Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any related characters or objects. Rats! …No offense, Yuki!
A Note on Pairings: There will be slight hints that both Yuki and Kyo have a crush on Tohru. However, that's as far as romance goes in this story. So if you were looking for romance, keep looking.
A Note on Flashbacks: Flashbacks will begin with two close parentheses and end with two open parentheses. Like so – )) Flashback ((
A Note on Censorship: "Hi," Yuki Sohma smiled. "No, the story hasn't started yet. Please be patient. Lihau just wanted me to tell you that, instead of putting swearwords all over the page, she has decided to censor the stupid cat's language."
"Don't call me 'stupid'!" yelled Kyo Sohma. "-CENSORED- mouse! Hey… what's going on?"
"I repeat: Lihau has censored all of the stupid cat's foul language from this page."
"I'm not stupid, -CENSORED- it—whaaaa?! You can't censor me, -CENSORED- it!"
"Too late… stupid cat…"
Thanks Yuki—
"What about me, you -CENSORED- author?!"
—And Kyo. Now, on to the story!
Life
One: Fight No. 1
"Please! Could you please stop fighting?" Tohru Honda pleaded.
KRASH
"My wall!" cried Shigure Sohma. Dropping to his knees, he grabbed Kyo Sohma's pant leg. He was dragged around a bit as Kyo tried to shake him off and continue fighting Yuki Sohma.
"My house!" Shigure all but sobbed. "Please, spare my house! My beautiful, glorious—"
CLANG
The television fell victim to a misplaced punch from Kyo.
"Nooooo!" Shigure wailed. "Please! Please!" he begged.
"Leggo of me!" shouted Kyo, shaking his leg violently in an attempt to free himself from the dog's grasp.
"Please stop fighting!" Tohru added to the ruckus.
"My house!" Shigure continued. "My house!"
Yuki, circling around the cat with a bored expression on his face, ended up near Tohru, who grabbed hold of his shoulder and said, "Please, Yuki, stop fighting with Kyo!"
"Miss Honda, you really shouldn't stand there," Yuki advised. He ducked another attack from Kyo, but the punch ended up on the side of Tohru's face. Tohru yelped and fell over.
"-CENSORED- rat!" Kyo yelled. "Now look what you did!"
"You punched her, stupid cat," Yuki objected coolly. Turning to Tohru and then kneeling next to her, he put his hand over hers and asked with concern, "Are you alright, Miss Honda?"
Getting a hold of himself, Shigure stood up and, straightening out his clothes, began to speak. "My, Kyo, we certainly are on a roll today, aren't we? Not only have you DESTROYED MY HOUSE—(sob)—but you have also PUNCHED OUT our beautiful flower! Oh, my poor little future bride!"
"She's not gonna marry you, -CENSORED- it!" Kyo bellowed.
Tohru sat up dazedly as Yuki repeated, "Are you alright, Miss Honda?"
Leaping to her feet, Tohru exclaimed all at once, "Yes! I'm alright! I have to start cleaning! Oh, and thank you for worrying about me! I'm sorry for getting in your way! It's all my fault and I'm so sorry! Yes! Please forgive me!"
And with that, she dashed off to begin cleaning.
"You aren't going to let our delicate flower clean up your mess all by herself," Shigure gasped, "are you?"
Yuki, ignoring the dog, commented, "I think I'll help Miss Honda." The rat walked after her.
Shigure continued to meaningfully smirk at Kyo until the cat growled, "If you think I'm cleaning your house, you're loco! Idiot mutt!"
As Kyo stalked outside (most likely to the roof), Shigure called happily after him, "'Loco'? Why, Kyo! I had no idea you were taking Spanish in school!"
BONG
Shigure fell backwards as something resembling a watering can plowed into his face.
"Kyo!" Shigure moaned feebly, slowly sitting up. "I have some new words for your wonderful new Spanish vocabulary! ¡Creo que voy a morir! You know what that means?"
…
"I think I am going to die!"
KLUNK
Shigure fell down again.
-
Kyo, sitting on the roof, continued grumbling all the expletives he knew. In other words, he was doing a whole lot of muttering. When he ran out of known swearwords, he even made up a few new ones. Very creative person.
"Tooohhhhrrrruuuu!"
Kyo glanced down at the sound of the young, cheery voice. He stifled a moan upon seeing Momiji and Hatsuharu Sohma.
"Tooooooohhhhrrrruuuuuuuuu!!"
"She's inside!" Kyo shouted down furiously. "Now will you shut the -CENSORED- up already?!"
"Waahh! Haru! Kyo's picking on me!" wailed the rabbit.
"Apparently," the ox monotoned.
"Make him stop!" Momiji exclaimed, staring up wide-eyed at the taller fifteen-year-old.
"Yeah, you crazy cow!" Kyo sneered, leaping to the ground. "Make me stop!"
As Kyo approached him, Haru lightly tapped the cat in the chest with two knuckles.
"Stupid hamburger!" laughed Kyo derisively. "You think you can beat me with that?!"
"With that, no."
Haru kicked his cousin harshly in the shin.
"OWWW!" Kyo howled, hopping up and down frantically on one foot.
"With this, yes. Pathetic, kitty. Pathetic." The ox of the zodiac walked past the cat and, because he felt like hitting something else, decided to knock on the door for once.
Momiji, however, had other plans. The rabbit lunged forward and burst inside, shouting, "Tooohhhhrrrruuuu!"
Tohru came out of the kitchen and Momiji leapt into her arms. A little puff of smoke appeared and the bunny snuggled up against Tohru.
"Hello, Momiji!" Tohru cried after getting over her initial surprise.
"You shoulda been there, Tohru!" Momiji squealed. "Haru hit Kyo because Kyo was picking on me!"
Arching a single eyebrow as he stepped inside, Haru said, "You think I hit him for you."
"Yeahhh!" Momiji confirmed, closing his eyes and beaming.
Yuki, cheeks bright red, joined the other three. Shigure, just so you know, had picked himself up by this time and was now making paper airplanes in his study. Instead of writing his latest novel. The way he was supposed to.
Speaking somewhat slyly, Haru addressed the rat and said, "Did we… interrupt something?"
"Shut up," Yuki glared icily.
"Hm, this looks interesting," the ox continued, a devious glint entering his eyes.
"Shut up," the rat repeated, eyes narrowing.
"Very interest—"
"I SAID, SHUT UP!"
Yuki turned and stalked back into the kitchen.
"Yuki?" Tohru called after him worriedly.
"I'll talk to him," Haru volunteered.
Tohru nodded as Hatsuharu wandered into the galley.
"So," Haru began, leaning an elbow on the counter.
"So what?" Yuki grunted.
"Soooo…" Haru drew out.
Yuki gave him a look which clearly said to either say something worthwhile or shut up.
"What were you and Tohru doing when Momiji and I interrupted?"
"I was helping Miss Honda clean."
Smirking very slightly, Haru pressed, "Clean what, Yun-Yun?"
"Get your mind out of the sewers, cow! In case you didn't notice, it's very warm in here!" Yuki snapped. "That's why my face is red, okay?"
Haru chuckled mentally, keeping a straight face. "Of course."
"Whatever you're thinking, stop thinking it."
"Who's thinking?"
"You. So stop it."
Haru shrugged. "Need any help, Galley-Slave?"
Yuki held up a mutilated rag and asked, "You know what I wish this was?"
Haru shook his head briefly and Yuki threw the rag into the garbage.
"I wish that was you."
-
Momiji, meanwhile, had transformed back and gotten dressed by this time and was now jabbering about something or other as he clung to Tohru's hand and bounced up and down.
Kyo interrupted, charging into the room while screaming, "WHERE'S THAT -CENSORED- SIDE OF BEEF?!"
Haru reentered the room.
"THERE YOU ARE! YOU'LL BE -CENSORED- HAMBURGER PATTIES WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!"
And so began Round Two.
Shigure, hearing Kyo yelling, came rushing out of his study. He arrived just in time to see the cat and Black Haru crash into a vase, making it fall to the ground in several pieces. The dog yelped and dropped the half-folded paper airplane he'd been holding.
"Please! No! My house!!"