And now for the condensed version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone:

DURSLEYS
We're mean, evil, and have not a shred of human dignity in our black hearts.

HAGRID
You're a wizard, Harry.

HARRY
Shweet.

RON
Hey, I'm Ron Weasley, the resident redhead.

HERMIONE
And I'm Hermione Granger, the resident genius.

RON
Are not!

HERMIONE
Are too!

HARRY
*sigh* And I've got to go through 6 more years of this?

MALFOY
I hate you for no good reason. Prepare to face 6 more years of torment-without-cause.

HARRY
*sigh* Great. Atleast I have Quidditch or else I think I might go insane.

VOLDEMORT
Ack. Foiled by Potter, again.

HARRY
Yippee skippee.

RON & HERMIONE
And we helped! *GRIN*

DUMBLEDORE
See kids, this is why being a wizard is a good thing.

THE END