Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters. If I did the show would be way different. Trust me on that one.
Anyways this is a very dark and depressing one shot, with a character death in it. It is through Brooke's point of view in Season 4, after her and Lucas break up. It is very unrealistic I know but I just wanted to capture Brooke in a different light.
It's over.
The pain is gone.
There's nothing left to feel.
It was officially over. The pain was gone. The pain she had experienced the night she left Lucas's room in tears was gone. For so long the words "I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore" followed by a pathetic "I'm sorry" echoed through her ears and the image of his anguished eyes, a dull shade of blue burned in the back of her mind. But not anymore, those memories were gone. Now she didn't think anything. She didn't feel anything.
Numb, cold, and lifeless,
Eyes as dull as razor blades.
There is nothing left inside of you.
You can't feel anything.
The life is sucked right out of you.
You are bleeding for nothing.
The only feeling left inside of her was numb, and cold, and lifeless. It was the feeling of nothing. Everything was gone. Her dimpled smile hadn't been seen in almost a month. Her usually vivid hazel eyes were replaced with dull irises, clouded with emptiness. She didn't feel a sickness in the pit of her stomach, one that the normal Brooke Davis would've felt upon seeing her ex-boyfriend and best friend together. But the new Brooke Davis wasn't normal, she was replaced by someone the old Brooke Davis would've hated.
The cold blade brushed her warm skin, sending a chill down her spine. It was teasing her, begging her to press its deadly blade against her wrist. She touched the mechanism to her skin and ripped the flesh away. Brooke grabbed a towel from the side of the bath tub, leaned over the sink and let the blood drip. She wrapped the towel around her wrist and leaned back against the counter. She couldn't feel anything. She was bleeding for nothing, for she didn't care if her life ended right then. It would at least take away the numbness that had taken over her body.
Memories scattered across the floor,
Mascara tracks run down your face
You are crying for nothing.
These deadly reminders of an act of betrayal,
A rip right through the heart
You will never forget.
"Fuck," Brooke yelled at the top of her lungs as she threw the picture frame against the wall. She watched the glass break into tiny pieces and she let out a small laugh, "I can't believe I loved him and I trusted her". Several pictures scattered the floor and before she knew it Brooke was scooping all of them up. Every picture she could find of her and Lucas, and her and Peyton we're now on her bed in piles.
One by one, she burned each picture. As she did, tears ran down her face in frenzy. Thick black streaks of mascara rolled down her cheeks with the hot tears. Instantly she wiped the tears from her face. Why the fuck am I crying she wondered? Lucas and Peyton certainly weren't worth crying over. She was crying for nothing. She grinned in a twisted way as she burned the last of the reminders of an act of betrayal. The rip in her heart was gone, just like that. Of course, she would never forget this as long as she lived but for now that ache was gone. She didn't feel anything.
Broken
Is what you feel
Lost, and alone
Nobody is there to save you
From the nightmare you've become.
Hating yourself, and the others around you
You've put up unbreakable walls,
A form of protection to ease the hurt.
If she had to pick one word to describe her emotions right now it would be broken. Not broken by Lucas and Peyton, but broken by the way her life was turning out. She had shut out nearly everyone that meant anything to her. She refused to let Peyton and Lucas back in but who could blame her? She shut Nathan and Haley out. She shut Mouth out and she rarely talked to Rachel anymore. She shut Bevin and Skills out; she shut Karen and Deb out. Nobody could get through to her anymore.
Nobody could save her, she was so alone and so lost in a world that she was coming to hate. This was her nightmare, a remnant of her once perfect life. Her nightmare was full of demons that she couldn't face, hate that couldn't be suppressed and unbreakable walls that couldn't survive even the smallest crack.
Through the mirror, you see
A remnant of what you used to be
You want to be that person again but you can't.
You won't.
You want to live again, to feel again,
To escape this twisted fate
And seek the happiness you are destined to find.
Standing in front of the mirror, she sees a stranger. Looking back at her is not the bubbly, beautiful Brooke Davis she's used to seeing. Instead, she sees a broken, numb, emotionless, dull girl. If she looks hard enough she can see a trace of who she used to be. It's very faint but that girl is still there. She wants so badly to give up and be that girl again but she can't. She won't.
She doesn't want her weakness to be exposed because she is anything but weak and she does not go down without a fight. She wants so desperately to feel again, to live again, and to be herself again. She can't find the strength to escape this twist of fate. She wants to but she can't. This is her life now. She chose it.
Cruel and harsh it is
To see the past's reflection,
Reminding you of the mistakes
That were made along the way
The stranger staring back at her was simply a reflection of her past and the mistakes that had been made. It was hard to think back, to pick apart what had even caused all of this. Was it simply because she was not enough? Was she not smart enough or not pretty enough for Lucas? Did they lack an emotional connection? Did he just see her as a nice piece of ass and nothing more than someone for him to sleep with?
She didn't know what it was for sure but maybe it was all of it. She knew it was just a matter of time before Lucas would do the exact same thing he had done to her a year ago. She knew that he was going to run into Peyton's awaiting arms again if she didn't end it. Maybe she was just being paranoid that he'd realize all of her flaws and see the imperfections that hid behind her perfect exterior. Yet again, her insecurities had gotten the best of her.
You've become your own demise
A Broken mess for the world to see
Drowning yourself in alcohol
Wishing that is was enough
To get you through each day
But it isn't
It never is.
She really shouldn't be sitting here blaming Lucas and Peyton for her own demise. She was her own worst enemy and she had caused her own downfall. Instead of trying to fix her relationship with Lucas, she let him go. She liked to call if her own personal sacrifice. She let go of him so that Peyton could be happy and so that he could be happy because she was beginning to get the feeling that he wasn't as happy with her as he had let on. She wanted him to be happy, even if it meant that she wasn't. Even if it meant that she had to live her life like this. At least one of them could be happy.
She grabbed the bottle of vodka that she kept hidden in the back of her closet for times like these. Smiling, she brought the bottle to her lips and chugged all twenty six ounces of it. She didn't care if it burned her throat, she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything. When she was finished, she felt the world spinning beneath her feet. She chucked the bottle against the wall, and like the picture frame it shattered into a million pieces. She laughed as glass sprayed across the room.
All of a sudden, a very drunk Brooke got an idea that was bad to most, but good to her. She remembered that her dad kept a shotgun in the back of his closet, just in case an intruder came in. She stumbled out of the room, gripping onto random objects as she managed to get to the closet. She grabbed the gun and checked to see if it was loaded. It was. Perfect, she thought. She stumbled back to her own bedroom and closed the door. She decided not to write a suicide note but instead grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and managed to scribble the words To Lucas and Peyton. You finally got what you deserved. I'm no longer standing in your way.
She brought the gun to her head and cocked it. This was it, one simple motion. How hard could it be? Then, she did something that surprised her. She dropped the gun from the side of her head. She couldn't do this. She was going to change. Get into rehab or something. Her life was more than this and she knew it.
Just as she was about to drop the gun, the unexpected happened. She stumbled forward and tripped, her hand slipped and accidently pulled the trigger, which was aimed right at her heart. Then it all went black.
(AN: Okay, so very sad and depressing I know but I just can't seem to write happy Brucas anymore. I guess I've lost inspiration. I'm considering a sequel to this through Lucas's POV, a few years after Brooke's death. I'm thinking of using the song Lucy by Skillet because I think that it would fit very well.)