The Ellen DeGeneres Show, an austin & ally fanfic

Pairing: Ross/Laura
Prompt: The entire Auslly fandom I know on Twitter has wanted a oneshot like this, especially Kelly.
Notes: This one is for Kelly, one of my Twitter friends (omggkelly on Twitter). She's on FanFiction as well, as Love143, so check her out!
Disclaimer: La dee da dee da. No copyright infringement intended.

First order of business: Ellen DeGeneres is one conniving little bitch.

And everyone loves her, because being a clever matchmaker who isn't afraid to use underhanded tricks is how one very special Laura Marano and one very awkward Ross Lynch got to be boyfriend-and-girlfriend.

Ross really wanted to say that he'd gotten up the courage to ask her out and done it all by his self, but he couldn't. In turn, Laura really wanted to say that she'd taken the initiative and told her how she felt all on her own, but to that length, she also couldn't.

So really, it all comes down to Ellen.

Laura and Ross are in the middle of a play-fight over her phone when they get the news.

"Hey, give it back!" exclaims Laura, grabbing for the phone in Ross's hands.

"Nope!" he laughs, holding it up above her head where she can't reach it. "It's about time you got a new phone, this is one is older than Cole(1)(2)!"

"My phone and I have been very happy together!" she protests indignantly. "And besides, I only got it three years ago; Cole's like 10 years old(3)." Suddenly, she tries to grab for it again, but her surprise attack on him knocks him to the floor, taking her down with him.

Sprawled out together on the floor, her in the process of getting up, is how Garron(4) finds Ross and Laura. "Uh... hi. Am I interrupting something?" he asks awkwardly, starting to back out.

Laura shakes her head, finally getting to her feet and retrieving her cell phone. "Nah, Ross was just making fun of my cell phone," she reassures.

Garron raises his eyebrows, stepping back into Laura's dressing room. "Your cell phone? You mean that piece of pre-historic junk? The one that dinosaurs used when they roamed the world?"

Laura glares at him, hands on hips in a way that got Ross smiling goofily. God, she was adorable. "Garron, how did a good sense of tact get loss between your parents and yourself?"

Garron pretends to look offended, then, "Tact is a synonym for not saying what you feel."

Laura narrows her eyes at him. "Touché," she concedes, then brightens up. "So, what's up?"

"Oh, you two are going on The Ellen DeGeneres Show tomorrow," he says nonchalantly. The room is dead quiet for a second, then Ross and Laura's expression take on ones of dumbfounded shock, while Garron laughs silently and claps like a seal in his mirth.

"A-Are you serious?" Laura finally asks.

Garron nods, a hint of pride shining in his eyes. "Yup, so get a good night's sleep, kiddo's. You never know what Ellen's got planned for you." He winks, then leaves Ross and Laura still in a state of utter incredulity.

"Ross... We're going on The Ellen Show!" She exclaims. "This is such a great opportunity and oh my gosh, I love Ellen, she's so funny and-"

"Hey, slow down a bit!" laughs Ross, capturing her in a bear hug. "Focus on being happy for a second, then you can keep babbling."

"What, so you're not excited?"

"Laura, I'm excited to the point where I'm shaking." At her skeptical look, he takes her hand and threads her fingers through his. "See?" Indeed, his fingers are trembling slightly.

"I can't believe we're going on Ellen; I'm only worried about what pranks she'll pull on us," says Laura, half-jokingly. She clears her throat after Ross nods in agreement, causing him to drop her hand like a hot potato. The only thought that runs through their minds is:

Why are we so awkward?

The next morning, Laura is fidgeting anxiously in the front seat of Ross's car. He'd offered to take them to the set of Ellen, figuring that Laura would be too wound up to drive.

"Hey, look at me," says Ross quietly, waiting until she turns to say, "You're going to do great, you always do." He smiles sincerely.

She smiles back nervously. "I know that once I get up there on that stage, I'll be fine. For now, let me hyperventilate. And maybe faint." Ross looks alarmed for a second, before she adds on, "In my head."

"Don't worry," he says. "In fact, don't even think about it. Odds are, Ellen will be asking me if my father feeds me HGH(5), anyways," he jokes.

"I still refuse to believe that you don't work out," comments Laura, not noticing that he's completely taken her mind off the topic today's show.

"I don't!"

"I. Refuse."

"And next up, I'd like to welcome two very special 17-year-olds. Laura, Ross, come on out!" exclaims Ellen, two hours later as they're filming live. Music from R5's album plays over the speakers as Ross and Laura dance their way on set, laughing the whole time.

After the standard hugs and introductions, Ellen turns to the pair sitting closely together on the couch and asks, "Tell me more about your show, Austin & Ally." Laura launches into her usual explanation of the show, while Austin stays silent and instead plays with the ends of her hair, not really paying attention. It's only when he hears his name that he looks up. When she's finished, Ellen smiles amusedly and comments, "Well, Laura, I can see who wears the pants in this relationship."

Their jaws both drop in unison, and it's the fastest Ellen's seen her guests react to anything. "No, we're not together"s and "We're not in a relationship besides a platonic one"s are thrown around, but Ellen just raises her hands and quiets them.

"Okay, okay, I get it. The couple wants some privacy, even though it's my job to set the paparazzi on you," says Ellen, winking at the audience. "For now, let's talk more about your show! You're in the middle of shooting the second season, is that correct?" At their nod, Ellen continues. "Does that mean you've kissed her at least once?" She asks bluntly to Ross.

Instantly, the tips of his ears turn red and he stammers out, "Y-Yeah, but can we talk about something else-"

"I heard it was your first staged kiss; how did it go?" inquires Ellen of Laura, ignoring the blonde boy/ape sitting next to Laura.

"Actually, Ross was really supportive about it. Of course, he was extremely awkward about it, too, exhibit A being that he bumped noses with me the first take, exhibit B being that he offered me mints, and exhibit C being that he asked me to spray his mouth with mint mist or something." Laura furrows her brow. "Actually, now that I think about it, he was really just being awkward instead of helpful."

"Hey!" protests Ross. "You were the one that knocked foreheads with me the second take!"

She raises her eyebrows. "You forgot to kiss me one take, remember that?"

"Yeah? Well, you-"

"Hey!" Ellen holds up her hands in an attempt to hold peace. "Since you had so much trouble with that first stage kiss, how about we try another one, right here?" The look on her face is sly.

"A-Another one? Here? Um, that's okay, I think we'll just sing our song," replies Ross nervously, instinctively scooting backwards and away from Ellen.

"Fine, but this isn't over yet!" warns Ellen, and Ross and Laura could almost see the wheels in her brain turning.

"She scares me," Ross whispers to Laura.

She pokes him discreetly in the ribs. "Ross Shor Lynch! That's rude! ... If she comes after us, you're the first to go, buddy."

"Aw, look at that. They're whispering to each other!" coos Ellen. "Well, sorry to break up the moment," We weren't having a moment! "but there are two mics up there on that stage right now that need an adorable couple to use them-" We're not a couple! "- and that same adorable couple should go get on stage right now! Good luck and don't let me catch you making out behind the curtain!" We won't be making out! "Break a leg!"

The next time the curtains opened, it's for Ross and Laura covering Baby, It's Cold Outside(6).

The jazz piece blends their voices together perfectly, and he's twirling her and she's performing fan kicks over the piano that's playing their accompaniment, and then, they don't know quite how they got into the position, but they're dancing together, the rest of the world muffled as they spin and glide and sing.

Ellen, on the sidelines, thinks that she's never seen a couple that's quite so awkward, yet so perfect at the same time.

"Oh baby, it's cold outside," they finish, voices harmonizing smoothly.

"Wow, give them a round of applause, won't you?" cheers Ellen, beaming at them. "Wow, you guys were really good up there; just shows well you can work together professionally and romantically, I guess."

And while Laura and Ross protest vehemently, a man in a stuffed bear costume comes up behind them and pushes their heads together(7).

"Now kiss!" Intones Ellen, as Laura and Ross just stare at each other for a moment, so close that he can count her eyelashes and she can see the different colors swirling in his eyes.

"Um, I-" begins Laura, but then Ross has surged forward and his lips are slanting over hers gently. And then she's lost, so lost in the kiss that she forgets where she is and her arms go up around her neck and pull him closer, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows that this much PDA is probably illegal but then it's lips and teeth and tongue and there's no going back.

Ellen lets out a low whistle, breaking the two apart. "Yeah, no, I can see how you're not a couple. I mean, I go around kissing my co-stars all the time, just for fun, y'know?"

Laura lets out a breathless laugh, then asks Ross, "What was that?"

He shrugs bashfully. "I've wanted to do that for a while," he admits. "And while I have no speech and no romantic gesture to make, I'd like to know... how do you feel about grabbing lunch after this? On a real date?"

Her heart is full and she nods, eyes sparkling. "A real date... that would be nice. And we'll see how it goes then, without Ellen rushing us."

Ellen shrugs, unapologetic. "At least you two are together now... sort of. Well, to be accurate, you're doing this awkward let's-get-to-know-each-other-even-though-we-know-every-single-thing-about-each-other thing, but I'm sure in a few days you'll be making out in some closet on the set of Austin & Ally(8). Don't forget to name your kids after me!" she says quickly, right before they go to commercial.

So, yes, Ellen is a conniving little bitch.

But then again, everyone needs someone like that in their lives, if only to help them find their better half.

A/N: This was written at 3 in the morning, lord help me.

Ew ew and ew. I hated the way this flowed, because it didn't. Sigh, it almost seems like a crack-fic to me. I've never done something like this before, where the plot of an entire story depends on a show. I hated it myself, but let's see if you guys can't get me to change my mind about that with some lovely reviews :)

(1) Cole Sane plays Nelson on A&A. (2) Laura has an old flip phone. (3) I think that's how old he is; he's probably younger, though. (4) Garron is the personal assistant to the cast of A&A. He's hilarious and the best; check him out on Twitter at austinallypa! (5) This is real; someone asked Mark what he fed Ross or something like that and he jokingly replied, "HGH". (6) Glee version, kiddos. (7) Ellen normally does have these people in random suits (dinosaur suits, dog suits, etcetera etcetera) come up and scare her guests, but I've never known her to use these people to get two people to kiss, so that's just my crazy idea. (8) Foreshadowing for NESWIBE, JUST GAVE IT AWAY

Check out some of my other stories and review if you think this fic is worth one :)

From,
Sabrina