But she wasn't coming.
No, she had left him.
Why was he surprised?
He had let her down. Just like he had let his father down. Just like he had let his mother down. His life was full of him disappointing people. How many times had he failed to do his job, because he had simply been distracted? He had let his only friend down, when he let Amber die.
And he had promised himself that he wouldn't let Cuddy down. But he had.
He was a disappointment.
Without hesitation, he popped the pills in his mouth. The familiar sticking feeling of swallowing dry pills was a familiar comfort in his pain.
After so long, he was in unbearable pain.
And instead of taking that pain like a man, he had taken the easy way out.
He had been a coward.
He was a disappointment.
As he hoisted himself up, he felt the Vicodin taking effect. The pain was numbing. It had worked, but it still hadn't worked.
He could still feel the emptiness in his chest. It wasn't working.
He popped two more in his mouth, hoping that they would fill the void.
He limped towards the living room. He needed alcohol. Of course, he caught sight of a picture. A fucking picture drawn with crayons.
RACHEL was printed in unsteady handwriting, along with some scribbles. He remembered how Rachel had given it to him almost two weeks ago. A fresh wave of pain hit him. He had grown quite fond of the little girl. But he had let her down as well.
He was a disappointment.
He had tried not to get close to her. He had suspected that he would fuck things up eventually, but she forced her way into his life. Sometimes, during nights when he couldn't sleep and he had held a sleeping Cuddy in his arms, he had imagined becoming a sort of role model to the girl. Of course he had imagined himself as a good guy. Not a screw up drug addict. No, he wasn't any kind of role model for a little girl like that.
He was a fucking disappointment.
It was his fault. He had let himself be happy. He could never be happy. No, he was doomed for misery. And he had selfishly taken Cuddy down with him. She could have been happily married to Lucas. Instead she had left a perfectly nice guy for him. He was a screw up drug addict who couldn't even stay clean. He was a coward who brought misery to everyone close to him.
He was a disappointment.
A thought began to develop in his mind. A small thought that began to snowball. He had hurt the one woman he had ever loved, and who could have ever loved him. He had messed up his one chance at happiness because he had been a coward.
Why should he live? All he was a spineless drug addict who hurt everyone who cam near him. He was a person who hurt anyone and everyone who had thought to care.
He was a disappointment.
These were the thoughts that ran through House's head as he took pill after pill. He washed them down with whiskey. Then he continued with his pills. He could slowly feel the pain slip away, as did everything else. He hadn't been able to deal with his pain. He was too much of a coward.
He was a disappointment.
A/N my thoughts of what could have happened after "Bombshells." I literally cried when i saw that. The way he pleaded for her to stop. my heart broke! I might do a sequel to this, please let me know what you think in a review. I'm still sad from watching it. T_T