Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and the characters are not mine.
Authors Notes at the end.
Mutual Protection
Gideon knew that most of the people in the Bureau were waiting for him to lose it, to not be able to hack it. It didn't take any special skill at profiling to figure that out. When a great deal of your fame has been related to the meltdown you had, it's natural that people would be wary when you returned to the very job that led it. People talked, and there was really no way he wouldn't have been aware of that. What was interesting that Hotch, a brilliant profiler and highly intelligent man, seemed to believe differently. Or, maybe he didn't believe it, but wanted to, or felt that it was his duty to. He had taken it upon himself to be Gideon's personal bodyguard, as far as references to Boston were concerned.
The first time Gideon became aware of Hotch's attitude was a few days after his return to the job. Two agents had been talking outside the conference room, not knowing that he was in there and could hear every word. One of them simply made the comment that it would be nice if the cases were relatively simple, to give him a little time to ease his way back in. Hotch must have been passing by at the time, because Gideon heard his voice.
"Agent Gideon is fine. There's no need to discuss him or his abilities behind his back."
The agents had stammered out apologies. For a brief moment, Gideon had wondered if he should find Hotch and talk to him. But, he hadn't been sure what to say. So, he had just sat there, thinking.
That incident started the charade he and Hotch played. The subject of Boston and what happened to those six agents was off topic between them. And, Gideon pretended that Hotch was also able to prevent him from the knowledge that it was still news for others. He also believed that Hotch wanted to pretend away the doubts of others for his own sake as well.
Occasionally, reality set in. There was the time the reporter on the vigilante case had thrown a direct attack in his face, accusing him of getting his men killed. Hotch had snapped at him like a bulldog, telling him to "watch your mouth."
Gideon had made sure his voice was calm and measured. "It's okay, Hotch." He glanced back and could see Hotch rein himself in.
Sometimes, Gideon considered telling Hotch not to try so hard. He had accepted his responsibility for what happened and made what peace he could. He had even gotten a second chance to do battle and win against Adrian Bale. That case was no longer his bogeyman. Somehow, it had become Hotch's. But, Gideon knew that Hotch wouldn't accept any direct reassurance. He'd deflect any concern or conversation on the subject, partly out of concern that talking about it might prove difficult for Gideon, and partly out of the desire not to talk about it himself. So, Gideon did the next best thing. He protected Hotch by accepting Hotch's protection of him and by pretending, whenever possible, that he had no idea it was happening.
Authors Notes: This is set some time after A Real Rain, with references to Won't Get Fooled Again. I've always found it intriguing how much more bothered Hotch got by any mention of what happened with Gideon in Boston than Gideon did. And, I was watching A Real Rain, and this kind of introspection came into my head. As always, comments and constructive criticism appreciated.