Miaka knew it was going to be one of those days as soon as she woke up, and the first sound she was aware of was a high-pitched feminine scream.
Blinking her overly-large green eyes a few times, she sat strait up in bed. " What the freak was that noise!" she exclaimed, before catching sight of herself in the mirror. " Ah! I'm freaking fat! I need to go on a freaking diet!"
Rolling over on her side, she saw Tamahome lying next to her. He was sound asleep and murmuring something about how good Nakago looked in a Sailor Fuku.
With a sharp shove to his side, she sent him tumbling out the bed. " Get the freak up, you freak!" she yelled.
He poked his head up over the edge of the bed, peering up at her with his big, fangirl-squeal inducing eyes. " Aw, Miaka-chan, why'd you do that for?"
" Shut up you freak! I don't need to explain things to a freak like you! I've made a decision," she paused for effect. " I'm going on a diet!"
" Oh? That's nice, dear," nodded Tamahome, sounding completely disinterested. " I've come to a deception too. This morning we're going down to Orphans 'R' Us and giving them a big, fat donation!"
" Why the freak would we want to do that!" screamed Miaka, nearly deafening poor Tama-chan. " Who cares about others? I want that freaking money!"
" But honey, if we're not going to be needing it for your food anymore, then why should we keep it?"
" Because I freaking want it, that's why!" Miaka answered. " We can use it to buy guns, and then go and shoot some homeless people!"
" Er, whatever you say dear... By the way, did I hear somebody screaming just now?"
" Yes! Now let's freaking go downstairs and NOT freaking eat anything!"
" Um... OK."
Tasuki lay back in bed, wearing his pretty-pink pyjamas.. His throat felt quite ticklish, and his head rather hazy. He concluded that he was coming down with a case of the sniffles. That poor little baby-faced angelic... man.
Another high-pitched scream echoed through the palace. Tasuki whimpered at the sound, huddling into his daisy-patterned blankets.
" I want my mommy!" he squealed pathetically. " Mommy will protect me. Because she's nice, and kind, and smells all pretty and feminine. Heh, 'and' that a funny word, isn't it?" he soon dissolved into a fit of giggles.
His giggles came to an abrupt stop when Chiriko suddenly came bursting in through the door.
" Eee! What are you doing here, Chiriko!" exclaimed Tasuki, pulling the covers up around his body. " I don't want you to see me in my night attire!"
Chiriko stared at him blankly, a drop of drool clinging to his chin. " But, duh, it's not night time. Mr. Happy Sun is out right now, see?" he said, pointing towards the window.
" Oh, you're right," Tasuki agreed, covers still pulled up to his chin.
" Duh, Tasuki," started Chiriko, pausing to gaze at an interesting piece of dust that was clinging to the ceiling. " Later on, let's go out and pick some flowers for the others."
" But we can't do that!" Tasuki cried out. " Nuriko-sama might see us. And he already thinks I'm a wussy."
" We're not wussy, we just embrace our feminine side."
" Hehe, that's a funny word too."
" Duh, what is?"
" Side!" Tasuki answered, barely able to stifle his giggles.
" Yeah, ha! You're right!"
The two of them just sat there giggling for a few minutes, not noticing the odd stares they got from people passing by the room.
" ...You're really pretty, Tasuki-chan."
" Hehehe, I know!"
" Where the fuck is that bloody screaming coming from!" roared Nuriko.
He had been in the process of making his way to the dinning room, when the screaming had started. It really pissed him off, and a pissed off Nuriko was not a good thing
He proceeded to march angrily down the hallway, hoping to locate where the noise was coming from. After a few minuets of walking, he came to a large, beautifully carved door.
He stared up at the door in surprise. " Heh, it's coming from that pansy of an Emperor's room. What a pansy."
With a quick flick of his wrists, the door flew open to reveal Hotohori, standing in from of his mirror, screaming his head off.
Nuriko strode up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. " Hey! Snap out of it!" he yelled, shaking the emperor roughly. " What the fuck are you screaming for?"
Hotohori just whimpered and pointed a quivering hand at the mirror. " In the mirror, it's disgusting!"
" But it's only your reflection."
" Exactly, I'm hideous!"
Nuriko sweatdropped.
Later on that morning, all of the Suzaku gang, except Mitsukake, were gathered around the dinner table, eating their breakfast.
" Where the freak is Mitsukake!" yelled Miaka, a glare on her face and a mallet in her hand. " I demand a freaking answer."
" I think he's gone out to pick up some girls," said Chichiri, who had a huge grin plastered over his face. He started sniggering wildly and chowing down on a huge plate of cookies.
" See, now that's a manly thing to do, he's really manly. Like me!" announced Nuriko. " Not like you bunch of sissies!" He then noticed that Chiriko was starring vacantly into space, while Tasuki played with his cute pink hair. " And what the fuck are you two doing?"
" Huh? Wha?" Chiriko said dumbly. Chichiri burst out laughing and threw a cookie at him, hitting him squarely in the forehead. But he failed to respond.
Hotohori, who looked rather tearful and panicked, glanced nervously at Chichiri. " Er, are you feeling OK?"
Chichiri nodded eagerly. " I sure am! It's just these cookies, they're magic!"
" ... Magic?"
" They're full of crack!"
Miaka leapt to her feet, her arms flailing wildly. Much to the discomfort of Tamahome, who had been sitting next to her, counting up all the money he planned on donating to charity.
" What the freak!" she screeched, causing Chiriko and Tasuki to do a Team Rocket style fear-hug. " Are you trying to freaking drug us!"
" Of course!" replied Chichiri. " I love drugs. I'm on drugs right now. Oooh, look at the pretty pink elephant!"
" Oh my god, I see it!" cried Hotohori, covering his eyes. " It's so much prettier than me! But that's easy to accomplish, because I'm so damm ugly!"
" Who cares you idiot!" Nuriko yelled, his face going bright red. " You don't want to look pretty! You want to look handsome, that's the manly thing to be! It's so damm manly! Manly!" he froze as he noticed his reflection in the window. " For Suzaku's sake, I look like a fucking woman!"
" Oh! Nuriko-sama said a naughty word!" gasped Tasuki, covering his ears.
" Like totally!" exclaimed Tamahome.
Everybody stared at him. " What?" he asked indignantly.
It was at that moment that Mitsukake came bursting in through the wall on a motorbike, with two very busty females clinging to his back.
Nuriko dropped to his knees, staring up at the three of them in awe. " Oh dear god, it's so manly!" he then promptly fainted... in a very manly way of course.
Hotohori took the opportunity to start screaming like a girl and covering his face with a tablecloth, because, as he had said, he need to shield everyone from his obscene ugliness.
" Hey dudes," Mitsukake said, whipping off his pair of black sunglasses. " What's cooking?"
Chichiri grinned at him happily. " I'm high!"
" I'm donating money!" said Tamahome, before being slapped harshly by Miaka.
" No you're freaking not!" she snarled.
" I'm protecting you from my face!" came Hotohori's muffled voice from underneath the tablecloth.
" I'm a pretty boy!" proclaimed Chiriko, before biting into another magical cookie.
" And I'm… still in my night-dress! " Tasuki squeaked, blushing bright red, before running out of the room.
" Smooth," smiled Mitsukake, hoping off of his bike. " Well me and these lovely girls are going to go upstairs and have sex."
" Can I come too!" begged Nuriko, who had regained consciousness, and was now clinging onto Mitsukake's leg. " I need to experience love! I can feel my manliness slipping away!"
" No daaaaaa!" Chichiri cried suddenly, before jumping out of a nearby window.
" Sorry dude," Mitsukake said, shaking himself free of Nuriko's grip. " But these ladies are all mine." And with that they ran away upstairs.
Nuriko collapsed to the floor, and Chiriko wandered over to him, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder. " Don't worry, you can come and pick flowers with me and Tasuki."
Nuriko stood up, sniffing sadly. " Well… OK. As long as it's a manly thing to do."
Chiriko looked uncertain. " Um, sure. It's very manly…"
" Could you two freaks shut up! I'm trying not to eat here!" yelled Miaka, whacking Tamahome over the head with her mallet.
And so end's a very interesting morning in the Konan palace.
End of part one. Part two coming soon!