"Did you check his priors?" Alicia's voice got louder as she came back from the kitchen, two beers in her hands. With a smile, she offered Kalinda one.
"Yes, there's nothing…" Kalinda said, stretching her arm to accept the drink, "except a couple of speeding tickets. Do they count?" She asked with a smile between amused and resigned.
"Can his driving license suspension help us in any way?" Alicia asked amused, but her soft voice gave away her weariness. They had been working on that case for weeks and still got nowhere.
"I don't really think…" Kalinda shrugged. She watched as Alicia let herself sink into the couch with a heavy sigh. She was amazed at how Alicia could keep her elegant ways even in such an exhausted gesture. "We should…" Alicia's phone ringing interrupted her words. With all the discretion she was capable of, Kalinda threw a quick glance at the screen.
Alicia was staring at the phone, apparently wavering between answering or ignoring the call, before finally deciding for the first. "Hello," she said, as she stood up again. With a slight gesture of her finger, she silently apologized and disappeared again into the kitchen.
Kalinda could hear the subdued conversation made of "yes", "no" and "ok" before Alicia ended the call. Kalinda wondered what happened to that nice and complicated relationship that Alicia and their common boss once shared. Oh, yes. Sex happened. Glancing around, she just realized that this was her first time in Alicia's apartment since… since that Peter thing happened. It was more than one year ago. There were new pictures of the kids on the sideboard and that terrible collection of stones was gone from the refined china cabinet, a clear sign that it belonged to Peter. It felt somewhat weird being there again, still it wasn't completely uncomfortable.
"I know, it's miserably empty," Alicia said interrupting her thoughts. "A perfect parallel to my life," she concluded, not hiding a hint of sadness.
That's because you never got to see my apartment, she was tempted to say. Talk about emptiness… she'd been alone, she'd felt alone for most of her life. She spent more time pushing people away and building defensive barriers than trying to invest in any kind of relationship. Except with Alicia. Since her first day at Lockhart & Gardner, she felt somewhat attracted by her mixture of weakness, pride, latent strength and by her desperate, yet hidden need of a real friend.
"I can't do it," Alicia went on.
"You can't do what?" Kalinda asked confused, although she was pretty sure they weren't talking about the case anymore. Catching Alicia's gaze fixed on the phone, she got the confirmation she needed.
"I can't keep on screwing all the relationships in my life." Alicia's voice was barely a whisper. This was getting personal, reminding Kalinda of the promise of honesty and willingness she made to Alicia only a couple of weeks before. Prepare yourself Kalinda.
"You don't," she promptly tried to contradict her, and she truly believed it. Although her attempt was very likely bound to fail, as she had learnt over the last few years that you just don't dissuade someone like Alicia.
"I do!" Alicia insisted, glancing at Kalinda for a moment, just to go back staring at the phone again, just seconds later. "The marriage, Will, our… friendship…"
Friendship. She could count all her real friends, past and present, on the fingers of one hand. She had a lot of connections, acquaintances, lovers, but friends? Right now she could count on two only; one was sitting on the couch close to her. Yes, no matter what happened, Alicia was a friend, the one she'd do everything to protect, the one who'd do anything to protect her. The other one was certainly Will. And this whole situation always made her feel at the centre of a weird triangle.
"Even the kids," Alicia added, bringing Kalinda back from her thoughts. "They are so…I don't know if they gave up on the reconciliation idea or just gave up any hope on their mother," she shrugged.
Kalinda laughed, nearly choking her beer. "Oh, come on, your kids would never gave up hope on you," she said, remembering the day she brought Grace back home, how all that girl's worry was that she hurt her mom.
"It's just that lately everything and everyone seems so…" Alicia paused, lost in thought, as trying to find the right word.
"…cold." Kalinda finished for her, looking down.
Alicia just nodded, staring at her still untouched bottle of beer. "Cold," she repeated, nodding to herself. Taking a deep breath, she added with a faint voice "I'm sorry."
Kalinda wasn't sure of what Alicia was supposed to be sorry for. It wasn't her the cheating one, it wasn't her who lied and kept secrets. "For what?" She needed to know.
"For not having completely learnt the art of forgiveness yet," she admitted.
Forgiveness. How ironic that what was probably Alicia's main fault, was her own best quality. "I'm sorry, too."
"For what?" Alicia asked with a curious tone.
"For not having completely learnt the art of honesty yet," she confessed, although she was pretty sure that Alicia already knew that.
They both shared a bittersweet smile. "I'm glad I can share some of my cold with you," Alicia concluded.
Kalinda loved the idea that, for a sort of chemical reaction, their common cold shared didn't feel so cold anymore and, with a smile, she raised her beer in a toast.