Catharsis: Purgation, to purge or cleanse.

I've read so many pregnancy stories here, I just couldn't help but tell the other side of the coin.

Italics Stream of consciousness

:Italics: Telepathy

Catharsis

Chapter 1

Jean Grey set the test on the edge of the marble vanity and turned her back to it as she zipped up her jeans. All the mystery was gone, the anticipation and excitement. She'd been in this exact place three times in the past six months and it had lost all the magic it once had. When she'd bought the first test she stood in line at the drugstore thinking about chubby babies with brown hair and blue eyes. Her mind had spun with thoughts of pink and blue, tiny fingers and that new baby smell. Now when she paid for this last test, she felt nothing but dread, stepping on the roller coaster once again. Except this roller coaster didn't pull into a station after a fun thrilling ride, it dropped into a dark pit filled with the cloying stench of failure.

She flipped the stick over and two pink lines greeted her without remorse. The cars on the coaster had pulled out of the station without any second chance of getting off. Positive. Now, what was this test positive of? A happy ending that she'd been praying for? Or broken dreams once again? Grow baby, grow.

Jean looked at herself in the mirror, tucking the test into her pants pocket before fixing her hair. She didn't need to give anyone any cause to suspect anything was wrong. She didn't want the fuss, didn't want any of the attention. This was her problem. She steeled herself, taking in a calming breath before opening the door.

The hallway was empty and she deliberately stepped lightly, taking the steps down to the first floor two at a time. There were just too many observant people around. After being trained for combat for so many years, a person tends to notice the small details. The house was quiet for once; there wasn't anyone in the great room watching the now dark large screen plasma TV. The kitchen too was dark, even from the hall she could hear the hum of the refrigerator. She paused for a moment, not knowing exactly what to do next. It was always easier when she had a distraction, something else to focus on.

Calming her mind, she sent out a tendril of thought to Scott. It was a light mental touch akin to fingertips brushing the skin.

Scott however, had his team leader hat on. :Going over intel reports just in from X-factor. We're in the war room if you're interested.:

:Thanks, but I think I'll bow out this time.:

:Everything okay:

Jean slowly eased off the connection with Scott, not wanting him to sense any more of her anxiety than he already had. :Yeah, sweetie. No worries. Just catch up with me later.:

She severed the connection with him and found herself with nothing to do.

In the great room, along one wall, a huge glossy cherry wood bookshelf housed the mansions collective DVD library. Jean stood in front of it; her arms crossed over her chest and scanned the titles. She instantly discarded several prospects as they story focused on children or families or happy baby endings. All of that was just salt in the wound for someone whose happy endings were being held for ransom by some unknown entity who had yet sent the demand letter. She smiled half heartedly as she passed over several action movies. In this house they were considered comedy as they guys would happily sit around the TV and pick apart fight scenes sometimes frame by frame. It was usually an excruciating process for anyone who was actually following the plot, but it always made up for it when they started acting out the scenes especially after a couple of drinks.

Jean finally decided on Run Lola Run, something that she could just throw her mind into and ignore life for a while.

She hadn't realized how loud the volume on the surround sound had gotten until Jubilee bounded into the room. The petite Chinese American girl danced around the coffee table, raving to the pulsating techno soundtrack. She jumped in place holding her hands over her head. "All I need is a whistle!" She called out over the bass.

With her mind, Jean turned down the knob on the surround control. "Sorry about that, I had no idea that it had gotten that loud."

"Turn it back up, are you kidding! I didn't know you had it in you!" Jubilee jumped past her, dancing into the kitchen. "Welcome ladies and germs to club X, complete with a lightshow." A shower of brightly colored sparks arced over Jean's head and landed around her.

"I don't think that's going to fly around here, sweetie." Jean couldn't help but smile, Jubes was contagious.

The French doors to the courtyard opened across the room. "Fly? Maybe I could help?" Rogue stepped in out of the darkness outside with Remy LeBeau a half second behind.

Jean was off the couch in a second, running across the room to her friends. "You're finally back!"

Rogue held out her hands ready to accept an arm full of redhead. "We decided to resurface in the real world."

"There was no we." Remy said, dropping a heavy duffel bag to the ground. "She was feeling guilty."

Jean stuck out her tongue at him over Rogue's shoulder. "We'll you married her, now she gets to drag her anywhere she wants. They don't call it a ball and chain for nothing."

Jubilee ran from the kitchen with a squeal. "You're back! Ohmigod!"

:Rogue and Remy are home.:

:Tell them that we'll be right there.:

"Scott and the rest of the crew are on their way." Jean said, pulling back from Rogue. She took in her friend for a long moment, there was something going on behind Rogues eyes that gave her pause. "Something's happened."

Rogues lips played with a smile as she whispered, "I don't know how to feel just yet. But just wait a second until everyone gets here."

Nodding slightly, Jean smiled back wondering just what Rogue was talking about.

Scott led the group downstairs, his eyes crinkling with a grin. "We're the hell have you two been? Loafing around in the South Pacific?"

"Damn beach bums." Logan grumbled, all bluff as he stepped down behind Scott.

Hank loped down the stairs using all four limbs before perching on the massive wooden finial at the end of the staircase. "The newlyweds have resurfaced and I believe I win the pool. Payment due immediately, as I remember."

Leaning his head closer to his wife's Remy whispered in her ear. "Now is a good time, chere. Don't want to hurt no feelings about who knows first, just get it out in the open now."

Jean felt her stomach twist in a knot, but she kept her face in a calm mask. Hiding her emotions was something she'd gotten so adept at; it was nearly second nature holding exact control over mind and body. Too often it could be a weapon used against you in and out of the battlefield.

Rogue looked embarrassed and flushed slightly, grabbing Remy's hand with her own. "You are not without blame, hon. So don't make this all about me."

"Just spill it already!" Jubes called out from behind. "We're dying here!"

Get ready for it. It was like a race, timing a reaction so no one could ever suspect that she felt nothing but happiness and joy.

"We're pregnant." Rogue breathed, flushing again.

"Oh wow!" Jean said, smiling widely. "You guys have been busy!"

Later that night after many celebratory drinks and cigars that disintegrated to ash, Jean found herself alone in the suite that she shared with Scott. She had already slipped into a long silk nightgown and braided her hair for bed. Scott was still in the shower when she decided to hide the pregnancy test. In the second drawer of her nightstand she lifted out the small wooden box and opened it up. She had hid the others here and tossed them out when the test was no longer relevant, when the pregnancy had ended. She tucked a new one inside and closed it with a small prayer, hoping that whomever was listening might give her strength to endure.

She waited for him, listening the heavy droplets in the shower fall like waves as he washed his hair. Even as she waited, the dark green tendril of jealousy had slithered into her chest. They got their baby on the first try. She's so naïve that she would dare tell a soul that she's pregnant, so certain of a baby at the end of the rainbow. Nothing's going to happen to her, she's invincible. Invincible. Is that why I can't keep a baby alive?

The water stopped. The glass door clicked open and swung wide as Scott wrapped a wheat colored towel around his waist. "Babe, toss me my shades."

Jean smiled; she loved it when Scott tried too hard to be hip. She lifted the glasses off of the dresser and floated them across the room, settling them on his face. "All set, 'babe'."

He laughed at himself, "It just doesn't work, does it?"

"Sorry, you just don't do cool." Jean knew him too well. "I don't need cheering up."

"Liar. Try again."

"I don't. There's nothing that you can't say that I haven't already told myself a hundred times."

Smelling like warm soap, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his forehead on hers. "So then for the hundred and first time, I say that I know that we're going to have a baby. It's going to happen and I'll never give up on us."

If I don't tell you, then I don't have to feel your pain when I tell you that I lost another one. But in this room, with her husband so very close, she let her tears show. "I love you, Scott. What would I do without my strong man, my cornerstone?"

"Melt?"

"I already do that." Threading her fingers through his damp hair, she pulled him close and kissed him slowly.