RESTORATION

Disclaimer

Not mine. Never were, never will be. I'm just taking them out to play for a minute.

Summary

In watching Harm pour his love into a broken little girl, willing her to wake up and recover, she started to learn something about the nature of family that she had not expected. H/M

Rating: T

A/N: The order of events may vary slightly from canon to fit my narrative.

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Chapter 1 – Push/Pull

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Harm wasn't in the office today. The thought crossed Mac's mind as she drove home. That was weird, he had not told her he was going out of town, and he had not told her he was taking vacation. She resolved to call him once she arrived home.

No answer on his home phone, no answer on his mobile. "Call me, when you get a moment." was her simple message on both devices.

Their relationship was still floundering. The positive steps that Harm had taken in the hospital over Christmas, following Mac's accident, should have progressed them in the right direction. But Mac's distress over her illness, and the highly unlikely possibility she would ever carry a child, his child, had left her angry and confused.

She continued to push him away. She insisted on being ruled by her head; and her head said it was unfair to him if she could not give him the family he so desired. The fact he had told her time and again that a family with her could take many forms, was lost on her; she refused to acknowledge the truth of his words.

ooOOoo

The next day Jennifer pulled her aside as she entered the office. Mattie had been in an accident, she was in a coma, and Harm had not left her side.

Mac's first instinct was to run to him, but the General had other plans. He had her covering several of Harm's cases and taking on a new one. She barely lifted her head all day.

Jennifer tapped lightly on her door late in the afternoon, carrying a cup of coffee in one had and a sandwich in the other.

"Colonel? My guess is you have not stopped to breathe all day. Lunch?"

Mac looked up with a weak smile, "Thank you Jennifer, you probably heard my stomach protesting clear across the bullpen."

Mac motioned for Jennifer to take a seat. "What more can you tell me?" she asked the petty officer.

"Mattie was taking a flying lesson and there was some type of accident. She is badly injured." With tears streaming down her face, Jennifer continued, "she is in a coma; she has spinal damage, and possible head trauma." Mac stood, and came to sit beside Jennifer, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder; it was a lot worse than she had allowed herself to imagine. It took all her Marine training to keep her own emotions under control.

After pausing to wipe her eyes and nose, Jennifer continued between sobs, "She's in the hospital out at Blacksburg. They don't want to move her … 'til she wakes up. No one knows … how bad it is… the doctor is not, not even sure … if… when… she will wake up… The Commander … is distraught…" At this point Jennifer's sobs overwhelmed her and Mac took the young woman into her arms.

ooOOoo

Mac was galvanised into action, she was on her way home to change, then to Harm's to pick up a few things for him (he was never prepared enough to have a kit-bag in his car). She had reassured Jennifer that she had everything under control.

The hospital was small compared to Bethesda. Mac quickly found her way to the entry of the ICU. Now her plans were frustrated. She was not a family member, so she was forced to stay outside the ICU, watching through the glass from the corridor.

Mattie looked so small in the bed, overwhelmed by tubes, a neck brace, and other medical paraphernalia. Harm was slumped into a chair at her bedside, holding her hand. It looked like he was talking to her, but Mac could not hear the words.

As she stood there, watching him comfort Mattie, scenes of Harm and Mattie danced across her mind. Early days, like the courtroom, and when Mac brought Mattie to Harm at the Wall; and sitting in Jen and Mattie's living room eating popcorn and laughing. And more recently, Mattie's visit to Mac at HQ, when Mattie had decided to return to her father and was worried about Harm's reaction. This memory brought to mind a broken promise, a promise from Mac to Mattie to spend some time together, and get to know each other better.

A gentle tap on her shoulder brought her out of her revive. "You've been standing here a while" said an older gentleman, that Mac took to be a doctor.

"53 minutes" she replied, noting his quizzical reaction to her precise answer.

"Can I help you?" the doctor asked, leading Mac to some seats against the corridor wall.

"I'm a friend of Mattie Grace…" she was unable to finish the sentence.

"Ahh, I see. Well I need to talk to her father, sorry Commander Rabb, so I can let you see her, while I talk to him"

Mac just nodded, she had no idea what she was expected to do while in the room with Mattie. Her motivation in being at the hospital was entirely based supporting Harm.

She followed the doctor through the ICU doors and into Mattie's room. She was accustomed to being in charge, or taking charge, but in this circumstance, she felt strangely adrift. Uncharacteristically, she hung back, behind the doctor, suddenly feeling like an intruder, an interloper.

"Commander," the doctor actually had to call twice, before Harm wearily dragged himself out of the chair and unto an upright position. He clung to the back of the back of the chair for support. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with black circles, his hair unkempt.

Mac held onto the door frame, resisting every urge to wrap him in her arms and never let go.

He did not see her at first. He was focused on the doctor "any news?" his voice was only a whisper.

"Let's step outside for a moment" the doctor said brightly, a firm believer that coma patients were aware of everything spoken around then. "This woman has said she is a friend of Mattie's, she will sit with Mattie while we talk."

It was only now that Harm's focus shifted beyond the doctor, "Mac…What are you doing here?"

"I thought you could use some company and a change of clothes" she replied, lifting the small duffle-bag in her hand. "Don't blame Jen for letting me know you have been here for the past three days."

"Oh…" Harm walked out with the doctor, his eyes constantly glancing over his shoulder at Mattie, Mac all-but ignored.

Mac could not blame him for being surprised at her arrival. She had been pushing him away fairly aggressively for a while now. Underlying the push/pull that had defined their entire relationship, he was still her best friend, and she would do whatever she could, whatever he allowed her to do at this point.

Mac took the seat vacated by Harm; he had been sitting in it for so long the cheap vinyl faintly retained his scent. She smiled – thinking this would comfort Mattie, as much as it comforted her. Tentatively, she reached out and placed her hand on Mattie's as it lay small and pale on stark hospital sheets.

"Hi Mattie, I know we said we would start to spend some more time together, but I am guessing this is not what either of us had in mind. You know Harm has been by your side every moment. I know you were worried about him drifting out of your life when you went back to live with your father, but he's here for you. There is nothing he wouldn't do for you."

Mac was at a loss as to what more to say to the teenager, so she just sat, holding her hand.

Finding the noise of the machines disturbing, and unaccustomed to being at a loss for words, Mac resumed talking, filling the room with her gentle, soothing voice. In hindsight, she had no idea what she said.

Mac was interrupted by a nurse, asking her to step outside for a moment, while she completed a series of observations.

She found Harm, sitting the same chairs she had occupied earlier. His head bent forward, cradled in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. She sat beside him and laid her hand on the back of his neck, and was startled when he flinched.

"Don't Mac; I don't want your sympathy"

She was confused by his anger, but was prepared to blame it on stress and tiredness.

"Harm, you have not slept in 3 days, you need to rest in order to be strong for Mattie. I'll sit with her tonight."

Harm did not respond, he just raked his fingers through his hair.

"What did the doctor say?" She asked, tying to engage him in some sort of conversation.

Harm lent back, his head resting on the wall, staring at the ceiling, "That I am not good enough." He said quietly.

"Uh?" Mac uttered, confused

Harm exhaled exhaustedly, "I'm not her father, and I'm no longer her guardian, and the doctor needs Tom to make some decisions."

Mac nodded, that made sense. "Where is Tom, is he helping you to watch over Mattie?"

"Tom went out for 'some air' about ten minutes after Mattie was brought in, and has not been seen since."

The implication was clear. Tom was probably drowning himself in a bottle somewhere, but Harm no longer had legal guardianship of Mattie, and in the eyes of the medical professionals, and the law, Harm was not authorised to act of Mattie's behalf.

Harm stood to go back into Mattie's room. "Thanks for the clothes Mac" he threw over his shoulder, clearly dismissing her.

Mac felt wounded as she watched his retreating form.

She'd rescued him before without his permission, so she'd just have to figure out a way to do it again.

ooOOoo

Over the next few days Harm was a zombie in the office, going through the motions, but not really present. He was surviving on a few hours sleep and coffee, and he was headed for a crash – either figuratively, or literally.

He allowed Jen to watch Mattie one evening, while he methodically worked his way through every bar in a 20 mile radius of Blacksburg, looking for Tom. He approached the task with the same tenacity as tracking down a suspect, and his efforts were rewarded just as he was running out of options.

Tom's attitude surprised him. Harm wanted Tom to come to the hospital so that together they could care for Mattie. He was appalled when Tom abdicated his parental rights and asked Harm to resume his guardianship. Harm could never understand how Tom could walk away from Mattie. Twice.

ooOOoo

Mac tried to talk to Harm in the office, but he continued dismissing her, still Mac could not walk away.

She started to drive out to Blacksburg each evening. She stood outside the ICU just watching Harm and Mattie for an hour or more. She stood quietly, observing Harm's devotion to Mattie. How he never stopped talking to her, and touching her, letting her know she was not alone if she chose to wake up. At the end of her nightly vigil, Mac would leave something for Harm with the nurses – a flask of coffee, some fruit, a sandwich, a blanket, fresh clothes.

After almost a week of these nightly observations Mac came to a bewildering realisation. In watching Harm pour his love into a broken little girl, willing her to wake up and recover, she started to learn something about the nature of family that she had not expected.

Perhaps family did not have to be about blood.

With the exception of Uncle Matt, for whom she felt true love and devotion, Mac had believed herself to be without a family since long before her mother walked out of her life. Even then, Uncle Matt's incarceration at Leavenworth did not facilitate visiting for birthdays, or Sunday dinner.

Mac certainly understood her urban-family. The close ties with her friends at JAG that saw them all through tough times and guaranteed a family atmosphere at the Roberts's annual Christmas Eve dinner, or any of their children's birthdays.

Mac reflected, even during the height of her relationship with Chloe, she always held herself apart, never fully emotionally committing. Always a mentor, never a mother-figure in-spite of Chloe's pronouncements to the contrary, she was much more comfortable with the "sister" imagery.

But here was Harm, 200% emotionally committed to loving, caring for and raising Mattie as his daughter. Loving her unconditionally, enough to let her go back to her father when she wanted to repair her relationship with Tom, and then stepping right back into the breach the second he was needed. Even the doctor continued to slip, and refer to Harm as her father.

Perhaps she should trust Harm. Perhaps he knew what he was talking about when he started mentioning different options for them to raise a child together.

Perhaps she should not have shut him down so quickly when he wanted to explore some of those options.

Perhaps she had been a fool.

While deeply contemplating this epiphany, she did not realise that the central character of her meditation was currently standing in-front of her. His gentle touch on her arm brought her back to the present.

"Mac, you're here again?"

She nodded slightly.

"Have you been here every night?"

"Yes" she softly confirmed.

He led her over to the seats; his had still holding her upper arm. Sitting down, he took both of her hands in his, cradling them.

"Why did you keep coming when I have ignored you for a week?" He struggled to keep the incredulity out of his inquiry.

"Because just as you needed to be fully invested in Mattie, you needed someone watching over you too." She replied, never breaking eye contact.

He saw her honesty and lack of judgement reflected in her expression.

"I'm sorry, I've…"

She cut him short by raising her fingers to his lips. "There is no need to apologise, I understand, she's your family."

"You're family too" he tried to protest.

"Thank you, but not the same thing. Mattie is fully dependent on you. She needs, and deserves, your full attention."

Harm nodded in understanding and appreciation, while recapturing her hands within his. He took comfort from the ability to feel her strength.

Emboldened, Mac continued. "You've given me a great gift this week, allowing me to be here. I've come to learn a lot about what it takes to be a family by watching you and Mattie. A lot I never understood before."

"I've been rude and contemptuous. I ignored you, left you standing in a corridor for hours, no days, on end. I never thanked you for all the things that you brought for me. How is that a gift?" He was clearly perplexed.

Mac smiled warmly. "You taught me that a family does not have to be about blood, that a true family can be formed in different ways, and be just as 'true'." She gave a little chuckle, "I don't think I am explaining this very well – I'm still figuring it out."

Now it was Harm's turn to smile, his first genuine smile in the past week. "So you finally believe what I have been telling you for months!" he said with just a hint of triumph.

Mac nodded in agreement. "Bethesda's best shrink could not get me to understand what I have spent the past week observing, no wonder I can't articulate it very well."

They stared deeply into each others eyes, revelling in the warmth that had returned, and was reciprocated.

A nurse was suddenly at Harm's shoulder, "Umm, Sir, I think you should come, Mattie's eyes are fluttering. She may be walking up."

Before the nurse even finished her sentence, Harm was up and striding towards Mattie's room. Two steps down the corridor he turned on his heel and reached for Mac's hand, "coming?"

Mac extended her had to him smiling, "thank you", the minimal phrase conveying so much more meaning than simply the answer to his preceding question.

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