Disclaimer : I don't own Yami no Matsuei, Matsushita Yoko-sama does. If I did, Muraki x Oriya would be an official pairing and Ukyou would die a slow painful death.
Note : This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic in the first person. Please tell me what you think. The topic of whether beauty is in the eye of the beholder or in the beheld was actually debated upon in my English class in my junior year.
I know that Muraki and Oriya have a lot of possibilities but their pairing is overshadowed by Muraki's chasing after Tsuzuki. In my opinion, or lovely resident psycho only wants Tsuzuki's body for Saki's revival, not for sexual reasons. Poor poor Oriya is left in the sidelines, waiting for his knight in shining silver and white armor. This one is for my pretty, long-legged samurai; Oriya. One day Muraki will love you back, have no fear.
"Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world."
(R.D. Lang)
EYES OF THE BEHOLDER
They say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I don't believe this.
I believe that beauty is in the beheld and what lies within the beholder is simply the standard of beauty. And as we all know, not all people have the same standards. I can look at a perfectly forged sword and say that it is beautiful but there will be people who don't see it that way.
Similarly, I can say that insanity lies within all of us. What we possess is simply the standard of insanity. I look at Muraki and say that he is not insane but the shinigami will look at him and pronounce him to have lost his mind.
Muraki is not insane. He is simply driven and focused on one single thing.
I do not say this because I'm his friend or because I've fallen in love with him—because I know it's pointless to say that I haven't—I say this because I believe it to be true.
Let me ask you; why do you say that he is insane? Because he kills people in cold blood? Because he thirsts for dark, supernatural, demonic power?
That is not insanity; it is a choice. He was driven to that choice by the weakness of humans and his inability to help them. It is not his fault that he ended up this way. It is the fault of humans for being so helpless.
Muraki is not insane. He is misunderstood. And it seems that I'm the only one who can really understand him. Because I'm the only one who is allowed to see him when he's weak.
Do you see him when he's crying late at night, haunted by echoes of his childhood? When he comes back after a killing and stares at his bloodstained hands before collapsing to the floor, crying and laughing at the same time? When he asks me to hold him because when I do, it seems that everything's alright instead of wrong?
You don't. Of course you don't.
At night when I fall asleep, sometimes I wake up and see him standing in the doorway not doing anything except looking at me. And I'll move over and make room for him on my bed. He'll lie down beside me, I'll hold him, and try to remind him of the happier times in our childhood. Since his childhood was cut short and I try to offer him the warmth and love that he should have felt.
Sometimes I watch as Muraki greets Ukyou, as they enjoy each other's company. It's in these moments that Muraki becomes as human as he'll ever be unless he's with me.
And even though I'd like to kill her, spear my sword through her, watch the blood drain from her body, I don't. Because as much as he needs me, he needs her too and I love him too much to ever want to hurt him.
Muraki calls other people dolls. He toys with them and tortures them. Does that make him insane? That simply makes him different. After all, what is insanity but an adjustment to an insane world?
But I digress. Like I said, Muraki calls other people dolls. What he does not realize is that he is more doll-like than everyone else. Even the boy. Because he's a broken doll that I put back together. And I regret the fact that I seem to have lost a few pieces of him. He's still broken but beautiful. He is my doll.
And he's beautiful…always beautiful…never insane…just unique.
My Muraki-doll.