Left Alone

by Sueona

It has been three years and Raito feels regret from the past. What is this regret? Will he gain what he desires the most, a second chance?

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: Angst, language, smex. (Rated R)

Pairings: L/Light

Summary: It has been three years and Raito feels regret from the past. What is this regret? Will he gain what he desires the most, a second chance?

Notes: This idea just came out of the blue and I decided to write it. It took me about two weeks to finish. Well I hope it is good. Some parts might be confusing until you read until the very end. Hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think.

While the wind howls in the night time, rain pours down relentlessly. The weather has been gloomy for the past week and one person can't stand it. As soft honey eyes stare out the window to watch his image smear in the glass' reflection, he wonders when he started to feel so lifeless. So, he felt like this his entire life, but it was more on being bored. Not one thing in life challenged his mind to the fullest except a few years ago. How long has it been since he had that kind of challenge? When he hears voices downstairs, Raito tries to figure out the reason for coming to visit a place he couldn't fit in. However perfect his family has been, he could never feel close to any of them. His father always worked and hardly spent any time with them. His mother never saw behind his false politeness to see his real self. His sister maybe was the closest he could relate to but there was never a true bond there. All the while growing up, he has felt left out. As he closes his tired eyes, he ponders on the past. Something he has been doing for a while. Somehow it's painful. Still, he can't find the answers of why he feels so numb. Did this start when his challenge left him? Or did it happen when he let his walls and masks break down in front of that man, who once claimed friendship to him? When a knock startles him out of his dim thoughts, he speaks up in a cracked voice, "Come in."

'Raito-kun should stop,' a whisper of a monotone voice rings out.

Only in his mind can he hear a voice that can send waves of pain and relief running throughout his body. Without turning around to show his silent tears to the person standing at the door, Raito asks in a fake polite voice, "Is dinner done already?"

As a sigh echoes, Yagami questions in a soft voice, "What happened between you and Misa?"

The question, he did not wish to come up, let alone answer truthfully. As he puts up a mask of indifference on his face, Raito turns to face his father, the police chief and lies like always, "We didn't work out. That's all." Because three years ago I lost him, I broke. And since then I have been stuck in the past. Those words will never leave his mouth. His stubborn pride will not let him voice out his deepest emotions to the world or to those who show they care for him. There was only one person, who ever understood him and looked past his many masks.

'Raito-kun enough is enough,' an emotionless voice speaks.

The phrases said to him from that man pierce through his head and Raito remembers that one toned voice all too well. Sometimes he wishes he could burn his memories into a fiery pit. Since, it would be easier to forget everything than to let the pain consume him completely. Nothing can be the same again. It is far too late for the past to be altered. And that is what hurts the most. There is nothing in the world that would make things right. As he turns his head away from his father's caring eyes, he deceives, "I'm just a little upset that things between Misa and I didn't work out." Lie.

Yagami responds, "I understand. Do not worry so much. There are many other girls out there."

With a fake, sad look, Raito nods his head. The knock was nothing more to see if he was all right about a relationship that wasn't ever there to start with. When he hears the door click shut, he turns his attention back to the reflection in the window. Fresh tears break free from their confines, all the emotions pouring out his soul.

'Raito-kun regrets?' a man asks.

Why does all the terms from that man come back to haunt him? As he leans his head against the freezing glass, Raito lets his walls break. After all, it is only him and his old bedroom. No one is going to see the strong young man break apart due to the emotions of regret and guilt overrunning him. A person like him deserves to be left alone to grief and mourn in peace. There isn't anyone who could fix this and make it better. That is impossible unless time can be somehow reversed, giving him a single chance to let him go back to a place where he can set himself free from these binding chains.

'Raito-kun should stop. Raito-kun should stop!' a fierce voice sneers out.

The only time that man ever spoke in volume and with a different voice than an unchanging tone. As his legs give away and he collapses to the floor, his arms wrap around his numb body, grasping his shirt right over his heart. The sorrow is tearing his heart apart, not letting him rebuild it. While his body shakes from his broken silent sobs, he knows what this emotion is called. If this is how it is meant to feel, he would have made sure he never felt it for that man.

'Raito-kun is sweet like my many cakes,' 'Yagami-kun gets highly over emotional about unimportant things,' the man says two different things.

There has to be a way to escape from the haunting memories and harsh feelings. Only if Raito could find it, he would gladly take the chance. As he stands up on shaky legs, he quickly grabs his coat. Without thinking, he exits his room and moves down the stairs in a daze. Everything around him is dull including sounds. His mind can only see and hear a past he wants to disappear. The guilt is too much for him to take. As he leaves the safety of his family's home, he runs down the streets. There must be somewhere he can go to hide. How can one hide from something that lives within? Still, he continues to run. Why can't he forget it? How can it hurt so much?

'Yagami-kun should stop,' he repeats once again in that same emotionless voice.

As his legs complain from running so long, his body is soaking wet from the storm over his head. Yet, he cannot stop from moving to a place that brings him so much pain. When he turns the corner right in front of the place he was running to, Raito stops to catch his breath.

'Raito-kun,' 'Yagami-kun,' two different references he calls him by.

Why did he always felt lost and confused when, 'Yagami-kun' was said to refer to him? As he looks up at the sky, Raito wants his answers. Answers to questions he really never voiced out loud. It is too late. The ending was those years ago. While his steps are slow, his heart pounds heavy within his chest. It feels like the chains are weighing him down and the ground wants to consume him whole. Still, he tracks his way through the graveyard's gates and through the muddy path to find his way to the top of the hill.

'Good-bye,' those last words from his mouth.

That one word haunted him beyond belief. Nothing could stop his world coming apart at that very moment. It was like someone drove a knife through his bleeding heart and pulled it out to show him how broken it truly was. As he flops under the large tree, he realizes it is not wise to be under a tree since lightening is flashing around. His head is filled with peaceful and horrible memories. For that reason alone, Raito could care less for his safety. This is the place that crumbled his world. In this graveyard was where hell swallowed him whole and refused to ever let his soul go.

'Raito-kun.'

Why can't he stop remembering? How can he ease his mind from the turmoil he suffers? Closing his eyes, he replays all those times he had with the older man. Was it all a lie to start with? It wasn't for him, but it must have been for the other. Is that why the other isn't here to comfort him from his nightmarish hell?

'Raito-kun should stop.'

What should he have stopped? What was he doing wrong? As his head hangs low to hide from the world, he wishes the other man could answer his questions. Since that night, he couldn't sleep any longer. It was cold and lonely. There was no comfort in the large bed filled with blankets and pillows but the warmth was gone. Feeling the cold breeze hit him harshly, he tries to lose himself within the raging storm. How ironic the storm reminds him of how he is feeling inside. As his fists slam onto the ground, he lifts his head to stare up at the skies with anger running wildly in honey eyes. His perfect polite mask is shattering apart and he screams, "Why do I feel this way!?"

'Yagami-kun.'

As the rain continues to pour, he no longer can tell if it is the rain water or tears falling down his eyes. This graveyard is his hell. But he can't stop from coming here. Why? While scanning the area, he finds so many graves. Names imprinted on headstones that are memorized within his mind. Too many to count but at least over a thousand of graves litter the large area. His guilt and regret lies here with the many deceased. Three years flew by like nothing and the one person he has longed for vanished from his eyes. Only the older man's voice rings inside his mind, breaking his sanity apart.

'Yagami-kun should stop.'

Words that penetrated his soul and left him damaged beyond repair. The coldness takes over his life and he is losing his perfect image. As the wind sweeps through the branches to cast shadows, he whispers in a longing voice, "L." A letter to call a person instead of a name. Never having the chance to know the man behind the title. Too late to take back his sins. In the long run, he lost much more than his life. When a loud cracking sounds out, Raito looks down at his watch. It is almost midnight and still he wishes to stay with the harsh weather fighting against his body. Body, mind, and soul are numb anyways. As he snaps his watch open, he stares at the piece that reads a name in red, which ended his happiness. That isn't right. He took away his own happiness by his selfishness.

'Yagami-kun is KIRA!'

There was nothing he could say to change the truth. Oh, how he wished it was a lie. But it wasn't and all he could have done was stand there silently. How could he let himself fall so far? Why didn't he turn back? Too many what ifs come to him but none of it would make a different. If there was anything he didn't regret was becoming Kira since it led him to meet the greatest detective alive.

'Yagami-kun should stop.'

Still, it made no difference. He lost the detective that night and now he is alone in this cruel world. As he feels a prick at his finger, he watches amazed to see redness drip. Tonight will be his escape. Could he really be a coward?

'Good-bye, Yagami-kun.'

While the pin with his blood begins to write the letters of his name, Raito hears footsteps. His solitude has been found and he hates that the most. As he closes his eyes, he feels the heated rage coming forth. There shouldn't be a reason for his anger. After all, this cemetery is a public place. The thousands that lay to rest are Kira's many victims. When a flashlight shines onto him, he turns his head away to prevent the intruder from seeing him.

A voice rings out into the howling storm, "Has Kira-kun become a coward?"

Everything falls away from his clouded mind and he snaps his head up to stare surprised at the man, standing before him like nothing has happened those years ago. As he is drawn into the black abyss once again, Raito asks, "Am I dreaming again?" This could not be real. There is no way it could be possible. It was nice to believe in such a beautiful lie but after all the times it just became haunting.

As he tilts his head, L responds with a tilt of amusement in his voice, "I am very real, Kira-kun."

Standing up in rage, Raito yells, "STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

All L can do is stare at the young man with unblinking eyes. Three years away left him feeling empty and incomplete. This one person, a mass-murderer, was his only love. Yes, he denied it those years ago. Yes, he turned his back on the other when sobs broke the younger man's throat. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do, but they would have never worked. It was impossible. After all, he is L and Raito is Kira, sworn enemies until one of them dies. That was one thing he couldn't let happen. Honestly, he would have gladly taken that fate if it would have saved his Raito from the darkness. As he scans Raito, he replies, "But Yagami-kun is Kira-kun."

Grabbing a hold of the detective's white baggy shirt, Raito whispers, "I'll give it up. I'll do anything you want to have you stop hating me. I'll die if that is your truest wish." Everything is falling apart and swallowing him whole. His hidden emotions are coming forth and there is nothing to stop them from showing. How can this one person bring him to this state?

Ignoring the words, L remarks like there isn't a young man begging him for forgiveness, "There are more graves since the last time I was here." With a heated glare, he continues, "Kira-kun never stopped when I pulled back."

Only if L knew the truth. Kira did stop and fell from grace. At least the original Kira did. The second Kira, Misa continued on until she grew out of her obsession for him. It ended and hell pulled at his soul. No matter how much Raito threw himself into school and work, it never ended the memories and nightmares. When he falls to his knees, he feels the coldness taking over his body once more. His body and mind are shattering like glass. Without looking up to see eyes judging him coldly, he mutters, "Kira died long ago. He died the day his heart was torn out of his chest. For that day was when he realized how human he really is."

L questions, "Should I feel sorry for Yagami-kun?"

It is the same from that night. The same emotionless voice speaking to him. All this has become is a repeat of the past. As he looks up into those grayish eyes, Raito chuckles out, "Sorry. I fell so far there is nothing left for me. I have little or no pride left." Standing up, he gives off a bitter smile. Maybe it is about time to call quits to all the games and cunning plots. There is still something he needs to pull through all his insanity. One last memento for the road. When he figures L is trying to guess what he will do next, he leans forward to taste those sweet lips that were denied to him for too long.

Letting the high run wild inside of him, which heats every part of his body up, L pulls back and whispers, "Yagami-kun enough is enough."

While his body feels the warmth it has craved for years, Raito responds in a quiet voice, "Give me this last time with you before I confess to everything." Before his mind can possess what is going on, he is in the arms of the man who turned his back on him three years ago and air in his lungs being sucked right out of him. And he doesn't even care that he is trying to breathe right since L is his oxygen. When his arms wrap around the slender neck, he knows that everything will be turned out right this time around.

As he breaks the heated kiss, L watches amused Raito trying to gain his lips once again. How long did he dream of this happening? How many nights did he wake up wanting to only find his bed empty? Pulling the young adult male down the path, he speaks up in a perfect calm voice, "As much as I was enjoying Raito-kun eagerness, I am afraid I do not have enjoyment of making love in a graveyard."

Glaring at the detective, Raito snaps, "I wasn't eager." Lie. But the older man doesn't need to know that. With one look from L tells him that the other man didn't buy the lie anyways. Slowly a smirk forms onto his lips, he asks, "How about the back of the car?"

With a shake of his head, L mumbles, "I do not think Watari will like to see any of our private moments. Raito-kun gave more than enough detailed moments to last a life time for poor Watari when I had him under supervision."

Why does he feel alive again when the end is nearing? Without a question on where they are going, Raito slides into the backseat with L. Not even two seconds after the car begins to head down the road, he feels lips against his and feels the leather against his wet shirt. Tangling his hands through wet black locks of hair, he moans and whimpers. Anything to gain those long slim talent fingers against his heated skin. This is where he has dreamt to be for three years long. This one moment is all he needs to finally end the games played against the world.

In the front of the car, Watari suppresses a groan of annoyance for the two in the back seat. It has never been easy to distract L from what his mind is on. With a small smile, he thinks, "At least he finally stopped being stubborn about wanting the young Yagami." When he parks in front of the hotel that wasn't too far from the graveyard, he speaks up to the two in the back, "We are here and I suggest you wait until you get to your room to finish what was started."

As he pulls back from the heated make out session, L smirks down at the blushing man. It has been far too long to see that reaction within Raito. Damn, did he miss it. Three years has been hell for him. No one ever compared to Raito and he couldn't stand being with someone longer than an hour. His heirs, or more of Mello tried to hook him up, but no one suited him like this one man, who turned out to be his worse enemy. As the door is opened for them, he pulls Raito out and quickly enters the hotel. The sooner he gets to the room, the quicker he can strip those clothes off that wonderful body.

Barely making it to the room's door, Raito is slammed against the wall and kissed with fever. This is what he likes the most about L. The older man showed a whole different side to him when they would become intimate. It was the aggressive side that always surprised him in the past and that hasn't changed at all. Yes, he realizes L had a very dominate side but never before did he see it that strong until the first time they had sex. As lips are attacked roughly brings him back to reality, he hisses loudly and slams his head against the wall in excitement. If this keeps up, they won't even make it to the bedroom, which is all right with him. When he feels his shirt tear, he stares at his lover.

Holding back laughter, L mumbles breathless, "Raito-kun wears too much clothing." Without waiting for a response, he attacks the tan neck that has been begging to be bitten and sucked on. As he slips the shirt off Raito's shoulders, he watches it fall to the ground. This has to land in the bedroom soon and quickly. Pushing the young man toward the bedroom, he feels lips press against his own. Heat like never before runs through his veins. This is where his heart, body, and soul lies. In this man's hands and Raito doesn't even realize what he can do to him.

As they stumble to the bed, Raito feels the fire burning its way through his body. No one has brought him to this state before and it makes him dizzy with all the excitement. This one man known to the world as L is completely his right this moment. After being pinned down, he sees L hovering over him, lust clearly in those grayish eyes. Yes, he feels valuable but the trust he has for the man, who could put an end to him keeps his worrying thoughts away. Finally, he will get what he wanted at last. Something he had waited so long to do with L.

While hovering closer to Raito almost lips touching each other, L knows that the other is anticipating what is about to come. There is no denying that he has missed this contact. Tonight he decides to make it worth while, since it would be their final time together, clinging to each other like there is no tomorrow. As he reaches over, he opens a drawer to grab some silk to tie his willing lover down.

When Raito watches L bring the silk closely to him, it somehow makes him grow hotter. How does the detective bring out a side of him that he never thought was possible? This turns him on since L rarely ever resorted to some kind of restraints. The detective always restrained him, himself. But all this didn't matter to him. After all he is going to get to feel L once more before he had to make his departure to hell. If a place like hell even existed.

When he notices Raito give a look between fear and lust, L leans down and kisses those lips that taste better than any sweets in the world. Tonight will blow the other's mind. One last time for old sakes and for him to remember until his life ends.

As his hands are bound to the headboard, Raito continues to tell himself that L wouldn't do anything harmful to him during sex. Watching the way black orbs light up with lust, he feels even more aroused than ever before. While lips move down his chest, teasing his nipples until they are hard, he bits his lips to stop the moans from escaping. Both of them are too prideful to share those kinds of sounds even being together like this. It is their game to see if the other can make them make sounds. When he looks down, he can't stop the moan slipping out from his lips. Right between his legs, L's head is and the detective is licking his lips almost like he will be gaining the greatest treat in the world.

As he licks his lips again, feeling them dry all the sudden, L doesn't think twice and devours the fruit that was Raito. Hearing the loud moan escaping his lover, he smirks around the throbbing fresh in his mouth. This doesn't stop him from bringing the other to a state of no return.

Throwing his head back against the soft pillows, Raito wants to scream out his pleasure only if his voice would work right. All he feels is that talented tongue sweeping across his heated fresh, bringing him nearer to climax. As he feels his toes curl against the sheets, he knows that he will come very soon, but he wants to restrain himself from coming.

L continues his ministrations, first slow, and then upped the pace. It makes his blood rush straight down to his cock to hear Raito's voice in passion. Deciding that his lover wasn't loud enough, he fondles the other's balls, in order to get the young adult to raise his voice higher. The more he hears, the harder it becomes to contain his own desires.

As his head tosses from side to side, Raito is caught off guard with this mind blowing pleasure. His voice escalates more and more while he begins to feel dazed. Dazed from what is being done to him. This isn't a bad feeling. It is a good one. While his body begs for something more, he begins to feel frustrated. Each time he feels his release coming; L would stop or slow down. All he wants is to feel that great climax with L's huge cock inside.

Sensing his lover getting restless from his toying, L brings up his fingers to Raito's mouth, while his lips lick at the navel and up the body. As he feels a tongue sweep over his fingers, he groans his own pleasure. One thing he can't deny is how talented Raito's mouth is that brought him over the edge many times in the past. While pulling his fingers away, he watches Raito spread his legs open and inviting. As he slips a finger inside, he mumbles huskily, "You look so tempting like that. So inviting for me to take." Without warning, lips crash against lips.

As another finger is added, moving in a scissor-like manner to prepare him for something bigger, Raito's breathe hitch. It is still a little painful at first. Well, more like an uncomfortable feeling. Unable to with hold his strong desires, he begs, "L, please. Please. Put it in already."

Hearing that begging voice, L loses control over himself too. As he tares away from the warmth of his lover, he stands up and quickly undresses. While grabbing lube and covering his stiff cock, he whispers to the other's ear, "I have been longing so badly to make love to Raito again."

When he feels L at his entrance, Raito wraps his long legs around L's waist. This is the moment, he has longed for. It is now they will be together once more. Grabbing the headboard, he whispers back, "So have I. L, I love you."

L mumbles against Raito's ear, "I am sorry."

Not understanding, Raito asks, "For wha… AHhhhhhhhhh," his question turns into a scream when the other enters him in one full thrust. It hurt like hell and tears roll down from his eyes. Not once did either of them ever enter the other this roughly. Why did the detective do it like this? Is this a way to punish him for being Kira? His mind is lost in confusion. All he expects is more pain but L stays still. When he feels lips against his face, his eyes close as lips descend on them.

As he kisses the tears away to only have more fall, L keeps repeating, "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." How can he explain that he couldn't hold on any longer? While he feels something wet run out of the other man, he curses himself for being this rough to his lover. When honey orbs look at him confused, he kisses those lips softly and gently. Sliding his hand down, he feels the other has lost the excitement of their love making.

When slim finger run up and down his shaft, Raito finally realizes what happened. It shouldn't surprise him. After all, it has been three years since they ever had this. And even he couldn't hold on. As his desire is reawaken by a few touches, he leans up and kisses those lips to let the older man know he is forgiven. Feeling a slight burning in his opening, he figures something torn. It doesn't matter. This is what he wants. As he thrusts his hips forward, he demands, "Fuck me already."

Untying Raito's hands from the headboard, L feels those hands grabbing his shoulders and states, "We do not fuck. We make love." After a few soft thrusts, he begins to pick up the pace. When moans fill the room from both of them, each of them calling the other's name, he can't stop from kissing those sweet lying lips again and again. This is their final moment. Two enemies in an endless struggle and somehow became bonded to be lovers at the same time. When Raito throws his head back, screaming out his name, he smirks down and mumbles, "Found it."

As he feels fingers teasing his nipples and running across his heated fresh, Raito continues to moan for more and his lover's name. What could be better than this? Living and having this all the time. His mind answers the question but he knows this is their last time. With his hips moving forward to meet the other's man's thrust, he feels lips sucking and biting his neck. A mark to prove to the world, he belongs to someone. Even if no one knows, he will take it to his grave. Between two enemies, it is their final time to be lovers.

While thrusting harder and faster into the heat that engulfs him, L swears in English, "Fuck." Realizing he will not last much longer, he wraps his entire hand around Raito's cock and strokes it. All the while, he hears the beautiful moans and skin and skin slapping. This is where he desires to stay. The warmth he missed for three years and was too stubborn to see it.

When he feels his climax approaching, Raito grips the boney shoulders. As his back arches, he cries out, "L!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As he feels and watches the other man tremble by his release, L thrusts harder than before to gain his sweet relief, to mark this man his all over again. When he cums inside his lover hard, he groans out loudly, "Raito. Light is fucking sweet," his finally words spoken in English.

Feeling the weight against him, Raito wraps his arms around the older man. Barely able to keep his eyes open from the mind blowing sex and the emotional roll coaster, he whispers before sleep takes over, "I love you."

After a few minutes of silence, L pulls out of his lover and stares down at the peaceful face. It always surprised him that the other could look so innocent when he was far from innocent. Sweeping brown hair to the side, he mumbles back, "I wish I could tell Raito-kun the words Raito-kun wants to hear."

The next day, the sun shines through the thin curtains to make little shadows play across the walls. It is like a dream that he wishes never to wake up from. But beautiful dreams never last for long. That is a fact of life and he has learned the lesson long ago. As he continues to trace patterns onto white creamy skin, Raito gives a soft gentle smile. L said it was making love and he must agree with that statement. Yes, this feeling is love. There aren't any words or ways to describe how it feels. All he knows this is love that is for sure. Running his fingers through silky black hair, he whispers, "I'll keep my word and promise, L." When he hears a small mutter of his name, his smile turns into a bitter one. This is the end of his sweet dream. How much he wishes to take his vow back? As he stands up to stumble slightly in pain, he bites his lip to stop from making a sound from the pain and grabs laid out clothes from Watari and puts them on. Limping out of the bedroom, he enters the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. It is a habit he has never been able to break. He sees the notepad on the table with a pen beside it. Even if L lied about everything last night to gain a confession, it doesn't bother him. The first letter doesn't take long to work on since it is only one sentence. While tears begin to gather at the corner of his eyes, he pushes them back and rereads his own words for a man, he has never forgotten.

L,

I love you.

Yagami Raito.

Without waiting for another push, he begins to write everything as Kira. It takes him longer to write than the last letter. After all this is suppose to explain everything he did as Kira. Soon, he will be tried and sentenced.

As he walks into the kitchen, L stares at Raito. What can he say now? Didn't he believe the young man would run? When Raito puts down the pen and looks up at him, he wants to stop time. It hurts deep in his chest. There isn't anything he can do now. The confession is right there.

There is no going back now. If he left, Raito would be on the run for the rest of his life. The part of him as Kira has finally been put to rest. As he slides the paper over, he clicks his watch to take out a piece of the death note that has the name of the Third Kira's written in red. When he looks up to meet grayish orbs, he sighs out, "You win L. My rival, my enemy, my equal, and my lover."

How is L meant to react? The first time he met this man, he knew the other was the mass murderer. Always they played the cat and mouse games with each other. Neither of them ready to throw in the towel and forfeit. Until three years ago. It was over with and he couldn't do it. He couldn't send the one who stole his heart to his death. Still, he just couldn't turn his back on justice either. In the end, he called quits on the investigation and broke all ties with Raito. Now, he is forced to face the decision. As he turns his head to hide the emotions from showing to his enemy, he pushes away all his selfish desires. Justice must prevail this time. No matter what he feels inside, he has no right to be that way. How many families were destroyed by this one man? When he turns to face Raito, he resigns himself for pain and loneliness for the rest of his life. The door opens quickly to reveal police agents. Seeing the betrayal within honey eyes, the detective states in a monotone voice, "Yagami Raito is under arrest on charges of mass murder and being Kira," all the while watching the agents place the young man into hand cuffs.

When cuffs are placed on his wrists behind his back, Raito states coldly, "Finally you have won, L. You should be thrilled." Without a second glance, he walks by the detective with as much pride as he has left.

Falling to his knees, L hides his face from the outside world, tears rolling down his face from the hurt in his heart. The pain he gains from this is more than any heart attack that Kira could give him. He lost the only one who fulfilled his lonely life. What has he done? Couldn't he have been selfish for once? No. There was no way around this decision. It had to be this way. But if that is true, then why does he feel so broken? All he wishes to do is leave this country and never look back. Maybe he is being a coward but he can't stand to watch the only one he loved die. But there are still two more things to be done. As he feels a hand on his shoulder, he looks up; hoping to find Raito there, but it is Watari. Why was he hoping the man, he sent to jail be there? Trying to hide his feelings from the older man, he finds it too difficult. With a shake of his head, he mumbles, "I need copies of the confession."

As he stares down at the one, he took under his care and felt this one was like a son to him, Watari speaks up, "You could have…"

Knowing the words ready to slip from his care taker, L cuts him off roughly, "He broke the law. He knew what he was doing was wrong but did not care. He should not be made an exception to the law." Without waiting for any argument from the one who took him away from hell of his childhood, he stands up and grabs the confession from the table. Only two more things need to be done and this case will finally be closed. It is for the best. Once he finishes this, he can go back to England and live out his loneliness there, away from the place his heart crashed into a million pieces.

While watching L make copies of the confession, Watari sighs out sadly. At first, he could not agree with L's choice of lover but after seeing the way grayish eyes lit up from being around Raito he could not argue with it. Walking over and helping the young detective with the final arrangements, he knows the person he saw the first time he saw L will return.

After the copies have been made, L informs, "We will be stopping at the Yagami household first. Then to the count house."

When he turns to look at L, Watari responds, "I could handle Yagami-san." As he watches the detective shake his head, he questions, "Why?"

L answers, "It should be I. It is my responsible to do this."

Without another word, Watari nods his head and leaves the room with L following. Soon this case will be put to rest. What will be the cost? The cost will be seeing the withdrawn young man once again. It will not take long to get to Yagami's house.

At the Yagami household, the police chief walks out of the house. It surprised him to find that his son left in the middle of the night. As he sighs, he hopes that Raito went to the police station and was helping out with the some thing. Some of them still look for Kira, but everything crashed when L left the case. When he notices a car pull up, he looks on with surprised to see the detective step out. What could the meaning be of this? Watching the pale man walk up the path, he stands still and tries to figure things out.

As he looks up to find the person he was hoping to see, L hands the elder Yagami something and whispers, "I am sorry, Yagami-san."

Not understanding the words, Yagami looks down and reads his son's confession. As he snaps his head back up, he shakes his head and denies, "This can't be true." Too many emotions affect him now.

L states, "I am afraid everything is true. When Yagami-kun saw I returned, he confessed to everything. He has been arrest and already pleaded guilty before a trial." When he watches Yagami lean against the door, he whispers, "I am sorry." Finally, the Kira Case is over with. Now, he can return to his lonely life.

Yagami slams his hand against the door and raises his voice, "Is that all you are going to say!?"

As he turns to leave, L responds, "Yes, Yagami-san. I have nothing else to say." With that said he leaves to head back to the hotel and get ready to leave for good. There is no point of staying in a place that brought hell to his heart and soul.

'Yagami-kun was assaulted in prison today,' Watari says.

The very moment, those words left his caretaker's mouth, he lost all control over himself. His emotions broke away and showed to the man, who was like his father. Blame. That is all he could do. Blame himself for Raito's assault. It was his fault. If he only he made sure the count didn't send him into a regular prison, then this would have never happened.

'Coward.'

That was the one word said to him when he turned away from Raito in the visitor's room. How much he wishes he could have turned around and revealed the truth? But like Raito said, he is a coward and could not say the words the other man needed to hear from him. Now, regrets linger within his heart and mind. Oh, how he wishes to turn back time and speak up. If only to prove Raito wrong about being a coward, then he would do it. As he scans the area, he finds many people here. It makes him feel uncomfortable but he continues to stand there. No one approaches him.

'I love you,' a declaration coming from those sweet lips.

Why didn't he say it back? Why did he turn his back on the only one who broke his well-built walls? Too many questions come to his mind and L has no answers for them. How can he answer them when he never was one to be open about his own emotions? As he hears sobbing from the others, he pulls everything behind a mask. There will be a time for him to release his feelings but that will only happen in private.

Yagami speaks up, "I am surprise that you came."

'Wow, I am honored to see the great L came to see me. I am surprised,' he says.

Almost the same words said but for two different reasons. Did Raito believe he would let his crimes slide? Maybe he should have. It would have saved a lot of trouble that came. Well, it is too late to correct the mistakes of the past. As he looks to see rage rolling off the elder Yagami, he responds, "I have been told that a lot." What else could he say? There are no words that will make this right.

'You chose justice over me.'

Wasn't that the correct way of doing things? As the police chief turns away from him, L glances around to see the entire police department is here. What would they say if they knew the truth? It would seem that it doesn't matter. While hearing words that mean nothing, he wishes to run away.

'You are running away.'

Raito didn't lie when he said those words. It was the truth and he still wishes to run away. Death by Kira's hands would have been less painful than what his heart suffers now. Noting the task members standing there, he sees the shock and sorrowful looks within their eyes. Only they know the truth. Only they know what Raito was and why it has led them all to this grave site.

'Even when I was truly Kira, I loved you.'

Those terms so easily slipped from the young man's mouth. It was all he could deal with and he left without saying a word. Why didn't he run back? His heart couldn't bear to realize he fell for a murderer. That isn't right. The truth is he couldn't stand and know he failed to save Raito.

'Right before he slipped, he said these words, Ryuuzaki move on,' the doctor told them.

How much did he wish to fall apart before everyone's eyes? All he could do was turn and run out of the hospital. Run as far as he could to stop the sorrow over taking him. As he moves to Yagami and his family, L whispers, "I am sorry for your loss." With those words, he leaves to let Raito's family grieve in peace as he will mourn in private.

The news caster speaks, 'In today's news, Kira's terror has finally been put to rest. Here is a picture of the one called Kira.' Showing a photo of an old man, the newsperson continues to speak, 'This man also had many charges of rape and murder, but was never convicted. Another report on this topic, L has found him by the help from the police chief's son. Sadly, Yagami Raito died today by Kira's hands. We of the world give support to his family and friends.'

In a way, L believes Kira ended Raito. The reason, he pulled strings to hide the truth was for the one who stole his heart.

'Please hide the fact I was Kira from my mother and sister. They should not have to suffer for my mistakes.'

It was a request from Raito and L could not deny they did not deserve to know that side of the young man. As he stands by the waiting car, he turns his head to stare at Raito's mother and sister to see the grief within their eyes. It is all he can do without showing his own pain. Shaking his head, he tells, "Watari, let's head back to the hotel."

Later that night, he comes back to the place where his heart lies. While the wind sweeps through his messy black hair, the young detective stares down, sadly at the grave. Terms of endearment never slipped through his mouth and he regrets every moment of it. As he kneels in front of the tome-stone, he feels wetness run down his cheeks. When was the last time he cried? Wasn't it when they finally told him that his mother was never coming for him since she was dead? Odd for him to let the emotions break his facade so easily. Justice won the battle of his inner demons and once more he turned his back on the young man. As his hands curl and uncurl, he declares his late words to a man gone, "I love Raito-kun."

As he touches L's shoulder to feel the tension, Watari speaks up in a gentle voice, "It is time to go, L."

Without saying a word, L stands up and continues to stare at the grave stone. It doesn't matter any more. His words are on deaf ears now. As he wipes away the fallen tears, he sighs into the wind. Loneliness. One word that never haunted him until he met the young genius, Raito, who matched his wits every step of the way.

'Ryuuzaki, move on.'

The doctor told him those were Raito's words. No one understood the meaning except him and Watari. As he turns with a blank look, he catches Yagami from the corner of his eye. It would seem his confession of love was not lost on the elder Yagami by the look on his face and in his eyes. When rain drops, he lifts his head to the skies to feel the water wash away all the sins that soil him.

The year anniversary of Raito's demise comes around before anyone can realize. Once again, L stands in front of the grave that states, 'Raito, our dear Light.' Too many thought Raito was perfect in every sense except one part, his soul was truly dark. Yes, he keeps up that lie for everyone. He hid the truth. As he senses another approaching, he tilts his head back and stuffs his hands into the jean pockets. Nothing has changed within him and he refuses to show the world what lies behind his masks.

Yagami states in rage, "I see you have long forgotten my son."

Only if the elder Yagami knew, then the police chief wouldn't say those words. There isn't a day going by that he forgets Raito. As he turns his back to the grave, L asks in emotionless voice, "What makes Yagami-san say that?" It makes no difference. Other's thoughts on him never bothered him before.

'Ryuuzaki, move on.'

Yagami replies in a cold voice, "You have moved on."

Has he? Or is he still stuck in a past? His heart can never been filled like it was in the past. As he turns his head, L explains, "I came here to repay my requests. Leaving someone behind to come here for another. If that does not prove Raito-kun meant something to me, then I cannot convince Yagami-san." When silence greets him, he closes his eyes. The past haunts him but he continues to keep his promise. It is the only thing that helps him from revealing everything. Turning around, he opens his eyes and states, "This is farewell, Yagami-san. It would seem I will keep my word until my own demise."

'Ryuuzaki (L), move on.'

As he stares at the greatest detective, Yagami questions in a confused voice, "What do you mean?"

L answers, "I will keep my promise as Raito-kun kept his." Even though, he knows that explains nothing, he leaves it at that. Without waiting for any words to escape the elder Yagami, he walks down the path like the year before. Regret takes over him and he wishes he could say what is truly on his mind. But that would do no one good.

'L, move on.'

Those terms that haunts his every moment, but he keeps going forward. Lies spread to everyone around. It is the only way to keep taking a step forward. Pain continues to plague him, but he hides it away. Only when alone does he let himself mourn the past. Something he can never change. As he nears the car that waits for him, he looks up at the sky to see the sun shinning brightly. It is time to return back to England. There is where his life lies now. Japan can only bring back horrible memories. When he turns his head to look back at the grave, L declares, "Farewell, Japan."

A few days later, he walks through the door to his private home. It is peaceful here and no one bothers him. This is his new life. It is the only place he can escape the many haunting memories. Taking off his shoes, he stares at the other pair staring up at him. With a small smile, he walks through his home to go to his bedroom. Opening the door, he looks at the lump in his bed. It should not surprise him since it is late at night but he was hoping the other would stay up to wait for his return. As he strips his shirt, he hears a small grasp. Turning his eyes to the other man sharing his bed, he asks, "Have you been waiting for me, Kurai?"

Sitting up in the bed, Kurai answers, "Well yes. You left without a word and didn't explain."

There wasn't a way he could tell Kurai the reason he left so sudden. How does one explain that to someone who shares his bed for two months? As he makes his way to the bed, he sits down on the edge. Emotions of the past over come him.

'Ryuuzaki, move on.'

How can he? The past is what makes him. As he feels arms wrap around his stomach, he explains, "I went to visit Japan to say my final farewell." It is over. He has decided to start living for the future instead of living in the past. The words he told Yagami, he meant them all. There is no way he will break his silent vow to Raito.

Kurai asks, "Did you love someone there?"

For the first time, L lets his heart talk instead of his logic, "Yes." When he feels the arms tighten and tense, he continues, "But it is finally over." The past must be forgotten. It is the only way to look onto the future.

As he lays his head on the bare back, Kurai whispers, "Liar." Before the detective can argue, he speaks up, "But that is all right. I do not mind of sharing you with a past. The past makes you, you."

Hearing the silent question, L answers, "Raito. Raito Yagami was his name."

As his body shakes slightly, Kurai softly chuckles out, "Raito means light. Kurai means dark. I just found that humorous." Before his partner can move from the bed, he tightens his arms around the other man and orders, "Stay with me. At least until I fall asleep"

For a person willing to share their lover to a past amazes him. Without argument, he lies down with Kurai. Wrapping his arm around the tone body, L nods his head and declares, "I love Kurai-kun." Words that he must say this time around. After all, he learned the hard way what it feels like to never reveal the truth of his own emotions to the one who shares it.

While feeling his eyes being to drop from tiredness, Kurai whispers back, "Love you too, L."

As he runs his fingers through brown locks, L rubs against the scar that is hidden by the mess of hair.

'Ryuuzaki (L), move on.'

He gave his word and promise. Like Raito, he kept it and didn't turn his back on his vow. It has been over a year and he lives with all the knowledge.

'Who am I?'

Notes: Well here is the one-shot. I hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear your thoughts on it and ideas of what was going on through the story.