UPDATE: Meh, sorry. I have to get rid of the review responses. If you want a response, then tell me. I still have all your old reviews saved, though, so no need to review again (unless you want to)
TET: Hello, and welcome to Harry's Wonderous World! This is one of those retellings of the story in a humorous way. My inspiration comes from someone on FF.net with the penname of Sarah Noble. Go visit him/her.
Anyway... Oh, right. Disclaimer, and narrator.
Harry Potter is not owned by me
If it were owned by me I would not be writing this
But I seem to be
Harry Potter is owned by Time Warner (I think)
And JK Rowling for sure so I
Do not own anything
You must laugh at this thing
But who will be laughing when you
Get thrown into jail?
TET: So... the last part didn't rhyme. ANYWAY... Today's narrator will be Ramira. She's the murderous killing- oh, wait...
Akihiko: Ramira! Stop struggling! The sedative will calm you down!
Rejirou: Stop! Rammy, are you listening! Stop struggling!
Ramira: MUST... KILL... KELLY...
Kelnyleran: Fish eggs! Random words! What else irks you, Rammy? Annoying people! Annoying phrases! Yeah! Here we go!
Akihiko and Rejirou: SHUT THE HELL UP, KELLY!!!
TET: ... Eh, heh heh heh... Akihiko, when you're done sedating Ramira, you're our narrator. For now, we'll just start the story... Ramira! Don't... No... Kelly doesn't mean it...
-----
---
4 Privet Drive: sometime in the morning on widdle Duddykin's birthday
---
*Harry wakes up*
Harry: Yay! *sits up and bonks head on ceiling* Oow...
Dudley: (from above Harry) Wake up! It's my birthday! *starts jumping up and down on the stairs, which fall through*
Harry: OOWWWW!!! Dudley, GET OFF!!!
*Dudley bounces up and waddles into the kitchen, and starts counting presents*
Dudley: One, two, three... Three... Um, ... Four!!! Yeah, that's it!
Aunt Petunia: Ooh, my widdle Duddykins is so smart!
Uncle Vernon: Be quiet, I'm simultaneously reading the newspaper and thinking of ways to get rid of Harry.
Harry: *from his now-smashed cupboard* I'm not wearing this!
Aunt Petunia: Duddykins wants you to, and it's his birthday, and anyway I don't give a damn about what you think so GET OUT HERE!!!
*Harry walks in wearing one of those skimpy anime maid outfits, complete with the little head thing, and begins serving pancakes*
Harry: I look like an idiot.
Dudley: Heh heh, idiot. I want pancakes!
*Harry gives Aunt Petunia two pancakes, Uncle Vernon four pancakes, and Dudley the other fifty-four pancakes*
*Dudley eats all fifty-four pancakes*
Dudley: I WANT MORE PANCAKES!!! MORE PANCAKES!!! *starts wailing and throwing tantrums*
Aunt Petunia: HARRY!!! MORE PANCAKES FOR DUDDYKINS!!! *brandishes knife* GET TO WORK!!!
Harry: o.O Yes ma'am... *begins cooking lots and lots of pancakes*
---
4 Privet Drive: after breakfast
---
Uncle Vernon: Now what to do... *idea strikes* AAHHH!!! MY HEAD!!!... anyway, let's go to the ZOO!!! We'll see all the lions and tigers and elephants and zebras and ooh, let's visit the BUTTERFLY HOUSE!!! Yay!!! *continues babbling*
Everyone: o.O
Dudley: Let's go to the zoo! And I would bring my friend except he's not in the movie and TET hasn't read the book in a long time!
Harry: Yay! I wanna come!!!
Everyone: NO!!!
Harry: *puppy eyes* But... I baked you pancakes...
Aunt Petunia: Fine, we can feed him to the alligators. Saves money, at least, and my widdle Duddykins will have a good time, yes he will!
*Durseleys strap Harry to the top of the car and drive to the zoo*
---
ZOO: mid-early afternoon?
---
Dudley: Yay! The zoo!!! Yay, a snake!!!
Harry: Kill Dudley, Mr. Snake, kill Dudley!!!
Snake: *slithers through crowd, grabs Dudley, and drags him into the snake cage*
Harry: *puts fingers to temples* Return the glass to the cage... Return the glass... Shazaam!!!
*the glass is returned, because that's how the movie goes, and Harry runs home like a maniac and locks himself in his cupboard*
*the Dursleys get home*
Uncle Vernon: I know you did it. Get the mail.
Harry: *gets the mail* Ooh, something for me!
Uncle Vernon: *takes Harry's letter and burns it*
*more letters fly through the mail slot, and Uncle Vernon burns them, and more letters come, and they are burned, and more letters come...*
Uncle Vernon: THAT'S IT!!! WE'RE MOVING TO CHINA!!!
Everyone: o.O
Uncle Vernon: Well, that's my line, right?... no, wait, WE'RE MOVING TO AN ISLAND!!!
Everyone: OKAY!!!
---
Akihiko: Well, I'm the narrator now. Ramira's gonna be fine. Anyway, the setting is now changing into the island, sometime at night. Now it's gonna be Harry's birthday. I mean, that's just stupid. Harry's birthday is right after Dudley's. Stupid.
TET: Actually, a month has passed- I think.
Akihiko: So Dudley's birthday is June 30?
TET: Something like that. Whatever.
Akihiko: Okay, setting is island, time is July 29 at night. Here we go.
---
Harry: *draws a cake in the dirt* Yay, happy birthday to me... *starts wailing, which wakes up Dudley*
Dudley: Why'd you- hey, cake!!! *eats dirt*
Harry: THAT'S MY CAKE, YOU IDIOT!!!
*suddenly, the door bursts open and a giant guy walks into the room*
Hagrid: No, this is your cake. *takes out cake and gives it to Harry*
Dudley: CAKE!!! *takes Harry's cake*
*Hagrid zaps Dudley into oblivion, and Harry begins eating cake*
Hagrid: My name is Hagrid, and you're a wizard.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
Hagrid: Your parents got blown up.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
Hagrid: You only have five minutes to live.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
*Hagrid zaps cake into oblivion*
Harry: Hey!!! Wait... What did you say about my parents?
Hagrid: *sighs* At least I have your attention now. You are a wizard, your parents got blown up, and I'm Hagrid.
Harry: I'm a wizard? Cool! *starts dancing and singsonging* I am a wizard! I am a wizard! Hey look at me! I am a wizard!
*Hagrid grabs Harry and puts him in a giant picnic basket, which he hangs on one of the handlebars of his motorbike, and zooms off*
-----
TET: You like? Review.
Akihiko: You hate? Review as well. I need some more flames for my barbeque, and TET needs some flames to burn up her super-ego.
TET: HEY!!!
Ramira: Ugh... Where am I? Where's Kelly? I need to kill her... Can I kill a reader?
Everyone: NO!!!
TET: Hello, and welcome to Harry's Wonderous World! This is one of those retellings of the story in a humorous way. My inspiration comes from someone on FF.net with the penname of Sarah Noble. Go visit him/her.
Anyway... Oh, right. Disclaimer, and narrator.
Harry Potter is not owned by me
If it were owned by me I would not be writing this
But I seem to be
Harry Potter is owned by Time Warner (I think)
And JK Rowling for sure so I
Do not own anything
You must laugh at this thing
But who will be laughing when you
Get thrown into jail?
TET: So... the last part didn't rhyme. ANYWAY... Today's narrator will be Ramira. She's the murderous killing- oh, wait...
Akihiko: Ramira! Stop struggling! The sedative will calm you down!
Rejirou: Stop! Rammy, are you listening! Stop struggling!
Ramira: MUST... KILL... KELLY...
Kelnyleran: Fish eggs! Random words! What else irks you, Rammy? Annoying people! Annoying phrases! Yeah! Here we go!
Akihiko and Rejirou: SHUT THE HELL UP, KELLY!!!
TET: ... Eh, heh heh heh... Akihiko, when you're done sedating Ramira, you're our narrator. For now, we'll just start the story... Ramira! Don't... No... Kelly doesn't mean it...
-----
---
4 Privet Drive: sometime in the morning on widdle Duddykin's birthday
---
*Harry wakes up*
Harry: Yay! *sits up and bonks head on ceiling* Oow...
Dudley: (from above Harry) Wake up! It's my birthday! *starts jumping up and down on the stairs, which fall through*
Harry: OOWWWW!!! Dudley, GET OFF!!!
*Dudley bounces up and waddles into the kitchen, and starts counting presents*
Dudley: One, two, three... Three... Um, ... Four!!! Yeah, that's it!
Aunt Petunia: Ooh, my widdle Duddykins is so smart!
Uncle Vernon: Be quiet, I'm simultaneously reading the newspaper and thinking of ways to get rid of Harry.
Harry: *from his now-smashed cupboard* I'm not wearing this!
Aunt Petunia: Duddykins wants you to, and it's his birthday, and anyway I don't give a damn about what you think so GET OUT HERE!!!
*Harry walks in wearing one of those skimpy anime maid outfits, complete with the little head thing, and begins serving pancakes*
Harry: I look like an idiot.
Dudley: Heh heh, idiot. I want pancakes!
*Harry gives Aunt Petunia two pancakes, Uncle Vernon four pancakes, and Dudley the other fifty-four pancakes*
*Dudley eats all fifty-four pancakes*
Dudley: I WANT MORE PANCAKES!!! MORE PANCAKES!!! *starts wailing and throwing tantrums*
Aunt Petunia: HARRY!!! MORE PANCAKES FOR DUDDYKINS!!! *brandishes knife* GET TO WORK!!!
Harry: o.O Yes ma'am... *begins cooking lots and lots of pancakes*
---
4 Privet Drive: after breakfast
---
Uncle Vernon: Now what to do... *idea strikes* AAHHH!!! MY HEAD!!!... anyway, let's go to the ZOO!!! We'll see all the lions and tigers and elephants and zebras and ooh, let's visit the BUTTERFLY HOUSE!!! Yay!!! *continues babbling*
Everyone: o.O
Dudley: Let's go to the zoo! And I would bring my friend except he's not in the movie and TET hasn't read the book in a long time!
Harry: Yay! I wanna come!!!
Everyone: NO!!!
Harry: *puppy eyes* But... I baked you pancakes...
Aunt Petunia: Fine, we can feed him to the alligators. Saves money, at least, and my widdle Duddykins will have a good time, yes he will!
*Durseleys strap Harry to the top of the car and drive to the zoo*
---
ZOO: mid-early afternoon?
---
Dudley: Yay! The zoo!!! Yay, a snake!!!
Harry: Kill Dudley, Mr. Snake, kill Dudley!!!
Snake: *slithers through crowd, grabs Dudley, and drags him into the snake cage*
Harry: *puts fingers to temples* Return the glass to the cage... Return the glass... Shazaam!!!
*the glass is returned, because that's how the movie goes, and Harry runs home like a maniac and locks himself in his cupboard*
*the Dursleys get home*
Uncle Vernon: I know you did it. Get the mail.
Harry: *gets the mail* Ooh, something for me!
Uncle Vernon: *takes Harry's letter and burns it*
*more letters fly through the mail slot, and Uncle Vernon burns them, and more letters come, and they are burned, and more letters come...*
Uncle Vernon: THAT'S IT!!! WE'RE MOVING TO CHINA!!!
Everyone: o.O
Uncle Vernon: Well, that's my line, right?... no, wait, WE'RE MOVING TO AN ISLAND!!!
Everyone: OKAY!!!
---
Akihiko: Well, I'm the narrator now. Ramira's gonna be fine. Anyway, the setting is now changing into the island, sometime at night. Now it's gonna be Harry's birthday. I mean, that's just stupid. Harry's birthday is right after Dudley's. Stupid.
TET: Actually, a month has passed- I think.
Akihiko: So Dudley's birthday is June 30?
TET: Something like that. Whatever.
Akihiko: Okay, setting is island, time is July 29 at night. Here we go.
---
Harry: *draws a cake in the dirt* Yay, happy birthday to me... *starts wailing, which wakes up Dudley*
Dudley: Why'd you- hey, cake!!! *eats dirt*
Harry: THAT'S MY CAKE, YOU IDIOT!!!
*suddenly, the door bursts open and a giant guy walks into the room*
Hagrid: No, this is your cake. *takes out cake and gives it to Harry*
Dudley: CAKE!!! *takes Harry's cake*
*Hagrid zaps Dudley into oblivion, and Harry begins eating cake*
Hagrid: My name is Hagrid, and you're a wizard.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
Hagrid: Your parents got blown up.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
Hagrid: You only have five minutes to live.
Harry: Cool. *eats cake*
*Hagrid zaps cake into oblivion*
Harry: Hey!!! Wait... What did you say about my parents?
Hagrid: *sighs* At least I have your attention now. You are a wizard, your parents got blown up, and I'm Hagrid.
Harry: I'm a wizard? Cool! *starts dancing and singsonging* I am a wizard! I am a wizard! Hey look at me! I am a wizard!
*Hagrid grabs Harry and puts him in a giant picnic basket, which he hangs on one of the handlebars of his motorbike, and zooms off*
-----
TET: You like? Review.
Akihiko: You hate? Review as well. I need some more flames for my barbeque, and TET needs some flames to burn up her super-ego.
TET: HEY!!!
Ramira: Ugh... Where am I? Where's Kelly? I need to kill her... Can I kill a reader?
Everyone: NO!!!