A Broken Soldier
Summary: Every soldier has something that can break them. And when a soldier breaks, it can be absolutely devastating. For the soldiers themselves, and for those that witness it. Colonel Carter's worst fear, her nightmare, has just come true. And Atlantis is there to watch the fall of the greatest soldier they know. Major Character Deaths...
A/N: I'm writing this on my iPod right now, at 2:34am, with tears streaming down my face. I had this idea both just completely randomly, and whilst reading a fic that has absolutely no relation to this plot/theme... Nevertheless... There are Major Character Deaths, so if you don't like it, don't read it.
A/N-2: Also, this is probably AU. As it's set after Season Four of Atlantis, and Elizabeth has been saved, and Woolsey has joined Atlantis. Sam is still in command, which is pretty much why it's AU. Oh, and Teyla is there ;D
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1, or Stargate Atlantis. If I did, the show would still be on, and this most certainly wouldn't happen. But oh well...
"It was all his fault!"
Colonel Samantha Carter watched on as Doctor Rodney McKay pointed his finger at Colonel John Sheppard. Smirking at the accused Colonel, Sam rolled her eyes as McKay spouted out points about why it was John's fault he was currently covered in purple goo. It wasn't an unusual sight. In fact, Sam had seen so much more stranger things than a purple McKay. As he rambled on, Sam felt a small twinge in her chest. Shifting, suddenly uncomfortable, Sam held up her hand, silencing the coloured scientist.
"Enough Rodney. Go have a shower or something, you've tracked purple through my office."
Rodney spluttered, eyes wide as he gestures to John.
"Wha... But... What are you going to do about HIM?"
Sam looked between the two, the twinge in her chest growing bigger by the minute.
"Are you injured?"
Rodney shook his head, eyes still wide as a drip of goo slid down his forehead.
"Is it in anyway dangerous to your person, either physically or mentally?"
Once again, Rodney shook his head. Sam shrugged, leaning forward in her chair.
"Then I don't see a problem. I'll tell you now McKay. The amount of times I or someone from my team ended up covered in questionable liquids that ended up almost killing us is too many to count."
Rodney stated at her, mouth gaping open. Shaking his head, he stomped off with a huff, muttering to himself. John watched him descend the stairs through the window, turning back to Sam with a grin.
The grin slowly slid off his face as he saw her rubbing her chest, a small look of pain across her face.
"Sam?"
She looked up, worry in her eyes.
"Sorry... I just feel like something really bad's just happened."
John frowned, staring as she continued to rub her chest. Shaking it off, she leant back in her chair, shrugging at him.
"Oh well. Don't worry about it. I probably just ate something weird."
John nodded slowly, nodding at his Commanding Officer as he left her office. When he entered the gym where the rest of his team was, John thought back to Sam's theory.
Except from what John remembered, Sam hadn't eaten yet today.
The next day the twinge was more than just that. It felt as though her heart had been ripped in two. She was standing in the control room, AG-1, Doctor Elizabeth Weir and Richard Woolsey standing on the other side of the consoles. She was grinning at John's impression of McKay as he fell into the lake that caused the incident yesterday. The gate suddenly blared to life, causing them to turn to Chuck as he checked for an Identification Code.
"IDC?" Sam asked, still grinning even as she felt her chest constrict.
"One moment ma'am... It's the SGC Colonel."
Blinking in surprise, she asked Chuck to move the video footage to the screen nearer to her. The screen lit up, the face of General Hank Landry staring at her.
She was about to greet him with a cheerful hello, when she noticed his expression. He stated at her solemnly, tears in the corner of his eyes. Blinking, she vaguely heard as Richard greeted him instead. Hank ignored him, continuing to stare in to Sam's eyes. The control room felt the temperature drop, all noise ceased as the observed the odd communication between their Commander and hers.
"General?"
The frowned at Sam's croaked voice, confused at the sudden change in her.
"Colonel... Sam..."
John furrowed his brow at the General's greeting. Normally, General Landry would only call them by their ranks. It was very rare to have him call one by their first name... Practically unheard of. Sam's reaction to his words shocked and confused him, especially when Hank replied.
"No... Don't... Don't say it..."
"I'm so sorry Sam."
The tears in Sam's eyes caused and even quieter silence in the room, if that were even possible. Major Lorne had just climbed the steps to enter, but even he grew silent as he came across the scene before him.
"Stop... Don't..."
They watched in confusion as Sam begged the General to stop talking. Looking at Hank, you could tell he desperately wanted to abide her pleads.
"Yesterday at 1300 hours the training grounds for out new recruits was attacked. SG-1 held them back as best they could..."
"Please don't Hank"
Realization slowly set in in John's mind. Samantha Carter was the strongest woman he knew. There was only one thing that could cause this reaction. Elizabeth must have come to the same conclusion, if the small gasp and whisper of 'Oh my god' was anything to go by.
"I'm sorry Sam, I have to." Hank licked his lips, taking a deep breath he continued on. "Unfortunately they were overpowered. I'm so, so sorry Sam... They're gone."
Sam had begun to breathe heavier, the pain in her chest exploding as he said those two words. Tears fell from her eyes as she processed the words. Unable to let go just yet, she stiffed her lip, closing her eyes as she spoke.
"Jack? Why isn't Jack telling me?"
Her eyes opened, only for them to meet the teary eyes of her boss. She ignored the gasps that echoed around the room, only to fall to her knees as she sobbed, a devastated scream ripping through her throat.
Those in the control room watched as Sam fell to the floor, all of them now understanding what had happened. Tears appeared in their eyes, the broken cries of their Commander filling the room.
Hank watched helplessly as Colonel Carter sobbed, a small cry escaping his own lips. He quickly scanned the room, meeting the watery eyes of the personnel there. They'd all been here longer than he had. Had all been here with SG-1, some from the very start. His eyes met Walter's horror filled one, as he watched Sam break in the Atlantis control room. He's been here the longest. He'd been here from the start. Right alongside them.
Looking back up, he could only watch as Samantha Carter cried, heartbroken. Unable to watch any longer, he nodded at Chuck, signaling both him and Walter to disconnect the gate.
"Atlantis, out." Chuck whispered, quietly shutting off the gate.
As the gate closed, Hank sighed, tuning to walk up the stairs and in to his office. Closing the door, he sat at his desk, tears finally falling from his eyes.
Atlantis hummed, as though feeling the heartbreak; as though responding to it.
John stood straight, stepping toward Sam as she sat on the floor of the control room, sobs racking her body.
"Sam..." he whispered, hand outstretched.
She suddenly stood, shaking her head as she choked on nothing at all.
"Air... I need air!"
She turned, bolting toward the door to the balcony next to the control room. Flinging herself at the railing, they simultaneously flinched, desperately hoping she wouldn't fall over the side.
Sam took gasping breaths, trying to calm the tears only for them to start back up immediately. all she could think about were those words...
They're gone...
They're gone...
They're gone...
She turned her back to the railing, sliding down to sit on the freezing cold floor. Her sobs continued, the two words replaying over and over in her head.
The Atlantis crew watched as she fell apart, sinking to the ground to wrap her arms around her body.
Sniffing, John looked around the room. Everyone was crying. It would be ridiculous not to. SG-1 was gone! It was... Unthinkable... They were SG-1! He realized then that only those few here in the room knew about this. Sighing, he looked at Sam. Should he go to her first, or address the rest of the city?
He walked toward the doors, opening them amongst crying sound inside, and small half screams outside.
"Sam? Do you need an..."
"My desk."
She'd stopped sobbing for a moment, choking out the words. John frowned, confused.
"Your... Desk?"
"The photo... Bring me the photo."
John nodded, understanding now. He ran passed Elizabeth as she herself sobbed. She'd been the closest to SH-1, apart from Sam of course. He picked up the frame, running back to Sam. Stepping forward, he held the frame toward her. Sam's fingers closed around the frame, pulling it from her to hold up in front of her.
"Go away... Leave me alone... Please John."
John, despite his thoughts otherwise, nodded, leaving the balcony. He approached Chuck, who'd wiped the tears from his eyes as John walked toward him.
"I need to tell the city."
Chuck nodded silently, pushing buttons to ensure he'd be heard from the whole city.
"Attention all personnel. We have just received devastating news from Stargate Command." He paused here, collecting himself as he continued to speak. "At 1300 hours yesterday, SG-1, along with General O'Neill and several new trainees, were killed in action."
He could practically feel and hear the gasps that echoed around the city. He looked back to Sam, seeing the sobs rack her body once more. He glanced at Elizabeth, who despite crying, nodding encouragingly at him.
"Colonel Carter is currently unavailable, and as such all matters shall be redirected to either myself, or Doctor Weir. Please, take as much time as you need to mourn the loss of our flagship team, and for many of us, our heroes. That is all."
As he disconnected, he felt the tears he'd held back begin to fall down his cheeks. He returned to stand next to his team, Teyla on one side, Ronan on another. Teyla rested her head on his shoulders. She too was crying. And though some of it was for the fallen soldiers and SG-1, the majority was for Sam.
Over the two years Sam had been in command, she'd formed quite a friendship with everyone, particularly Teyla and John. It was difficult, watching the usually composed, strong, invincible Colonel break down.
They stood there, every single one of them, from the technicians to the marine that had been in the room, to AG-1. Every single one of them stood there, waiting for Colonel Carter. Whether it was for her to stop crying, for her to come in side... The more likely reason, or at least for AG-1, was until she needed them.
Three hours... Three hours they all stayed where they were. Some had stopped crying, others were still doing so. Sam had stood now, turning to stare out at the ocean through the darkening sky. John grew nervous, not liking her that close to the edge. Stepping forward, he signalled at his team to stay where they were. Of course, they didn't listen. Wanting to do as much as they could for Sam, they quietly snuck outside behind him. John hadn't even said anything when she spoke, her voice shaky and heavy with grief.
"It's surreal you know. To hear that they're dead. I've heard it plenty of times now. Sometimes I've been the one who was dead. It's an SG-1 thing. Coming back from being... Not alive. I'm sort of expecting to hear that they'd tumbled through the gate, completely okay, as though nothing had happened."
She turned, staring at John with red eyes.
"But they're not are they? They're not coming back"
John shook his head, opening his arms to embrace her. Her body shook, silent sobs escaping her.
XX
John lay her down in her bed, having carried her from the balcony to her quarters. They'd stayed out there for well over an hour, the only sounds they heard were the soft cries of Sam and the waves as they crashed against the city's edge.
Stepping out of the room, he sighed at his team. Sam had cried herself to exhaustion, unable to slow her sobs.
Ronan was leaning against the corridor wall, head bent as he thought. Teyla sat on the floor, eyes closed in a sort of prayer. Jennifer Keller stood beside her, eyes darting from John to the door. Typical doctors... Rodney stood, with his arm awkwardly thrown over Elizabeth's shoulders, comforting her own silent tears. Woolsey was perhaps the most lost. He stood, unable to decipher his own feelings. SG-1 had been a thorn in his side for quite some time now, but even he could not deny the deep loss accompanying the news of their death. SG-1 were legend. Unattainable, untouchable... Stories were constantly told, both on Atlantis and even at the SGC itself. Even the President regarded SG-1 highly.
John sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"I'm going to stay out here. Just... Just in case she needs something."
They exchange glances, silently agreeing to an unspoken question.
"We'll stay as well John."
John nodded at Teyla, sliding down the wall to sit comfortably.
XX
The door slid open, only for Sam to step out. Her face was emotionless, even as she saw her frontline team sitting outside her room. Creeping past them, she walked off, turning a corner.
Teyla watched as Sam walked off. Standing, she followed her, concerned about Sam's own well-being.
She found her, standing at the railing of a smaller balcony near her quarters. It was raining now, the weather reflecting Sam's mood.
"Colonel Carter?"
Sam turned her head, coming face to face with a concerned Teyla.
"I thought it was a nightmare." She said, turning back to stare at the dark ocean. "But then I remembered my nightmares don't involve losing SG-1. It was something I never thought of. I always assumed when SG-1 fell, I'd be there. But I wasn't."
"Because you were here."
Sam turned once again to look at Teyla.
"Because I was here."
Teyla watched as Sam turned her head again, gazing out at the ocean with watery eyes.
"Do you regret it? Being here, instead of there with them?"
Sam hesitated, closing her eyes as she choked on her words.
"I want to. I want to blame Atlantis and everyone on here, for needing me. But I can't. It's just not me. I know they went down swinging. It was always expected of us, we always expected it of us. I'm the last member of SG-1. It's just… a little daunting."
Teyla nodded, placing her hand over Sam's own on the railing. They stood there, not saying a word, until dawn broke, the sun rising in the distance. Even then, they didn't move. The other's found them, two hours after daybreak, staring at the waves crashing against the city. Joining them on the balcony, several stray people wandering the halls inside moved out, standing quietly behind them.
A silent salute to SG-1.