Top Ten Awards
A/N: Script is a legitimate form of writing too, dammit. Sorry, but there's really no other format that this would work in…. (I miss the old days…)
A/N: I know I went from the countries having pictures of themselves to not having them but…I wrote this quickly one night while making dinner. I guess you can just pretend there are pictures of them in the background.
Sources: MSN Travel and the 2011 Country Brand Index
*P'g, the authoress, enters the stage in a flowing, red dress that sparkles*
P'g: Welcome everyone to the Top Ten Awards where we award nations for their achievements! There are a variety of categories such as excellent customer service, best place to work/live and best government! Here to announce the awards for Most Respected County in the World…England and France!
*England and France come on stage in nice "Sunday Best" attire – For France that would include one or two top buttons being undone*
England: Good Evening, everyone.
France: Bonjour!
England: Ok, getting straight to the point – in the number 10 position…Italy!
*Screen shows the Italian brothers in front of the Great Wall of China*
England: *sweatdrops irritated and massages the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed* Ugh…unfortunately the Italy's submitted the wrong picture. We asked for one of them in their own country…not on vacation. Anyway, Italy came in tenth because of food, heritage and culture. The nation didn't score as high as it could have due to recent political scandals and economic troubles.
France: *pushes England aside* Now for number 9…why it's the très bien moi! *squeals like a girl*
England: *rolls his eyes* As if you deserve to be there…you're weaker than a new born kitten and you smell like bad cheese.
France: *glares* Well we'll just see where you place!
England: *smirks and straightens his jacket* Well clearly I'm number one…as befitting a British Gentleman.
France: British Gentleman my foot…you weren't so gentlemanly when you invaded Ireland and stepped all over him, forcing him to submit or else! But I digress…this is about moi! Let's see, I'm nombre neuf because…I have the Eiffel Tower, baguettes, cheese and beyond luxurious wine. In fact the Eiffel Tower is the most-visited paid-admission monument in the world. Take that Tower of London!
England: *smirks looking rather desperate* To bad your people have no political freedom! Everyone knows you hate Muslims!
France: *gets in England's face* AND YOU HATE GYPSIES!
*They glare at each other harshly in a stare down. England breaks away, "I have no time for this rubbish!"*
England: Ranked 8th is Finland.
"Random" Voice in Crowd: Hurraa!
France: Finland is eight because…because…quite frankly I don't know why…
England: Candidate factors are supposed to include awareness, familiarity and preference…Finland usually ranks low in those categories.
"Random" Voice again: Awww…
England: But apparently…Finland is very smart so…I guess that's why he's here. He submitted more scientific papers in 2005 than I did.
France: *snicker*
England: Shut up, France! He submitted more than you too!
France: Yeah, but unlike you I take pride in culture not brains. *Turning to audience while grasping at the announcers podium* With Finland in 8th it's only befitting that his significant other be 7th!
"Random" Voice again: I'm not his wife!
England: Now Sweden's place is not surprising – it's a well-to-do country that many people would like to live in. They're first in a variety of categories including: Political freedom, tolerance, environmental friendliness, safety, healthcare, education, and quality of life…Geez, if this is the case why isn't he first?
France: Probably because people are getting bored with the tacky IKEA look. Oh well, at least he has H&M to fall back on.
England: Coming in at number 6 is…someone I'd rather not mention.
France: *Looks at card Tehehehe…
England: *Pulls card away* Get out of here you frog! *Sigh* Ugh…number six is…America.
America: *In the crowd* WHOOOOOOOOO! We did it! *runs up on stage and collects trophy* I wanna thank myself for-
England: *Grabs trophy away* What the bloody hell are you doing, you damn yank!
America: *Frowns* But you called my name…so I won….
England: *Ignoring France's giggling* No you git! You're sixth! You didn't win anything!
America: *Blinks* Uh…wait a sec…sixth? I'm pretty sure you mean first…I AM the hero after all. The hero always wins!
England: Well you didn't so please take you seat.
America: *Frowns again* But this doesn't make any sense. How am I not number one?
France: *Takes card from England* Well let's see…says here you're a friendly, party guy that people like to visit. Modern, forward-thinking with nice, natural scenery and great shopping.
America: That's all good stuff.
France: It says you continue to slip-
America: Wait…continue!
France: That's what it says…you continue to slip because of socio-political problems and a troubled economy.
England: Now would you get off the damn stage!
*America shrugs and exits the stage*
France: At number five is another former British Colony…Australia.
England: Australia ranked 5th because it's English – naturally – and exotic. Australia has become a mastermind in tourism as of late and uses his stereotypical 'sunshine 24/7' weather to attract both people and positive attention.
France: *Glares* I highly doubt being English has anything to do with it! *Takes next card* In fourth is…Japan (and NOT England!)
England: *Glares back* I told you, I'm number one.
France: Ha! We'll see about that, Rosbif! Japan is fourth because of tourism and business investments.
England: Well, I guess the tsunami didn't do as much damage to him as he thought it would. In fact, it seems to have helped him in public sympathy.
France: Like the Chilean miners. But Japan also is also well developed and has a unique atmosphere in comparison to other Asian nations. Modern but traditional.
England: Congratulations Japan…now for the top three!
France: The 3rd runner up, who will join us on stage, is…New Zealand!
England: *Smirks at France* Well, what a surprise…another former British colony.
France: Oui. But I still have not seen you on this list.
New Zealand: *Comes on stage to get 3rd place badge*Aw thanks guys! It's nice to know I'm gaining a good reputation…all thanks to great scenery, dairy products and Lord of the Rings. *Nods* Yup, Lord of the Rings.
France & England: *Sweatdrop*
England: Well…okay…give it up for Aust- I mean…New Zealand everyone!
New Zealand: *Shoots England a look and heads back down to his seat*
France: In second place is…
Together: *Shocked* SWITZERLAND!
France: Well I guess that kind of makes sense. He does have awesome trains, scenery, skiing and festivals.
England: It's also a place people ranked high on the 'I'd like to live there' list. AND he started the Red Cross.
Switzerland: *Comes on stage* Give me my trophy.
*England hands him 2nd place trophy*
Switzerland: Thank you…goodbye. *Exits stage all stiff*
France: *Sarcastically* Well gee, that was a heart-warming presentation. *Ducks as bullets fly past him*
England: And now it's time for number one… *Smiles* Thank you everyone for voting me –
France: Hang on! *Reads card* WHAT! REALLY!
England: Of course it's me!
France: No, look!
*They look at the card in shock together*
England & France: The winner of the Most Respected Country in the World is…CANADA!
*The video screen behind the two show Canada in his seat in the crowd. The audience applauds casually- some not sure who they're even applauding for – as Canada shifts his eyes and smiles nervously*
Canada: *Makes his way to the stage passing a variety of nations*
America: *Jumps up* WTF guys! Canada gets number one! We're practically the same! How does he get first and I get sixth!
Canada: *Glares at America* We're not the same at all! We're VERY different! *Goes on stage*
France: *Smirks*Not only is it NOT you, but it's a fellow French nation!
England: *Snarls* He's English too! And the English population is higher than the French!
France: *Gets in England's face* Well the French were there first!
Canada: *Sweatdrop* The natives were there first actually but…anyway… Thanks again to everyone who voted me first for the second year in a row.
England: WHAT! *Looks at last year's results – as a paper with them is conveniently sitting on the podium* Blimey, you're right!
France: *Winks* Well of course Canada is number one…look at all those amazing Canadien athletes. They rocked the winter Olympics!
England: Oh yeah! What about their stellar political system…which, by the way, was established by me! Not to mention a strong sense of tolerance.
France: *Mocks* Right…because you're real tolerant. That's why you kicked out the Acadians from east Canada for doing nothing at all, vrai?
Canada: *Frowns* Um guys…there's really no need for this, eh?
France & England: *At each other* His country is a lot prettier and he's nicer than you'll ever be!
Canada: …I'll just…take my trophy now. *Picks up trophy*
P'g: *Runs out and glomps Canada before he can fully exit the stage* That's it guys! If I see more Top Ten lists – which I'm sure I will – and feel like writing I'll add another chapter. Good Night!
*Everyone exits the auditorium leaving only South Korea*
South Korea: *To no one in particular* I like Canada because he's funny…did you know Korea invented humour? Oh Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…
A/N: If the script is really that big of a deal, I'll take it down...