DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Well, I do own the games, but no legal rights to the franchise. I also don't own the Weakest Link.

A/N: Just to make it clear, the questioner is Anne Robinson. It would have been Maleficent or something, but Anne would probably object, and even Maleficent would back off in that situation. The "voice" that says who is 'statistically' the strongest and weakest link (etcetera) is going to be replaced by the one that tells Sora and Roxas stuff in the Stations of Dive into the Heart.

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Weakest Link!

A/N: I can't remember all of the stuff that the "voice" says at the start. You know, when it shows all the contestants in that waiting room type thing. So I'll leave it out for now. If I see Weakest Link anytime soon, I'll make a note of it, so I'll probably update and put it in eventually. Oh, and the same goes for any other stuff that happens before the contestants introduce themselves.

As in the normal Weakest Link, the contestants' podiums light one by one as they introduce themselves. The first contestant introduces himself.

"Hi, my name is Sora, and I'm fifteen years old. I come from the Destiny Islands, and I'm one of the chosen bearers of the Keyblade."

The next contestant:

"Hello, I'm Riku. I'm sixteen years old and am one of Sora's best friends. I am also from Destiny Islands. I am also a Keybearer, but I also have a part-time occupation as a Xehanort's Heartless impersonator."

Thirdly:

"I'm Kairi, and I am fifteen years old. I am also a resident of Destiny Islands, although I am native to the Radiant Garden. I am Sora's girlfriend, but I am a part-time Keybearer as well."

The fourth contestant:

"Hi, my name is Mickey. I am yet another Keybearer, and also the ruler of Disney Castle. In my spare time, I study martial arts videos to improve my super-ninja-mouse techniques as seen in Kingdom Hearts II."

The fifth contestant now introduces himself.

"I'm Leon."

There are shouts from the audience of "He's lying!" and "His name's Squall!" before the rest of the audience shushes them. Leon continues talking.

"I'm from Radiant Garden, formerly known as Hollow Bastion, and I am a member of the town's Restoration Committee."

After Leon falls silent, we see the sixth contestant.

"Hello, my name is Aeris Gainsborough. A lot of people seem to spell my name as 'Aerith' for some bizarre reason, but that's not important right now. I also live in Radiant Garden, and am Cloud Strife's love interest"

There is booing from Cloud-Tifa shippers in the audience in response to this. After a moment, the audience settles down. But then, considering who the next contestant is, they aren't going to want to keep interrupting…

"Sephiroth"

As Sephiroth says his name, One-Winged Angel starts playing. The technical crew frantically examine all of their equipment, but are unable to find where the music is coming from. Meanwhile, Sephiroth is still introducing his überness…

"I am one of Shin-Ra corporation's elite warriors, SOLDIER First Class. I have more recently, in the Kingdom Hearts series, become a persistent stalker of Cloud Strife. I am also undeniably the coolest video game villain ever."

Who can possibly match up to Sephy's coolness? Certainly not the next contestant:

"My name is Marluxia, number XI in the Organization and…hang on, can someone stop that music please?"

One-Winged Angel stops, much to Sephiroth's annoyance. Marluxia continues.

"I am known as the Graceful Assassin and control the element of Flower."

Much sniggering ensues, both from the audience and the other contestants. Even Anne is briefly seen to smile. Amazing, isn't it? Meanwhile, Marluxia is, alas, still talking.

"I possibly also controlled some obscure type of nobody that doesn't exist anymore, and I am the ruler of Castle Oblivion."

At this point, One-Winged Angel quietly resumes. This now seriously pisses off Marluxia. Well, that plus the sniggering.

"SEPHIROTH, SHUT UP!"

One-Winged Angel stops once again. Sephiroth glares at Marluxia, who promptly cowers behind his podium to escape the sight of the Masamune-wielding übervillain. Finally, we are shown the ninth contestant.

"I'm Axel, number VIII in the Organization, the Flurry of Dancing Flames, controller of Assassin nobodies and the element of Fire, friend of Roxas, and definitely one of the coolest and most popular members of the Organization."

Amazingly, Axel manages to say all of the above rather rapidly, all in one sentence. He very briefly pauses for breath before saying:

"Got it memorised?"

The tenth and final podium lights. It is Roxas's, but there is nobody (no pun intended) behind it. Suddenly, Sora runs across and stands behind it. His head falls forward and he appears to go into some sort of trance before speaking with Roxas's voice.

"I'm Roxas, number XIII in the Organization, and Sora's nobody. I control Samurai nobodies and the element of Light. My title in the Organization is The Key of Destiny, as I wield two Keyblades. Since I was restored to Sora in Kingdom Hearts II, he has to project my persona, as he is doing right now, in order for me to answer my questions. Unfortunately for him, it'll involve a lot of running back and forth, but it can't be helped. Not while the author's determined that I should be a contestant, anyway."

At this point, Sorceror Nobody takes a brief moment to chuckle evilly, before continuing to write the end of this chapter.

Sora's head jerks back up. He stands looking slightly dazed for a moment before swiftly returning to his own podium.

A/N: I think there's more talky stuff here, so same note as above applies. Sorry about this, but I'll try and sort it out fairly soon.

There you have it folks! The first chapter is complete. Reviews are, of course, welcome. Each reviewer may make one question suggestion per chapter for the next round of the game, so you all have until I write and upload the next chapter. The reviewer whose question I like the most gets the prize of their question appearing in the following chapter. Good luck!

Update 1: Altered the Fic's format to make it less like a script, so as to remain within the relevant regulations.

Update 2: Had some small problems with the previous update's alterations not occurring, so I deleted and recreated my fanfic. Apologies to both of my reviewers, who will hopefully be willing to re-review this chapter.

Update 3: Small tweaks, nothing worth detailing.