What You Could Never Be

Disclaimer: I do not own anything X-Men related. The only thing I do own is my own creation, Kris.

Summary: A new mutant comes to Xavier's school with a past, can anyone help her. Does she even want to be saved?

Pairings: Maybe later on.

Author's Note: Alright, for anyone who thinks this is a Mary-Sue or whatever the hell you call it, just can it. Thankfully, I have never had this much emotional turmoil in my life and hopefully never will. This character is for fun, it is not me trying to place myself in a story. That I can write for myself in my own demented little fantasy. However, that is not this fantasy. I will only say this once, if I get a Mary-Sue remark I will be extremely pissed. There, since that is out of the way I want to say that I welcome constructive criticism. I was trying to decide between first person narrative and third person narrative, so if you think it could be better in third person then tell me. Alright, on with the show then...

All I can see is the faces in my head. I don't even remember how I got here. The only thing I know for sure is that it's raining harder than I've ever felt it rain before and my side is killing me. My coat is no longer keeping out the rain because I can feel thick trails of it running down my sides, but for some reason when I pull my coat tighter it continues to slide.

I can see a light up ahead but I'm not sure where it's coming from. Hell, I don't even know where I am. I can feel my feet moving and my eyes graze over a plaque on some nearby bricks. To make sure that it's really there I run my fingers over it lightly and the raised lettering tells me that I've arrived at 'Xavier's school for Gifted Youngsters.' That's when it all comes rushing back to me.

The memory is almost enough to bring me to my knees, but something tells me that if I fell now I wouldn't be getting up again. The pain in my sides seems to be multiplying by the minute and I know now why I am here. I can vaguely hear the sound of my feet as they slide along the pathway covered in mud and stone.

When I finally reach the door I notice that the light has gone out and there is nothing to greet me but darkness. Funny, I always thought that light signified salvation. Apparently there was nothing left in me to salvage. But it doesn't matter. I'm not here for me, or at least that is what I keep telling myself. I'm only here to be punished for my actions, to learn regret. But I can already tell that these people won't understand. Not even I understand.

My hand has moved without any forethought and before I can stop it I can feel it rapping loudly against the door. Once it's done betraying me I lay it back down by my side and my eyes settle back on the light over the door. There is something strange about it. It isn't behaving like it should, that much I know. And as I stare at it a little harder I suddenly feel the shift inside me. It's like a wave is beginning to crest and my skin begins to tingle unpleasantly. My skull is filling up with noise, tiny murmurings at first and then it explodes into ear splitting screams. Nothing but faces to see and voices to hear and I can already feel my hands moving of their own volition again.

Thankfully the power becomes too much and I can feel the true darkness descending on me again like it did before I came to be here. But as my head falls back and my knees finally begin to give out I see a light and a figure that shouldn't be there. But before I can tell them that it's all a mistake, that I never should have come here, that I am far too dangerous to be around anyone at all, my voice is dead and so is the rest of my light.

My first thought when I woke up was...I wonder if they even noticed that their light is no longer there.