Warning: This is… Very angsty, in a way. And implied boys loving other boys. If you don't like, then go away.
The beginning, from 'One pill,' To "Yes." Was a dream I had, so if it seems different to the rest, or disjointed, that's why.
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One pill, two pill, three pill. Four.
Axel used to like it, but then fuck, Roxas came, and turned his view of the world upside-down, and when he sits there, playing the piano, Axel can pretend they're not in a constant battle against heartless, because when Roxas plays the piano he can make Axel forget everything.
Axel likes the way Roxas concentrates. Whether he's dissecting hearts or sheet music, he always has the same intense look, and Axel likes it because it looks like an emotion.
"Why do you come here?" It is softy spoken, filled with innocent curiosity.
"Why?" Axel repeats, and then is silent, because he can't answer.
"These moments, they're ours, aren't they?" It is almost rhetorical, but Axel answers anyway, because he knows the answer.
"Yes." And Roxas' Smile is so beautiful, even in the dark half-light, that Axel would do anything to see it again.
Axel is addicted to Roxas. He knows he is, but he doesn't care, because Roxas is a wonderful thing to be addicted to, and he loves every second of it.
Axel knows he is safe from Roxas, as long as he doesn't get too close to the boy at the piano, because he knows that Roxas can tear him apart before he can blink. So he paces slowly in a large arc, always at least five feet away. Somewhere in the heart he knows doesn't exist he knows that if he had feelings he would love Roxas. They both know it, but it's something neither of them ever brings up, because it's taboo.
Roxas nearly always scowls, because 'The Superior' is always nit-picking at the boy. He'll storm off to his sanctuary, the dark room with nothing but a sleek brown piano, and Axel will be waiting there, ready to try and make him smile. Axel doesn't look at him when he's angry, because Axel thinks Roxas might be able to kill him with his fiery glares that are hotter than the sun, so Roxas always keeps his eyes on his music.
Sometimes Axel wants to hold the boy in his arms, but he always ignores the urge, knowing that if Roxas doesn't kill him, The Superior will, because trying to show emotion is as bad as saying outright that they do have hearts, and The Superior doesn't tolerate insubordination. Other times he wants to kiss Roxas, then starts, not realising he had thought such a thing, wondering what in the World That Never Was had come over him. Axel wonders what Roxas would taste like, whether he would taste sweet like the chocolate he likes to eat, and then Axel thinks that maybe Roxas has poisoned him, because whenever he jumps, Roxas smirks, as if he knows exactly what's going through Axel's mind.
When Axel finds himself thinking of these things, sometimes he wants to hurt Roxas, because he doesn't understand what's happening, and he wants it to stop, but he knows that he couldn't possible beat the boy in a fight. Axel wonders if asking Roxas to stop it would work, but he's sure the boy doesn't really know what is happening.
When Roxas plays the piano he never sings, but he has such a beautiful voice when Axel hears him talk that Axel knows Roxas would sound wonderful if he sang. When Roxas does speak, Axel's breath catches in his throat, and just as he feels he's going to suffocate, Roxas stops talking, and the feeling disappears just as quickly as it had come, and as he takes deep breaths of air in, he tries to remember what was said.
Axel knows that if he had a heart, it would belong to Roxas, but Axel doesn't have Roxas' heart, because he would probably never love Axel, but it doesn't matter because they don't have hearts. Axel wants Roxas to stay in the organization, but the only thing keeping the boy there is the piano, so when Roxas is not around, Axel looks after the piano, cleaning it, polishing it, and fixing or replacing broken parts of it. He sits in the corner sometimes, guarding the piano. Roxas knows this, and every day when he enters in the morning he smiles at the shiny keys and the glossy surface.
Axel is on a mission the day it happens. He comes back to find Roxas gone, and the only remains of the piano is ashes and a few blackened keys, scattered across the floor like pieces of the heart he wished he had. He finds out who had burnt it and tortures them for a whole month until they can't do much more than gibber in the corner.
Then, months later, Roxas is found. Axel is sent to recover him, and if he could feel, he would've been happy. But when he finds Roxas, he's not the same, and Axel feels the heart he doesn't have breaking. This Roxas thinks he can feel, he smiles a lot, and he is hardly ever deep in thought. He still plays the piano though, and in a room much like the one before, with blackout curtains to stop the light getting in and a sleek brown piano, he sits and plays all the old songs he played while in the organization. When new Roxas plays, it's almost like he turns into the old Roxas, with a scowl on his face and his eyes riveted to the spot where his sheet music would be if he had any, and Axel can sit in the shadows and pretend that this is his Roxas, the one he would've loved and given his heart to if he had one.
Because when Roxas plays the piano,
He can make Axel forget
Everything else.
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Authors Notes: Yeah, this was a very sad crappy story, and if people want to hit me for writing sad stuff then you can.