Jim. Jim the Cactus. Faithful pet, occasional weapon of self-defense, long time backdrop and witness to the goings on of the cerebral Edd. Insignificant, in the grand scheme of things; Edd continues on with his life, his ongoing relationship with Kevin, grades remain outstanding, experiments and machinations continue to flow from mind to pen to paper. Through this all, though, Edd never fails to tend to and care for his beloved cacti. Love. Jim. Jim the Cactus. Can a cactus love? Can one truly love a Cactus? Am I aware that I just stated someone does? I doubt it, what kind of a question is that, and I forgot but I've come too far on this line of thought to go back now. Who am I? I'm the narrator, well, A narrator, though you won't hear… anything, from me for the remainder of this story. I promise. Jim. Jim the Cactus. Love. Okay okay, I'm done, let's get on with it.

"Adjustments are necessary before anything more than a trial run Eddy!" Edd pressed his right elbow to the chest of his shorter friend, left hand gripping a vial of opaque white fluid as gently as possible. The two were struggling over the issue of a new plant growth formula and its deployment within the neighborhood. Edd calculated a stable solution would be ready within two weeks at best, and even then would need further work to be applied to the fledgling pumpkin the trio of friends was growing. Eddy had other, more immediate designs.

"It's just a stupid plant sockhead, if it don't work, it don't work, now hand it over!"

"Eddy, enterprise must never take precedence over proper grammar."

"I'm not here for an English class Miss Curie; I'm here for my cash cow!" Eddy made a quick lunge towards the vial, Edd's long arms easily defeating the attempt. He stepped back dejectedly and shoved his hands into his pockets, eyes shifting to the floor and shoulders rolled forward in his usual full body pout. "Fine, check your geometry, not like I can't wait a few days."

"Geometry is not used in chemi-" The door behind Edd flung open, striking him between the shoulder blades and sending him toppling forward, the vial flying from his hands. Eddy leapt after the shimmering glass vial, his eyes glinting with hunger after the promise of wealth it held.

"Come to papa you juicy goldmine!"

Ed stood at the door, looking to the downed teen with a confused look, "Double-Dee why are you in the bathroom?"

"What? Not now Ed!" The ravenette scrambled forward on all fours and snatched at the leg of Eddy's jeans, cutting off his momentum and bringing him toppling down. The Vial kept a steady arc as it tumbled, small droplets flung around the room. While the two on the floor scrambled over one another with their respective gazes focused on the falling vial, Ed lit up with a sudden stroke of inspiration.

"Ultimate Wrestling!? Double-Dee, tag me in!" With that the lumbering giant of a kid flung himself onto the other two, eliciting shouts of pain and creating a light shower of dust from the shaken rafters. The three of them writhed and tumbled for a brief minute, Edd and Eddy attempting to untangle their limbs as well as shake off the overly enthused Ed. "Aw, guys don't stop, I want the championship belt!"

Eddy obliged the simpleminded teen with a golden academic medal set into a heavy oak plaque to the face, "How about a championship coin?"

Ed fell backwards clutching the plaque, still flush with his face. "It's so shiny Eddy."

"You're one in a million Ed."

"And you Eddy are a unique specimen of something special yourself!" The more cerebral of the three was holding the shattered vial in one hand and a fluid spattered cactus in the other.

"What are you cryin' at me for, Ed's the one who hit ya with the door." Eddy placed a hand onto the table holding the chemical set and brought it back once he felt a grainy texture to it. "Plus I'm not the one who turned your place into a giant salt shaker; ol' lumpy here knocked enough dust loose to make your room one giant 'wash me' sign."

Double-Dee gained a sharp, hostile tone, "Eddy if you do not leave now and leave me to work in peace I simply won't assist you in your endeavor."

The two stared at one another tensely for a few moments. The labored breathing of their larger friend breaking the silence. "Ah, ah, guys, guys I, ah, AH-"

The sneeze was powerful enough to disturb the light layer of dust from the floor and nearby bed and coat Edd completely in an ashen shroud. Eddy wasted no time gaining the last word, grabbing the wet-nosed Ed by the collar of his jacket. "See ya brainiac, looks like you to a lot of work to do, plus, this place is a mess, clean it up will ya?"

"Bye Double-Dee!"

"G-goodbye, Ed." The teen looked down at his dust-coated body and took a deep breath to calm himself, "control Eddward, control, you have far too much to focus on to lose yourself in anger."

The next few hours were spent dusting off the larger objects in his room and removing the smaller items to be individually cleaned downstairs, the furniture wrapped in a protective cellophane wrap as well as a tarp set in the center of the room. Edd looked at Jim, so pitiful looking with liquid stains on his chartreuse skin and dust clinging to him entirely. The cactus had been through worse, the healed over edges still in the form of Ed's bite radius. A light going over with a moistened paintbrush and the majority of the clumping dust and dried fluid was removed, Jim's needles glistening from the moisture. "Well don't you look handsome." Edd smiled to himself at his moment with the inanimate cactus, standing to move on to the larger objects still in his room.

Edd forgot when he had fallen asleep, but a quick glance at a his watch told him it was already the next day. A curious smell filled the room, the smell of burnt meat and flour as well as… soil? His eyes went wide as he realized he was not alone; a boisterous humming could be heard from downstairs, as well as crashing plates and metal pans striking one another. He reached for his usual trusty weapon, a circle on the table reminding him that he had left Jim downstairs when he moved on to cleaning his room. "Oh dear…"

Double-Dee crept along the wall near the kitchen with his back pressed tightly against it. In his hands he held an old hockey stick Eddy had never remembered to remove from the upstairs hallway closet, his laziness paying off for someone else. The humming was playful, quick but disjointed, like the person knew the tune but didn't quite know how to vocalize it. 'The vandal must be beside himself calculating his profit, though why he would start with my food…' Edd took a chance and prepared himself, getting into an aggressive stance, hockey stick held out in front of him.

'It's worth an attempt.' He gripped the handle tightly and spoke with his eyes clenched shut, "Ed, is that you, Eddy?" The humming stopped, a soft thud heard, like someone stepping off from a slight platform. "Oh dear, listen, whomever you are, I am armed, and while I abhor violence I am more than prepared to defend…"

The boy couldn't have been more than four; round, rosy cheeks, slightly protruding belly, teeth plentiful if slightly askew. His hair was a mass of unruly fern-green curls set in a Caesar-like hairdo, his eyes a brilliant emerald, reminiscent of –

"Daddy D, where's Daddy Kevn?"

Double-Dee felt his whole body go weak, the hockey stick dropping to the floor, slumping with his shoulder against the wall. "D…daddy?" The small boy looked at him with a beaming smile, one that would be reassuring were it not for the implications of the moment. "…Jim?"

"Yeah Daddy D, look, I made you befast!"

Double-Dee chanced a glance around the corner of the open doorway to the kitchen, glimpsing only a high flame from the stove as well as completely emptied cartons of eggs and a blackened pile of a month's worth of bacon. A weak groan emanated from his mouth, pressing his forehead to the wall.

"Daddy D, I did bad?"

"No J… Jim, thank you… I just need a moment… or several."

"Oh, I got your box too, it was buzzing earlier!"

Edd looked to the child and saw him holding out his cellphone, messy egg and flour covered fingers smudging the touchscreen. "I must have left it down here while I cleaned."

'Missed Call x1: LOML Kevin, 0915, One new Voicemail.'

Jim was beside him now, looking onto the phone's screen at the Kevin's photograph, his confident grin showing through the mesh of a football helmet's face guard. "Daddy Kevn!"

Edd sat down and pressed two fingers to his eyes, the pressure soothing in a strange way, the slight discomfort telling him that he was indeed awake. "Today, is not ideal."