"It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future." -Rimmer, Red Dwarf
It was definitely colder than any night had been so far. Very much colder, Harry concluded. He could hardly see the half moon, or the night sky, because the trees in the forbidden forest were so dense. Moreover, the company with which he shared that nighttime stroll did nothing to improve his mood. Draco Malfoy walked contemptuously in front of him, looking around for the things on the list Professor Snape had given them. Harry should have been happy, the first detention Malfoy had ever gotten from Snape was a nice thing, but because he had to serve it as well, Harry's joy was slightly worn down.
"Hurry up Potter" Malfoy sneered, not stopping for Harry to catch up.
From his first encounter with Draco, Harry had not liked him. This snobbish, stuck up goit of a boy had thoroughly annoyed Harry, and he couldn't seem to go a day without getting into some kind of row with Malfoy. The reason both were serving detentions was the accidental combustion of their area of the Potions lab during their lesson. Even Professor Snape could not let Malfoy get off unpunished for that. Harry recalled several years before, when he had been in a situation much the same, stuck in the forbidden forest with Malfoy. It had not been a very pleasant experience. In fact, it seemed to Harry, any time spent with Malfoy was an unpleasant experience. Probably because Malfoy was an unpleasant boy.
"Hey, will you look at that" Malfoy said, and Harry readied himself for another insult. But the insult never came, and Harry, looking up to see if Malfoy had fallen down some kind of a hole (one could only hope) saw a pale glow, emanating from somewhere ahead of them.
"What is it?" he wondered, more to himself than to Malfoy.
"I don't know. I am going to see." Malfoy announced, striding off the path, and towards the light.
"Sod it all!" Harry exclaimed, not wanting to follow Malfoy. He had almost made up his mind to stay, when Malfoy called out
"Harry, come take a look at this!" Harry was surprised. Very, very surprised. Not only was Malfoy usually unpleasant to Harry, he never, ever called him by his first name. Ever. It took Harry a couple of minutes to adjust to this, and then he ran through the bush to where Malfoy was standing.
"What is it?" he demanded, skidding to a halt beside the pale boy, who looked ghostly in the light. Malfoy said nothing, only pointed.
A few feet ahead of them, a stone about the size of Harry's fist shimmered in the darkness. Although it was small, the light it shed lit the clearing like the lights muggles used for baseball games (A/N you know, those huge bright lights?)
"What is it?" Harry asked again, his voice lowered to a whisper.
"Obviously some kind of magical stone". Malfoy said, stepping forward slightly. Harry, not wanting to show the fear he felt, stepped forward too, reaching out one hand to grab it. At exactly the same time he grabbed it, Malfoy touched the stone.
Suddenly, Harry did not feel well. His nose felt like it was moving on his face, and the ground felt like is was going round in circles. He tried to let go of the stone, but his fingers seemed glued to it, and a weird tingling ran up his arm. Suddenly, everything around his flared to a brilliant white, and then, just as quickly, fell into darkness.
He felt numb. Utterly, utterly numb. It was as if his entire body was asleep, or frozen. From somewhere far away, he recognized the heat of the sun, shining on his face, warming him. It couldn't possibly be time to wake up yet, he had only just fallen asleep. Finally, the sun thawed out his mind, and Harry opened his eyes to see blue sky, far above his head. After a few moments of quiet contemplation, he found that he could sit up, but that his legs hadn't thawed yet, and thus remained useless for the time being. Harry looked around him, taking in the trees, the blue sky, and the boy who stood, leaning against a tree, and looking as confused as Harry.
Suddenly, it all came back in a rush. Detention, the stone, the light and the darkness. He had fainted, for no particular reason, in front of Malfoy. Well, this would certainly be a laugh-riot. Having Malfoy rile him to the end of his days about this. Harry opened his mouth to threaten Malfoy, then closed it. Something was wrong, but Harry couldn't quite put a finger on it.
"Confused are you Potter?" Malfoy asked, looking in Harry's direction. Harry nodded, and after testing his legs and finding that they moved, he got up and walked shakily to Malfoy.
"Are we still in the forbidden forest?" he asked, his voice scratchy, as if it had not been used for years.
"I don't know." Malfoy shrugged, raising his head to look around him.
"What do you mean, you don't know. Stop messing with me Malfoy. If you want me to admit it, I will. I fainted. Are you happy? Now stop fooling around." Harry said testily
"Potter, you seem to be under the delusion that I am joking. I am not. I honestly don't know where we are." Malfoy told him, a hint of anger in his voice.
"Malfoy-"
"Look, Potter, I bloody-well don't know where the hell we are! How much clearer do I have to make it? All I know is, we both just woke up in this strange place, and it's certainly NOT the forbidden forest!" Malfoy exploded, his pale face flushing in rage.
"That rock…it must have…done something" Harry said, rubbing his forehead.
"My god Potter…d'you really think?" Malfoy sneered.
"Shut up Malfoy, I need to think about-"
"Freeze" a voice behind Malfoy boomed. "Don't move, keep your wands where I can see them."
Harry peered behind Malfoy to see who or what it was. A witch stood there, her gray eyes steely and her brown hair messy. She was on the plump side, short, and not especially pretty.
"Who are you?" Harry asked her.
"I said don't move. You disobey me again, and I'll curse your friend from here to next Tuesday!" The Witch proclaimed, placing her wand on the base of Malfoy's neck.
"Doesn't really matter" Harry told her "He's not my friend". The Witch frowned
"Accico wand!" was her reply. Harry and Draco's wands flew into her hand, and she smiled rather smugly.
"Who are you?" she demanded, looking Harry up and down.
"I am Neville Longbottom and he's Pansy Parkinson." Harry said, thinking quickly.
"Pansy Parkinson?" the witch exclaimed, slightly taken aback "What kind of name is that for a boy"
"He's rather sensitive about it." Harry said confidentially, "I wouldn't mention it very much."
"Ah, I see." the Witch peered at "Pansy" again, and Harry saw a tiny quiver of a smile flicker across her face. On close inspection, she only seemed to be about 16, a year younger than Harry, and not particularly threatening.
"Can we have our wands back?" Malfoy asked, speaking for the first time.
"No." the witch wiped on hand across her head, and looked at the sky. "I guess you'd better come with me, it's too hot to stand around talking outside." She motioned them to walk in front of her, and they set off. The path they followed cut through the forest and out into a field. Ahead, Harry could see a large wooden building, and several trees.
"How come your alone, shouldn't you take someone with you when you go into the forbidden forest? Is this part of Hogsmeade?" Harry asked
"The Forbidden Forest? Hogsmeade?" The witch caught up to Harry and studied his face
"I haven't heard those names in ages…not since my grandmother died…There are no others. I am it. Well, me, and you two." Harry and Malfoy stopped dead.
"What do you mean, no others?" Malfoy asked
"I mean, I am the last one, at least, as far as I know I am. Everyone else is dead."
"What about Hogwarts?"
"It's gone Neville."
"Hogsmeade?"
"It's gone too, Neville. Everything is gone, Neville."
"Dumbledore isn't…he isn't gone?"
"Everything is gone, Gone is everything.. Everything is gone, Neville. Everything."
"What happened?" Harry asked.
"Come on inside, and sit down, I'll tell you." The witch told him.
Inside the house it was a good deal cooler than it had been outside. Blinds covered most of the windows, woven carpets the floors, and there was a couch, a chair, and a bookcase in the main room.
"Sit." Ordered the witch, pointing to the couch. Harry and Malfoy sat.
"Right then I guess I should begin at the very beginning, when everything started, shouldn't I?"
"Please." Harry said.
"Well then, it all started, or rather, ended when Harry Potter disappeared." Harry's face lost all of it's color as the witch continued "Him and another Hogwarts student, Draco Malfoy, got lost in the forbidden forest, while serving a detention. No one ever saw them again. All of the magical community went into mourning. Luckily, he had defeated the Dark Lord at the very start of his seventh year, so no one had to worry about You-Know-Who, but, shortly after Harry's death, a new dark wizard arose, Percy the Terrible. Of course, he changed his name right after he began his campaign- no one would have really been scared of any evil man named Percy, even if he was terrible- so he went by Weasley the Horrific. Without Harry Potter to stop him, Weasley the Horrific terrorized the magical and muggle communities. Until finally, a battle ensued, one between Weasley the Horrific and his followers and the Ministry. Many went into hiding, but were ferreted out by Weasley's minions. My grandmother was one of the lucky ones, she escaped with me and her brother, and went into hiding. That's why I am still alive. There were others, and after we emerged, we found this. Not a living soul besides ourselves, and a few Muggles." The Witch paused for breath.
"What happened then?" asked Malfoy.
"Let me finish. We formed a truce. Wizards and Muggles lived side by side, each helping the other. It was odd at first, but then, we adjusted. When we finally got used to it, something came along that we all had to deal with. A disease spread around; killing off the muggles first, it started on us Wizards. We went from a group of 10 to a group of 6 in three days. No one knew what it was, and we couldn't fight it. Some people thought that it was Weasley the Horrible, but since the war had been fought over 10 years before, it wasn't really a possibility. Soon, only myself, my great uncle and my grandmother were alive. I was around eight at the time. We moved far away from where everyone had died, and built this, using magic. None of us got ill, I don't know why, but I am glad. When I was 10, my great uncle died, and when I was 15, last year, my grandmother died. So, I am basically, all alone. Or was all alone, until you two suddenly appeared. How did you get here? There were rumors of another colony, but….." the witch trailed off, cocking her head and looking at them.
"Well, you see- Sorry, but you never told us your name…" Harry said
"Oh didn't I? How silly of me! My name is Talae Elton." She reached out, and shook Harry and Draco's hands.
"In that case, our names aren't really Neville Longbottom and Pansy Parkinson." Harry told her.
"What are they then?" she demanded
"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy." Malfoy told her.
The witches face went through a series of emotions, which would have been comical were Harry not so afraid she would curse them. Finally, she burst out laughing.
"Oh good one! I haven't laughed this hard in ages!" she snorted, and clutched her stomach, as Malfoy and Harry looked on.
"No, it's true." Malfoy sounded insulted that she wouldn't believe him.
"Didn't you hear my story? Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are dead. I don't know what dead means where you come from, but here it means gone. Extinct, deceased, you know, dead." Talae snapped
"Look, I can prove it." Harry lifted up the fringe of hair that hid his scar, and showed her. Talae's eyes grew wide, and her face turned a nasty shade of gray, although she tried to hide it.
"I don't understand" she protested weakly "Your supposed to be dead. What kind of sick joke is this?"
"We're not dead. Malfoy and me-"
"I" Talae said quietly
"What?"
"It's Malfoy and I." She said.
"Er, alright then, Malfoy and I were in the Forbidden Forest, serving a detention, when we found this rock…" Harry said, and proceeded to tell their unusual host everything that had happened up until that moment.
"Wow. That's….odd. Very odd." Talae said when he had finished.
"Do you have any idea how we could…return home?" Malfoy asked, shifting uncomfortably as a pair of wide gray eyes turned their gaze to him.
"Not a clue. You probably can't, you know."
"Is there any way we could find someone who does?" Harry asked.
"Everyone is dead!" Talae blazed "Everyone around here! Don't you think I would have told you if someone was alive? Its awfully spiteful of you, rubbing it in again and again".
"We weren't rubbing it in!" Malfoy protested "We need to get home. Don't you see? If we get back, you won't end up all alone! You'll get to live a long time, and so will the rest of the world!"
"No Malfoy, it's you who doesn't see. If you do go back, this whole reality will cease to be…don't you get that? Harry will stop Weasley the Terrible, and my mum might not marry my father, and grandma certainly won't marry grandpa, and then I'll cease to be. Your asking for a whole lot more than for me to give you help. Your asking for me to give up my ruddy life for you!" Talae said, her voice choked with emotion..
"No you won't! What makes you so sure your grandmother wouldn't marry the same person?" Malfoy demanded
"Because the person she was in love with was killed in the reign of Weasley the Terrible you gimboid! She'd have married him if he hadn't been killed." Talae stood up, her small form slightly intimidating.
"Your being awfully selfish, aren't you? Your life for that of hundreds of people!" Malfoy said, standing up so that he towered over Talae. She didn't flinch.
"Selfish? Me? I want to live, it's not a god-damned crime you know!"
"If you gave this up, millions could live. Seems pretty selfish to me!" Malfoy fumed. Talae looked ready to kill him.
"I am going to bed." She announced suddenly, taking a step back "You two can use the couch and the chair, there's some blankets in the closet". With that, she marched away, and up the stairs. Halfway, she paused "We'll discuss this in the morning". She threw back to them, before closing her bedroom door.
"Yeah, real smooth Malfoy. You probably just ruined our only chance of getting home." Harry said, angrily, as he hauled two blankets out of the cupboard, threw one at Malfoy's face, and plopped down on the couch.
"Why do you get the couch?" Malfoy demanded; his voice muffled as he pulled off the blanket.
"Because I need a good nights sleep to think over how we're getting out of this mess you made." Harry told him, turning over so that his back was to Malfoy.
"Go to hell you-" Malfoy cut himself off, gave Harry the finger, and tried to get comfortable in the chair. It would be a long night.
A/N: Pathetic, I know. But it gets better. Kind of a spin-off on Red Dwarf, you know
Lister = Harry, Rimmer = Malfoy. You do not have to have seen the show to get it. I know everyone was *slightly* out of character…ah well, c'est la vie!
It may take awhile for this story to make lots of sense to anyone. I doubt it will be slash…although you never know. I would really appreciate reviews. For anyone who reads my other stories, I have chapters coming, I promise! I know this fic is cliché/stupid/not funny/possibly "sucked"/and prolly not very well written (there you go, pick one, and flame away) but…I am having fun, nyah nyah!
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