Disclaimer : I don't own any character or people in this story. I only own the plot.
Hey guys! So before I'm sitting for my exam for the next two months and left my stories on a hiatus again, I just need to post a one-shot for my readers out there before I leave. I'll be back with my other stories in November. For now, just enjoy reading this one. I never write anything like this by the way before so read at your own risk!
Seth Rollins sat on the foot of his bed, buttoning up his black tuxedo in the most less than thrilled manner as his mind wandered with what was about to happen later that day. Two of his closest friends, AJ Lee and Dean Ambrose would tie the knot after two years of knowing each other and a month of engagement.
As a bestfriend, he should be ecstatic with overflowing happiness for both of them. He, himself was the one who stood by and watched his bestfriends' love life blossomed right before his eyes as they had been living under the same roof and had been travel buddies since they started their careers as wrestlers. He should be pumped up with the fact that he was given the utmost trust to be involved with the two lovebirds' matrimony. Every bits of the wedding was planned along with him and he was also going to be the one who would walk the bride down the aisle later on.
It was one of the happiest days that he should've felt overjoyed but Seth just couldn't find the reason to. Sure, he was their bestfriend and he had every right to be glad for Dean and AJ but he just couldn't due to the secrets he kept. He managed to keep it all to himself that no one was even suspicious, not even his best pals. Nobody knew he was the bestfriend whom... had a feeling for his own bestfriend, who was completely oblivious about it and not to mention, would get married that very day.
Hearing sets of a little too loud knocks on his door that he could even hear it through the blaring rock music that played in his ears at the fullest, Seth cussed and unplugged his earphones, throwing it angrily on his bed as he stood up.
Stomping his way to his door, he opened it, taking his time to cool down himself from years of bottled up frustration, staring at one of his bestfriends with raging rise and fall on his chest due to him being irritated ever since AJ and Dean left the house late in the afternoon.
He didn't have the urge to ask why this person was knocking on his door late at night. Instead, he shouted at the woman who had this excited and gleeful look on her face.
"Leave me alone, AJ!", Seth yelled in annoyance but when he was about to slam the door right in front of her, she stepped in a bit, gripping on his arm with no sign of letting go anytime soon.
"I have something to tell you", she informed giddily with that sparkle in her eyes that Seth wouldn't see often except if Dean, his other bestfriend, did something romantic for her.
Seth huffed and rolled his eyes before he uninterestedly looked back at AJ while stealing a glance at her sparkly dress, "What is it? You had me all by yourself for the whole day, now let me rest for the night!"
What he spat at her was true as his eyes stopped on her dress. Early in the morning, he had already been made as AJ's shopping mate as she dragged him to every mall in the town, telling him that she needed to buy a new dress. It amused him as AJ wasn't one to wear dresses and acted fancy about it but soon she explained that Dean was taking her out for their anniversary.
Seth was already losing interest from the moment he and AJ left home but once he heard about they were going to have a 'special' dinner, he couldn't help but to be jealous. His blood just boiled and it felt like his heart was broken, again. He was the one who should do that but he wasn't a backstabber just to get what he wanted, what more to do that to his bestfriends.
And now fast forward to midnight, the couple had gone home, meaning he wasn't home alone anymore. He assumed the dinner went beyond well, based on the enlightened looking AJ.
"No!", she pouted, no sign of giving Seth the peace of his mind and now with two hands, she dragged him to the living room.
If anyone was to watch them, the environment would be the same as if an energized girlfriend forcing her irritated boyfriend to enter one more boutique out of the ten more available at a mall. But they were nowhere at that shopping spot as Seth was now pushed to sit on the sofa by AJ.
Seth realised Dean was there too, still wearing his suit. The anniversary dinner must be so important that Dean did the unthinkable; him in a black tux. Thing like that wouldn't happen so often so Seth took it as an advantage to be amused with that rare sight.
Another thing was that just like AJ, his male best pal was also looking so contented. It showed so much that everytime he tried to pull a straight face to even just look at Seth, Dean would take a breath and exhaled too frequently for his unability to contain his upcoming smile. That furthered confused Seth but he tried to be relax and looked back at Dean, curving up an assuring smile that it was okay to just show what he felt at that very moment.
In a split second, AJ sat on Dean's lap, much to Seth's dismay as the jealousy burnt over again, completely turned the curve on his lips down south. He took turn looking at the woman and the man sitting across him. They were acting like he was non-existent in front of them, making him felt like a complete idiot and the awkward third wheel in the house.
The old saying was true. Love is blind... so blind that they didn't give a damn about other people's feelings around them. They didn't care about anyone else but them. Seth cringed at those thought as a disgusted expression was plastered on his face.
Feeling uncomfortable and wanting to get away from them as soon as possible, he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows, motioning the madly in love duo to tell him whatever they had inside their sleeves. The couple that made out just a moment ago, stopped, now looking at their bestfriend with embarrassment. They both shot each other a look and nodded. It was time to let him know the exciting news.
Instead of getting a verbal answer, he was given a gesture; AJ grinned and lifted her hand, showing him the back of her palm. It wasn't her hand that stood out. Instead, it was that diamond centred silver ring he saw when he was ring shopping with Dean a few weeks ago.
Seth knew this day would come and it would hurt him tremendously but he didn't expect it to be this soon. It only irked him further that his face turned to a sour frown and for him to say that he was hurting with a broken heart was an understatement. His pain was something he could only felt at that very moment. He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, stolen by someone and never been given back.
He watched before his very eyes as the love of his life was snatched away by none other than his own bestfriend. His love was clearly unrequited or else, he could already see the any sign of forceful smile flashed across the face of his loved one. He wanted that happened so bad just to give him a glimmer of hope but there was nothing but a smile that looked beyond blissful. The couple looked like they were on cloud nine. How couldn't he get hurt over that? What made him more disturbed was that he couldn't even do anything about it.
"We're getting married next month!", Dean revealed with an ear to ear smile that it showed his to-die-for dimples.
Seth's jaw dropped and it soon turned to a forced smile, even to the point that he faked a laugh. It was crystal clear he was pretending to congratulate the couple yet he didn't care if any of those two noticed it right away. For what it's worth, AJ and Dean were too engrossed on their engagement to even realised their bestfriend was hurting inside with very twisted and conflicted emotions.
The day after AJ and Dean told him that they were engaged and that he was the first one to know, Seth had to convince himself everyday he had no feeling for his bestfriend but the emotion that was bottling inside of him for years made it difficult to empty it all away. Even to this day, he had that stupid thought where he was the one who should be standing at the altar, exchanging vows that he would never repeat with someone else, ever. That showed how much he love his bestfriend. That Seth would never see himself with another person.
If he had the chance and if he even could, Seth would choose to be that fool; the fool that chose such a special day to reveal his true feelings thus stopping the wedding in the process. He could already predict the surprised, judgeful and disgusted looks from everyone that attended the wedding if he spoke right after the priest asked if anyone was to object the marriage so simply put that he wouldn't give a damn with them. But then, when he would finally locked eyes with the surprised looks of the couple of the day, he would be forced to face with either harsh rejection or if he was lucky, a happy ending that he was hoping for.
Putting a stop in his too deep thought, he realised he was already done with his attire long ago. Now that he had wasted too much time thinking, he got up to the mirror as he slid back a bit of his right sleeve to see the time on his watch.
He blinked dispassionately several times at the numbers pointed by the needles. It seemed like he already spent too much time having hurtful flashbacks about his love story that never started and impossible to ever occur while battling his emotions and his self struggle. The latter one was clinging right on him, like something he couldn't get rid of and it haunted him daily, even until now.
He snorted while shaking his head, no regret or whatsoever for the time he took. At this moment, he should've been at the about-to-be newlyweds' house, getting ready for the wedding but he figured he would be there at last minute, panicking AJ and Dean. At least that was nothing compared to the suffering and the heartbreak he experienced caused by them.
Walking to the mirror, he snatched his tie on the table and started to wear it around his neck. He looked at himself in the mirror with a tightened jaw, and once again, he could never get rid of this sickened look he sported. Once he was done, he stared at himself at a closer distance and instantly he cussed under his breath when he spotted the imperfections on his face.
His fingers traced the bags under both of his eyes down to his jaws. He lost weight and looked less enthusiastic. His eyes were puffy and looked swollen. It was all his own doing last night. He was a grown man but shamefully he admitted he spent all the night crying, skipping the bachelor and bachelorette's party, giving an illogic excuse that he wanted to look good on the next day when he walked AJ down the aisle later.
Now with that kind of look, he would surely get the doubtful look from his two bestfriends later on. But then again, they wouldn't notice it for being caught up with the wedding of their lifetime either way.
Pressing his fingers to his eyelids and dragged them across, he opened his eyes and looked back at the mirror again. He couldn't help but to think that boy did he was a complete crybaby the night before, just because he couldn't end up with the only person he could ever see himself with? He blew out a long huff, his eyebrows furrowed in sorrow.
Why did he have to be his current self right now? Why couldn't change place with the newlywed even just for a moment? If it was granted even just for the exchanging vows time, he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. It would worth him the most, even more than winning a championship and making name in the WWE.
Before he could end up being a crying mess again, he looked away and forced himself to be ready to walk out of his house and get into the car and drive to his destination. Making his way out of his bedroom, he walked past the former room of his pals and a sigh escaped from his lips.
It was probably around three weeks already since AJ and Dean moved out of the house they once shared together. They bought a new house to live in, making Seth the sole owner of this house now. Probably that was the only favour that the couple had done for him; to at least ease his heartbreak and frustration a bit.
Seth shrugged at that before he finally made his way out of the house and soon, he found himself driving his car gloomily to the Ambrose's, where the small wedding would be held and attended by close friends and families only.
His drive was in full commotion with the ringtones of his phones blaring through his ears and it annoyed him because it just wouldn't stop. He didn't need to pull up his car at the side and answered the phone or replied the texts. He knew exactly who were it from. If it wasn't AJ, then it must've been Dean, asking where he was at currently. Both of them and the rest of the guests could only wait for him. That would teach them some patience.
Before he realised it, the twenty minutes drive was over and he quickly turned off the ignition. But he didn't step out of the car right away. Instead, he wasted his time again, this time by looking out the window, his eyes lurking around the mansion. Sure, he had been there quite a few times but now that the mansion had an all white decorations around, it gave him a different vibe to it.
Grabbing the steering wheel tightly, he hung his head down and shut his eyes close. Immediately following was him taking the deepest breath he had ever done and huffing it out as hard as he could, that his shoulder slumped with his act.
Now that he was able to contain himself so far, he pulled his key out and put it in his pocket. Then, he finally walked out of the car, the sunny weather greeted him like a mockery. He was filled with darkness yet the sun was shining on him happily.
With every heavy steps, he made it into the house and the environment was lightened with the chatting and laughing of the attendees, that was until every eyes were on him. So he was the only one in the guest list that they had been waiting.
Ignoring those curious and to some, irritated looks for waiting too long, he turned his gaze away to who was at the centre end of the spacey living room that could even be a hall.
It was Dean, bulging his eyes at his bestfriend and with an impatient expression, he mouthed, "Go get her upstairs!"
Seth nodded repeatedly, looking like an idiot as he dashed his way to the stairs and due to being in a rush, his clumsiness showed. He almost tripped on his first few steps and he could see Dean winced and facepalming himself as Seth never broke eye contact with him but luckily he picked up his pace and cool thus continued to head to the master's bedroom to get AJ.
Out of everyone's sights, Seth reached the first floor and rushed to his destination, hastily opening the bedroom door. His fingers were still on the handle when he breathlessly spotted a frustrated looking AJ, pacing and repeatedly pressing the same button on her phone, which Seth assumed the call button.
The bride realised his presence and instantly, she dropped her phone on the plush mattress and ran to him excitedly.
"Seth!"
She threw her hands around him in a grateful hug, but Seth quickly pushed her away though he wanted to embrace her real bad.
"Don't!", he put his hands up. "You'll ruin your dress!", he made up an excuse.
He took the chance of her standing right in front of him to study and admire her looks from tiara to toe. She looked absolutely stunning and beautiful with a white dress that fitted her curves just right. And she didn't even need thick layer of make-ups to make her pretty. As hard for him to admit it, Seth agreed that AJ was very beautiful indeed. There was no doubt that all eyes were going to be on her today.
AJ, who realised that Seth was eyeing on her, grinned widely as she spun herself around proudly.
"How do I look?", she asked in hopes he would compliment her.
Seth bit the side of his lower lip, contemplating whether he should be a douche to her for causing him pain or just let it slide for this one special day for her and well, Dean.
"By the way, you looked good in a wedding dress. No lie!", he said through his lying teeth, only because it was her wedding. And that made him felt like a two-faced person.
"Thank you!", she did a bow like a princess before she started to fan herself with her hands frantically, "Oh my gosh Seth, I'm so nervous now that you're here! You know what that means! It's finally happening!"
He, in return, awkwardly put his arm around her shoulder, squeezing it for comfort, "You'll do okay", he assured her.
He then stepped back and offered her his hand, "Save the talking for later! Shall we?"
AJ let out a shaky breath and took several deep breaths. Once she was ready, she linked her hand around Seth's arm, gesturing him that she was ready with a gleeful smile.
After they successfully went down the stairs together, Seth stopped with her right at the opposite end of the altar. He wasn't wrong earlier as the organ started to play and collective gasps were heard. All eyes were indeed on AJ. But he focussed solely on Dean's reaction the moment he saw his bride was going to be passed to him. He was holding his breath as his angel was walking down that aisle and in a matter of just a few minutes, she would be his, forever.
As they started to walk down the aisle, Seth finally had the chance to study and admire his other bestfriend too. As he walked AJ closer and closer to the groom, Seth got a better view of Dean and he looked just perfect in a white tuxedo, the first time he ever saw him in one. It brought his handsome features out and with that ever lightened up aura he had, Dean could easily beat any good looking guys ever existed.
When they were right in front of the altar, Seth stopped and watched as Dean extended his hand out to AJ, in which she took more than gladly. The couple looked over their bestfriend with a thankful smile before they turned their backs on him and faced the priest to start the ceremony right away.
Seth bit his lips and as it formed to a thin line, he stepped back until he was a couple of feets away from them. He observed everything from the sideline with a crushed, bruised and battered heart. That very thought he had that morning clouded his mind yet again; that he was the rightful one to stand at the altar.
As much as many weddings that he had attended, Seth felt this was the longest and the most painful that he had to experience. Standing unwillingly and forcing himself to watch the whole event when all he wanted to do was to turn away and let his tears fell down. It was at the wedding of the person he loved ever since he knew what true love was afterall.
Now that the love of his life was now belonged to someone else, he wondered if he could ever overcome his struggle with himself and his feelings. Could he ever move on and find someone else? Could he ever face AJ and Dean as usual after this ceremony ended with their happy ending? Was there any person out there who could pick him up and teach him how to love again? Or will he end up being that miserable guy that hated his own guts for who he is and what he is? He had no idea. Not at happy times like this, where he was all gloomy and sad.
He had one chance though, One chance to stop this wedding but he chose not to. It might be something he would regret later now that he saw the newlyweds kissed each other as the guests clapped, whistled and cried happily.
That made him done as he couldn't take it anymore. With all that frenzied environment, Seth excused himself to the furthest bathroom in that house and entered it. He slammed the door in anger and locked it securely.
Supporting himself by placing both of his hand on the sink counter and right there was where he broke down into a complete mess yet again. He felt like he couldn't produce more tears that he literally had to force it out and all that was making his throat dry and hurt. At least, it wasn't as hurtful as his heart felt.
He collected the courage to lift his head up and stared at his reflection on the big mirror in front of him. He hated this person staring right back at him with the ugliest look he had ever seen. Why did he have to be him? Why couldn't he be someone else? Whom had his happy ending secured in his hand at first glance? Why did he have to be the one with a complicated life over here?
Really wanting to lash out his anguish and frustration on anything, he found a useless vase that he spotted at the corner of his eyes. Lifting it up with his hand, he sniffed and blinked away his little tears before he stared at the mirror.
Seth saw the fragile him in the mirror and he hated him. He hated himself. Angrily, he threw the vase at the mirror and instantly, the mirror shattered and his reflection was disfigured in a flash. He pulled at his tied hairs, ruining it. If he was at his home, he could surely scream as loud as he wanted but now he had to do it mutely. Once he felt satisfied, he laughed silently, a bit satisfied with what he did.
If only he had the nerve to do that to the real him. But again, he was nothing but a coward. He couldn't even fight for his loved one.
Seth had no idea how long he had locked himself in the toilet. He just hoped everyone was busy with their own stuff. Fixing himself until he looked fine again, he unlocked the door and out to face the harsh reality.
He was on his way back to the living room and he was in no rush at all. His eyes weren't on the coming ground. Instead it was on the wall. There were lot of photos of the now married couple hung up as he walked past it and he could only feel the jealousy and sorrow to grow inside of him even further.
He stopped when he came across one picture of Dean and AJ together. It was the photo he took himself the night where they broke their engagement news to him. They both were standing so close that their cheeks collided with each others' as Dean had his arms around her waist while AJ had hers around his neck. What put the salt to Seth's wound was the beaming smiles they both had. It brought him back to that very night. It was so clear that Seth almost felt like he was in a case of déjà vu.
Seth stood like a statue in front of that framed photo and he was unable to control himself from bringing up his hand to the image, caressing it, mainly on AJ. How he wished he could embrace her. He kept doing it, unaware that his bestfriend was approaching him from behind.
Dean placed a hand on Seth's shoulder, making the younger of those two to bring his hand down immediately in surprise.
"Admiring your own photo work?", Dean teased him as Seth was now turning to face him.
Putting a hand on his chest, Seth chuckled and nodded, "I did a pretty good job, didn't I?"
"You did! Just like today", he chuckled before a whole seriousness took over, "Seth, thank you for helping us putting up this wedding and make it run smooth, including just to walk my wife down the aisle. We're both got disowned by our family in the past so to have you doing the father's duty for her today means a lot to me!"
Seth slapped the side of Dean's arm to warn him not to bring that up, "Don't say that! Isn't that what a best friend would do? If you wanted me to do anything, I'll do it in a heartbeat! Regardless of what it is!", he guaranteed him with a half smile.
"Wow! See what you just did there? You make me touched. And oh", he put a hand on his heart before he told him something else, "Most of the guests were done with their meals so I need to end this with a speech and toss. And you my man, need to be there as well"
"And why is that?", Seth looked at him with a teasing look.
"Because you're my bestest friend and I could never imagine how my life would be without such a loyal and trustful friend like you", Dean playfully pinched the cheeks of the man he had already thought as a brother.
"Brag about me in your speech like that later on!"
"Oh yeah, I will! I'll even tell them how much I love you as much as I love my own wife just to see how they would react out there. That would be priceless! You're up for it?"
"Dude, you're crazy! You go first. I'll be right there in a bit", Seth finished with an uncomfortable look on his face.
Dean nodded and walked back to where he came from but not before he pointed a finger at Seth, motioning him to not take too long to be there.
Seth laughed him off and when Dean was out of his sight, he shut his eyes closed and slapped himself lightly a few times, trying to prevent himself from blushing. Once he stopped, he let the palms of his hands rest on both side of his cheeks, right at where Dean just pinched him playfully before.
For the first time on that day, a really genuine smile graced his face, just because he made that little physical contact with his bestfriend a big deal. By this time, he could still feel his heart racing from that small talk he had with Dean.
He turned over to the picture again, back at where his thought left him. At how much he wanted to embrace AJ just so that... he could be like her or better yet, be her. Extremely impossible but that was what he wanted.
From the first day he knew that Dean had feelings for AJ, Seth had always wanted to be her. She was the reason why he was struggling to accept his nature as a man. She was also the reason he had his heart broken for so long as she took the man he loved so much away from him.
For years, he managed to hide his sexual orientation from everyone, managed to live in a convincing fake life that nobody was even suspicious with him and most of all, he managed to hide his feeling for his bestfriend for so long.
As much as he had thought of to just reveal everything, at the end of the day, he didn't want to lose Dean. He plainly let his chance to come and go uselessly. Even if it hurt to see him with AJ, Seth would live with it for the rest of his life as long as he had the chance to see, touch, talk or just spending time with Dean; the man that hold a soft spot in his heart, the man he craved for affectionately, the man he could die for, the man he loved dearly and could never live without.
The only time where Seth was ever completely in love was only with that one person; the man named Dean. Though it was unrequited, for the fact that Dean had no slightest clue of his bestfriend's feelings, Seth was glad enough to pretend that he actually liked and loved him too. He would forever assumed the brotherly love Dean had for him as a true pure love that one lover made his life partner felt. The example was clearly there. Just like how Dean said he loved Seth just moment ago.
"I love you too, Dean", Seth confessed silently, accompanied by a sad smirk.
Sorry, the ending was really crappy. Never wrote a fic with a hint of slash before. Sorry if you guys didn't like the ending. I did warn you earlier. Review, please?