Disclaimer: I do not own the MSLN series or any of the characters therein.
A/N: This gets dark, not graphic enough to be rated M, but it's a very strong T for themes/implication.
Spiral
-Dream-
"You should also sleep within me."
That simple phrase had trapped Fate in a nightmare. Alicia was alive, Linith was there, and Mother always smiled at her. With every word of praise the woman said to her, Fate felt herself slip further and further into despair. How cruel, the Book was, to trap her in a world where she knew everything was a lie.
"We'll all give you the happiness you deserve."
Those words nearly kept her there. She might have stayed in that fantasy world. She deserved that happiness. She paid with her sweat, blood and tears, paid more in just a few short years than most would pay in their lives. She had earned that respite a thousand times over.
But her friends needed her, and she had a lifetime of happiness to discover beyond the pages of this book. She had donned her barrier jacket, Bardiche had obligingly shifted into zanber form, and she was ready to break out of this dream.
"Hurricane Thunderclap!" She drew Bardiche back, preparing for a strike. "Sprite Zanber!" She swung—and the dream shattered. There was a moment of blackness, and then pain shot through her body. She collapsed, moaning pitifully in her agony. For a fraction of a second, she thought she saw Signum, then her world went dark and she knew no more.
-Knights-
"I believe she is beginning to wake up," someone said.
Fate groaned. Her head was pounding, but she didn't have the energy to raise her hand to her head. The very idea sent a jolt of pain all through her body. She wanted to curl up on her side, but didn't think she could manage even that.
"She survived? That's surprising. I didn't think she would," another, higher voice said.
"Enough, Vita," a third, deeper voice said. Signum. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Testarossa is not a normal mage."
"Indeed not," a fourth, faintly recognizable voice said. "No one has ever woken from the dreams I give them, and yet she has. You should be kinder to your new comrade, Vita."
"Comrade? You mean Testarossa—"
"Is now a Knight? I suppose. By modern standards, most certainly, but by yours I dare say she would be more of a squire—you have far more combat experience, though her adaptability more than makes up for it."
"How?" The first voice, which Fate now recognized as Shamal, asked.
"She slept within my pages," the fourth voice—the Book of Darkness?—explained. "And while she was able to break free of the dream, she was not able to free herself from me. Had our kind Mistress been able to wake from her own dream, perhaps the little squire could have escaped. Instead, in shattering her dream, she only succeeded in breaking into this void with us and binding herself to me. She has become a member of the Wolkenritter."
"Book," Fate managed to say, before forcing her right eye halfway open.
"Wow, she's brilliant," Vita remarked dryly. "Yes, you're in the Book of Darkness. You are both in and looking at the Book of Darkness. Confused?"
Fate had, by that point, managed to completely open her right eye. The left adamantly remained shut. "Hurt."
The Book of Darkness, a tall woman with silvered hair and red eyes, nodded. "Yes. When you entered the void, my programing saw you as a threat and attacked your body. Instead of destroying you, it…quarantined is a good word…you before incorporating you into the system. It would have been a very painful process, most would not have survived. I am surprised you are awake so soon, actually."
Signum moved into her line of sight and scowled down at her. "Get up," she commanded. "We don't have time to waste. It will be a year or two before the Book of Darkness is completely regenerated and finds a suitable master. It is usually only a few days before our master will answer the call and summon us. I will not stand before my master and present to him an untried squire—you have a limited amount of time to become a Knight. Now get up."
Had she the energy, she would have scowled at the leader of the Wolkenritter, but as it was, she had only just succeeded in opening both eyes. She was incredibly proud of herself when she managed to flex her fingers.
Signum was not. "If you do not stand," she said calmly, removing her neck chain and tossing it casually into the air, "I will see to it that you understand true pain." The chain came down, and Laevatein, in sword form, was in her hand. "You cannot die in this place, but if you continue to lie there, I will see to it that you wish it were not so."
Fate closed her eyes and envisioned her mother, saw the whip in her hand, and heard her command Fate to stand. It worked. She forced herself to roll onto her side then pushed herself up onto quaking legs. She staggered and fell hard. Picturing her mother again, she forced herself up to first her knees to regain some sense of balance, and then to her feet.
She turned, slowly, and faced the Knights. Shamal looked surprised. Vita looked impressed. Signum stared at her indifferently, as did Zafira. The Book of Darkness gave her a sad, knowing look. Fate raised her hand, only to find that her glove—and the little yellow triangle that adorned it—was gone.
"Bardiche?" She asked hoarsely. Had it always sounded that way? She could not remember through the haze of pain.
"Around your neck. All Knights of Ancient Belka wore their weapons on a neck chain. As a Cloud Knight, it is the same for you."
She looked down at herself. She was dressed similarly to the others, though the black dress she wore was closer to Signum's, the only difference being the belts around her waist were yellow. Fate lightly touched the small poleaxe on the chain around her neck. "Bardiche?" She asked softly, afraid of what might happen. The small replica of her Device pulsed in her hand comfortingly; it recognized her.
Shakily she removed the chain from her neck. She really didn't want to toss it into the air as Signum had—she didn't think she's be able to catch it. "Assault form," she commanded.
"No, you need to—"Shamal was cut off when Bardiche shifted into Assault form. "Never mind."
The Book of Darkness frowned. "Odd. It should not have worked that way. His programming should have been rewritten like yours."
Programming. The Book talked as though Fate was no longer human. She pushed the thought aside.
"Bardiche Assault is an Intelligent Device," Fate explained, leaning heavily on him to keep her balance. "He has a recovery program installed. That might explain why."
"It doesn't matter," Signum interrupted. "We have work to do. Take your stance, Squire Testarossa."
Fate barely managed to raise Bardiche in time to stop the blow, but even then, she went skidding backwards from the force of it. Signum's second strike disarmed her, and the third knocked her unconscious again.
"You should not have done that, Signum," Shamal chided. "She shouldn't even be awake yet, and you made her get up and fight. We didn't even get to tell her guardian beast is here."
"Former guardian beast," Signum corrected. "I needed to get the measure of her will. I am not disappointed."
Zafira looked over at the orange wolf pup sleeping several feet away. Unlike the blonde, she had not awakened. "It will be difficult for them to learn that their bond has been severed."
"It is the wolf's fault. If the beast had not followed the girl her when she felt the connection breaking, then she could have created a bond with another master. Now they are both bound as we are."
-Squire-
"You're awfully attached to our little apprentice."
Signum looked over at Shamal. Fate was sleeping the sleep of the dead, lying spread-eagled where she had collapsed earlier from exhaustion. Curled against her side was large, orange wolf. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Oh please," Vita snorted. "Sparring is an act of friendship for you."
"I fail to see how keeping Testarossa from disgracing us can be misconstrued as affection."
"I don't recall anyone saying you felt affection for Fate," Shamal said with a sly smile. "That was your word choice."
"How is her training coming along," Signum asked instead.
"Well," the Book of Darkness said. "She is an apt pupil. She has learned how to use Belkan configurations for her spells—an impressive feat. She is incredibly young to have figured it out."
"Figured it out?" Signum probed.
"Lightning is not Belkan in nature, and in all of the history recorded within my pages, I have never known a Belkan Knight to have a lightning affinity—much as I have never known a Mid-childan Mage to have a fire affinity as you have, Signum. For a Belkan to have a lightning affinity there must have been outside interference, genetic alterations, rewriting internal programing as with the girl, and such. That aside, there are no Belkan spells designed to control lightning, other than the spells she has made in her short time here. She has found a way to convert all of her Mid-childan spells to Belkan spells. Again, an impressive feat."
"Shamal?"
The blonde nodded. "I have only positive things to report. She has learned the customs I've been teaching her with ease. Her manners were excellent to begin with, more in tune with Mid-childan etiquette, but easily altered to reflect Belkan. It was easy enough to teach her all of our titles, oaths, formalities. Zafira has agreed to give up his part in our oaths, and he and Arf will remain silent. He feels it is more fitting of a guardian beast. There is really nothing more I can teach her, to be honest."
"Then she will have more time to spar. Vita?"
"I don't know what to tell you. You watch all of the lessons. She doesn't have the raw power we have, and her aim is only passable with her ranged attacks." She shrugged. "But her speed is unparalleled. She can dodge most of my attacks without using any of her magic, and I can't touch her if she uses even a little power. As far as close-quarters combat, I never stood a chance. Hammers crush things, and they're good at it, but they're slow. You're the only one who can take her on in that regard."
She toyed with her neck chain. "I would say she needs to work on her aim, but she's really more of a melee sort, like you. Hard to fault her for bad aim with ranged attacks when she prefers cutting opponents to pieces." She paused. "But I think her baseline speed has increased a lot. She's been running around, dodging my shots without magic. She's faster now than she was before, but only for short bursts. Maybe endurance training?"
"The guardian beast Arf has room for improvement," Zafira reported without prompting. "She does well with support spells, but she had grown accustomed to using offensive magic associated with her former mistress. She still tries to use lightning based magic. The results are…less than desirable."
"Zafira, master of understatement. If this void could catch fire, it would have with the mess she created," Vita said, rolling her eyes.
"She has not made any further attempts at using lightning magic," Shamal pointed out.
"No, but I believe we need to break her of her loyalty to anyone but the Master of the Night Sky," Zafira went on. "In our mock battle, they worked as a team. Arf made no attempt to protect anyone else, and never attacked her."
"Agreed," Signum said. "From now on in training, Zafira will team with Testarossa. Arf shall work with me. I will break her of any bad habits she retains."
"Well?" Shamal asked.
"What are you asking?" Signum asked coolly.
Vita rolled her eyes again. "She wants to hear your report on little Fate's progress."
"Testarossa has a long way to go," Signum answered, and refused to say more on the subject. She hefted her sword and admired the blade. "It is time to wake them. They have rested long enough. Come, Zafira. You shall work with Testarossa for this match." She walked off, the guardian beast at her heels.
"I will speak with the guardian beast Arf first," Zafira said as they walked. "I will inform her of her limitations. She must come to understand that our Master or Mistress comes before our allegiance to one another. It will be a difficult lesson, but better that she learn it now, before we stand before an unkind master who threatens or harms the squire."
"Agreed. Better to rid them of foolish notions now."
"She's pushing Fate so hard," Shamal murmured. "She must be very concerned about her."
The Book of Darkness nodded. "She knows that the girl as she is now will be easy prey for unkind masters. Giving the girl strength now will protect her in the future, and that is Signum's true desire—to see the girl safe."
They watched Signum nudge Fate and force her to rise. It was time for another match. Shamal and Vita would watch for now, but soon it would be Fate against all of her companions. She would need to be stronger for the trials ahead.
-Construct-
Fate stood before the Book of Darkness made flesh. Red eyes met red eyes as they stared at one another. Their hair was a clash of silver and gold, their bodies a clash of adult and child. They stared at one another, the heavy silence hanging between them. The Knights were off in another part of the void, preferring not to be close when Fate was practicing her lightning magic—it was unnatural to them.
Arf had run off days (weeks?) before, trying to find the end of the void. She was determined to find the end, to find a way to break free. Fate thought to wait until the Book manifested again. Sure it would not be so hard to leave behind the Knights and their master to seek her friends and Lindy and Chrono.
For now, Fate was completely alone with the Book of Darkness for the first time, and yet all of the questions Fate wanted to ask her would not come to her. The Book kindly waited for her to find her voice.
"You…were not always the Book of Darkness," Fate finally managed. "Before, you were the Tome of the Night Sky."
"Correct," she agreed.
Fate struggled to find the right words. "They, the Knights, don't remember. Why?"
The Book leaned back. "There is only so much storage space for data in their minds," she answered. "Old data is overwritten with new data. And…the virus that changed my programming destroyed a lot of the data as well. I used to know everything about them, just as I know everything about you, but much of that was destroyed by the virus. As for the Knights, their memories were contradictory because of the corrupt programing. What few memories of the Tome remained, I removed and kept myself."
"How could you do that? How could you take their memories? Memories make us who we are!" Fate was appalled.
The Book smiled thinly. "Memories make humans who they are. We are magical constructs. We are not human. Remember that. And remember that one day I will take your memories too, to save you from your grief, just as I did for them."
Fate scowled and stalked away. She would never allow the Book to take her memories. She was human. Lindy and Chrono had told her so. And she would prove it to them all. Fate knew she would only be a prisoner here for a little while longer. She and Arf would escape soon enough.
She was human, she was, and she would allow no one to tell her otherwise.
-Wolkenritter-
Fate was not entirely sure how long she'd been in the void. A year at least, she knew that, but it was probably longer. Some days (nights?) it seemed much longer. Arf had been back for a few months at least, she knew that. The familiar—guardian beast, Fate reminded herself—had made peace with herself and her altered identity. That was good, even if it was unnecessary. They would be free soon.
She blocked a blow from Signum and deftly dodged one of Vita's attacks then ducked under the chain binds Arf shot at her, then blocked another strike before making one of her own. The mock battle was supposedly a free for all, but everyone always seemed to go after her. Only the Book refused to compete, choosing to observe. Fate didn't really mind—she was becoming very skilled. Her magic had grown in leaps and bounds. Bardiche pulsed agreeably in her hand.
Then, as if planned, everyone pulled back. Arf was grinning, but everyone else was looking on in satisfaction. Except Signum, who only looked at her stoically, but nodded. "You managed well enough. You still lack experience, but that will come with time. You have learned enough to be worthy of being called a Knight."
Fate felt a light pressure on her shoulder, and looked to find Shamal smiling down at her. Confused, she obeyed the suggestion implicit in Shamal's gesture, and knelt.
Signum raised Laevatein, then brought the flat of the blade down on Fate's shoulder, her other shoulder, and then the crown of her head. "From this day forth, you are the Lightning Knight Fate, bearer of the Harbinger of Storms, Bardiche Assault. Rise, Cloud Knight." She paused. "Well done, Testarossa."
She stood, amidst a smattering of applause from Shamal and Vita. Arf cheerfully wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. Fate was not sure how she felt about being inducted into an Order that she would be leaving the first chance she got. From the twinkling in her eyes, Arf felt the same, but going along with it anyway. Fate decided to do the same.
A few days later, a portal appeared with a rotating six-pointed star. She glanced at Arf and prepared herself. She would step through with the Knights and greet their master as one of them—and escape the first chance she got.
-Comrades-
Upon her return to the void after her first mater's destruction, she was violently ill. She retched, though there was nothing in her stomach, and continued to heave. The other Knights thoughtfully turned away and started talking about how they would spend their time in the void before greeting their next master. It was kind of them to allow her privacy in her moment of weakness.
Arf ran, snarling and howling, away from them all. She could not help Fate, and that hurt the former familiar, now guardian beast. She was exhausting herself to relieve her frustration. She would return in a few days, weeks, months, before a year was up, in case her new master had been selected. She would return.
Fate heaved and gagged and crawled away from the mess she had made before collapsing and trying to curl into herself. She hadn't been able to escape. She had not been able to leave her master, had not been able to fight when he pushed her to knees, had not been able to refuse his commands. She could not take back what he stole from her. No matter how hard she had tried, the magic bound her to his will. She had swallowed more than her complaints under his orders.
She trembled and made a pathetic little sound that could not even be called a whimper.
Then Signum was there, kneeling next to her. The older Knight laced her fingers together and looked into the vast expanse beyond them. "It happens," she said. "We've all had it at some point, even if we don't remember it. The Book erases most of those memories. She leaves us enough so that we are not surprised when it happens again—because it always does—but she can take the worst of it."
"My memories are mine," Fate whispered. Her voice was rough.
Signum nodded, still looking into the void. "You are a Knight, part of the Wolkenritter. We protect each other when we can, but not all battles are on the battlefield. Some are battles of the mind. If you speak, we will listen. That is the only comfort we can give you now."
Fate nodded and shuddered and watched Signum walk away. She refused to give away her memories like that. Memories, no matter how cruel, were precious. But she had no desire to speak, either.
-Silence-
"I spy with my little eye, something black," Vita declared. She was lying flat on her back, staring blankly up at the black expanse that engulfed them every time the Book was either destroyed or vanished, and was regenerating.
"The floor," Shamal guessed.
"Your dress," that was Arf.
"This is pointless." Signum, naturally. Zafira huffed and closed his eyes.
"Nope, you're all wrong."
"My dress," Shamal.
"My dress," Arf.
"Stop playing such infantile games," Signum.
"Nope!" The cheery reply.
"My heart," Fate whispered, ending the game.
She did not speak again until they stood before their next master. When the time came the blonde merely looked on indifferently and said her ceremonial line "We are the Clouds that gather before our master, he of the Night Sky" with a hoarse voice. She spoke only when necessary, choosing to remain as silent as the grave that (as a magical construct) she would never have.
Her second master garbed her in Death's robes, and snidely called her Death's only child. She hated being called a child—she had never been one, not even when she was a human in Precia's service. Had she ever been human though? She was an artificial mage from the beginning, and now she was a magical construct. Perhaps she had never been human at all. Perhaps she had always been part of the Book and her faint memories of Precia and Lindy…and Nanoha…were dreams.
She changed, adapting to her new life. Her morality slipped away, spiraling further into the darkness, into the void, leaving only a cool and calculating persona that lacked compassion. Bardiche, perhaps in an attempt to be more intimidating, never took on Assault form, always manifesting as a scythe. It was a fearsome sight, in truth. With Bardiche in hand and her empty eyes, she was as daunting as Signum.
Upon her second return, the youngest Knight found she preferred the void. The inky blackness suited her just fine, though it did little to improve her mood. Hadn't she heard once that sunlight affected mood? It was such a distant memory that she wasn't sure anymore.
-Cessation-
The blonde girl shuddered and hugged her knees close to her chest. She was home again, back in the void, but even years later, she could still hear her first master panting her name in her ear. She remembered how he said her name with such mocking affection. She hated her name. Hated it with all that she was, but she hated hearing it even more. She never wanted to hear that name cross anyone's lips again. She'd had three masters now, and she hated her name more every time they said it, even her third master, the kindly old man who only wanted his family back. But it was best not to think of that.
"Fate?" Shamal asked, looking down at her, speaking that cursed name. There was understanding in her eyes. Not pity. The Wolkenritter were incapable of pity. But there was the sense of having been where she was now. In some ways that understanding was worse than pity.
Arf whined beside her, but was ignored. The girl looked up at the Lake Knight. "That child died a long time ago, Shamal. She no longer exists."
"And who sits in her place?" Signum asked coolly where she sat, casually examining her nails.
She did not answer.
-Identity-
She knelt before another master. She could not remember what number she was on, nor could she remember when she decided to stop counting. Was it the tenth? The fiftieth? She didn't know. It had become a habit to push her memories away. She refused to give them up (though she could not remember why) but she had no desire to remember.
She spouted her ceremonial line, waited for Vita to finish, then waited for her master's first command. This one wanted an introduction. When her turn came, her master bade her speak.
"Lightning Knight Testarossa," she answered, "bearer of the Harbinger of Storms, Berdiche Angriff."
-Unknown-
"You know," Arf said as she opened the Book of Darkness, "they smell familiar. Especially her." Arf nodded her head at a young woman on her knees, staring at them in horror.
Testarossa paid her no mind. She slid her hand an arm through an older woman's back and chest and offered up her Linker Core to the Book. The kneeling woman, an admiral, looked up at her with glistening green eyes. She whimpered something incoherent about being a mother. It didn't matter. She and the Knights had stolen many a mother's Linker Core. The woman's whimpers turned to cries as her magic was absorbed and pages were filled. She withdrew her hand. The woman fainted.
Almost done, just one left. They had already taken the Linker Cores from the admiral, a set of twins, and a powerful girl the others called Vivio.
The remaining woman looked up at them with slate blue eyes, shakily rose and stumbled on her unsteady, injured legs toward Testarossa. "Fate-chan," the stranger sobbed. Odd how that name filled Testarossa with loathing. Berdiche pulsed angrily in her hand. "Arf-san, Vita-chan. Please stop, it's me, Nanoha, you don't know, the Book will only—"
Signum shifted Laevatein slightly. She held it against an unconscious girl's wrist. "I suggest you cease your movements. I do not relish the idea of harming a child, but if you force my hand, I will remove hers."
The woman stopped, but continued to beg them to listen. Signum flicked her blade and sliced the child's palm to prove she was not lying. The woman finally stopped and stared at the little girl with longing. Perhaps it was her child, though she looked too young to be a mother. But what did it matter to the Knights?
Testarossa repeated a process she had done a thousand times before and slid her hand through the woman's back and chest and offered up another Linker Core to the Book of Darkness. She removed her hand and the unconscious woman went limp, but for some reason, Testarossa lowered her down gently. She considered her for a moment. She had the ridiculous notion the woman should have twintails.
She took the Book from Arf and considered the pages instead of her behavior. It was nearly full. Another master wrapped up in another selfish wish, another tragedy, another turn in a never ending cycle of despair. There were a lot of things she could not remember, but she remembered that. Testarossa nearly sighed, but caught herself. How foolish—that was a human habit, and she was not human.
"Problem, Testarossa?" Signum asked. She shook her head. The pink haired warrior clasped her shoulder lightly and released her with a nod. It was the closest Signum came to showing affection.
"That Nantoka knew our names," Vita commented.
Shamal hummed in thought. "They work for the Administration Bureau. They probably have files on us."
"Their files need updated," Arf said. "They called Testarossa Fate. That's not her name."
"How foolish," Signum replied.
The Knights and guardian beasts turned and walked away. Testarossa walked ahead of the others—despite being smaller, they struggled to keep up with her. But then, even a brisk walk was slow for the Lightning Knight. They did not look back, nor did they spare another thought for their most recent victims.
Testarossa cradled the Book against her. Soon, soon the last of the pages would be filled and then she would be able to return to her home, to the comforting darkness of the void in the Book's pages with the rest of the Wolkenritter.
-Fin-
A/N: Erio having a lightning affinity because Scaglietti altered his DNA and Fate being a prodigy are my personal canons. And, for the confused, the Book was able to absorb Nanoha's Linker Core because it was essentially a different book, and Berdiche is an alternate spelling of Bardiche, while Angriff is German for Assault.
If you like this premise, or feel you could write it better, go for it. I'd love to read an alternate retelling of Fate Testarossa, Cloud Knight. Consider it a challenge, if you like. While I have no intentions of continuing this story at this time, I may come back to it.
Please review!
Au revoir,
Hatter