(A/N) Okay, so this is a crackfic I basically roleplayed for my friend. I had had VERY little sleep and was spelling out for her what I would do if I was Naruto. So, this fic was born! No, it isn't a Mary Sue or a Self insertion, so no fears! Also, if it is liked, I will probably add chapters on, seeing as I can come up with ideas for this fic like there is no tommorrow, all I need is sugar, and/or lack of sleep. So, tee hee, here it is!

Naruto Speaks His Mind!!

Pairings: NaruSasu, OrochiSasu (hints thereof), and anything else my mind can bring up.

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, Hetero, utter crack-tasticness, and a Naruto that defies all logic! There may be angst one minute and total hilarity the next, so I warn you now, expect nothing and get everything! Nyahahahahahah!

Description: Naruto goes without sleep for six days, (for some unknown reason) and seriously lays it on all of the cast! He tries to sell Sasuke, tells Sakura off, gives Kakashi some of the worst scares of his life, and totally fucks with everyone's heads! But the one question on everyone's minds is, is this the real Naruto? Is he finally speaking his mind?

Disclaimer: This is how Naruto would be, if I owned him. So, obviously, seeing as we never see this Naruto, I don't own him. Simple logic.

Naruto Speaks His Mind!! -A sleepless blonde does not bode well...

(This is after the chuunin exams, and before the whole Sasuke-abandonement thing.)

Naruto was tired. Okay, no, that was the understatement of the year. He wasn't tired, he was dog-tired. He was Kiba-tired, he was Tsunade-baa-chan-tired, he was Kakashi-sensei-tired.

"Oh, great, now I'm coming up with different kinds of tired. Kuso(Damn)..." Naruto grumbled, as he walked in throught the gates. He was heading towards home, and boy was he glad he was. All he wanted was to crawl into his nice, lumpy bed, wearing his nice walrus hat, and sleep for the full six days he had already missed.

However, fate wasn't that kind. Poor Naruto, in his sleep-deprived state, got blindsided, by? None other than...

"Jeeze, Kakashi-sensei, watch where you're going, why dontcha?!" Naruto grumped from his place on the ground, an adorable pout on his face. Kakashi smiled a one-eyed smile to his student, pulling the boy up, dusting him off.

"Gomen, Naruto, but we have another mission. I'm glad I ran into you, lets get going. Sakura and Sasuke are waiting."

Naruto groaned, looking utterly defeated, and flopped back onto the ground, whining. "Ah, man, I wanted to go to bed! I don't want another stupid mission! Dammit!" But, he got up and followed Kakashi across the town, into the feild Team Seven had claimed as their training grounds.

"YOU'RE LATE!!!" Sakura screeched, hurting Naruto's already aching head. (yes, sleep-deprivation can cause a headache. Atleast it does for me...-Otaku) He growled at the pink-haired girl, but it went unnoticed under the noise of Kakashi's answer.

"Gomen-ne, Sakura, but you see, on my way to go get Naruto, I got hungry, so I stopped somewhere, to get a bite to eat, only the food crawled off my plate and down the road, so I had to catch it-"

"LIAR!" Sakura yelled, again causing Naruto's poor abused head to throb.

"Just SHUT UP!!!" Naruto yelled at her, glaring at the pink haired girl. "You should know by now that he's gonna be late anyway, so what the fuck's the point in bitching about it! Damn, girl, figure it the fuck out! And you call yourself smart!"

Everyone stared at the fuming blonde for a moment, Kakashi with a twin look of mild surprise that was shared by Sasuke, and Sakura quickly turning red. Then she smirked, a cruel cold quirk of her lips.

"Yeah, I'm so worried, this coming from the dumbest kid in our class." She said, flipping her bubblegum pink hair over her shoulder, looking smug. Naruto gave a disgusted snort.

"Hey, Sakura, did you know that on your block, every night, at two-thirty am, there's a man that passes by there. You should say hi! He'd probably like you and your frizzy, lanky, bubble-gum, fuckin' pink hair! And who knows! You might just get over your damn obsession with Sasuke if you got LAID once in a while!"

Now everyone was out and out staring at the fox-boy, wondering who he was and what he had done with Naruto. Sasuke decided to end this before it got out of hand.

"Dobe, knock it off." He growled, warning Naruto. He would fight the blonde boy, if he had to.

"Shut up, Teme, I'm talking!"

Sasuke blinked. What the fuck? Had Naruto just told him to...Shut...Up? -Twitch-

"What. The. FUCK?!" Sasuke said, charging the blonde, who's expression said, 'bring it, biatch!' However, it was not meant to be, for Kakashi-sensei stepped in, flicking each of the boys, hard, on the forehead, with another one of his one-eyed smiles.

"No fighting before a mission." was his simple declaration. Then he went over to make sure no mental damage remained on poor Sakura who was shivvering and whimpering, mumbling something about 'Naruto', 'hair', and 'kill'.

Naruto sat down, grumbling about how no one let him sleep, and was about to curl up right there, when Kakashi decided to tell them the mission perameters, RIGHT. THEN. Naruto growled ferociously, and it didn't affect his silver-maned sensei in the slightest.

"Our mission is to check out some rumors in a village near here, and see if they actually lead to something. If they do, we are to report back, not pursue them. So, you all know our mission. I'll meet you at the gates in two hours. Bring enough supplies for a week long mission, just in case."

With that, everyone wandered off, leaving a very pissed Naruto sitting there, on the cold hard ground, mumbling about stupid sensei's and horrible missions.

-----

It was a little known fact that Naruto actually had an extremely well honed memory. It was also a little known fact that he tended to make two copies of his reports. One he kept at home, in a pile of notebooks, and the other he turned in, like the good little ninja they all thought he was.

So, when Naruto packed, he of course, packed the new notebook he had just started. He smiled at the fresh pages, wondering what kind of experiences were going to fill them up. He really didn't want to go on this mission. He wanted to sleep, blissful sleep. But...He wouldn't get it.

Growling he flopped onto his bed. He breathed out, a sigh, really. The bed was so comfortable, but he had to get packing. He had to be ready for the mission. Against his will, or perhaps not so much, his eyes slid closed, and his thoughts started swirling into a comfortable muddle, not a one distinct and yet all being payed attention to.

THUMP

Something slammed against his door, and he jerked upwards, yelling out, "I'M AWAKE!" He blinked, then, and turned towards the source of the sound, which turned out to be his front door. He got up, and went over to the closed entry portal. Opening it, he found his door once again covered in something slimy, and a badly scrawled message across the hall.

'Get lost, demon! No one wants you here! Leave, and never come back!'

Naruto snorted. Jeeze, this was one of the worst attempts at him in his life. Most atleast left a threat. This was just plain half-assed. Probably because he was about to go on a mission, and they wanted him to defect. That made a bunch of sense. Note the sarcasm. He chuckled, and went back inside, filling a bucket he usually used for mop-water with water, and went back outside. Closing his door securely, he threw the bucket on the door, getting most of the slimy substance, that he was pretty sure was a mixture of piss and runny eggs, off. He left the message in place, along with all the other graffiti that had collected along the walls near his apartment door, and went back inside.

He had to hand it to those villagers though, they had acted as a perfect alarm clock. They really had helped him this time. Maybe he should throw a block party in thanks.

Yeah, right, like THAT was gonna happen.

HE finished packing, making sure he had a good suppply of exploding tags and kunai, then jumped out his window, deciding that the rooftops would be safer right now then the streets. He jumped, feeling a little bit better, with the wind in his face. It atleast kept his mind off of the stinging, burning in his eyes.

Arriving at the gate, he was a little pissed off to find Sakura wasn't there, and neither was Kakashi.

"Hn." was his greeting from the infamous Uchiha heir. He growled, and befroe his head could catch up with him, his mouth opened and was speaking words he had longed to say since before they had become a team.

"Y'know, Sasuke, just because you're so high and mighty, doesn't mean that you can treat others like that, you ass. I will have you know that you may have had your family slaughtered, but atleast you had one for a small time being. I REALLY can't stand that higher than thou attitude, and most especially that stupid god-be-damned VENGEANCE kick of yours! Dear god, what are you, obssessed or what? Do you intend to fulfill some sort of Incestuous fantasy your sick-as-fuck brother left you alive for, or what?! Jesus Christ, man, come up with something original and stop letting him rule your fucking life!"

Somewhere during his tirade, Kakashi had shown up, as had Sakura, and Sasuke, unable to get a word in edgewise, was forced to fume and growl in silence, as Kakashi shooed them all away, down the road and onto their mission.

Kakashi was fucked. It was that simple. Instead of his normal team, one had been replaced with a pissed off, grumpy, smart-as-fuck, smartass, and now the whole thing was out of balance. Naruto had already told off both Sakura and Sasuke. What was next? Smart-mouth their opponents? Though, he wasn't expecting any, since this wasn't an assasin-type mission, nor was it a bodygaurd-type.

They were busy travelling, and he was sure there was tension in the atmosphere. Naruto really was lucky that Sasuke seemed to be thinking about what Naruto had said, rather than beating the shit out of the Kyuubi-carrier.

When they camped that night, after a full days travel, Naruto was greatful to lay down in his threadbare sleeping bag, and sighed in relief. That is, until he was pulled forcefully from his nice warm haven of near-sleep, by a sneering Sasuke.

"The FUCK, Dobe?! You've been a royal ass all day, and on top of that, you've been pissing me off to no end!"

Naruto growled, warningly, his eye twitching in utter annoyance. He snarled as he slapped the raven-haired boy's hands away. Glaring at him with ice-blue eyes, He sneered.

"Maybe I'm just tired of being you and Sakura's fucking PUNCHING bag. Maybe I'm tired of the fact that you two treat me less like a teammate and more like a fucking hassle! -"

"Well, maybe if you acted a little more mature, rather than like the dumbass you are!" Sasuke replied, his face going back to the mask he always wore. Finally, he was getting past that sunny, smiling clown-face, and to a REAL Naruto, something solid, and human.

"Y'know, if I acted nearly as smart as I really was, I'd be dead now. Especially if it meant dealing with YOUR annoying ass. And, on top of that, I really don't care what you people think about me. To you, I'm nothing more than a tool, but hey, that's shinobi are. So I'm perfect for the job. I was born a tool, and I'll die one too!"

"The hell? No one is BORN a tool, they become one! Figur eit the fukc out, Usuratonkachi!"

"Yeah? Coulda fool the fuck out of me!" Naruto said, turning on the dark-eyed boy, and stalking off into the forest, wanting nothing more than to find a nice tree to sleep in. Since it seemed he was doomed not to get any sleep in camp.

Sasuke glared off in the direction of the forest. What the hell did that moron mean, 'born a tool'. It didn't make sense.

Naruto alighted on the branches of a large oak tree, and sat there. He stared at the moon, his eyes half-mast, wanting to rest, but knowing that it was unsafe so far from his camp. God, he wished he could just through caution to the wind and go to sleep. It would be so much easier, and in the morning he could explain all he had said away as nothing more than sleep-depro.

But, it seemed fate was indeed a cruel mistress. He wasn't allowed to sleep, as Kakashi appeared, telling him that he had first watch, seeing as he had seemed to be inclined to do it anyway. Once that smiling one-eyed jounin dissapeared, the forest was regaled with cursing.

It seemed he would get no sleep this night either. Seven nights. Seven nights this made it, that he hadn't gotten any sleep, one full week.

----

Sakura was pissed off at Naruto. He had, after all, insulted her beautiful hair. And on top of that, had said some really terrible things to Sasuke. And on top of THAT, Kakashi-sensei hadn't done anything about it.

That was the worst part, she beleived.

When they arrived in the village, Naruto, vibrant bright boy that he was, was starting to look a tad bit like a zombie. He was twitchy, and kept looking around, as if expecting an attack.

They had spent a small amount of money on one room, with four futons, and Naruto was almost thankful, tears streaming from his eyes at the sight of the tiny room, with the thick blankets already laid out.

"Alright, time to gather information. You guys, go out and talk to people, find out anything strange people have seen recently. We'll meet back at the restaurant down the street, the one that sells Dango. Got it?"

Naruto groaned, and followed his teacher out onto the streets, walking southward, while Sasuke went west, Sakura took north, and Kakashi took west. Naruto was just a tad bit down. He seemed to find people who had all seen one type of apparition or another. One claimed to have seen a very large snake, and another claimed to have seen a huge gopher. The stories were so convoluted, Naruto had a hard time telling what was fact, and what was just made up for attention.

And it didn't help that he kept seeing weird things out of the corner of his eyes. It was making him paranoid. Then again, paranoia tended to keep Ninja's alive... But that's not the point, god damn it!
He was getting really tired of it, and he wanted it to stop! He decided that maybe just sitting down at a table would help, and so, giving up on the twisted mass of stories, he went back to the restaurant, intent on catching just a bit of shuteye at the table.

When he arrived, he managed to snatch up a table a little bit towards the back, where it was shady, and sat down. Ordering a couple dango, and some water, he then laid his head down on the table in front of him, heaving a huge sigh of releif.

Fate. Is. A. Bitch.

Sakura came in, following a rather annoyed Sasuke. The pink haired girl wasn't just loud, she was annoying. Naruto cringed, whining. He really was hated by the gods, wasn't he! It must be becuase of that damn demon! He started pinching his own stomach, mumbling about 'demons', 'gods', and 'stupid'. Even Sasuke had an eyetwitch at that one. What the hell?!

"Well, now, if we can forget Naruto's impending insanity, how about we compare stories?" Kakashi said, appearing out of no where behind Sakura, who let out an indignant squeak.

Naruto continued grumbling, digging in his pouch for the notebook, as everyone sat down. Sasuke risked sitting by Naruto, since Sakura didn't want to and Kakashi had already sat down across from the blonde boy. Naruto flipped open the little notebook, having already written down what he found, and started to take notes on what the others had found too.

That is, until it all became a jumbled mess when people kept jumping in, changing this, altering that. It was SERIOUSLY pissing Naruto off.

"Shut up, Teme, I'm trying to write!"

Sasuke had just opened his mouth to condradict something Sakura had said, when the blonde moron had turned to him, glaring and declared that he was to shut. up. -Twitch-

This was happening FAR too often for Sasuke's peace of mind.

Naruto however, didn't notice the twitching, growling Sasuke next to him. He had, instead, noticed a strange movement out of the corner of his eye, and, bieng a shinobi, decided to be better safe than sorry. He slashed a kunai through the air with expert ease, and sunk it into...

A beam. Of wood. That hadn't moved.

He felt really stupid. But he was sure there had been someone there just a moment ago! He was! And he explained this to the others, but did they listen to him? No...

Meanwhile, a few houses away, Kabuto was heaving and puffing. WOW, Naruto-kun had gotten observant! He had had to move, REALLY fast, in order to escape being caught! Jeeze...

Back at the ranch! Or rather, the restaurant. Naruto had been beaten severely by Sasuke and Sakura for his scaring the help, and now, they were once again comparing notes. And, halfway through his story about the villager who had 'seen' a giant snake, it hit them. Both Sasuke and Kakashi went tense, and looked at each other.

Naruto then realised just what he had said. He was up and gone, in a minute, closely followed by Sasuke. However, they got about ten steps outside, when both were restrained by Kakashi.

"Now, now, you two, what do you think is going to be accomplished by chasing down that particular rumor? Hmm?"

"I can kill him for biting me?!" Sasuke said, low and dangerous.

"I can congratulate him for biting the teme?" Naruto said, brightly, smiling like he had no cares in the world. "Ooh! Or better yet, I can see if he'll bite Sakura too, only harder this time, and break her neck!"

Apperantly the two genin didn't apreciate their teammates enthusiasm, as he was quicly pounded into the ground again.

"But, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said, dusting off her hands, "isn't our missions objective to verify the rumors?"

Kakashi was caught. They were indeed. And that meant...Chasing a ghost of Orochimaru through the fucking woods! Dammit! He really was cursed. Inner Kakashi was crying. A lot.

"Alright, but we're gonna take this slow, and easy. No one seperates from the group, got it? And if there's any sign of them, we run back home." The silver haired Jounin REALLY didn't feel like getting his ass handed to him by Orochimaru, nope, nuh-uh, no thank you.

-----

Lady luck hated Kakashi, apperantly. Who else should he run into today, BUT Orochimaru?

The snake-man wasn't too happy about it either, as he was in MUCH pain, (thank god for Advil.) and wasn't really up to a fight. Kabuto had already reported that they were in the area, but the little bastards had caught up WAY too quickly.

Kakashi was thinking the exact same thing. They had surprised them! What the fuck?!

(What really happened: Kakashi and group went in blindly into the forest, got lost, turned around and ended up literally BACKING into Orochi's group which consisted of Orochimaru, Kabuto and a random Henchperson. )

"Ah, Sasuke-kun. What a pleasant surprise." Ororchimaru tried desperately to cover up not only his surprise, but his pain as well. He smirked then, "Finally figured out that I can give you more power?"

Naruto growled. Sasuke however, looked like he was considering the offer, and Kakashi, though it looked like he was reading Icha Icha Paradise, actually had a chibi-him inside his head running around screaming, "OH NOES! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die!!" (thanks for the vote of confidence, Kakashi-sensei. -Naruto)

"Hey, look Snake-for-brains! Sasuke ain't going no where unless you pay for him!!" Naruto yelled, jabbing a finger in the direction of Orochimaru. The snake-nin's eyebrows rose a tad bit, and he smirked.

"Oh really. Then how much would be acceptable, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto's eyes slammed open to giant size, gaining starry-sparkles, like in a shojo manga, and he gasped, "How much ya got?!"

Sasuke stood there, incredulous, mouth opening, but no syllables coming out. Finally he found his voice again.

"A-are you...SELLING ME, DOBE???" Sasuke's screech could be heard all the way back in Konoha, and Tsunade cleaned out her ears, mumbling something about "Damn noisy Uchihas".

Naruto turned from his negotiations with the Sannin, and said:

"Shut up, Teme, I'm trying to get a good deal here."

Sasuke looked down, shadows covering his face. His entire form trembled, and his hands clenched into fists. A fire, which Sakura and Kakashi both jumped back from, surrounded the raven-haired boy, and when he looked up, his sharingan was activated. He was raring his arm back, getting ready to punch Naruto when all of a sudden, Naruto called out.

"Nah, never mind, Snake-hentai. I don't work with Pedophiles."

Everything halted. The very birds in the air stopped, as Orochimaru went, -TWITCH-. It had to have been the most violent twitch in all of history. The air stilled, and the konoha nins were slowly backing away, hoping to god that they could get away in time, as was Kabuto. The poor little random Henchperson (We never did find out it's gender...) didn't know any better, and so did not realise the cloud of killer intent that was wafting his way. It did, in fact, take a tentative wiff and announced, "It smells like strawberries..."

Orochimaru, completely uncaring of the pain, grabbed the poor henchpersons neck, and snapped it like a twig. His golden eyes had a fire in them, like when Sakura wanted to kill Naruto for kissing Sasuke, and he was growling, loudly.

Naruto however, hadn't realised what he had just unleashed, and so therefore was standing there, cluelessly, going, "What, what did I do? Why's everyone running away?"

No one answered, as Sakura grabbed him and RAN. She ran as far and as fast as she could, Sasuke and Kakashi right behind them. They got out of there as quickly as they possibly could, and lucky for them they did, because soon the entire place was covered in snake-belly.

The newspapers in the closest town the next day read, "Giant snake seen in forest, End of World aproaches!!"

Naruto, meanwhile was being severely reprimanded by Tsunade. He didn't really care though, because he was home, and that meant...SLEEP!!

He stopped listening to the old hag about ten minutes into her lecture, and crawled up unto her desk, scattering papers everywhere, and curled up like a little kitten. He was soon into the world of dreams, a soft smile on his tan face.

-Twitch- -twitch-

Let's just say, Naruto was in the hospital for a week.

But hey, atleast he got some sleep, right?!

End

Otaku: WOW that was a blast to write! Tell me what you all think!

Naruto: -Snores-

Otaku: -pokes him in side-

Naruto: -mumbles-

Otaku: -gets creepy smile on her face, and pulls out a marker-

Itachi: Remember, don't piss off the authoress, or you will get hurt. Now, she demands reviews, and orders that I Mangekyou anyone who doesn't. So, please, I really don't want to have to sleep in a tree again. Just review. Theres the little button right down here! -points to the review button- Just click it, please.