Author's Note: Can't believe ChrisCalledMeSweetie would write something like this? Well, she didn't. I - Sebastian Smythe - have hacked into her AO3 account to post my most recent masterpiece. You're welcome.
…
Kurt Hummel is a control freak in the kitchen. He's always scolding Blaine about using the Sodastream machine, or obsessing over whether or not his rum chocolate soufflé will rise. Well, this has gone on long enough. Tonight, Blaine is going to give Kurt his just desserts.
Kurt is tied, spread-eagled, to the kitchen table. How did he get there? I don't care - use your imagination. The important thing is that he's completely naked, and completely helpless, and there's no one around to hear him scream. Except for Blaine, who's going to be causing the screaming. And me - Sebastian Smythe - who's going to be getting off on it.
"I'll get a candle," Blaine says. "It'll be more romantic that way."
Blaine lights the candle, and then holds it over Kurt's chest, tipping it to allow the hot wax to drip down onto his left nipple. Kurt gasps. Blaine allows a few more drops to fall, and then squeezes the cooling wax into a stiff peak.
"You'll look better with a matching set, I think," Blaine says, moving to Kurt's right nipple. This time, he doesn't hold the candle as high, giving the wax less time to cool on it's way down. Kurt lets out a hiss of pain.
Blaine smiles at him. "I see you like that," he says, with a knowing look at Kurt's swelling cock. He fishes around in a drawer and comes up with an adjustable cooking ring. Stroking Kurt to full hardness, he clamps the stainless steel ring around the base of his cock.
"Now, let's see what else is in this drawer," Blaine says, rummaging around and bringing out a spatula and a garlic press. "I wonder which you'll prefer."
Kurt's eyes are wide, but he says nothing.
"No preference?" Blaine asks. "Well, then, I'll try them both."
He smacks the spatula down over Kurt's left nipple, flattening out the wax. He gives the right nipple the same treatment. Kurt tenses as Blaine moves down his body, trying to pull his legs together. He can't, of course.
Blaine flicks the spatula lightly against his balls. I would have hit him much harder, but then Blaine has always had a soft spot for Kurt. Not to worry, though. He's just getting started.
"More?" he asks.
Kurt shakes his head. I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to accomplish by refusing to speak. We'll be hearing his voice soon enough, though.
"Alright," Blaine says, laying down the spatula. He picks up the garlic press. "What shall I squeeze?"
Blaine has barely put any pressure on Kurt's balls before he's shouting "Stop!"
Hmph! Blaine needs to grow a pair. He leaves Kurt's balls uncrushed. I can't be too disappointed in him, though, because in the next moment he's turned the garlic press around backwards, so that the self-cleaning nubs are facing the holes, and he's compressing the head of Kurt's cock in a most satisfying manner.
Kurt gives a wordless cry, and Blaine releases the pressure, leaving behind a beautiful pattern of circles. I'm hoping he'll give those balls another shot, but he puts the garlic press down.
"Today I'm in charge of the food," Blaine tells Kurt with a wink.
He picks up a carrot and a bottle of olive oil. I think I know where this is going, and I'll bet Kurt does, too, because his cock twitches in anticipation. Blaine coats the carrot with oil and slides it into Kurt's ass. It's a good-sized carrot, but the tapered shape allows Blaine to push it in fairly easily. After a few thrusts, he removes it and sets it aside.
Next, he picks up a zucchini. It's an absurdly large one. Far bigger than a cock. Even mine. Or any dildo I've ever tried.
Kurt's expression is comical. I wish you could see it, but you'll just have to take my word for it. He knows where Blaine plans to stick that zucchini, and he doesn't think there's any way it could fit.
Blaine takes out a knife, and for a moment I think I'm going to get to watch some blood play, but instead he uses it to carve the zucchini, giving it a more tapered end, curved upwards. I suppose that's better for prostate stimulation, and the notches he cuts out near the stem will make it easier to extract, but honestly, I would have been glad to see him just ram the whole thing in.
Oh well. Even whittled down, and coated with olive oil, the zucchini is still pretty formidable. It takes Blaine several minutes to work it fully inside Kurt's ass. He wiggles it around a bit, and you can tell when it hits Kurt's prostate, because his cock twitches and he groans.
That makeshift cock-ring is looking pretty damn tight. Kurt couldn't possibly get any harder, and he's starting to turn a bit purple. Red wax, orange carrot, green zucchini, purple cock - taste the rainbow…
Blaine goes back to his cutting board. This time, he peels and juliennes a piece of fresh ginger, paring it into a long, thin skewer. He rinses it in cold water. Then he grasps Kurt's cock and begins working the ginger into his slit.
Kurt cries out, but this time Blaine ignores him. He twists the ginger, pushing steadily, corkscrewing it down into Kurt's cock. Kurt thrashes against his bonds, but he's held fast, and Blaine grips his cock firmly with one hand, while the other inexorably inserts the ginger.
Kurt is whimpering, now. Sweat breaks out over his whole body, and I can imagine how that ginger must feel, stretching and burning him from the inside. I planned, once, to burn the heart out of him, but I think this might actually be more fun.
Now Blaine grasps the stem of the zucchini and begins rocking it rhythmically, giving Kurt's prostate a ruthless massage. At the same time, he uses his other hand, slick with olive oil, to jerk Kurt off. He can't come, of course - stuffed full of ginger, and with that tight ring at the base of his cock - but he needs to so badly that he's trembling with it.
It's not long before he's begging. The sound is music to my ears, and if I were the one doing this I'd keep going until he lost consciousness, but Blaine has a disappointingly merciful streak.
First he removes the ginger, and Kurt's eyes flood with tears of relief. Then he releases the cock ring. A few more thrusts of the zucchini, a few more tight strokes, and finally I get to hear those screams I've been waiting for, as Kurt's body spasms into a shattering climax.
Now that's what I call a happy ending.
…
End Note: Hi! ChrisCalledMeSweetie, here. Sebastian Smythe has locked this fic, so there's no way for me to change or delete it, but at least he's allowing me to write this end note. First, Moriarty hacked into my account to post some sort of crackfic about Sherlock and Angelo. And now, Sebastian Smythe is following his dastardly lead, using me to play out his twisted fantasies about Kurt and Blaine. I apologize if you've been exposed to something you would rather not have seen. I can't get some of those images out of my head, so I empathize with you. We're all in this together, though, so any kind comments you could leave for me would go a long way toward helping me recover from the trauma of having my account hacked by this villain.