CT 5342 Storm Diary

by thebeastia

Get in the skin of Storm, a Clone Trooper who feels different than others. Not finished, will try to update it everytime I write a new day. Also, my native langauge isn't English, so I apologize in advance if you see some mistakes. Also, I might not update from time to time because I am really busy with Uni (College). Hope you enjoy!

CT-5342 "Storm" Diary

10 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

I never took part in the Battle of Geonosis. I was still a cadet when that battle began. I am not a cadet anymore. I can finally fight, therefore I am happy. But there is this one thing that bothers me. What if I cannot survive? What happens then? Do I just die after almost immediately getting out of training? Is that a fair death for so many years of suffering in these simulations and all the physical exercises? I guess it is. Us troopers, we only have one duty, which is to fight. I actually can't picture me out of this suit, living civilian life and having families. We are born to do this, genetically mutated in order to grow faster. I now realize we are not what you would call humans, we are actually quite the opposite. We are mutants. We all look the same. We crave combat, whilst normal people don't. I do not even know who we are modeled after. Should I know? Nobody seems to care. There is no questioning behind the getting in the Gunships and fighting. Am I the only one who has doubts about this? My fellow battalion troopers are probably right. I should stop wondering and start getting into mindset, we have a battle to fight in 4 days and I really can't get my mind off of the mentality of dying. I feel as if I am not worth it. Who knows, maybe I will die once and for all. I hope that after death my questions will be answered. For now, I will just keep on wondering about life as a Clone Trooper, or life itself.

11 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

I can't stop thinking of the battles that lie ahead. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to fight for the Republic, but all the Troopers that died on that first battle, was their death just pointless? They get off training and get on with fighting (and dying most likely). I met a new Trooper today, a new addition to our battalion, name was DroidBait. Well, that was what people called him after all these simulations. He had this simple mindset, you are a Soldier of the Republic and you fight and die for the Republic. There is no questioning behind this. You are born, trained and you fight. I actually voiced my concern to him, yet he answered, "If I die, I will have died fighting for peace in our Galaxy, which if you ask me, is a really good death." I could not answer him. It was one of those moments where I realized that we are only made for this purpose and can't imagine a life without battling. What happens to us Troopers, when peace is finally here? We surely won't fight anymore. We are soldiers, we do not know how to live civilian life. We do not have names, we have nicknames, and our real "names" are numbers. As in for me, my numbers are 5342, but I still do not have a nickname. I believe I am the only one in this battalion that doesn't. Everyone seemed to have a nickname after our first simulation. I still don't and we have ran 20 of them. Not many people talk to me either, only our battalion leader from time to time, DroidBait, Waxer and Boil.

12 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

I finally got a nickname after 20 or so simulations. One day before getting deployed. One day. Kind of funny to think about that. I and my battalion have been together since we were born, but we never got into the nickname thing until the sims started. Then, after one sim, everyone had a name, except for me. It also is kind of weird that not even my battalion gave me the nickname. It was one of the Bounty Hunters that supervise our training. I swear these bounty hunters only want us dead. No positive reinforcement whatsoever, always focusing on whatever we did wrong, not mattering whatever we did right. I guess that brings the best out of us. Storm is my nickname, really simple, yet I like it. I really do not know why, but the Bounty Hunter just came to me and told me, "Today is your lucky day, Storm." Everyone seemed to like it and they started calling me that. I personally think that the Bounty Hunter just thought I would die almost immediately after getting deployed and felt pity that I would die without a nickname, so he just gave me one. Not even my instructor thinks that I will survive. Makes me feel great. I got a point to prove, show him that I survive when I get back. Prove him I am worth all the stuff I have been going through on this training. Luckily I won't get to see him after I get deployed. On the other side, I do not know how I feel about getting deployed. I do want to fight for the Republic, but I do not want to die. I like my life here in Kamino, no stress, only fighting in sims with no death penalty. I mean sure it is hard to withstand all the physical training we go through, but I'd rather prefer that as to die. I think I am just scared. I bet everything is going to be fine. As of right now, I am going to get some sleep in, tomorrow is going to be my first, and hopefully not last battle.

13 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

Well that was one easy deployment. No deaths, no shooting, not even one clanker spotted. Survived my first day of deployment. To be honest, it was not at all what I expected. I expected death, shooting and explosions. Nothing like that happened. We just went down to the planet, landed there and got into our battle stations. No droid, no wildlife, no single soul was spotted. So Storm 1, Felucia 0. I hope we don't get into battles fast, because I have settled into this base quite quickly. I feel as if this was my home all along. I saw my first Jedi today, also a quite remarkable one, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You only hear stories about him and Anakin on Kamino and you wish to fight next to a Jedi. They are quite remarkable to say the least. They actually spread a safety aura around. I feel I cannot be touched when around them. Force users are quite a mystery to me. They are really funny if you ask me. They believe in something called the living force, and it apparently resides in all of us. You also become one of it when you die. Do we Clone Troopers become part of it too? I really do not buy that Living Force stuff, but if it helps them, hey, we might win this war faster. I am really intrigued by their lightsaber. How does it work? Can I wield one or would it not work on me? I am kind of tempted to steal one and try it out, but on the other side I do not want to mess with a Jedi. He would slay me almost instantly. Jedi's are a tough nut to fight and am I glad to be on their side. I am eager to fight next to him, learn from him the ways of the Force. Most importantly, I really want to see him lead us into battle, see if they really are how it is described. Hopefully no fights tomorrow, but we will have to wait and see.

14 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

I… I saw… I saw him die. I saw DroidBait fall to the floor quicker than any droid I have shot in all of my simulations. We were patrolling the area. He got shot. One quick shot to the head. A sniper killed my greatest friend on this Battalion. Just one. I thought it would take more to kill him, but no, one quick shot and now he is dead. I can't believe it. After all his talk about dying when protecting the Republic, he did not even get the chance to shoot his gun once. He was really obsessed with his gun. After every simulation he would clean it thoroughly, making it look like it was brand new all the time. Our inspectors would mock him, but he just did not care at all, he kept on cleaning it. You know, I was only on maybe 5 simulations with him, but he really fit in fast, he made it look like he was part of our Battalion since the very beginning. I really admired him for that. He was the trooper you would always share a laugh with, but when it came down to business, he was as serious as (maybe even more serious than) our commanding officer. He would get stuff done, he was a mover of masses, everyone seemed to like him and it seemed like he liked everyone. But now he is gone, and it makes me wonder, do all the good troopers die first? Probably not all of them, just the unfortunate ones. It never seemed like DroidBait was unfortunate though. All I can think of is that the brother I cared the most about, is now dead. No more casualties for the day, luckily. Hopefully no more casualties in what is left of deployment, but being realistic, that can't happen.

15 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

There goes our calm deployment. We were attacked today, and even though we made them retreat, we had some major casualties. Casualties are a part of war and I am kind of getting used to them after one battle, but what did all those Troopers do wrong to deserve such death? We are still humans, even though we were genetically mutated to live less. We have feelings, emotions. Those Droids don't have none of that, they only think about shooting, killing and terrorizing the Galaxy. These Droids will slave the way, though I am not sure if they take Prisoners, and if they do, I am sure those Prisoners would not be Clone Troopers, most likely Jedi's or in the worst of cases some Fleet Officers. Not regular Clones. I am pretty confident those Droids are programmed to kill us regular Clones like we are nothing. But they suck at shooting and are no good at strategy, thinking about it, the only good thing they have going for them are their numbers. They are immense in numbers. I'd guess there are around a thousand Droids per hundred Clone Troopers made. When they fight, they are not trying to have a better firepower, they just try to hit you with unlimited waves until you either have no ammo or Troopers left. The Separatist Alliance does not care at all about casualties, they just want the win. On the other side, I saw a Jedi fight today. It was awesome, their moves, the way the lightsabers deflect lasers, the reflexes they possess. Basically everything they do is quite astounding. I saw him hold a Droid with Force, and made him fall like a Falling Shadow. It is like they are nothing. Well, that is why they say, a Jedi is worth a thousand Battle Droids.

16 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

So many deaths. How am I even still alive? I have seen the best Troopers die today, yet people like me are still alive. I am not saying we are bad troopers, I am just saying that our odds for survival were way less than theirs. I guess I can be considered lucky. Weird to think about how Lucky got shot today. He is actually alive, recovering from his shot on the shoulder. There is a reason why he was nicknamed Lucky and not Lightning or something like that. I still can't figure out why my nickname is Storm. I hate Storms, even though we were born in a Stormy planet. I do not like anything related to it. I even get scared of lightning when it strikes. But there may be a reason to it, so I will ask the Bounty Hunter in my return to Kamino, if I ever get back. I actually am kind of scared of all this fighting. One misfire and a fellow Trooper might die, one split-second might be the difference. Or maybe, just maybe, one split-second might keep you alive. Either or, I am just thankful for being alive. I still think about DroidBait from time to time. It just bothers me that such a great Trooper with such a big heart was just shot down without him getting the chance to fight back. It just astonishes me, I know death is a part of war, but to the extent of the nicest people dying? Speaking of the dead, I was low on ammo and had to use one of my fellow fallen Trooper DC-15A. I luckily grabbed it, because the ammo that was in that rifle, was just enough to survive this battle. I am guessing these attacks will not cease, I just hope to be alive for the moment reinforcements arrive and I get to be back on Kamino and get to talk to Cadets about war, get them prepared to be able to withstand what I have seen, and maybe, even friend one of the Cadets and be able to fight next to him. Crazy to think about that. 13 rotations ago, I was just a Cadet. Now I have endured 3 battles. I wish I could go back to being a Cadet and still be naïve about how war works. I wish I could unseen some of the deaths I have seen on this deployment. Those good old times where I had nothing to care about. Nothing to fight for yet, but still be eager to fight, those were the times where I truly enjoyed life. Now it is just a mix of enjoyment and sadness. But I will endure, I will make sure I will pass through this hell alive and well.

22 days after the Battle of Geonosis.

We were overrun. We could not hold the base long enough. They basically just threw at us everything they had. It was infernal, no Trooper should be able to endure that dreadful fighting. So many dead brothers, may their souls rest in peace and I hope they lived a good life with no more pain to suffer. Even Lucky died this 5 days of non-stop attacks. By the 4th day of these attacks, there were just too little Clones for us to be fighting a never-ending Droid Army, so the surviving Clone Troopers and General Obi-Wan Kenobi, we decided to make a strategic retreat and call for backup. It wasn't as easy as people might have thought. You see, one figures out that if the Droids capture our base, they would just leave the retreating Clones alone, but that was not the case. They chased us, we had to run and hide for a whole day. I still am not sure whether we are safe or not. I really just want to go back to Kamino, and stay there for a while living a kind of simpler life. All my life, I've been waiting for something to break these chains that held me back in Kamino. At that point, I had been waiting all my life to break free, but the opportunity never came. Now I am in the middle of a Trench while on nightshift writing this and hoping to be back where the chains held me back. I want my life to be easier. So much death is making me sick. I do not want to fight anymore. I am only a pawn. I am not a human, I am only being used in a war that might have been avoidable. At the same time though, had this war never existed, I would have never lived. Nor would have DroidBait, or Lucky, heck, even my Commanding Officer wouldn't be here. All I know, I will keep myself alive, whatever it takes.