A/N This is totally random so it doesn't really make that much sense. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own the Harry Potter Universe or any of the characters within.Fortunately, I do own most of this plotline.

Fortunately, Unfortunately

Harry Potter is a wizard.

Fortunately, wizards can do magic.

Unfortunately, Harry forgot his wand and is now a squib.

Fortunately, he has signed himself up for the Kwickspell course.

Unfortunately, he is in the same class as Filch.

Fortunately, Harry is much younger and fitter than Filch and can therefore beat him to a pulp, if he so wishes.

Unfortunately, Filch has set Mrs Norris on him.

Fortunately, Harry is an animagus and can turn in to a Basilisk and kill Mrs Norris with his deadly sight.

Unfortunately, Harry wears glasses and is therefore visually impaired and can only petrify Mrs Norris with his gaze.

Fortunately, that still means Mrs Norris cannot attack him.

Unfortunately, this is irrelevant, as Voldemort has shown up on the scene.

Fortunately, he's come for the kwickspell course as well.

Unfortunately, this is just a clever trick.

Fortunately, Harry has heard about voldemort's plan and is just working undercover at the kwickspell centre.

Unfortunately, he still managed to forget his wand.

Fortunately, he is able to summon Dobby, Kreacher, Winky and their army of Hogwarts House Elves.

Unfortunately, they've just had a late night party in the kitchens and are all still drunk on butter beer.

Fortunately, Harry manages to ward Voldy off with one of Dobby's smelliest socks.

Unfortunately, Unbeknown to Harry, Voldy has an enormous foot fetish and likes nothing better than Dobby's smelly socks.

Fortunately, Harry throws the sock into the midst of the House Elves, who transport Voldemort to Hogwarts via side along apparition, with the intention of throwing him in the black lake with the giant squid.

Unfortunately, only House Elves can apparate within the Hogwarts grounds, so Voldy ends up on a Pig Farm in Dorset.

Fortunately, this still ruins voldemort's plans.

Unfortunately, Harry is still stuck on the Kwikspell course with Filch.

Fortunately, Ron and Hermione turn up with Harry's wand.

Unfortunately, Hermione has managed to snap it with a blasting spell back at Godrics Hollow, remember!

Fortunately, Harry is master of the Elder wand, which can fix the Phoenix wand. YAY!

Unfortunately, this means they will have to dig up Dumbledore's grave.

Fortunately, Harry doesn't give a damn, as long as he gets his wand fixed.

Unfortunately, this has just ruined the whole plotline to Deathly Hallows.

Fortunately, we have come to the end of this chapter.

Unfortunately, we will be updating.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N I may continue with this story, I may not. Please R&R. Don't be afraid to use constructive criticism or even to tell me this story is crap, just give me some feedback, please!