Chapter 1:
Darkness.
Darkness is all that surrounds me.
Me and my thoughts.
Am I dead? Have I died saving this child? I can't help but remember the fortune teller in Santa Monica about five months ago. What was her name again? I can't remember it. But I can remember the way she looked like. Her floral chiffron maxi skirt, her crop top which showed her toned stomach... The many necklaces she wore as if they could cover something... Or rather protect her from danger, looking back now. And the earrings... The huge silver earrings, which seemed too heavy to be hanging on the earlobs. Her dark brown locks. She had really curly and really long hair. Her dark red lipstick and black cateye... Her dark brown, nearly black eyes.
Why do I remember her now? And what was her name?
Maybe, I am dead. Maybe, I did indeed chose to go after that fucking bright light... No, I'm pretty sure no bright light would welcome me. I mean, with my past... Yeah, definitely no light for me.
Farrah... Her name was Farrah! But why the fuck am I thinking of Farrah right now?!
It's so strange... I mean, why would I remember her now? She was just a weird woman who made money by telling people what they wanted to hear.
What did she tell me again?
You die because he saves your life.
I frown. Her voice starts ringing in my ears. She keeps on saying the same sentence over and over and over again. Sometimes it's a whisper, other times she nearly yells at me.
But she doesn't stop.
For minutes.
For hours.
For an eternity.
Okay, this fucking darkness is getting on me nerves. Why am I stuck here? And why the fuck can't I see anything?! As in... ANYTHING?!
And why the fuck can I only hear my thoughts?! MY THOUGHTS, for Christ's sake! This is so... So weird.
So lonely...
Yes, lonely.
I choose to wait. Wait for God knows what. Wait for the darkness to clear up. Wait to stop hearing my thoughts. Wait for the fucking foretune teller to stop saying those words. I wait for nothing and everything.
And I wait for a fucking long time.
I feel nothing, I recognize. I feel no pain. I feel absolutely nothing. Oh my God, what if I lost my legs? My arms? My limbs?! Is there anything worse than losing your limbs? Oh fuck!
Fuck, this isn't good! Feeling nothing is not good. It's not a good sign. This is a bad sign...
A really bad sign.
I frown as the darkness slowly clears up, creating dark grey smoky visions. Well, I still can't see anything and I am still left with my damn thoughts, but at least I get to see a color!
A dark, smoky grey... It is something new, though.
"Where is she?" I hear a voice asking. It's really silent. It's almost a whisper... I barely heard it, actually.
Wait, why do I hear a voice? Am I...am I actually hearing someting other than my damn thoughts?! Are my ears actually still okay? Am I able to hear? That's good news.
I'd rather know if I still have my limbs though.
I don't hear a response. I try to concentrate really hard, but out of the sudden I feel a headache. A fucking strong headache. It hurts really badly.
Wait, I am feeling pain, aren't I? That's... That means I still have my head. I mean, obviously I still have my head because I am thinking and stuff, but that means... Well, it means that I hurt my head somehow.
How did I hurt my head?
Why am I feeling pain?
What caused all of this?
The dark grey smoky color vanishs until it's black again.
Fuck, I am stuck with my thoughts again...
And with the headache.
Pain. I feel nothing but pain. A big amount of pain.
After another eternity the darkness clears up again. This time the grey is a little lighter than last time. My head still hurts like hell. I automatically try to concentrate, ignoring the pain in my head, trying to hear something. Anything actually. I'd be fine with a couple of birds tweeting or a fucking car rushing by. Anything, really.
I don't mind whatever it is.
But I hear nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
It's silent. Like before.
Fuck! Why can't I hear anything?! I want to hear something! Anything!
"How is she?"
I expected anything, anything... but him. Anything but his voice. It's a shock. A shock that his voice is filled with so much pain, so much sorrow... That he sounds so broken. He whispered it. I barely heard it, actually. But it was his voice, I am sure. I would recognize his voice anywhere.
Troy's voice.
"Well, " I hear a female clearing her throat, "Her vitals are alright. Her bloodpressure got us worried for a while, but it's back to normal now. She had several internal bleedings, which we managed to get under control, thankfully. She has a capillary fracture on one of her rips, but this should heal within a couple of days. She has a concussion, which isn't so bad either, but it causes her to be unconscious right now. All in all, she managed to come out quite fine in this car crash. She should wake up in a couple of hours."
I... I was in an accident? I was in a... In a car crash? Why was I- Oh my God! The little girl and her teddy bear! Now I remember... I saved her from the black cab and got hit by the cab myself. Fuck.
My baby! What about my baby! Is my baby okay? Is it... Is she still alive? HOW IS MY BABY DOING?!
"And the baby? Is the baby okay?" Troy asks, whispering it once more.
"Well..." her voice disappears as the light grey turns into black again.
NO! NO! NO! Fuck, no! I need to hear her answer! Is my baby okay?
His voice keeps ringing in the darkness. Is the baby okay?
The question repeats itself again and again, making me more worried with every single time it gets asked.
I try to open my eyes. No, actually I am ripping them mentally open. But they just won't open! Why can't I open my eyes? I am still stuck in this fucking darkness. I am sick of this. Sick of being unable to see anything. Anything but darkness. But this fucking starless sky.
Suddenly, I feel something like a little weight on my upper body. Am I going to have an heartattack? No, no that would not be logical... I mean, I wouldn't get any air then. Which is not the case. No, it must be something else.
"Don't leave me..." I hear him whispering before I feel his cheek on the back of my hand. "I can't live without you. Without both of you."
Am I feeling him? Is it Troy who I am feeling? Is it him? Oh Troy... No, I won't leave you. I may have left you a fucking thousand times, but I won't leave you this time. We won't leave you, do you hear me? Do you hear me?!
The weight on my chest disappears. Wait, where are you going?! Don't leave me here alone! Not when I am suddenly starting to feel something other than this fucking headache!
Don't... Don't leave me. Please. Please.
Too late, the feeling is gone. He left me.
Fuck!
Suddenly the darkness vanishs. The black transforms into a dark grey, a light grey, a really light grey and then nothing.
I am stuck in darkness again. Damn it.
Wait no! No, there's some light there. Something very bright. Is it... Is it a star? No, that wouldn't be logical... But then again, nothing is logical right now. What is that bright spot?
I focus on the bright spot and it gains size. Slowly, but it does. Am I... Am I opening my eyes? I feel my heavy eyelids... they're really heavy.
Out of the sudden I open my eyes. Just like that. It somehow surprises me... but it's a good sign... right? I am no longer unconcious... that's good.
The first thing I see is light. A bright, bright... very bright light, actually. It's a lamp. The lamp was my star... It was a lamp.
I grin before feeling the pain of the headache now hitting me without no warning. Damn it, it fucking hurts!
My blurry vision focuses slowly and I recognize an indigo painted wall across me. I see a dark wooden table standing on the left side in front of the wall. Flowers are placed on it. Peonies. Pink Peonies. They offer a beautiful contrast to the indigo colored wall. My favorite flowers in the world. They're so beautiful.
My eyes move futher west and I see a window. A huge french window actually. It shows me that it is in the middle of the night. The stars are shining, creating a soft light in this room. In this hospital room. In front of the window stands a silver suitcase. Why is a suitcase standing here?
I hear a noise coming from outside and move my head to the east. Too quickly, I realize as my headache shows me it's strength. God, I would do anything for painkillers right now. Anything!
The dark wooden doors opens silently and a strike of lights fills the room, blending my vision. It's too light and my eyes aren't used to the bright light yet. The strike of light gets interrupted, coating my eyes in a dark shadow. It takes me a second to realize that it's a silouette. A man who is showing me his back...
The man turns around and stops in his movement as his eyes lock with mine. His crystal blue eyes... My breath gets stuck in my lungs. Never have those eyes looked more beautiful than now. It's amazing. His eyes are breathtaking... He is breathtaking.
And broken.
He looks so... so sad... so fucked-up on an emotional level.
"I thought you left me." I whisper to him, who stands still shocked in door frame.
It takes him a second to realize that I am talking. No, actually more than just a second. He stands totally shocked in the doorway, yet his mouth hasn't fallen open. It's his eyes which, as always, show me what he holds inside of him. How many emotions are mixed up inside of him.
About a minute elapses before he closes the door and rushs over to me, kissing my dry lips softly. His eyes are wide with shock. Full of worry. Full of pain. Full of love. Full of... Anything and everything. "I would never leave you, my angel. Never." he says and I can see his eyes tearing up. It breaks my heart, seeing him in so much pain. The pain I'd like to take away from him. It's the kind of pain which is by far worse than my headache, because it's an emotional pain. A pain which tears my heart apart. A pain he shows me with just one glance.
I smile at him before rising my hand and brushing through his sandy brown hair, "Tell me our baby is okay."
She is all I care about.
The new story everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this, rather short, chapter. Please review!
Xoxo Nic
P.S.: The new semester starts for me in a couple of days, which means I will have more time to write. I've been doing three assignments in the last two months (which was a horrible idea, looking back now, because usually you write like one, maybe two, but never ever three! I learned my lesson ;).