Lavi.
Yes?
Nothing.
This short conversation happened for the sixth time now. Lavi started being annoyed with it and the fact, that he couldn't ask more about what Kanda wants, because when he tried to push it, Kanda got angry at him. At him! When the other called his name first, six times, already. Beat him if he understands.
They were travelling to a mission, and it was an especially long journey, thanks to the huge snow wall that appeared over the night.
Lavi was bored, and because the finder with them was asleep, he couldn't talk with him. And talking with Kanda seemed impossible now. Well, not like that'd make him back out, so he decided to try his luck.
Yuu, let's play! - Kanda flinched, like he had just woken up from a heavy sleep.
Don't call me that.
Ahh, come on, get over it already, that's your name, and when I call to you, I use your name.
Use Kanda.
But that's not special at all, because everyone else uses it.
That's the point.
Tiedoll calls you Yuu. - Stated the redhead with a pouty mouth.
I can't help it. Not like I want him to call me that.
Then who do you allow to call you Yuu? - Lavi put his elbow on Kanda's seat's armrest and put his face in his palm to stare at the other boy. And it worked, the swordsman got slightly flustered.
Nobody.
Really?
Yes.
You've never allowed anybody to call you Yuu?
I start to think that all these questions are only so that you can say that name…
Avoiding giving an answer? Interesting… - Lavi teased him, which made Kanda quite angry and his face went a bit reddish.
I have, but it doesn't matter anymore, and don't ask me anything again. - He stood up and went out of their train cabin to the corridor.
Lavi sat there for a long minute before he followed Kanda, and found him leaning out of an open window.
The wind made his beautiful long hair dance around his shoulders, sometimes brushing his face that had a stone hard expression.
Lavi admired him for a bit more, and felt his heart melting at the sight as the other turned to him.
What?
Yuu, what have you been trying to tell me? - Lavi closed the distance between them and stepped next to Kanda.
Nothing… - He turned back to look at the landscape, except it was pitch black and he couldn't see a thing.
Kanda? Please? - Lavi couldn't even imagine the reaction he got.
A surprised, painful and dark emotion ran across Kanda's features, and he visibly shook a little. Then suddenly he turned away and went who knows where on the train, because Lavi couldn't find him until they departed the next morning.
Where the hell were you? - Lavi confronted the swordsman, who pretended that nothing happened.
Let's get going, we still have a job to do.
Poor finder guy wasn't sure if he should interfere or just wait for the other two to settle their problems. But he didn't have to wait much, Lavi did as he was told, and took the lead to find the cave that was said to be cursed.
They walked for hours in the woods, not seeing a soul, not even animals, nor humans. What was more suspicious is that they didn't see akumas either.
When they spent the whole day looking for the cave and couldn't find it, they decided to set up a campsite and continue their search the next day.
When they were lying on the ground, supposed to be sleeping – the finder was the first watchman –, Kanda glanced at Lavi, who still seemed pissed and sullen.
Lavi.
Yes?
Nothing.
The redhead jumped up from the ground, startling Kanda, went up to him and grabbed him at the front of his jacket. When he dragged him up to eye level, Kanda could see that now he really was angry.
You tell me right now what the hell you want, or you can't call my name again ever. - He hissed, and Kanda was shocked for a moment.
La…
No! You can't say it.
But…
I told you. Now talk.
Lavi pressed the other to a tree and when he finally let go of him, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited.
Kanda tried to pull his thoughts together, but he failed whenever he looked at the other and saw how offended he was.
All right, fuck it! - Kanda clenched his fists. - It's about you calling me Yuu.
What?!
Nobody dares to call me that, not even Lenalee, you're the only disrespectful asshole who does.
So?
There was only one person this persistent on calling me by that name before. And I lost that person. - Seemingly Kanda was fighting with his memories and didn't intend to tell more about this person, but Lavi didn't need him to do so.
Thanks to his nosy habits, he read some reports of Kanda and his past, so he could guess who this person could have been.
He felt a bit sorry for his teammate and he almost regretted exploding like that.
Umm… Yuu?
What?
If you really want me to, I'll stop calling you Yuu. But just so you know, not everyone who calls you that ends up the way your friend did. See, Tiedoll is well and alive. And me too. So if it's really only this, that bothers you, just forget about it.
Tch! You two are so annoyingly alike… Do what you want. - And with that, Kanda turned his back on Lavi and walked away into the darkness.
Lavi of course couldn't sleep for a second. When Kanda was still nowhere to find in the morning, the next Bookman became uneasy. He waited for him for a while, but then he got the finder and went to continue the search without the swordsman.
After almost a half day of wandering around, finally they noticed smoke rising not far from where they were. They approached the place and saw Kanda slicing akumas. He just finished up the last one when Lavi and the finder got there.
Yuu, where were you, I was so worried! - Lavi ran to him, but the other seemed cold and distant.
The cave should be near, because these were here. - He gestured around the bodies of the machines.
Oh! - The redhead looked around. - Okay, let's go, find it.
They only had to walk for about an hour to see a small crack between two cliffs. They looked around the area for more akumas, but they appeared to be alone.
When they were sure that nobody will disturb them, Lavi went up to the crack and forced himself in.
It's bigger here, inside! - He shouted out to the other two. - I think you should stay for now while I look around. You have my back, Yuu! - Kanda could hear the grin in his voice, but before he could protest, the other disappeared further inside.
That damn rabbit… - He muttered.
They've been only waiting for like fifteen minutes, when the ground shook, and the sound of fight reached their ears. Kanda and the finder both jumped up at the same time, looked at each other and ran to the crack. Kanda commanded the finder to stay outside while he forced himself through the breach.
He rushed inside the passage and soon he ran into a level two akuma. He took a look around to search for Lavi and he saw the redhead lying on the ground near the wall. He seemed unconscious and there was blood. He shook a bit, and felt the urge to run to his side, but first he had to deal with the enemy.
While they were eyeing each other, he slowly tied up his hair and prepared his mind for fight. He was raging with anger and pain, and was ready to wreak it on the akuma.
When they clashed, Kanda felt himself being even more merciless than usual – if it's possible. It took him only a few minutes to exterminate his opponent.
He made sure that he finished it completely, then he went to check Lavi. His heart was throbbing in his throat when he saw the other still in the same position, not moving. For a second, the thought of Lavi being dead hit him, but he couldn't think of that, he refused to think that.
The swordsman kneeled down next to Lavi and checked his pulse. It was weak, but it was there.
Oi, Lavi…! Wake up! - Kanda patted the other's cheeks to return his consciousness, but there was no response. - Lavi, please… - He felt himself being desperate, but he didn't care at the moment, he just wanted that idiotic dumbass to be alive and well, as he promised last night.
Finally he heard a soft groan from the lying boy, and it made him beyond happy. Only now he began to check Lavi's injuries, and he noted many scars and swellings. It seemed that hitting his head in the wall caused him to pass out.
For several minutes Kanda just sat there with Lavi's head on his lap, his fingers unconsciously stroking the red mop of hair. Slowly the other began to awake.
Huh? Yuu? What happened? - Lavi tried to sit up, but his head started aching so he stayed still.
You ran into an akuma and it knocked you out. The Innocence is very near, if you're fine now, I'm gonna get it.
You haven't found it yet?
No.
Why? Were you staying with me? - His emerald eye widened to the realization, and a huge smile spread on his face. - Thank you, Yuu!
Shut up, I'll be back soon.
Ouch!
Kanda got up, leaving Lavi and his painful head to slightly hit the ground.
In a few seconds he was heading further into the cave. When his vision blurred, only he noticed that his eyes were teary. He felt relieved that Lavi was still alive, but he was so upset and angry with himself for reacting this way, he had to punch a wall to pull himself together.
This is not what he wanted to deal with, worrying about others, especially stupid ones, like that moron.
His mental cursing was interrupted by a shiny rock in front of him. It wasn't only shiny, it was shining. With Mugen, Kanda broke the rock and as he guessed, the Innocence was inside. He hid it under his jacket and went back to where he left Lavi.
He found the injured boy sitting by a wall, panting, but he looked fine. When the redhead noticed him, he smiled and waved slightly.
Yuu, did you find it?
Yes. Can you get up and walk?
I'll try.
Lavi used his hammer as a crutch, and that way he could walk slowly. Thanks to his tempo, the road back appeared to be longer.
After some time of walking silently, Kanda opened his mouth.
Lavi.
Yes?
You can never call me Yuu again.
Huh? Why? - Lavi stopped and looked at him confused.
I thought you died.
So?
So?! - The swordsman got angry and grabbed Lavi.
Me being dead or alive doesn't depend on how I call you.
I know…
Then what's this about?
Tch! - Kanda turned to go, but Lavi didn't let him.
Yuu, why are you afraid of losing me? Do I mean this much to you?
It's not you!
Huh? Then who?
You remind me of him. This stupid 'Lavi persona' does. I hate this. Sometimes when I only hear you on the corridor or in the dining room but not see you, for a second I think it's him, and realizing that I'm wrong hurts. I hate you for all of this! - Kanda's expression twisted and he looked like he's about to cry. But he straightened himself and looked Lavi in the eye. - Don't ever call me that again. And don't even talk to me, unless it's necessary.
It was a punch in the stomach for Lavi. Though they continued their journey back to headquarters, he didn't say another word.
He loved the 49th persona. He could thank it a lot; his first friends, his new experiences and opportunities, having fun, reading all the books the Order had… Hearing how much one of his best friends hates him for being the way he is right now was painful. It hurt more than his injuries.
But Kanda was right. 'Lavi' was just a name he picked, and it was different from 'Yuu'. They were different, he knew how much they were from all the reports he's read. He wanted to be friends with Kanda, heck, he kinda liked the guy, but all he was doing with his cheerful act is hurting him.
At the end, weeks passed without any conversation between them, when Lavi decided to try something.
One night he sneaked out and went to Kanda's room. He knocked nervously, and a voice from inside told him to come in.
Ahh, hey! - He stood in the middle of the room; Kanda was lying on his bed, his hands under his head.
What do you want?
I want to apologize. - The swordsman raised an eyebrow. - I haven't considered your situation and feelings. I'm sorry. But you see, it's my duty to create aliases and use them until I leave to settle at somewhere else for a while. And I can't change now. All I can do to make it easier for you is leave you alone and keep a certain distance. Is that all right for you?
Kanda didn't reply for a few minutes, but he sat up on his bed, and finally he stood in front of Lavi to face him.
Do you know how much time has passed since that mission?
Nearly seventeen days.
In that time, at first I felt relieved. I wasn't reminded of my past and that person. But it's been quite lonely, you avoiding me. - He looked at the side. - Just do what you want. - Kanda turned and was about to lay back on his bed, but Lavi grabbed his arm and didn't let him.
Yuu! I'm not Alma. - Kanda flinched. - Sure, I'll probably die before time, and it's nice to know that you'll mourn me, but don't mistake me with him. We'll fight together and have fun, okay? - He smiled widely, and Kanda just stared at him.
He still couldn't figure out what was he supposed to do with this idiot. But he'll remind himself of the name 'Lavi' every day, so he won't confuse them again and doesn't break down like he did at the time of that mission with Lavi.