disclaimer: gues what I don't ooooowwn:D

Well, this is a oneshot based on somethign me and my sister were talking about. It started out with a casual conversation about gold and switzerland.

Sari was an average(?) girl, going to an average(crappy) school, leading an average (boring) life. She was currently in school, seventh period science class, and everyone in the class was researching a different element. Sari had gotten the element gold. At first, she was dissapointed that she didn't get a radioactive element, like radium or something. But then, she saw the beauty and riches of Gold . And power. Sari liked power.

Anyways, She was researching gold, when she came upon a very interesting fact. She read over a few times, and then looked up at corwin, will, and amanda.

"America bought billions of dollars of gold. This Gold is being kept in a vault in the country of Switzerland. The vault is currently being guarded by a group of individuals who call themselves The gnomes of Zurich." She stated. They all stared at her.

"Nevermind. Cheese is good." She mumbled to herself...But then! Then she had a sudden realization!!!! Sari jumped up on the table and looked at all the students in the library.

"AMAZING! IT'S AMAZING! I KNEW IT WAS TRUE! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!!" she screamed. Her science teacher was shocked. Corwin was laughing insanely. Amanda was smiling. She liked it when people did stupid things. Will was skinning a hippo--er-he was um...staring in bewilderment. yeah that's it.

"What? You guys don't get it? Oh I haven't explained anything yet have I? hmm. Well, anyways, the main point is that I've discovered an entrance to the secret city of Haven!!! Woo! I can glomp root!" she excalimed.

There was an akward silence. Everyone was to in shock.

" What's haven? and why are you on the table? Aren't you usually the quiet shy person?" Asked one of the moronic boys in my class. You know the type. The jerks and #$!'s.

"FOOL! That's only how I act in school. Y'see, out of school, i'm actually very animated and stuff. But anyways, I have obtained the knowledge of how to get to haven city! OHMYGAWSH!!! i'M OUTTA HERE!" screamed Sari at the top of her lungs, and she rushed out of the library. Her science teacher, Mr.Tusai, finally snapped out of the shock and went after her.

While Sari was running down the hall, she ran into officer Pop. Officer Pop was the police officer that patroled the halls of IMS. She was commonly known to pop up at the most horrible time for students. It was rumored that she knew secret passageways through the school. Students often referred to her as either "The Pop" or "That stupid lady".

" And what are you doing? You go back to class right--no, you're going straight to the office for blah blah blah blah blah blah" Pop went on babbling about something that Sari really didn't care about. She needed to get to Haven! If she didn't...she didn't wanna even THINK abotu how much she would hate herself! And so...she did soemthing completely stupid...

She punched an armed police officer in the face as hard as she could. This caused Officer Pop to explode. How that works out, I have no idea. Oh well, i'll look that up later. So anyways, Sari ran out of the school and pulled out her cell phone, that in real life, she doesn't have. Sari dialed up a number and spoke.

"Hey, I need a private jet to fly me to switzerland, pronto." she said, and she hung up. Five minuted later a jet arrived. Sari ran onto it right as her science teacher came out of the building.

Sari wiped the sweat off of her forehead. She had gotten away with things so far, but how long could this good luck last? Sari looked out the window. SHRIST! The teacher had let loose the B.W.J.D!!!! In other words, The Badgers With Jetpacks Department! Sari gritted her teeth. The badger would drag her back to class and she would never get a chance to visit haven and glomp the hell out of root! Thinking quickly, Sari ran up to the front of the jet and pushed one of the pilots on the ground. Thankfully, the piolet was only critically injured.

Sari used the jets machine guns to destroy the BWJD. It was working succesfully until...

The author of the story decided to go get some pudding!

Author : Damn! I could really use some puddin' right now!

Story: Nooooo! You have to write meeeeee!

Author: (gets up to go get pudding)

Story: (cries)

--times passes---

(author sits down at computer)

Story: I missed you.

Author: Shut up.

Anyways, where were we? Ah yes...Sari fired the machine guns at the badgers. It was a fearsome battle, guns shooting badgers, badgers eating cheese sandwhiches. Until eventually, the author got tired of typing about the battle so lets just say that all the badgers exploded.K?

Anyways, so the jet was currently flying to switzerland, and, being a jet, it gets there within a few hours. But, Sari had connections straight to the aliens. See, this wasn't an ordinairy jet, this was an ALIEN jet! Therefore, it could go at speeds of nearly 5,000 miles per hour! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So anyways, Sari's jet reached switzerland in a matter of minutes. Yay! Sari's jet landed at the nearest airport and she walked out of it. She looked around.

"hmmm. An airport. A SWEDISH airport...wait...would that be swedish or swiss? I think it would be swiss. yeah. I should write a Gaahina fanfic. " Thought sari as she walked through the airport. Sari was about to leave,when something reminded her about an 'errand' that she had to do.

"FLIGHT 6 WILL BE DELAYED FOR ABOUT 15 MINUETS, WE'RE SORRY FOR THE INCONVINIENCE." Blared the intercom. Sari grinned evilly.

Sari turned around and walked up to a door marked 'staff only!'. She reached for the door and opened it up. Sari walked right in and knocked the intercom drone over the head with some luggage that she mugged off some homeless guy. Sari pushed the uncoincious intercome freak into a closet. She slowly picked up the microphone and did something that she wanted to do all her life...

BUM BUM BUUUUMM! yeah. The first chapter barely had any artemis fowl content at all. But the next few chapters are gonna have artemis fowl. MMhhmm...yeah...

go reveiw you filthy worms.