It had been one week since the accident. One week since the day she was taken from this world…since she was no longer with him…since he had, for the first time in his life, felt utterly and completely alone. He had locked himself up in his apartment for the past week…the apartment he had shared with her…and refused to answer the door. He had taken all of her things and put them into black plastic garbage bags, unable to look at them.
He felt sick all the time and he couldn't keep any kind of food down whatsoever. He felt like he was dying, or at least a part of him was. But more than that Mike Green felt angry…infuriated…enraged at the injustice that had been done to him and to his beautiful fiancé. And the most infuriating thing about the entire situation was that there was no one he could blame…no one he could pursue to seek vengeance for her death. The man who had t-boned her car had died in the crash as well…the drunken fool. There was nothing left for Mike to use to let out the anger that was boiling up inside of him.
"Mike?" called a voice just outside of his door.
Mike grimaced as he heard his best friend calling out to him. He hadn't seen him in a week since the accident…hell he hadn't seen anyone since the accident.
"Mike, come on," pleaded Washington Capitals' all-star center, Brooks Laich, "It's been a week…this isn't healthy, man. I'm your best friend! Let me in, Mike."
Mike scowled at the door again, hesitating before he slowly walked over to it and opened it up ever so slightly.
Brooks Laich sighed in relief when he saw Mike peeking out the door, "Mike, I swear man it's just me."
Mike sighed as he slowly opened the door some more and stepped out of the way to let Brooks inside.
"How you holding up?" asked Brooks as he eyed the several black plastic trash bags set up near the door to the apartment.
Mike just gave Brooks a look, "How do you think?" he muttered, giving one of the bags a kick, "This is…her things. I…I can't look at them."
Brooks frowned and gave his friend a sympathetic pat on the back, "I'm sorry, Mike…I really am. I don't…I don't know what else to say or what to do…hell no one does. The team's worried about you Mike. No one's heard from you since the accident."
"I needed some time alone to deal…with things," muttered Mike as he glanced away from Brooks' bright blue, piercing gaze.
Brooks nodded in understanding, "Yeah I get that…but don't you think it's time you come out now? See your friends? Let us help you get through this? It's not healthy staying locked up in this place. You need a change of scenery…some fresh air…fresh food," he added as he grimaced at the leftover pizza that had been lying on Mike's counter for God only knows how long.
Mike frowned, "How's the team doing?" he asked, changing the subject.
Brooks frowned at that, realizing what Mike was doing, "They're alright. Missing our star defenseman but they're doing fine. We have a big game against Pittsburgh coming up."
Mike couldn't suppress the sneer at the very mention of the Penguins team, "Wonderful."
Brooks grunted, "Yeah…and we were kind of hoping maybe…you could try to come back and play? The team needs you, Mike…and it might be good for you too. Get you back into a routine…keep your mind off of things."
Mike gritted his teeth at that, "I'm not going to just forget her, Brooks."
"No one's asking you to…I'll I'm asking is that you get back to being Mike…get back to living your life as soon as possible. Sitting around in your apartment all day dwelling on what happened isn't helping you or anyone else. My guess is that it's only making the pain that much worse."
Mike looked away, "When's the game?"
"Tomorrow night…seven on home ice," said Brooks with a relieved sigh, "Practice is tomorrow morning, usual time, usual place."
Mike nodded, his teeth still clenched with tension as he contemplated returning to the ice, "Okay…I'll see what I can do."
Brooks gave Mike a concerned look as he turned to leave, "Alright…I'll leave you alone. Hope to see you tomorrow, buddy. You've been missed."
Mike sighed wearily as Brooks left and shut the door behind him. He wondered if he was making the right choice…coming back so soon after…after she died. Hell he couldn't even say out loud what had happened. He was messed up and he knew it, but he sure as hell wasn't going to go see some shrink. That was for damn sure. He hated doctors, especially psychologists. Just the thought of going to one made him cringe. The last thing he wanted to do was share his most intimate details with some stranger who had no idea what he was going through. No, he would deal with this himself. He was a big boy…he didn't need someone telling him how to feel or what to do. He could do that himself. After all, he was Mike Green, the Washington Capital's star defenseman…he could handle it…
…
The broken clock is acomfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured outI'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to youThe broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for lifeI'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
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