A/N

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"I hate all this mushy shit."

He was cleaning another of the many blasters, comfortable to sit in silence as I paced. Carth had just slid open the electronic door, grabbing my wrists and pulling me to him. Good men have been murdered for less but I was feeling less than willing to be violent at the moment. My curiosity was spiking and I wanted to know what was causing our usually even tempered pilot to handle me in such a way. I could feel Canderous gather up the pieces of the blaster, slapping each in place with a metallic click. Carth began to stammer, trying to find the words to express what was eating away at him. I glanced up into his eyes, trying to decipher what this was all about. His quick glance in the bunk direction made me realize he was stalling.

"So don't watch. Better yet, stop gawking and make yourself useful." I hate to snap, but I knew Carth wasn't going to say anything in Canderous's presence and patience was never my strong point. The added annoyance from being held like a child didn't help. My self- control was wearing thin and nothing the Mandalorian did made this experience easier.

"Save your fiest for fly-boy. 'Cause I sure as hell don't want to hear it, short stuff." He was intimidating… Muscular, tall, with an aura of authority about him. A weathered warrior, with a snarl of hate smeared across his features. His hands smoothed down the finished blaster, admiring the shine that glinted off the barrel.

"Canderous." Carth's tone was threatening. He wouldn't look anywhere but into my eyes, but the look of annoyance was clear. "Perhaps you'd be more content with your hands inside a blaster. In the garage."

"Oh, yes. I'll give you privacy if you promise you won't make a complete fool of yourself, Republic." Canderous stood and walked away from the bunk, setting the blaster on a shelf. His attention never left the weapon.

"I.. don't.. This is between Revan and I."

"Trust me, she doesn't have a thing for the squeaky clean type. My leaving isn't going to change the fact that she's going to turn you down."

"And I assure you, dirty Mandalorian isn't really where her interest lies either." Carth was staring at the Mandalorian as he whipped around, the scowl in his eyes deepening.

"No, but she has a thing for competent men. Ones don't need reviving during a battle every five minutes."

"Oh and you would know so much of her battles as you cleaned your unused armor millions of times throughout the mission."

"Hey, she knows I here when she wants something done right. At least I don't stick my nose in her business, forcing her to babysit me through her battles."

"And yet you spend the most time on the ship, while I traveled with her frequently throughout each planet."

"Which you arrived at safety because of a ship I produced-"

"-That you can't fly." Carth's smirk silenced the Mandalorian for a moment, while both men stared each other down, fighting for unspoken dominance. Canderous took a step toward Carth, casting shadows on the smaller man as he stood over him.

"When you were being tortured on the Leviathan, I believe I saved your sorry -"

"CHILDREN." Both men stared at me with anger. I can't seem to stop the fire rushing to my face, the fury building in me. I break Onasi's grip on me and stomp over to the keypad, opening the door. "If you can't play nice, I'll beat your sorry hides." My gaze meets the Mandalorian's as I gesture to the hallway. He winks at me and slaps Carth on the back as he struts out of the room.

"Let him down easy sweetheart. We wouldn't want our dear pilot to ditch out on us." His voice echoes down the hallway and I don't shut the door till I hear the sound of tools being moved. Great... My posture slumps as I lean against the wall, sliding down it till I'm on the floor. I put my head in my hands to stop the headache forming.

"Carth." I pat the floor next to me and continue staring at the floor between my fingers. I can't seem to build the right words to say as I assess the situation I've landed myself in. I always knew of Carth's feelings but the imperative nature of our mission always silenced the discussion. Now that Malak was dead and we were safe, I knew this was coming but I still couldn't sort through the idea, the emotions swimming in front of my eyes. "You have my full attention, as long as you don't start playing games. I seriously have no time for bullshit."

"You really have to relax. We have all the time in the world now- a- days." He remained standing, staring me down from across the room with a hint of humor in his eyes. I looked him over, his relaxed posture a definite change from his usual military rigidness. His armor was missing, and the single blaster he wore on his side made him seem… at ease.

"I'm working on that, the whole relaxing thing. The extra time doesn't help. 'Kinda hard, after roaming the galaxy for weapons of the dark side, fighting for my life every second, and ending an intergalactic war." My sarcasm was sharp and smooth, putting an icy feeling in my veins. I didn't want this discussion, as she knew it came with a choice she was going to have to make and required action on his part.

"Ah right. About that. Congratulations, by the way. You did a great job." The attempt at humor hung awkwardly in the air. His expression was becoming more and more unclear as he assumed a master pazaak face. This wasn't going how he planned and he was trying to not make a fool of his self.

"Oh thanks. Glad you noticed." I looked at my emotions objectively as they rumbled below the surface. Most of all, I was becoming impatient as the man above me gathered the confidence to put his heart on the line. "If you aren't going to make good use of the privacy I've provided you, tell me. There are plenty of things that demand my attention." I could see the slip of self-control that allowed surprise to flit across his face. He regained composure and looked down at his hands as they fidgeted.

"Look, Revan. We both have been through hell. And then we got thrown together and we went through hell again. We survived. Some things happened and we all clung together on this damn ship." He slid down the wall, sitting on air slightly above the ground. I could feel his gaze on me but couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes.

I didn't want to be cruel, to hurt him. But I also don't have time for theatrics, his noble speech of our companionship. His seeds of doubt spread far and many all across our mission, his morals standing in my way time after time. I didn't want to believe that he loved me, that he wanted me. I didn't want anything to change now that everything else was over. I needed him to stand fast at the pilot chair, giving me the information on a new plant, telling me the right thing to do even when he knew I was just asking out of politeness. He knew me well but if he thought I would take up the role of sweet damsel now that the war was won, he was wrong. I can't deny my attraction to him, as I am only human. My body has its urges, its demands, but my self control keeps me from jumping on top of a man whenever the whim enters my mind. I don't need Carth Onasi. I honestly don't love Carth Onasi. There is something between us, and we've seen things that'd make a fierce warrior cringe but I don't want what he wants.

"I'm not some young girl. I don't let emotion cloud my judgement, and I don't make decisions based off notions, ideas, concepts, and possibilities. Yes, we survived. Yes, I have a personal connection to each person I travel with. Yes, I won't dismiss the trust I have in you Carth, or the physical attraction I feel for you. But to take a step forward with you... With you, it's like a deep commitment. And as we both know, I'm not easily bound." I looked down still. He began to stammer but I was too tired for this.

"It was only over a couple weeks ago that you didn't trust me, that you were ready to walk out because my past was darker than you knew. Did our winning convince you that I have no lust for power? No want for the mantle of Dark Lord of the Sith, Ruler of the Known Galaxies? Or do you have some foolish hope that winning would mean I would melt in your arms, ready for a simple life on some estate with you?" My voice had escalated, demanding from him some kind of facts. I wanted to know what the hell he thought he was doing, who the fuck he thought he was to think I was some hapless child, to be swooned and won. His silence even aggravated me, as it left the air empty.

I stood up quickly, stretching my legs. He remained seated, looking at me all the while as I began to pace in strong strides up and down the room. I was spent, emotionally and physically. My shoulders felt lighter as I was rid of my thoughts on the poor man. I had slapped his out stretched hand, started a fire in the middle of his carefully built bridge. I waited in the silence, sensing his concentration. I knew he was about to tell me to let him love me, to settle down. He would tell me that the war was over, the battles gone. I don't want to hear him talk of calm and sunshine. I watched him focus his eyes on the ceiling, clearing his throat and begin speaking slowly, softly.

"I know who you are. When I... As Saul. . . You are Revan. You've always been Revan and you always will be. I learned to trust you. On Taris, Datooine, Manaan, all the planets we raced across, I was there. Right beside you. No one is perfect. No one is... pure. But you did good things. Not the obviously good choice in front of people to show off your great morals, but little deeds. Things that mattered. But when I knew exactly who you were, I had to match the tactiful general who led the Republic to victory to the ruthless Sith that slaughtered my family to you. You have to understand my hesitation to be... to be okay with everything. But you gave me time, to vent, to process, to understand. Just like right now. I have to give you some time to be okay, now that the war is over... now that everything has changed." He looked away, towards the floor as he stood slowly.

"I'm not a young man any more. I don't have ravishing good looks or a boatload of credits. I want something more than flings and drunken fun. I need something steady, constant and real to center my life around. Whether I have an estate or farm or dingy apartment or travel the stars in a clunky ship doesn't matter to me. I just need to know what's left for me in this world. I don't have time to wait for something that's never going to be there."

He looked up slowly, his eyes meeting mine for a brief moment before he opened the door. I could hear his footsteps as he walked back to the cockpit, back to his responsibility. I felt the sense in his words and I mull over them for a moment, taking in everything he said. I was hesitant to see reason, but yet again he suprised me. I wasn't sure how to respond to what he said. While there was logic to it, I still felt that I was not this center he spoke of. Despite the surprise in me to his response, I was unmoved. He remained the same in my eyes. Did I need time? Would it change the feelings I held toward him? Ugh. I was too tired to think, to keep standing. I swept the thin sheets on one of the sleeping areas aside, crawling into the bed and snuggling close to the wall. Sleep swam through my head as I fell farther, farther, farther...