Beta: The lovely NorthmanMaille, to whom I am ever grateful.

Rainbow

"Imagine a clear, night sky filled with stars."

Eric's long slender fingers stretched upward as if trying to touch the bedroom ceiling,as his arm moved in a slow wide arc over us. "Now, my Lover, focus on a single star." My eyes obediently follow as he points to an imaginary star off to my right. "There, the one furthest away. Imagine that star as only the beginning of your journey."

He shifted onto his side and stared down at me. It was one of those very rare moments when everything he was feeling, all his passions and desires, were written plainly on his face. He was struggling. All those centuries of conversations, but he'd never had this one.

He'd only given eternity to one other person, and when he gave it to Pam, it wasn't an offer. He imposed it on her, but she was thrilled to get it. She loved being a vampire and was still grateful to Eric for being her Maker. I never wanted to feel that particular gratitude and Eric knew it.

I tried several times to make it clear I never want to be turned. Yet sometimes when, for one reason or another, he thought he might catch me with my defenses down and my resolve weakened, he pushed on with his argument, hoping the next sentence, the next word, might be the one to tip the scale in his favor and make me willingly offer him my human life.

"Imagine yourself," he began before breaking off and grabbing my shoulder, his eyes boring into mine.

If I could be glamoured, I would be helpless against him, but he knew he could not sway my mind by will alone.

His face dropped closer to mine and his voice softened to little more than a whispered caress. "Imagine us, Sookie, standing on that star together. When we look back to this place, it is only a speck behind us; a place we can revisit if it amuses us, or allow it to become only another memory in the endless sky. When we look forward there are no boundaries, no limits, the stars go on forever; always new scenery, new people, new experiences to be had."

Unfortunately for Eric, I'd seen the effect always and forever had on vampires. Yes, the world was constantly refilling its self with new people, but after centuries of being around them, the new ones were the same as the old ones.

They might dress differently, use a different method to get from one place to another or speak a language you didn't know, but once you understood what they were saying, they were basically the same. They breathed, ate, slept, made babies, found ways to keep themselves entertained and lived their lives. They looked for shelter when it rained, loved their families, fought with their enemies, tried to avoid pain, and mostly they feared death.

The general rule is, for vampires, we people always end up being predictable, and after a while predictable is boring. As with any rule, there were very rare exceptions of course. I was one of those exceptions. The touch of fairy in my blood made me something of a vampire magnet and my telepathic abilities made me useful at times, but there was more to it.

Eric loves me. There is no doubt. As much as he is still capable of it, he loves me. Because he loves me, he thinks he wants me with him, always. He says "always", he says "forever", he tells me he knows better than I do because he's been around for over a thousand years, so he understands what forever means.

There is the crack the doubt seeps through.

If forever really is real and there really is no end, then forever is just as far away for him as it is for me. It's the past he understands better, not the future. The difference is I can read histories to improve my knowledge of what he has experienced. Neither of us knows what the future will bring.

How do I explain to him I do want to spend forever with him; but I want to spend my forever, my human forever? He sees what he's proposing to me as an amazing gift I should jump at the chance to have, and he's right when he says lots of people would kill for the opportunity he's freely offering me. In light of all that, how can I make him see things the way I see them?

I smile up at him, hoping he thinks I'm paying closer attention to him than I am. He's going on about the beauty of stars and infinity, but my feet are still deeply connected to the Earth with all its vibrant life, not the cold distant glitter of outer space. I wish I could draw. It would be so much easier to show him a picture rather than having to come up with the right words to string together to describe how I feel. If only I could do it with crayons.

My thoughts drift to a family I waited on last week in Merlotte's. They were a typical family of four, mother, father and two young kids, a boy and a girl. The first thing I noticed about them was they sat at a table rather than a booth. Most families with kids tend to sit in booths where they can corral the children between a parent and the wall.

These two didn't need to be corralled. The boy was ten and the girl was about to turn six. She was so cute and she couldn't stop thinking about her birthday party. They were two of the best-behaved kids ever to come into Merlotte's. They sat quietly and drew pictures with crayons on folded sheets of typing paper their mother carried in her purse. The girl drew a lopsided birthday cake with six candles, several not so square boxes with ribbons and over everything, from one side of the page to the other, was a big colorful rainbow.

"Eric, do you remember rainbows?"

I see from his look of surprise and slight irritation, I've interrupted him. I lost track of exactly what he was saying. I realize I should have listened for a minute to find a way to come into the conversation a little more gracefully. Oh well, in for a dime, in for a dollar. I'm here now, full steam ahead.

"I know you're bound to know what they are, but can you actually remember seeing them? What they made you think? How they made you feel?"

"Rainbows?"

He was usually amused when I did something that surprised him, but he wasn't just surprised now, he was confused and confusion was a feeling he didn't like at all. He sat fully upright in the middle of the bed. Everything about his posture and expression demanded an explanation.

I sat up too, so we didn't feel quite so out of balance. His arms were crossed, putting his hands out of reach. So I settled a hand on his knee for physical contact between us before I began to speak.

"The way you talk about the night sky is wonderful to listen to, and it describes you perfectly. You walk into a room and you shine so bright it's impossible to see anyone or anything else. You're a star. You belong in the night, where you can light up the sky."

"Yes," he agreed, enthusiastically grabbing my hands and holding them tight between us. "And when you are a vampire we will light the night sky together. We will outshine the sun."

"But I'm not a star, Eric. My light isn't white hot, it's softer, cooler to the touch and filled with colors, like a rainbow."

"Rainbows again." He released my hands.

He didn't want to hear this, but he had to. I had to make him understand. I had to try.

"I don't remember exactly how it works, but I know a rainbow is made of light. Light reflects off water and the sun breaks it apart. Then you get a rainbow; beautiful ribbons of color stretching across a light blue sky, promising an end to the rain and touching the hearts of all who see it."

"Your rainbow is only a temporary thing," he said. His voice had taken on the dull tone of someone who knows the argument is lost, but is not yet ready to surrender completely. "I want to make it permanent. I want to transform it into a star."

The way he stared into my eyes was so different from anything I'd seen from him before. The pleading I saw there was enough to break my heart. I had to say something quickly before the knot in my throat turned to sobs, and I wouldn't be able to say anything at all.

"Yes, I know, but that's just it," I answered, the words spilling out of my mouth almost faster than I could form them. "The rainbow would have to transform. It would have to change. It wouldn't be a rainbow anymore.

I'm sure being a star would be an amazing adventure, but the price is too high. I'm a rainbow. I'm made of color and light from the sun. If I give up those things, I give up myself. If I give up what makes me 'me', how can I still be who I am?"

I reach up to lightly stroke his cool cheek. My fingers drop to trace the hard line of his jaw and I feel the muscles unclench at my touch. Yes, he loves me. "I can't, Eric. If I transform into something else, the 'me' you love will be lost and nothing will ever be able to bring her back.

You tell me you will love the new me just as much, but think about what that means. Even though she might look like me without a tan, the new me would be a different person. She wouldn't be a rainbow any more. If you're convinced you could love this new person as much as you love me, then you have your answer. You will love again. It is possible."

In a flash I am enveloped in his embrace. His arms tighten around me and he buries his face in my neck. I feel his fangs extend, but he makes no move to bite. "It took a thousand years to find you, Lover."

My arms encircle his waist and I give him a reassuring squeeze. "And when I'm gone, it may take another thousand to find the next, but you will find her."

I raise a hand to his chin and gently nudge until he lifts his head so I can look into his eyes. "In the mean time," I whisper as I push up onto my knees until my lips reach his. "I'm happy to be the only rainbow who ever got to kiss, and love, a star."

The End