A/N: This was written in response to a challenge at the Dancing Dove, to write the Very Secret Diaries of various Tamora Pierce Very Secret Diary of Numair Salmalin

Day 1

Have arrived in Carthak. Daine was wearing a blue dress. Looked very pretty, though not as pretty as me.

Ozzy sent heir to meet us. Apparently, still bitter about break up. I'm not.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 3. Can do better.

Day 2

Ozzy has crush on Daine! Can't believe it. Dirty old man. On plus side, am prettier than Ozzy. And heir, come to think of it, though heir isn't bad. Came on to me during flirting time – I mean, "peace talks". Told him no, as have resumed relationship with Lindhall.

Lindhall: gorgeous. Simulacrum: better. But can sleep with Lindhall without feeling sick, disturbed, or jealous of partner's beauty. Simulacrum is with Varice, anyway.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 5. Am thinking I may be dirty old man, too. Except, am too young.

Day 3

Ozzy may want Daine, but wants me more, unfortunately. Had conversation about human bonds, warned him off her. Looked very hot while doing so.

Later

Think Ozzy may have been talking about bondage, not relationships. Oh, well. Flirted with heir while ostensibly warning him off Daine, leaving both for me! Except, do not lust after Daine. Much.

Every day, then. But do not just care about her body!

Mages are lifting massive Imperial fleet out of water. Yes, Ozorne, I GET IT. Mage lifting gigantic phallic symbol, it's not black robe studies for Shakith's sake.

Later

Zernou woke. Spoke a few words in Old Thak. Made heir give Daine the clean version – all right, lied my arse off to her. But honestly! Do not want her knowing that statue has crush on teacher. Why does statue have crush on teacher, anyway?

Aside from outstanding sexiness, of course.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 2. Was too disturbed by come ons from Ozorne and Zernou.

Day 4

Heir definitely lying about no experience yesterday. Wonder if Daine – No! No! No! Will not lust! Think Ozorne…Ozorne shirtless. OK, calm. Except not, as am scarred for remainder of (hopefully) short life.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 4.

Day 5

Daine vanished. Pro: Will not lust any more. Con: No one to show off to. Also, Daine gone = bad thing in general. Am staying here to find her.

Day 6

Am dead. Damn!

Later

Am not dead. Was my simulacrum. Just thought I'd clarify.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 0. Am too worried to lust.

Day 7

Daine found. Well, not so much found as "having destroyed Imperial Palace, stopped her from killing Ozorne". Not sure why, possibly had something to do with that nobility thing Alanna's always going on about.

Ozorne is now a Stormwing. Was utterly scarred due to bare chest. Own bare chest much better. So is Lindhall's. Wonder if Daine – No! No! No!

Anyway, Daine destroyed Imperial Palace because of me. Am rather flattered.

Bad thoughts about Daine: 10. Was a very nice gesture, and confirmation of crush on me.

Day 12

Kaddar – not heir any more, is Emperor – broke up with Daine. Not sure why, as Daine and he never together. I think. Lindhall coming north with us. Very understanding about feelings for Daine, says he knows all about having crush on student. Are broken up for good, but will remain best friends.

Crush on Daine will pass, then can go back to being best friends with her, too.

Midwinter

DAMN!