Your hands, my hands, his hands
Disclaimer: I don't own Dr who. This work is made for entertainment and I make no profit off it.
Warnings: Abuse, depression, nightmares, PTSD, eating disorder, self harm.
Pairings: Amy/Rory. Rory/11 friendship, Doctor/Master.
AN: This follows a format where I state a rule and then go on with the scene related. The story flashes back to his childhood and to the present.
Rule 1: Never admit the abuse to anyone.
START DREAM
He winced at the sound alone. The smack of his skull as he hit the ground with some force. Blood ran down his face. He could feel it as it ran down his neck.
The pain was near unbearable. The thudding in his head only increased. Still he would never give in. He would never cry out. He would never allow that satisfaction.
The timelord glared back. His vision was unclear and it took everything to focus on a single target. He could barely see his fathers face but knew the man well enough. His father would be giving him that same cold calculating look, his smirk showing something between eagerness to break him due to the challenge and anger that he had yet to break. To even show a sign of weakness.
Another blow to his head and he fell again. It might be over soon he thought serenely. He could hope.
A kick to his stomach. He barely held his lunch in. Another and he bit his lip hard against the fresh pain. A distinct snap. He almost threw up again at the thought of another broken rib. Fresh blood ran down his chin and he saw his father start moving away. Swearing. Yelling.
But it was lost to him as the pain filled his senses and he passed out.
When he woke again, he was in the same position as before. Still in his room. He pulled himself up with a hiss of pain and had to steady himself against the waves of pain. It passed and he pulled out the first aid kit from under the bed. He patched up his head, noting that he still felt dizzy and unfocussed. Concussion with his luck. He moved onto his ribs. He wrapped them tightly and hoped for the best.
He quickly wiped his face clean of blood and sweat. He looked almost presentable now.
END DREAM
Rory watched the timelord with concern. The Doctor was sleeping in the chair in the console room, curled up almost like a cat. He had seemed to be peacefully sleeping at first but he was shifting in his sleep. He seemed to be almost whimpering. He was biting his lip so hard it was bleeding freely.
Amy had wondered off to explore an hour ago.
Rory had enough of watching his friend in his nightmare. He shook him lightly to wake him up. The reaction was dramatic, the timelord woke suddenly and on high alert. Unseeing eyes surveyed his suroundings. Seemingly ignoring Rory, the timelord felt his head and then his ribs. He seemed confused.
Then he relaxed. He was panting and sweating still.
"Nightmare?" Rory asked not hiding his concern.
The Doctor seemed startled but relaxed. "Rory." he said, seemingly to affirm to himself. "Yeah. Nothing to worry about though." he said with a grin that didn't match his wary gaze.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" the human nurse asked.
The timelord merely smiled and looked away, still collecting his emotions. Rory could still see the fear, the shame and the resignation. Whatever his dream had been about, it was big. He was still nervous. He seemed to favouring his left side and seemed confused. Like something did not add up but he did not know what.
"Would you like me to check you over?" Rory asked carefully. The timelord stiffened but his eyes showed more fear than defensiveness. "Only if you want to." he added. The timelord hesitated but after a few minutes gave a brief nod.
Rory frowned at the strange behaviour. Something was seriously wrong but he doubted it was physical. The Doctor was acting like he was injured. Even worse, like he should hide his injury. Out of fear? What could scare the mighty timelord? Or maybe a who?
Had be been dreaming of someone hurting him? It had looked like he was checking for injury when he woke confused. It also looked like an ingrained habit. Whatever that meant...
Rory used his calm voice he used on scared children. "Want to go to the med bay where we can have some privacy?" he asked. After some initial reluctence and nerves, the timelord followed him.
"Come sit down" he invited, standing well clear of the bed. Proximity seemed to be what made his friend nervous he had noticed. The Doctor complied immeaditly. "Now I will need to check your head first, if you want me to stop, tell me. I won't do anything you don't want me to." he assured the wary frightened timelord. He noticed a slight relaxation. Almost undetectable.
He quickly set to work. He could see no bruising or red marks, so he reached to check under the mess of hair over the timelords fore head. He was not prepared for the whimper and violent flinch away from him. Fearful eyes looked back at him.
The nurse realised what he was dealing with now. It made too much sense. He forced his mind to focus again.
"I won't hurt you. Remember your in control here. You say stop and I stop. You say no and I won't touch you." he assured, still in that same calm voice.
After seemingly deciding that Rory was trustworthy, the timelord allowed him to continue again. Rory was careful with his movements now. He had to be. Wary eyes followed his movements but his patient had not flinched again so he was doing okay. He brushed the hair aside and announced that it was fine. No injury. The timelord relaxed slightly. He looked less confused now.
He moved onto the Doctors side. When he was about to touch him again, he heard another whimper. "Stop?" he asked softly. Hesitent frightened eyes locked with his in a silent plea. Rory accepted it. "Okay, I'm stopping." he said calmly much to the surprise of the timelord. He noticed an almost guilty look now. "Don't feel guilty. You decide if you want me to touch you." he assured again.
"Hurts" the timelord said quietly, his voice breaking the silence.
At first Rory was too surprised to speak. Not only was it the first time his friend had spoken in while but it was an admission of pain. "What hurts?" he asked softly.
The Doctor didn't reply. When Rory started checking his friends ribs again, the timelord warily allowed it. "Your okay" he announced after a few minutes.
The timelord seemed relieved. Almost immeaditly, he acted as of he were uninjured again. As if he was now sure, the odd out of place feeling gone.
Still under his confident stride, he seemed to shake as if afraid. His calm eyes warily surveyed the room and Rory. Rory frowned at the heightened awareness to danger. Another worrying sign.
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Rule 2: Never show pain or weakness.
It was another adventure. Once again they had run from some aliens wanting to kill them. Why didn't really matter after so many times? Maybe it was Amy's red hair or The Doctors childish disregueard of danger.
They reached the Tardis just in time, throwing themselves in. The timelord immeaditly set course for anywhere but there. Rory turned to Amy and checked that she was okay. As usual apart from some scratches and a bruise from landing on the Tardis, she was fine. Rory was okay too.
The Doctor had stabilised the Tardis and they had left the planet. His usual energy had faded now. He looked exhausted now. Rory had to admit he was worried. The timelord fell into a seat with his usual grin of excitement. "Enough adventure for today right?" he asked with a lop sided grin.
That was odd in itself. The Doctor was never still. He never admitted tiredness. He never got bored of adventure.
"Not until you let me take a look at you" Rory declared in his best nurse voice.
He could see how tense the timelord was even if he was pretending otherwise. The timelord was stopping because he needed to. That was worrying.
The timelord laughed "You know I'm tough. As if those aliens could stop a timelord like me!" he said putting on a brave front.
"Then you have nothing to hide" Rory just declared casually.
The frown on the timelords face showed displeasure at being outwit by a simple human. "I guess your right. Amy don't wait up for us. Rory won't be long." he said dismissingly. Amy looked annoyed but seemed to get the hint. Her boys needed privacy.
DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW
The Doctor was sitting on the med bay table removing his shirt. He was quiet now. Rory tried not to show how worried he was.
"I know your hurt. What if you hide it and it gets you killed?" Rory chided.
The timelord shrugged.
"Okay, what about if your too hurt to take care of Amy?" he asked, trying another tactic.
This worked. The timelord seemed to understand. "I get your point. I might be concealing an injury" he conceded.
Rory smirked in victory. Of course now wasn't the right time or place. He quickly refocussed. He checked The Doctors vitals and his upper body for injury. His hearts were fast. However apart from some minor cuts and bruising he was okay. "And your pants" Rory said without even thinking of how odd it would sound. It was standard procedure.
He noticed how the timelord shifted awkwardly. The timelord clenched a fist and bit his lip hard. Pain?
He sighed. "Its your leg right? Let me help you." he said without awkwardness. He had scissors in hand. As he was about to cut, he noticed the timelord wince and freeze up. He was worried again. "I'll try be gentle but I need to help you" he said softly.
It took a few minutes but he managed. He gasp when he was the long cut along the timelord calf. It was still oozing blood. When he removed the cloth covering it, the timelord had yelled out in pain. That bad?
He took a few moments to calm the upset timelord. When The Doctor had calmed, he applied some painkiller and started treating it. It would need stitches. Cleaned up the cut looked better. The blade must have been clean and sharp. That was good.
The timelord was whimpering again.
Rory comforted the timelord. The nurse could only guess at how much pain he was in. "You will be okay. I need to stitch that up. What is safe to use on you?" he asked gently.
"Seccond shelf. Its blue. Should numb the area enough. Then shelf below, its pink. Should work on the pain all night." he instructed.
Rory nodded. "Are you okay for me to do this?" he asked carefully.
The timelord nodded and manouvered himself so he was laying down with a sharp hiss of pain. Rory frowned but didn't comment. He started by injecting the blue liquid. When he was satisfied, he began stitching. Thankfully the drug was working. He injected the pink liquid next before wrapping the wound.
He checked his patient was okay. The timelord was not in pain anymore. The Doctor had a half asleep smile on his face. He grabbed some blankets and put them over him. "Rest now. I suppose it won't take you long to heal now. Still, I want to check you again tommorow." he ordered kindly.
The timelord was asleep now. Rory knew the Tardis would wake him if anything happened
DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW
The Doctor was dreaming.
He was at school. His father had really gone for him last night. He was sporting bruises, a concussion and at least one broken rib. On top of that he was receiving and extra punishment. No food until he learned his lesson.
"Theta" he heard in an annoying sing song voice. That could only be one person. Koishi.
He gave his friend his best grin. "Yeah, what?" he replied in a steady tone.
He realised with panic that Koishi wasn't buying it. Infact he was receiving a look of great concern. What if someone asked? What if they contacted his father?
Oh Rassilion! He would be dead. Literally.
"Whats going on? Don't lie to me. I'm your best friend." Koishi said.
"Nothing. Why would you ask that?" he said unconvicingly.
Koishi looked upset now. "Please?" he pleaded. "I know your hurt. Why would your father send you to school hurt?" he asked.
He almost broke. Almost. "He doesn't know" he lied.
Koishi frowned. "You haven't had lunch either. I know your always late so you couldn't have had breakfast." he said kindly.
"Forgot it" he replied too quickly.
"Share with me." the other boy said shoving half a sandwich in his hand.
He paused only a moment before the sandwich quickly disspeared. "Thanks" he said gratiously. Maybe even desperately.
Koishi paused before saying "If his hurting you, I won't tell. I'll even help you. I can bring extra lunch or help you with your injuries" he offered.
The Doctor only grinned back in silent acceptence.
DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW
The next day Rory checked over his patient. Everything was healing nicely. However his friend was being unnaturally quiet.
He looked like he hadn't slept at all. Rory knew it wasn't pain. It was something more. He had always suspected nightmares. "Are you okay?" Rory asked. Of course he might not get an honest answer but it was worth a try.
The happy mask slipped back on as the timelord spoke. It was amazing how convincing the mask was. "I'm just fine Rory. I have had much worse in my time." his friend assured in a happy voice.
"Worse?" Rory asked.
The Doctor's eyes grew dark and he bit his lip hard. Then it was as if Rory had imagined the whole thing. "Nothing worth paying attention to" he simply said.
"Well I want you to be careful. If you need me, don't hesitate to call okay?" Rory ordered.
AN: R and R.