A/N: First off, this is a monster one shot (twenty eight handwritten pages in all and I write small, I will tell you) that entirely got away from me. It's not the longest one shot I've written, but it's about twice as long as I originally thought it would be. It started off as an attempt to come up with a title that started with Z, because why not? I could tell you how many stories I've written that start with any letter of the alphabet (because I keep track of these things, I have a spreadsheet) and Z and X are the only letters I haven't been able to use (because they're the letters with the fewest words and only so many of them aren't ridiculous). Anyway, it started with the letter Z, and then the concept of a Zero Sum Game (definition below), and then it spiraled out of control from there. It was written pre-Girl Meets Yearbook and Semi-Formal and Creativity, so it definitely hinges on the fact that Maya's discovery when she was Riley doesn't happen. And it's a mildly angsty little thing too. The next GMW oneshot I have is actually more on the fluffy side so I'll try to get that out soon. Anyway, that whole thing was too long. Just get to the fic already! Alright, enjoy! R&R! Thanks! ~Mac
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN GMW. (I typed that without realizing caps lock was on. Now I don't want to change it haha. So there's my angry disclaimer).
Zero Sum Game
Zero Sum (adj): in which whatever is gained by one side is lost by the other.
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o0o
They've been in this standoff since middle school. Auggie put it on their radar one afternoon in eighth grade with an Archie comic in his hand, but it had started long before that. If they're honest about it, they would have to acknowledge that it probably started the second Maya first saw Lucas on the subway—the exact moment she saw him, before she pointed him out to Riley, before she went over to him, before she pushed Riley onto his lap, before she stated the constant cycle of shoving her best friend into each step toward him—and it only built from there. But that's if they're honest about it, and, honestly, they can't exactly be honest about it if ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the time, they're actively ignoring the fact that it exists. They are best friends like no one else is best friends, so they have to ignore it. Because Betty and Veronica be damned, even best friends like them can't survive liking the same boy. Maya knew that before Auggie asked, but Riley's dead certain and immediate "No" seals it. And Maya has to be okay with it, even if she isn't.
Even if they don't admit it to themselves, or to each other, or to anyone else, it's a tension that follows them for years always brewing under the surface, and behind the scenes. It only grows stronger, grows larger, grows fervent, until it looms over everything. There is going to come a time when they can't ignore it anymore and when that time comes it will be the end of their world as they know it. Because if someone has to win, then someone has to lose. One way or the other, it could be the end of them, no way around it.
0o0
Maya loves her best friend more than practically anything, but there are certain truths that she has accepted about Riley. They are opposites, always have been. It works for them, because together they make one whole, fully rounded person. Knowing this, it's easy to come to certain conclusions about either girl. If Maya is one thing, then Riley is the opposite. So, if Maya is confident and secure in who she is, then Riley is slightly insecure. Maya knows that is a result of Riley still figuring things out and learning who she is. That works for Riley. Maya has to be confident in herself, because who she is, is all she has. Riley still has time to discover herself, time that Maya doesn't have.
But Riley's uncertainty in herself makes her shy, when it comes to somethings, especially when it comes to one thing. In the wake of that, Maya learns that nothing motivates Riley better than jealousy.
Riley couldn't bring herself to talk to Lucas until Maya did. She wouldn't admit she liked him until Missy honed in on him. She didn't realize she wanted to date him until Maya asked him out. That is how Maya ends up using every interaction with Lucas to facilitate the one he should be having with Riley.
So when Maya figures out her feelings for Lucas, as unexpected as they are, why wouldn't Riley assume that it's a ploy to get her to come to terms with her own feelings for Lucas. That's how the two best friends end up falling for the same boy at the same time.
For Riley, it's a slow build. It's years of little things that add up until she is able to decide that, yes, it is real. Shy smiles and longing glances from afar that grow less and less subtle. She and Lucas have so much in common that it seems inevitable. Everyone sees it. Her father dreads it. Everyone else waits in hushed anticipation. Even Maya was seated firmly on their bandwagon, until.
For Maya, it's instantaneous. One second she's flinging around Huckleberries and Ranger Ricks and the next, blam, it's like she's seeing him for the first time. The feelings are a revelation, but nothing else really changes. She and Lucas still tease, poke and prod each other. They counter each other, attracting and repulsing each other in equal measure. They never get any closer than he and Riley do, so that's how the tension starts to settle in.
As long as they are all "just friends," then Lucas can remain suspended between them—and he does. But at any moment, he could be sling shot back and forth between them. At some point, something is going to tip the balance and send him flying permanently in one direction. It could be practically anything, so there's no way to really prepare for it, or the aftermath that's certain to follow. Maya knows this to be true. She assumes that Riley also knows it, because as naive as her best friend is, she's not stupid. Riley isn't going to react to something that hasn't happened yet, even if she believes in the possibility—it's something to do with her reservoir of hope. Maya, who clutched onto the meager helping of hope she's collected so far, perhaps has a better concept of the prospective worst case scenarios. The two girls' approaches are as different as black and white, but at least they can see it coming. It's only unfair to Lucas. There's no telling what he knows about the depth of affection two of his closest friends have for him, but the general assumption is that he remains completely in the dark. He is generally untroubled by drama, but given the magnitude of their current predicament, it seems more likely that he would have said something if he knew—or at least shown some sign. Turmoil is eating Maya up on the inside, even if she doesn't let her exterior betray that, but Lucas is as cool as a cucumber, inside and out—either that or he's the best damn actor there ever was. There is trouble brewing under the surface and he doesn't have a clue.
Which could go one of two ways.
One, his ignorance allows for everything to play out right under his nose without him ever getting involved. It keeps his hands clean and the rest uncomplicated competition, meaning less fallout. This is the optimist's (read Riley's) design.
Or two, he blindly stumbles into becoming the central catalyst for the conflict. With his eyes now opened, he has to choose a side, marking him as equally guilty and ultimately setting them up for the maximum fallout of nuclear proportions. There's really no need to identify whose design this is.
Each is equally possible and probable, a toss up. They have no choice but to see it thorugh. They're waiting to learn the rules of the game neither of them even want to be playing, but they're already in the thick of it, so there's no turning back now.
0o0
During their sophomore year of high school, the strain starts to show on all of their relationships. They had something of a reprieve their first year, because all of them were so caught up in adapting to their new environment that all thoughts of in group romance were abandoned in favor of being a strong and complete support system for each other as they tackled this experience head on together. That kind of cease fire only lasts so long before opposing sides are in a standoff again.
Maya and Riley have a friendship that is envied by nearly everyone in their high school, but those people don't feel the current that runs underneath the surface. They look like the perfect best friends on the outside, but behind the scenes it is a battlefield.
Even though neither of them have done anything to suggest that they want to facilitate a real relationship with Lucas, the littlest thing can be seen as a betrayal. Maya can see it in Riley's eyes when she so much as talks to Lucas. It hurts, because Maya would never do anything to jeopardize her friendship with Riley. And she doesn't know how to fix it, because it's not like she's acting any different around Lucas than she has before. It's just that, now that Riley has figured out that Maya's feelings run deeper, what was once light teasing now looks like cutesy nicknames and an excuse to touch each other. That's how Maya's friendship with Lucas has always been—she calls him Huckleberry and he calls her Short Stack, she punches him playfully when he rolls his eyes at her and he picks her right up off her feet when he wants to stop her from doing things. It's how it is for them. It means nothing more than that they are close friends and appropriately comfortable with each other. Since she has realized her own feelings, maybe Maya gets a thrill of excitement in her stomach when Lucas grabs her round the middle or when he goes overtly country simply to invalidate any silly remark she might have made and make her laugh. But she reads nothing into his normal behavior, so neither should Riley.
Besides, Maya doesn't hold Riley's friendship with Lucas against her. Maybe, sometimes, she resents how much the other two have in common a little, but she accepts that she can't change it. Riley and Lucas have a friendship based on similarities, while Maya and Lucas have a friendship based on conflict. It's just how it is. It should be okay.
But it's not okay.
There's a darkness in Riley's eyes every time she looks at Maya now, even when Lucas isn't around. It lingers and Maya can't stand it. Because now she understands the rules of the game she's been playing. It's more than just an unspoken contest to see who gets Lucas in the end. It's not a matter of Riley winning or Maya winning, because even if Maya wins, she loses. If she wins, she is guaranteeing that she loses her best friend. Maya needs Riley more than she needs Lucas—which is why she would still be there if Lucas and Riley get their happily ever after, and why she can never have a happily ever with Lucas of her own. Riley would never forgive her, so it's better to stop playing before they find out where they stand.
It might mean losing Lucas as a friend, but Maya is choosing from a list composed entirely of unpleasant options. She has to choose what's going to hurt her the least. And she thinks she's made the right choice, even if nothing about the situation feels right to her.
0o0
In a surprising turn of events, Maya's favorite place in their high school is the library. Not because of books, or learning, or studying or any of that, she's still the same Maya. She likes it because no one else does and it's deserted ninety-nine percent of the time. There's a table in the back corner that provides her with moderate privacy and she spends a lot of her free time there, sketching in her notebook and waiting. She can't be around her friends unless she knows they're all there. She needs the buffer of Farkle, Zay and the others to prove to Riley that she's not trying to come between her and Lucas. If she can't be certain that all of them are there, it's easier for Maya to be alone, hence the library.
For a month or more, Maya has been claiming this back table. She comes in so often that the librarian greets her by name and with a wave every time. None of her friends have mentioned her frequent absences during lunch and after school and she assumes they have no idea where she disappears to if they even realize that she disappears at all. She concludes that it's probably better that way about the same time Lucas himself drops down in the chair across from hers. She doesn't look up, but she knows it's him before he speaks, maybe because she knows the heavy feel of his presence even better now that she's been avoiding him or maybe because he arrives with a wave of the light, spiced scent of the cologne she can recognize anywhere.
"Shouldn't you be at practice?" Maya asks without pulling her pencil from the drawing she's working on.
"The pitcher got nailed with a line drive. Coach called practice to get him checked out by the nurse," Lucas says, but offers no explanation for why he's there with her now.
"How did you know where to find me?" Maya stills her pencil, but doesn't look up.
"Come on, Maya," Lucas says. "I've always known. Did you think you could run off the way you have been and no one would notice?"
"No one did."
"I did."
"Yeah, well," Maya puts her pencil down. "I wanted to be alone."
"So, I'm bothering you by being here?" Lucas asks and there's some annoyance lacing his words.
"Sort of, yeah."
"Look at me when you say it," Lucas demands.
Maya looks up and regrets it, because the words catch somewhere on the way up. Lucas is watching her with determined intensity and it's almost enough to make her forget herself. She takes a deep breath and forces herself to say, "You're bothering me."
"It wouldn't be that hard to say if you meant it," Lucas says and settles into his chair, leaning back and looking like he has no intention of leaving anytime soon.
"You really shouldn't be here," Maya says.
"Why? You waiting for someone else? Is that what this has all been about?"
"I don't—"
"Are you seeing some other guy in secret?" Lucas continues. "You think it would hurt my feelings to know or something?"
"Why would would it hurt your feelings if I was seeing someone?" Maya frowns.
Lucas flounders for a split second, but recovers. "Because you're trying to get rid of me and you've been avoiding me for a month over it."
Maya closes her eyes and rubs a hand over her face, because his recovery is unconvincing and she knows what that means. He's not here as a wounded best friend who feels ditched. He misses her and there's a hint of jealousy underlying it. She has to put a stop to it once and for all, but she doesn't want to. She wants to savor this moment, but she can't let herself.
"I'm not—" Maya breaks off because each word she plans to say next is a punch to the guts and she can't take it. She can't do it. She can't let him go, even though she knows she can never have him. She can't destroy their potential because that's the only thing holding her up through her self imposed isolation.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Lucas lets her off the hook. He stands up and gathers his bags. "But if you're making me leave, can you at least call me something for the road. You haven't called me Huckleberry for weeks, and I'll be damned, but I miss it. I'll settle for Hop Along or Sundance, you know you like those."
Maya fights a smile. "Get out of here, Huckleberry."
"Only because you asked so nicely, Short Stack," Lucas says and starts to turn away from the table.
"Lucas?" Maya calls him back.
"Yes, Maya?" he returns.
"Whatever this is," Maya stumbles over her words again. "It can't—"
"You're going to do whatever you choose to do," Lucas approaches the table again, leaning in closer so he can keep his voice low and still be heard. "Nothing I say or do will change that. Stay scarce if you want to. I'm sure you have reasons that I don't understand. Just know that I miss you when you're gone. And if I had it my way, well..." he shrugs and backs up again. "I'll see you tomorrow, in class if nowhere else."
Maya presses her lips together so that she doesn't say anything more to pull him back in. Although she said no more than maybe sixty words to Lucas, she has already said too much. She should have told him to go away right at the start. Instead, she engaged him and she is going to see the consequences of it at some point. She knows it. It doesn't matter if his words are the first thing to warm her through in weeks, months, maybe years. She has already collected her hat from the ring. She has already forfeited the game. Why couldn't he just let her?
0o0
Dinner at the Matthews that evening is a tense affair. Even Auggie, who has declared himself too old for Owl Detectives, can solve the mystery of why that is without so much as a single interrogation. Usually the most talkative of the group, Maya and Riley eat in complete silence while the rest of the Matthews watch them unfailingly. Cory misses his mouth three times with an empty fork, because he's not paying attention to his plate, before he decides that enough is enough.
"Okay, girls, what's wrong?" Cory questions, abandoning his useless silverware.
Topanga also puts down her utensils and focuses entirely on her daughter and her daughter's best friend. The two girls have a tendency to lapse into strange behavior, but this silent treatment and cold distance seems almost normal in comparison—which is frightening.
"Bay Window," Riley mutters and stands. Her parents start to rise and she shakes her head. "Maya only."
Maya stares unfocused at the table. "Riley, I—"
"Bay Window, now," Riley says and walks away down the hall.
Maya stays at the table for an extra minute, trying to catch her breath. She tried to do the right thing and still her friendship is unraveling. It's like Riley knows that something shifted when Lucas said all he said—a few simple words that may have meant so little for the moment, but meant everything for this nearly four year impasse that has been going on in the background. But Riley can't know what Lucas said, unless she does. Or it's not even what he said, it's something entirely different. Maybe Riley can just sense Maya wavering the same way Maya could tell Riley was unhappy with her the second she walked into the apartment. Or the way they had sensed on instinct that they were in competition for Lucas's heart without either of them saying a word.
Maya takes a deep breath and goes to meet Riley at the Bay Window as requested. She pretends that she doesn't see the distressed and sympathetic looks on Cory and Topanga's faces. She doesn't need to know that they see the end as clearly as she does. She needs five more minutes of ignorance.
The door to Riley's room is propped open and Maya enters with tentative steps. Riley has already folded herself onto one seat at the Bay Window and she clutches a cushion to her chest behind folded arms. Maya keeps her eyes on her feet as she shuffles over to take one of the other seats at the window. She fiddles with her fingers as she waits for Riley to talk.
"What happened with you and Lucas today?" Riley asks. She's picking at the threading on the cushion in her arms and maybe she's as nervous as Maya.
"I don't know what you' mean," Maya says.
"In the library," Riley clarifies. Maya opens her mouth and Riley continues, "Don't deny it. I saw him go into the library and I know you were in there, because you're always in there."
"He asked me why I haven't been around as much lately," Maya says. "That's all."
"And what did you tell him?"
"That I wanted to be alone," Maya pushes some of her hair back and twists a little so she can stare out the window. "And he left."
Riley sighs. "We're best friends, right?"
"Of course we are."
"Are we, really?"
"Yes, Riles," Maya nods forcefully. "Forever."
"Best friends don't lie to each other," Riley says.
"You think I'm lying to you?" Maya asks. "I never lie to you."
"What else did Lucas say?" Riley counters, not acknowledging Maya's statement as true or false. "Because he was in there longer than that. I know he was. I waited."
"Are you spying on us now? Is that what this is?" Maya scowls, her whole face pinched as she struggles to keep control. "Because best friends also trust each other. Trust, Riley. That means taking each other at our word without spying or scheming or—or—"
"What did he say, Maya?" Riley repeats her question. "I need to know."
"Do you want it verbatim? Because I don't usually keep a transcript of my conversations," Maya shakes her head. "I don't know what you're looking for here, Riley. I really don't. I've tried so hard to make everything right, to let everything happen the way it's supposed to. I can't help it if Lucas won't cooperate—"
Maya breaks off abruptly as she realizes that tears have sprung to her eyes. She wipes them away and ducks her head so that her mass of hair hides her face.
"I just want you to be happy Riley, so tell me what you want me to say. Because I don't want to lose you."
"Tell me that you don't like Lucas," Riley says after a minute of charged silence.
Maya sucks in a shaky breath and shields her face with both hands. "I can't do that without lying to you."
"How long?" Riley asks.
"You know how long," Maya says. "You could tell the second I started liking him, I could feel it. It changed everything."
"No," Riley shakes her head. "How long have you been seeing him behind my back?"
"I haven't—we haven't—" Maya stammers. She closes her eyes as she can feel herself losing control of the situation. "We're not seeing each other. We would never, behind your back. We would never do that to you. I would never."
"I don't believe you," Riley will not look at Maya as she tosses around these accusations and that infuriates Maya.
"Is wanting Lucas more important to you than our friendship?" Maya nearly croaks around the lump that has formed in her throat.
Riley continues to look away. "I don't know."
"Well, I do," Maya says. "Our friendship is the single most important thing to me. I would never put Lucas before you, ever, for any reason. And even though I know how Lucas makes me feel and there's nothing like it anywhere else in my life and I know in my heart that he might just be my best chance at love, I gave up trying to be near him because it came in between us. Wouldn't you do the same?"
"I shouldn't have to," Riley says. "I liked him first."
"And I saw him first," Maya counters. "We can play this game forever, until it breaks us, but is winning worth losing what we have?"
"Maybe it will be," Riley says.
"Let me know when you find out," Maya replies and stands up. She wipes away a few stray tears, a vain effort that does nothing to hide that she has been and still is crying. Then she leaves Riley's room and then the Matthews' apartment altogether.
Maya curses her heart, because there was never a scenario in which she was going to come out unscathed. Losing was inevitable—it didn't matter if she played the game or not. She isn't entirely surprised. It's a side effect of the life she's been given. She isn't meant to have anything good. She got lucky with her years as Riley's best friend. This is just the universe catching up and correcting its mistake.
0o0
There's a moment the next morning when Maya contemplates feigning sick and staying home. She would like nothing better than to curl up in a ball under her blankets and disappear into her mattress. It would be easy to convince her mother that she's sick, because she looks the part after not sleeping most of the night and her stomach hasn't stopped churning since she walked away from Riley. Her last real cold didn't knock her this flat. It'd be an easy sell. But if she doesn't go to school, then she can't see Riley—and she needs to make some attempt to repair the damage done the night before, even if she's not the one that did anything wrong.
Even though she feels awful, looks worse, and completed exactly zero of her homework for the night, Maya goes to school.
Nothing looks any different when she arrives on campus, but everything feels different. Knowing that Riley isn't going to be waiting for her at her locker, with a smile and warm wishes for the day ahead, makes everything seem a little darker, a little gloomier. Maya resolves to soldier on.
Maya stops at her locker to drop off a few things. She's spinning her combination into her lock when Lucas arrives at her side. She thinks that she can maybe ignore him, until he launches in without her even acknowledging him.
"For the first time since I met her in seventh grade, Riley did not say hi to me this morning. She walked right by, like I wasn't even there," Lucas says. "What happened?"
Maya's lock pops and she swings her locker open. "We sort of got in a fight."
Lucas's brows crease together in concern. "About what? How do we fix it? What can I do to help?"
"You can't do anything," Maya says. She pulls unnecessary items from her bag and stuffs them onto the shelves in her locker. "It's between me and Riley."
"When was the last time you and Riley had a fight?" Lucas asks. "It's obviously over something really important, let me help."
Maya closes her locker and leans forward to rest her forehead against the cool metal. "We've been in the same fight for years. And there's nothing you can do to help. In fact, you're making it worse just by being here."
"I don't understand," Lucas says. "I don't know what I did to make you avoid me the past few weeks, or why you won't even look at me anymore—but, Maya, please don't shut me out. Talk to me."
"I can't," Maya says and squeezes her eyes shut.
"Maya, please," Lucas reaches out to gently rub her shoulder.
His soft touch sends chills down her spine and Maya spins around to face him, mostly to dislodge his hand. "I can't talk to you about it because you're the problem. Don't you see?"
Lucas takes a step back. "I'm the—I'm the problem?"
"You can't talk to me like that, or touch me like that, or look at me like you are right now," Maya waves a hand at his face. "Because you're hurting Riley when you do that. And I'm hurting Riley by liking it. I don't want to avoid you, or not talk to you, or—" she shakes her head, trying to dispel the tears that are threatening to assert themselves. "But Riley is too important to me, so I can't be around you."
"Don't I get a say in it?" Lucas replies.
"No," Maya crosses her arms over her chest, hugging herself tight, and hopes that he takes the hint.
She didn't intend to spill so much, but it's out there now. Lucas is far more stubborn than anyone gives him credit for, so there's no telling what he'll do with the information she's given him. She's tired of hiding. She has tried her hardest to take herself out of the game, and it's done her no good. She is still right where she is now. So, why not let Lucas know the position he holds in the midst of it all. He deserves at least that much, even if telling him might come back to bite her. She can't end up in a worse place than this one she's found herself in.
"That's not fair," Lucas says.
"None of this is fair," Maya says. "I'm losing my best friend and I haven't even done anything."
"You're not gonna lose Riley," Lucas says. "Even if—"
"No," Maya recognizes the kind of look Lucas has in his eyes. It's the hopeful light that he was carrying with him in the library the day before.
"Maya—"
"No," she repeats. "It can't happen. I won't allow it. Whatever you think you want, you're wrong. You should be with Riley. That's the only ending that will make everyone happy."
"Hey now," Lucas's jaw set. "I consider myself a gentleman, but I draw the line at you telling me what I want or don't want. Because that ending certainly won't make me happy."
"Don't—" Maya shakes her head, hoping the motion will stop his words from sinking in.
"And I'm pretty sure it wouldn't make you happy either," Lucas finishes.
"I will never be happy if I lose Riley," Maya says. "She is the best part of my life, the best part of me. What you're suggesting—it guarantees that I lose her forever and I won't accept that. She already thinks we're carrying on behind her back. Just the idea of the possibility of us maybe being together has her pushing me away. If we were ever to really—well, I don't want to know what would happen if that was the case."
"Maybe if I—I could talk to—" Lucas starts.
An out of breath Farkle skidding to a stop beside them interrupts him. Farkle catches his breath in deep gaping mouth gulps, while supporting himself with a hand on each of his two friends' nearest shoulders.
"Have you seen Riley today?" Farkle pants. "There's something wrong with her."
"I'll fix it," Maya says firmly. She shrugs the strap of her bag onto her shoulder and slides away from the two boys.
Maya navigates the halls of the high school to the first period class she shares with Riley. Farkle's first class is a couple doors down, so he probably saw Riley by the classrooms before he ran back to Maya's locker. Maya hopes that finding Riley will be as easy as going to her first class. And she gets lucky. Riley is sitting at her usual desk in the front of the room beside the empty seat that belongs to Maya—it's a seating arrangement that they haven't grown out of. With a deep breath, Maya enters the classroom, dumps her bag on her chair and comes to a stop in front of Riley's desk.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Maya asks, after hovering for a few seconds without being acknowledged.
Riley twirls a pen around her fingers and remains silent.
"I really need to talk to you, Riley," Maya adds as she glances around at the partially filled room. "I'll make a scene if I have to, and you know the only person it'll embarrass is you."
Riley sighs, "What do you want, Maya? Class is going to start."
Maya reaches down and closes her hand around Riley's wrist. She pulls Riley up and out of the room, ignoring the complaints that come from her best friend. There is a girls' restroom at the end of the hall and that's where she heads. There is a single girl inside, applying lip gloss at a sink mirror, and it only takes a single pointed glare from Maya to send her fleeing from the facilities. Satisfied with the degree of privacy, Maya turns to Riley and faces her head on.
"I thought we sorted all of this out last night," Riley says, folding her arms and jutting out a hip in dramatic form.
"If you call that sorted, Jellybean," Maya says, "Then we got other problems."
"What do you want?" Riley asks again, punctuating each word for clarity.
"I have a question for you," Maya says.
"The answer is the same," Riley starts to walk out.
"Well, the question isn't," Maya throws up an arm to block the exit.
"One question," Riley concedes.
"Fine," Maya mirrors Riley's stance. "One question. If someone asked your dad to choose between your mom and Shawn, what would his answer be?"
"Shawn," Riley answers.
"Shawn," Maya says, her voice overlapping with Riley's as she also answers her question. "He picks Shawn. And it isn't to play for laughs. Even though he loves your mom more than anything, he picks Shawn. Do you know why?"
Riley stays quiet.
So, Maya continues, "I do. Your Dad knows the value his best friend brings to his life. He knows that Shawn will be there for him whether your mom is in his life or not. Their friendship is stronger than anything else they'll go through in life."
"That's different."
"Sure," Maya nods. "But I know this: Lucas, or no Lucas. I'm your best friend, and you're mine. The bond we have is stronger than some boy. Do you really want to give it up for someone who might not even like you back? Because I wouldn't give it up for anything."
Riley's cheeks have flushed a bright red, a clear sign that she's trying not to cry. Maya gives her a moment to pull together, so she can give a response.
"Lucas isn't just some boy," Riley says, her voice strained.
"I know you really like him, Riles, but—"
"No," Riley shakes her head. "I mean, yes, I really like him, but no. You're right. Lucas doesn't feel the same about me, maybe he did once when we were too young for it to mean anything, but he hasn't seen me that way in a very long time. He's not going to be my happily ever after. I can't blame you for that and I won't let go of our friendship for nothing."
"Good," Maya says. "About the last part. Not about, you know."
"But Lucas isn't just some boy," Riley continues. "Not for you. I know this, because I know you. If he was just a boy that we both liked, you wouldn't date him, to spare my feelings. You would just say no if he asked. You wouldn't avoid him like the plague. You'd just say no."
"I'd say no to Lucas too," Maya says.
"But you're afraid that you wouldn't," Riley says. "I see it. The fear in your eyes when he's around. You're afraid that your self control isn't stronger than what you feel for him, or what he feels for you."
"That's not—"
"I think that's why I got so angry last night," Riley lets her arms drop but continues to wring her hands together. "I've been watching it come to this for years. And, for a minute, I thought it had actually happened. That it was really over, and it hurt. And the fact that it hurt wasn't your fault, but I took it out on you like it was. So, I'm sorry, Maya."
"Riles, I get it. I've been trying so hard to avoid this," Maya shrugs. "But nothing worked."
"That's because there's nothing that you could do. It was always going to come to this. Honestly, pushing Lucas away only made him realize how much he wants you. I've been watching that happen too. Every time you're not there, how the light goes out of him. It was stupid and selfish, but I think I acted the way I did because I hoped it would make you put more distance between you and him, and then you wouldn't be able to see what I was seeing," Riley explains. "It's not an excuse, but it was hard for me. It is hard for me. I mean, you tell yourself that you would be okay with watching Lucas be with me, that you'd give him up so I could have him, but have you ever actually imagined what it would be like to sit back and watch me and him together? Have you put it together in your head until the images are so ingrained that they don't go away. And you start to feel how it would feel before its even happened yet?"
Maya shakes her head as she stares down at the floor. She scrapes the toe of her shoe over a crack in the tiles beneath her feet.
"You haven't, because you knew, that even if you pushed him away, all that meant is that neither of us would have him," Riley says. "But I have. I can't help it. I have all these scenarios in my head that I kinda resent you for. And that's not fair to you, but it's there. It's those thoughts that made me say what I said last night. I wanted them to go away and I could tell that the further I went, the worse the things I said were, the more likely you were to do everything in your power to not end up with Lucas. But that's not what I want, not if it means you're miserable."
"I would never do anything to hurt you," Maya says again, and she'll say it again and again because it's the truth.
"I'm asking you to," Riley replies. She walks over to Maya and uses a hand to tilt the blonde's face up so they can look into each others eyes. "It'll hurt me, but I need it to. I need to move on, so we can all find an ending where we're happy. You should be with Lucas, that's the way it's supposed to be. It'll suck for awhile, I won't deny it, but you were right. A real best friend would be there for you through absolutely anything. I will be there for you, because I want you to be happy and I'm not going to pretend anymore that having Lucas in your life isn't part of who you are now. You need to be with him. He brings you to life. I've still got hope for my own happy ending, so I'll get over it eventually, because I don't want to see the light go out in either of you ever again."
"The only thing that matters is that you and me are okay," Maya says. "Tell me we're okay."
"We're okay," Riley assures. "We're more than okay. We're best friends."
Maya lets out a relieved breath and pulls Riley in for a crushing hug that they linger in.
"We're also really late for class," Riley says into a mouthful of Maya's hair.
0o0
Even though Riley basically gave Maya her blessing during their girls' room heart to heart, she can't break the habit of avoiding alone time with Lucas. She lets him and Farkle know that she fixed everything with Riley, but after that she continues to make herself scarce, as Lucas said. She keeps making herself at home at her table in the back of the library. She doesn't know what else to do, because it's starting to settle into her skin that the game is over and by some fortuitous roll of the dice or chance card, she has won. She has spent so much time plotting to ensure her own defeat, that this feels strange. So, she retreats into what she knows. She knows how to be alone, so that's what she does.
Only now that a lot of long hidden things have been released into the universe for everyone to see, not everyone is on board with Maya's isolation plan.
Maya is just settling in for another lunch hour of half-hearted sketching and pressing silence when Riley rounds the book shelves and sits down in the chair next to hers. She is followed seconds later by Farkle and Lucas, who also claim seats at Maya's table. Maya can't come up with something to say so she stays quiet. She doesn't know if she wants them to stay or to go away, so she leaves it be.
"Okay, Maya," Riley says. "We're done with this separate lunches thing. So, if you're going to be here, we're going to be here too."
Farkle nods. "It's not the same without you. Who else is going to remind us that brownies are an essential food group?"
"Looks like I'm not the only one that misses you when you're gone," Lucas smiles.
"I'm always around, Ranger Rick," Maya meets his eyes for the first time without feeling a twinge of guilt. "Don't worry."
Lucas's grin widens. "Wouldn't have it any other way."
"So," Riley taps her fingers on the table. "What do you do in here all the time?"
Maya tilts her sketchbook up so that the other three can see the drawing she had started to work on before they came in. "That's about all."
Riley's eyes go wide, "How have you not died of boredom?"
Maya laughs lightly and shrugs. "I don't mind the quiet so much. A person can get used to it."
"Nope, no way," Riley says. "I won't stand for it. We're gonna put the excitement back into your life."
"You do that, Riles," Maya says and turns back to her sketchbook.
Maya adds a few lines to the still life drawing while Riley discusses fun options for something to do that evening. It dissolves into a debate with Farkle over the most appropriate genre for their proposed movie night. Maya listens as she works her pencil over the page, and she can't keep a smile off her face when the two begin to bullet point the merits of rom coms versus sci-fi flicks. She glances up for a second and finds herself eye to eye with Lucas once again. He is watching her with more than mild interest and it makes her stomach flutter. It takes her another second to realize that the constant chatter of Riley and Farkle has ceased, and another after that to figure out that it's because Riley is slowly glancing back and forth between her and Lucas.
For once, it's not with a scowl and distaste in her eyes.
"Hey, Farkle," Riley says. "Remember that book you were telling me about? The one with the...things and the...stuff?"
"Book?" Farkle frowns. "What book?"
"You know, the book," Riley rolls her eyes and stands. "Do you think they have it here? Why don't you help me look?"
"Oh, right. That book," Farkle says as Riley pulls him up from his chair.
"We'll be," Riley looks at Lucas and Maya each once more, "right back."
"Do you think that she thinks that she's actually being subtle?" Lucas asks once Riley and Farkle have turned a corner and disappeared behind a section of shelves.
"I'm not sure," Maya answers. "She's never actually been subtle, so that could be the result of trying and failing or never understanding the concept in the first place. Either way, Riley's default setting is undisguised enthusiasm."
Lucas chuckles and nods slightly, "Sounds about right." He draws in a deep breath and releases it as he slides from his seat into the one that Riley vacated. "Odds that they're eavesdropping?"
"Oh, one hundred percent," Maya says, "of course."
"Of course," Lucas agrees.
"You too shy for an audience, Huckleberry?" Maya leans closer to whisper to him.
"Nope," Lucas leans in as well, but doesn't whisper.
Maya smiles. "What's on your mind?"
"You," Lucas answers. "Always you. It's actually kinda annoying how you don't even have to be around to completely occupy my thoughts."
"Well, you know that's just me," Maya says. "When I find something good, I latch on and hold tight for dear life. I've been doing that with Riley since we were kids. She hasn't shaken me yet."
"So what you're saying is, this isn't going away anytime soon?" Lucas says.
"I certainly hope not," Maya says.
"What about the things you said the other day?" Lucas's brow furrows.
"I handled it," Maya says. "Besides...youwereright." The last few words come out in a rushed mumbled mess and she knows she's blushing blood red now.
"Say that one more time," Lucas fights a smile.
"You were right," Maya repeats. "That ending wouldn't have made me happy."
"And what would make you happy, Maya?" Lucas asks. He reaches over and covers her hand with his, letting his thumb stroke over her skin.
"Are you gonna make me say it?" Maya says, twisting her hand so their fingers are laced together instead.
"I'd really love it if you did," Lucas grins, nothing holding it back now.
"You," Maya says. "You would make me happy. And it is beyond annoying that no matter how much distance I put between us, I can't escape you or how you make me feel."
"You're not the only one who's been holding tight for dear life," Lucas says.
"I like you so much, it might just be more," Maya says. "There, I said it. Are you happy now?"
"Not quite yet," Lucas says.
"What more do you want from me? I already put my friendship with Riley on the line, I've told you how I feel and I've—oomph."
Maya had thought she was happy when Lucas admitted that she was his mind's obsession, but she was wrong—this is happy. This moment is happiness, this moment when Lucas slides forward in his seat and tucks a hand behind her neck, this moment when he interrupts her ramblings with, in her opinion, a perfect kiss. This moment is soaring, unadulterated bliss.
Because Maya may have won, but this isn't just a game anymore. This isn't strategies and potential scenarios. This isn't advantage-disadvantage and keeping score. This isn't winners and losers. This is something real. This is the culmination of that moment on the subway when Maya first saw him—before she pointed him out, before he incorporated himself into ever facet of her life, before he became Ranger Rick and Huckleberry and finally, Lucas—and every moment in between then and now. And, at last, everything about it feels right.
Lucas pulls away but stays close, resting his forehead against hers. "Now, I'm happy."
Maya smiles like she's never smiled before. "Me too."
.
.
.
-GAME OVER-
A/N2: Having Maya call Riley Jellybean has become a thing for me now. I used it first here and it somehow found it's way into my next GMW fic twice. I don't know. It just works to me. That's not really important, but I had to share. Drop me a review! Thanks! ~Mac