Now I'm a Warrior…
Santana decides to ask Dani about her tattoos which leads to her explaining her struggles -past and present.(Most of them are Demi's real reasons for them but some of her background story is based on my life)
Dani's POV…
"Can I ask you a question?" Santana asks. We're sitting in her apartment curled up on her couch and watching The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I lean over to get the remote and pause the movie before pivoting my gaze to match hers.
"You just did." I say, a smile tugging on my lips.
She looks down and I can see her cheeks flush, making me chuckle softly; Rachel had told me I'm the only one to ever make Santana nervous.
"Yeah well another one?"
"Sure." I reply, turning to face her directly. In the time I've known her she's always gotten straight to the point so I don't understand what's happening now.
"Can you explain your tattoos to me?"She questions, looking up to stare into my eyes. Now it's my turn to look down.
"All of them?"
"However many you feel uncomfortable with explaining."
I decide to start with the easy ones so I lift up my hair and hold it with my hand before pointing to the turquoise feather behind my ear.
"This one I kinda got on a whim." I begin. "I mean as a little girl I always loved dream catchers and I was like obsessed with the feathers. My room was covered with them. I had them hanging by the window, from the ceiling, drawn on the walls. They're just beautiful."
I stare wistfully into the distance for a minute before coming back down to earth when I notice Santana looking at me searchingly.
"Sorry. Er what next..erm." I spread my fingers out to show her. "Well these aren't in the ideal place I guess." I tell her, referring to the 'peace' and 'rock n roll' tattoos written in script font. "And they're just two things that are important to me. Do you know the song 'Punk Rocker' by Sandi Thom?" She nods in reply.
"Well I guess they come from that. Then I have the cross here" I continue, gesturing towards the side of my right hand. "This one is sort of obvious it, like my feet tattoos, are because of my religion." I kick off my fluffy bed socks to show her my 'Let Go and Let God' writing on the top of my feet. "It can probably explain this one to you as well." I tell her, meaning the word 'faith' written on the side of my arm.
"And I added the birds when I walked out of my parents' house. I guess it was just a reminder to me that I'm free now, free to be whoever I wanna be." I notice Santana's furrowed eyebrows so I pause. "You okay?"
"I thought that Christians didn't agree with the whole...gay thing."
I can't help myself from smiling before I answer. "Most don't, like my parents, but I think that God loves us all..no matter who or what we are." Her face relaxes before she leans in for a kiss. I kiss back before asking if she wants me to continue, which she confirms she does, so I lift up the side of my t-shirt.
"This one also shows my lovefor feathers. The 'You Make My Beautiful' lyric is from 'Beautiful' by Bethany Dillon. I first heard it when I was thirteen and it struck something inside of me and let me know that I'm not alone, and that others have felt the way I feel. And then there's my wrists."
I place them side by side, palms facing up, on top of my knees.
"I was in a bad place when I was younger." I admit, not looking up at her. "In my early teens I was a mess. I didn't know who I was, I was depressed and nobody understood me. It didn't help that the other kids in high school hated me and didn't try to hide it. I remember one girl made up this petition which she asked people to sign if they hated me and a week after she started it I was presented with eight A4 sheets stapled together and covered with signatures. Another time I went to the school bathroom and saw hate messages towards me scribbled all over the walls. That's when I first cut myself- I was twelve years old."
I hear Santana gasp as a tear rolls down my face.
"Not long after that, I persuaded my Mom to let me be homeschooled and I thought that'd solve everything but it didn't, not really. The words that had been shouted at me and written about be were stuck in my head, going round and round and I couldn't stop it. To make things worse, I became obsessed with my appearance. I was convinced I was too fat so I started shoving my fingers down my throat after even the smallest snack and I fell in with a bad group of people. I started taking drugs and drinking and continued to cut. That was, until, my parents found out and sent me away to a treatment facility, telling everyone I was at Bible camp." I let out a sarcastic laugh.
"The only thing that got me through was music and telling myself to 'Stay Strong' which I did. The heart was just an extra- something I always drew in that place to try and convince myself not to cut." I start to trace the letters and there's a moment of silence. "The lips are pretty recent:they're Kylie's, she's my ex girlfriend, and a bunch of us got them. The others got them on their collarbones though, I chose the tamer option."
"Were you close to Kylie?" Santana asks me and I smile fondly as I remember her.
"Yeah.. I met her and the others when I was in treatment; she was in for drug addiction. She made the whole situation a lot more bearable. But I never told her- I never told anyone- the meaning behind my last tattoo."
I look up to see her still staring intently. I smile faintly before turning my back to her and pushing the top of my shirt down, revealing the top left part of my back.
"Now I'm a warrior." Santana reads slowly. "You know Dani you don't have-"
"I want to." I cut in, turning back around. "It was just before I started self- medicating. I was fourteen. My uncle, my mum's brother- in- law, came to stay with us for a week with my aunt. The day after he arrived, me and him were left alone at my house. Me because I was depressed and felt like crap and him because he wanted to watch the football. My dad was at work and my mum wanted to catch up with her sister so it was just us. He was in the living room watching TV, I was in my room writing music, and it took about an hour before he came in and sat down on the bed where I was lying. Then he started to.." More tears well up as I start to remember the memory I'd locked away for so long. "He started to touch me and then he…"
Santana puts her arm around me and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head.
"It hurt so much Santana." I sob. "And I never told anyone, he told me that if I did then everything would go wrong and it's be my fault My family would break up and he'd come..he'd come to find me and do it again and again…" I trail off, my vision now completely blurred. I continue to cry into her side as she pats my back.
"It's okay Dani. Shh it's okay." She whispers soothingly into my ear. "We need to report it though, he might do it to someone else."
"No.. he can't." She says, sitting up and drying her eyes. "I got out of treatment and my Mom told me he'd died whilst I was away and they'd held the funeral. I was so relieved."
"He can't hurt you anymore, Dan." I tell her firmly. "Now it's gonna be you and me keeping each other strong, okay?"
I smile at her. "Okay."
Fault In Our Stars At The End There :D