It always feels like there was something to say. Something to do.

What can I do?

Whenever I wanted to find him, he was always there. Always patiently waiting for the things I wasn't sure of how to say. When to say; or his thoughts if I were to say them.

Would I be seen as selfish? Welcomed with opened arms? Would he see me as a child he still had to teach; or would he really see me for who I really am?

There was always something unspoken between him. If it was me, if it was him – there was always something. It initially never stopped us getting closer, but it does now.

My mind screams at me – How much longer can I take of this? Of not knowing where I stand, his feelings for me, my true feelings for him… - and as I try to shape the words out, I always seem to pause. Stuck in my throat, the words go unspoken time and time again.

It's really cost me now.

He's leaving me now. Leaving for a new place, interacting with new people; leaving me behind, those unspoken words hanging frozen in the air. My blood ran cold as I got a call from him saying he was leaving.

It feels like we've made so much progress together, shared many thoughts and dreams – are all those times going to be forgotten? Are you going to wipe a clean slate and start a new life without me? Are we going to attempt some long-distance friendship, which may as well be just as good as forgetting me?

I don't want to be forgotten. If this is how it's going to be, I'd rather…

I'd rather he truly knows the things I've been meaning to tell him. That his texts brighten up my day, and that I get agitated so many times as I write my responses; that his presence and comforting smile is all I need to survive my day with; and that I will never forget all the times we talked about things other than work. How it feels like him being in my life has changed me forever for the better; how I will continue my language studies to catch up to him; and how I really feel for him.

The truth is a scary thing. It's always hard to be honest when you realise you would be judged upon what you say – even if it is in your best intentions.

But… between telling him and never seeing him again… I'd rather tell him.

I raced towards the airport.

OOOOOOOOO

Was it really a good idea to leave like this? I didn't even give her a chance to properly say goodbye to me. My work colleague, my friend… and someone I had really thought had liked me the same way I did.

Looking towards the security checkpoint that would separate me from the check-in area and the gates, I paused. I could hear someone breathing heavily and ignored it as I slowly made my way towards the checkpoint.

I stopped as I noticed a shadow directly in front of me.

Who would be right in front of me at this time?

"You're really going to leave without letting me see you one last time? You've got some nerve, mister"

I blinked.

Kahoko… why are you here? Looking so drained out, red-faced, out of breath… are you doing this all for me?

OOOOOOOOO

I had dragged him with me to a coffee shop that was located just before the security checkpoint. As I ordered a skinny latte and watch him order his usual hot chocolate, I began to – once again – properly phrase everything that I wanted him to know.

"I'm going to continue my language studies."

Urgh. That's not it, Kahoko!

He nodded.

"I'm also going to stop being such an idiot."

He blinked, a puzzled expression on his face.

"When I first met you, I was never sure what to think of you. Or how to talk to you. While we had worked together, you and I had never crossed paths. To me, you were just another guy's face I knew. Before long, I was hanging onto your messages. Eagerly waiting for them. Needing to see them. My response was always a bit delayed", to which I laughed nervously before continuing, "I never seemed to be sure that what I was writing back to you was what I really wanted to write. I ran my hands through my hair many times, re-reading your previous messages. I grinned like an idiot sometimes. Hah, several times I was so frustrated I couldn't respond the way I really wanted to respond. Not that I didn't try, of course."

I looked into his eyes as I took a sip of my skinny latte.

"All the conversations we had shared… are some of the most memorable ones that I'll cherish. All the times you smiled and made me laugh… they were the highlight of any day I received one of them. And now… you're an irreplaceable part of me. You'll always be."

Stop those tears coming down your face, Kahoko Hino! You're trying to say a proper goodbye but instead you're going to be remembered as that blubbering girl!

I took a long, deep breath.

"I… came all the way here… just to tell you that. I'm glad… you know my true feelings now."

I couldn't look at him anymore. I grabbed the remainder of my takeaway skinny latte… and bolted for the doors.