Trina's POV
Well, here I am again. Sitting on the floor in my bathroom, I promised myself last time would be the last. I just can't seem to stop; it helps me with every single fucking thing that has happened to me.
Why can't I be as gorgeous as my baby sister? Why do I have to care about what other people think about me? Everyone thinks I don't care when they say hurtful things about me. Things like "No one likes you." Or "You're not talented" I know I might not be as talented as some others. It hurts. I walk off every time, and I always end up here.
I just can't stop once or twice my whole arms, legs, stomach are cover in cuts. I even have words carved into my body. Things just take me over the top. I don't like to talk about my problems so I keep them bottled up inside. I know I need help, I just don't want it.
I press the razor to my left wrist right where the vain is. I have done this multiple times, I take a deep breath, and with all my stretch I slowly drag the razor over my wrist. Blood starts to leak out from the open cut, I stop crying just for a few seconds, watching the blood run down my arm, and hit the floor. Watching the blood run down mt arm makes me feel better. It makes all the problems go away just for a few minutes. I sit there staring at the bathroom wall, not moving. I know what is going too happened next. Like all the other times before. "Why am I still here?" I whisper to myself.
I look down at the razor in my hand, then to my arm. The blood had stopped and dried. I feel so stupid why did I do this to myself? No one is ever going to want someone like me. Someone who is more than likely going to have scars for the rest of their lives. The anger inside me boils overs, I can't stop. It's like I'm another person. I cut myself over and over again, sometimes even takes chunks of skin off. The anger melts away and I'm left with just sadness. I stand up, and look at myself in the mirror.
I see this monster. My arms have become raw and red, my shirt is rolled up to my elbows, my eyes are red and puffy. I look at my arms in the mirror. So many old scars you can still see, some still trying to heal and other that have healed just darker lines on my arms. I lift up my shirt, and turn sideways to the mirror. Why am I so fat? My sister can eat whatever she wants and stay just as skinny. The jealousy inside me makes my whole body hurt. I know if my family found out it would devastate them to no end, they'd be disappointed in me.
I poke my stomach. "You're too fat to even eat anything anymore. Do you know how many calories you had today?" I think, and count. "127 calories. No wonder you are so fat." I mentally scold myself. I use to make myself throw up, still do sometimes. Only if I have over 400 calories. "I guess I won't be eating lunch and dinner today."
There is a knock at the door. "Trina are you okay? You've been in there a long time." I frown when I hear Tori's voice from the other side of the door, and my anger comes back. "Just leave me the fuck alone!" I yell, Tori sighs, and I hear footsteps walking away. I grab my phone and turn it on. The time reads 7:14 AM. I quickly wash off the dried blood as gently as I could. The stung a little but nothing to unbearable, I change into a new long sleeved shirt, redo my makeup, put eye drops in. I'm ready to go. Just like any other day.
Here it is. Don't worry I think this is the only story I will do that is not age play. Also this is not the other story I was talking about. Please reivew please. It would mean alot to me. I will be updating my stories soon. I hope. My parents found out about the age play stuff so like I don't have my computer or laptop. The onlt reason I am having this up is because my parents are at work and I found out what the new passowrd is for the computer. Anyway again update!
xoxo
Selbel143