up with him, he at least wanted to make things clear between them – he didn't want her to think he had cheated, and he didn't want her to ignore Kanemoto-san either.
It was why he ended up in front of her house on a Saturday morning. He knew she never left the house early on the week-end. He knew she liked to watch anime in the mornings. He liked that he was the only one to know this about her. No one else had ever been with Ami to know that – there was only him… And she might know things about him no one else did. He liked that too. He liked that there were things that only the two of them knew about the other – secrets, but not secret kept from one another, secrets that bounded them together…
He rang at the door once. He waited, then he rang a second time. He waited. He noticed the fluttering of curtains from her window so he knew she was here. He rang a third time… she never came down. Sighing, he turned around and was about to leave, deciding he'd come back later when she'll be more reasonable…
His steps slowed down to a stop…
"You never show how you feel, you never chase after her and fight for you two!"
Keiji turned back towards the house, walking and ringing a fourth time. Then he started banging at the door.
"Ami! Open this door! I know you're here!" He called loudly.
He looked up at her window, inside the living-room but she wasn't showing up. He went to ring again, and again, he might have done that for an hour until he sighed and leaned his head against the door.
"Come on, Ami… I know you can hear me… I'm not leaving until you let me talk to you… just this once…" He said, hoping the door didn't smother his voice too much, "See? I'm being stubborn like Bokuto-san and Kanemoto-san. I'm staying under your window for as long as I need for you to let me talk… I'm… I'm trying to fight for us, okay…?"
But only silence answered him. He sighed, closing his eyes when they started stinging. Did he look too much at the sky and sun and it burnt his eyes? Did he spend too much time studying last night? Was he tired?
…Or did he have actual tears coming up.
He blinked and realized that his vision was getting blurry. There was a short moment when he was totally still then he frowned, not used to tears when it came to his relationships with people. The last time he had cried it had been when his heart had been broken – he had sworn to himself he would never fall for another girl and get broken-heart once again…! And here he was, waiting and begging at a door while tears filling his eyes.
"I'm not leaving until you open this door!" He suddenly shouted, punching the door.
Just as suddenly as he had acted, he heard a clicking sound and it opened. Not having expected it, he fell forward and gasped, he tried to catch himself, barely avoiding a fall that would have made him look quite ridiculous.
He looked up and saw Ami who seemed a little thunderstruck to have seen him stumble forward into her house – she hadn't expected him to be desperate enough to stay at the door. Literally.
There was a short moment of awkward silence as he straightened up and she quickly looked away.
"…Talk now that you're in." She muttered, closing the door.
"I… I…" Keiji started.
For once, he was speechless and unable to find the right words to say. Ami kept staring at him, not quite knowing what to do because it was rare Keiji seemed so… so disturbed. He didn't seem to know what to do, he was at a loss – the calm setter, always cool no matter the situation (which was a lot to say when he had to deal with Bokuto Koutarou on a daily basis – and the rest of the volleyball club). She felt as confused as him.
"W-well?" She said, a little impatiently.
Keiji swallowed hard, hesitated then looked into her eyes:
"I never cheated on you, Ami… T-the dove you found…"
He took a deep breath and continued:
"It is from another girl, but it had fallen from her necklace or something. I don't know her, I met her only once and… yes I… I have this crush on her because she was, wow. She was breathtakingly beautiful and if she hadn't walked away, if I had any way to get to know her – I would have fallen in love with her by now!"
He almost bit on his tongue when he said all that. Ami stared at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open as he continued awkwardly:
"Bokuto-san said… she might be my soulmate but… But I don't care… because my girlfriend is you… I have no way to contact this girl, I don't know her and I just want to forget about ever meeting her."
For a long moment, nothing was said between the two until Ami spoke up hesitantly:
"You know… except the one time you told me about what had happened in Middle-school, the day you asked me out… you have never been as honest with me as you were just now…" She said in a low voice, sounding bitter – but she couldn't tell if it was because of his lack of trust or because he had more intense feelings for a girl he had met only once than for her.
"…Is it a bad thing…?" He asked hesitantly, at a loss.
"Yes, it is." She breathed, shaking her head in disbelief and stepping forward, "I want you to be honest with me all the time! Not just when you feel like you're losing me!" She exclaimed.
Before he could answer anything, she continued:
"I understand that you were broken-hearted, that you don't want to fall in love because you're scared to be hurt, and I get that it's hard for you to get over it and to… to trust me! B-but, I can't be the only one being understanding, I can't be the only one doing efforts in our relationship, Keiji!"
She took a deep, shaky breath, her eyes shiny from tears:
"You never show me any particular attention or kindness – the sort you should give to your girlfriend. You treat me like one of your friends with an exceptional bonus that counts as a miracle when you hold my hand or kiss my cheek! I know you don't like showing physical signs of affection in public but it's almost as if you're afraid you'll get burnt you if you touch me!"
Having no way to deny any of this, Keiji just stared back at Ami, not knowing what to do or say – he hated feeling this way… he didn't want to feel like that, he just… he just wanted her back. He wanted Ami back in his life, as his girlfriend and this time, he'll put all the efforts she wanted.
"D-do you even like me at all…? Or was it all a lie…?" She asked in a pained voice.
Keiji's heart broke, he felt as if all air had been punched out of his lungs. He took a step backwards, hurt deeper than he would have thought that she would dismiss his feelings so easily…
"O-of course…! Do you really think I would lie to you? I… I…"
He swallowed hard then approached his hands hesitantly. Not understanding what he was doing, Ami glanced down at his hands as he put them around her wrists, not daring to go as far as entwine their fingers together after everything that had happened between them… But his hold was soft, delicate… Ami's heart sped up from his touch – it was so sweet, so tender, as if he was afraid to break her… and when she looked into her eyes, her heart missed a beat. For the first time since they had started dating, she saw his eyes filled with tears, they were sparkling and as sad as he looked… he was still breathtakingly beautiful… He… it was the first time he showed so many emotions – so much pain and hurt and fear… He always kept it hidden – even when they were being intimate, when they were making love, he would keep his eyes close or he would hide his face but he would never show his true feelings to her… But not this time. This time he was being honest – with himself, with her.
"I like you… in a way… I never liked anyone before…! And, perhaps I don't constantly have you on my mind because… I think of volleyball and about what I have to study next and… I'm not nearly as desperately in love with you as Bokuto-san is with Kanemoto-san but… I do feel…! I-I am in love with you! And it scares me to death to know that because now… now if you walk out of my life, I'll be broken-hearted all over again! I won't know how to deal with it! I… I don't want you to stay with me if you feel forced, or if you don't want of me anymore b-but… but you made me fall in love with you, Ami!"
He paused, taking a shaky breath in before continuing:
"I promise I'll do all the efforts to make our relationship work because now… I don't want to be with you just because I hope I won't feel scared any longer but because… I want to build something with you – something that will last for a long time, years and… if this girl is my soulmate or not – I don't care because I choose you! I'm choosing you now and I'll keep choosing you over and over again until you decide you're too tired of me and want me out of your life! I choose you as my soulmate now… and I don't care about anyone else…!"
He breathed hard, and blinked, stunned by his own words. He couldn't believe he had talked so much, such things… but… in his heart it felt right – he wasn't lying, keeping secrets or keeping a mask of cool and calm behavior. He had expressed himself and he had shared his feelings and… whether Ami still wanted him or not… it was what mattered most.
"I-I would understand if… you don't want of me anymore, though…" He added in a whisper, lowering his head.
Ami stared at him, the composed setter who kept his cool no matter. He was blushing, had tears in his eyes, he looked so out of control of himself… He had talked so much, with so much emotions, so much intensity… She felt as if she was facing Akaashi Keiji for the first time, his real self, and that he was so much more fragile than she had thought. He seemed younger, more like a second-year in high-school afraid of what love and relationship meant.
"…Okay…"
Keiji stopped breathing and looked up at Ami, not believing what she had just said.
"O-okay… I-I'm willing to try again… together… if you promise you'll be honest with me, that you'll show me affection and that you'll try as hard as me…"
He hesitated then nodded, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. He had had to almost lose Ami to realize how much he cared for her. How much she made his heart beat.
She fell in his arms, burying her face in his chest and they remained in this tight embrace for a long moment, finally taking in the weight of their feelings. They had definitely underestimated it and from now on, they'll fight for each other.
"Also… could you throw away this dove…? I'd prefer if you don't keep something from this soulmate, or whatever… I-I want us to focus on us and only us…" She added sheepishly.
Keiji hesitated, she might have felt it because she moved away from him but then he nodded.
"Okay. I-I promise I'll do my best…"
Later that day…
When Keiji left Ami, he felt much lighter – not just because he was back with his girlfriend but mostly because he had expressed himself and he had been honest. He hadn't realized how much he had needed it until now… It was scary – but opening up to someone might be the first step towards recovery.
Wanting to keep his promise to Ami, he stopped next to a small dump. He grabbed the silver dove and looked down at it. Throw away this dove, it was what he had told Ami… He looked up at the sky – it was still too soon for the sun to go down, the sky was blue… It reminded him of her eyes. But it wasn't nearly as beautiful as the shade of her eyes. This girl he had met weeks ago… he couldn't even remember her features anymore, or the sound of her voice… but he could remember her eyes perfectly. Branded in his memory. He would never forget her – like he would never forget his first love and heartbreak, and no matter what will happen to them in the future, he would never forget Ami. His girlfriend probably knew that whoever was this foreign girl… despite what he promised and said, she'd always keep a place in his heart.
Later that night, Keiji stared then fumbled with his phone for a long time… He typed messages to Ami, then erased it, typed a few dozens different versions… before he hesitantly pushed the button for 'call'. It rang a few times but then, Ami's surprised voice answered:
"Keiji? What is it? Why are you calling me so out of the blue…?" She hesitated, obviously not believing he didn't have a legitimate reason.
"…I'm trying," he answered, hoping everything he needed to say would be shared with these little words.
He heard her light intake of breath, then her sigh of relief. It was one tiny call, it was one tiny step together. But at least he could keep this part of the promise – he would try his best to fight for their relationship…
He hadn't had the heart to throw away the dove, after all. Perhaps someday, he'll have the courage the take it back from the deepest part of his drawer and he'll throw it away. Perhaps he'll forget about it, and the blue-eyed girl. When he'll be able to throw away this dove, he'll tell Ami he had kept it for a while until he had felt ready. She would understand. It wasn't much a secret if he had the intention of revealing it to her in time… right…?
After some time trying their best to get used to the new rhythm of their relationship, Ami and Keiji managed to find a good balance for their relationship. They were honest with each other, they were spending time together, they were both equally trying.
Sometimes, Keiji would see the drawing of a dove and think of his blue-eyed girl. He'd think back to the silver dove taking the dust in the back of his drawer. Sometimes, he'd look up at the sky and try to compare it to the shade of blue of the girl's eyes – but no matter how much time went by, he never forgot this beautiful shade of blue. He'd try not to think back to the silver dove taking the dust in the back of his drawer. Sometimes, he'd walk by the fountain where he had met her and he tried not to find a golden-haired, blue-eyed girl in the crowd. Mostly, he ignored the will to open his drawer and find this silver dove taking the dust in the back of his drawer.
Weeks turned into months, then into years. The relationship never evolved as more, but at least, it was as stable as they could be and both Keiji and Ami were too stubborn to give up on each other. Not yet, not now. Perhaps they hadn't tried hard enough yet, they kept repeating themselves.
Little by little, Keiji opened up more and more until he could look into Ami's eyes and say "I'm in love with you" without hesitation – but he never said "I love you" with unwavering devotion and even if she knew he wasn't sharing much his emotions, she hopelessly waited for these three words to come of his mouth.
Little by little, Keiji forgot about the silver dove taking the dust in the back of his drawer. He wouldn't look at the blue sky anymore and think of the color of her eyes. He wouldn't dream or think about this girl he had met years ago when he was still young and easily intimidated. He wouldn't think of this blue-eyed girl whenever he'd walk by the fountain – instead, he'd think of that one time he and Ami had had an ice-cream… He felt confident he was forgetting about his dove, that he held no more feelings for this foreign girl he had met just once. But Ami knew that she was still in his heart – his eyes would not be curious and wondering when he looked up at the blue sky, but it was still melancholic. He would still avoid the mention of doves and focused on owls – easily done with Bokuto Koutarou as best friend. He would keep his eyes on the floor whenever they walked by this fountain. But she was satisfied with all of that – he would never forget this girl even if he pretended he was slowly letting her go. She was branded in his memory. But at least he was trying. They were trying.
But.
Once upon a time, an owl met a dove and fell in love…
I hope you enjoyed this first part. The second will arrive... whenever it'll be written! Ahah! ^^"
Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought of it!
Yours Truly,
May