Where it says 'Humour' up there...I wouldn't take that too literally, if I were you...
Naomi sits peacefully in Her Kitchen, sipping her tea; it's safe to say this is her favourite place at the minute; the flat where they live. it's all not that great, small is an understatement, 3 rooms, a lounge/bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen (-ette, if we're being strictly honest about these things), but hey, it's London, they don't have that much money, and this is pretty much what they can stretch too. It's theirs, not 'really Naomi's while her mum's away theirs', but properly theirs. The Kitchen is by far and away the nicest place to be right now, the sun comes in through the big window in the morning, and the flat overlooks a street market, so Naomi can indulge in perhaps her other nearly most favourite thing; people watching.
There's only one small fly in her perfect morning ointment, a particularly bed obsessed red headed 'fly'. To say that Emily Fitch loves her lie-in on Saturday, merely hints at the levels of devotion Ems has for this day of the week, Naomi has be known to rant about it to her mates in the pub after one too many;
"I swear, it would take a geological event to get that girl out of bed, fire up Wikipedia, type in Slug-a-bed there are no words, just a picture of Emily, if it was an Olympic Event, she's the Steve Redgrave of sleeping in"
Emily takes all this in good naturedly, rolls her eyes...Looks forward to Saturday like a fat kid looks forward to cake...
Naomi does have a sure fire method of getting Emily out of bed. Put on music she hates, very loudly. The Pixies usually does it, but when you absolutely have to get her up, accept no substitutes to the White Stripes. There are upsides and downsides to this plan though, Upsides? It has, pretty much, a 100% success rate, Emily hates "Jangly guitar shit", and it normally takes less than a track for her to get up. Downsides? You can, if you're not very careful end up with (Queue Cinematic Voice-Over):
"The Grump That Came From The Bedroom, coming to a cinema near you...Tagline: Like the Hulk, you won't like it when she's grumpy, unlike the Hulk, she's not green and has nicer tits..."
"Hmmm", thinks Naomi, "Possibly have to work on the tagline..."
It's not like she can't deal with a grumpy Emily either, she can, it's actually very easy, she has a not so secret weapon, you can even get it from supermarkets, it's called Nutella. This is at the heart of her dilemma this morning, No Nutella; the jar is pretty much empty. This Is A Problem. On the Nutella Scale (the soon to be Internationally recognised measure of absolute happiness) where let's say; "Take me to bed now, and do rude, possibly illegal, things to me, with Nutella" is at one end, and "We appear to have run out of Nutella, I may have to kill you" is at the other, grumpy Emily is firmly at the latter end, and without her usual fix, things could get ugly. So, a more tactical approach needs to be employed, no loud music then...
Naomi notices the gentle movement from the bed, "Game on"
"Noams? Tea..."
"Oh my god" thinks, Naomi, "the world's first talking duvet" Then aloud, "Come and get it, it's in the Kitchen" as opening shots go, so far, so routine...
"Noooo, bed, Kitchen's too far away"
"Ems, we live in the worlds smallest flat, it's maybe 10 steps, c'mon time to get up, it's gone 10"
"It's cold"
"Ems, it's like a sauna in here"
"I've got nothing on"
"Ems, I know for a fact you've got one of my tee shirts on"
The talking duvet moves for a minute, an arm comes out, clutched in its hand is a balled up tee shirt, this is dropped to the floor. "I've got nothing on" says the duvet again, slightly redundantly.
"Shit" thinks Naomi, "Little cheat, playing the naked card this early? There must be rules about this surely?"
EMILY: 1 Naomi: NIL The crowd goes wild...
"I'm putting music on" Damn, it's come to that already.
A foot appears, the duvet starts to move upwards, revealing more and more of Emily's leg, until Naomi can see the oh-so delicious curve of Emily's perfectly formed bottom.
"I've no interest in your spotty (not true) arse (again, not true), what d'you fancy? Doolittle? Surfer Rosa?"
"Don't care"
EMILY: 2 Naomi: NIL, looks like a walk over...
"Eh? " Thinks Naomi, "this is new" Normally there'd be threats along the lines of "If you put on that shit, I'm leaving you forever" about now.
"Really, you don't care? Doolittle it is then"
As the first bars of "Debaser" crash into the small flat, Naomi sees Emily reach out again, this time to the bottom drawer of the cupboard next to their sofa bed, she reaches in, a pulls out... What the fuck! Ear defenders? Where the fuck did she get those...
"You fucking cheat, that's fucking cheating" Naomi can't stop herself from laughing
Emily's head pops up from the bed, smiling like a loon, bright yellow oversized ear defenders sitting stupidly on her head, she points at them, and mouth mimes "I can't hear you; I've got ear defenders on"
Naomi turns down the music, she's laughing, "Where did you get those, they look great by the way, yellow really suits you"
"Found them in that bizarre little shop on the corner that sells everything, they were 50p or something, they stink a bit, and they're not very good actually, but I knew they'd make you laugh..."
Naomi sits on the bed "It's good to see you haven't lost your fashion sense Ems, you appear to wearing nothing but a pair of ear defenders" she takes them off, and Emily shakes out her hair , "Oh, you appear to be wearing nothing"
"You may as well come back to bed then, smiles Emily, reaching out to pull Naomi closer, then "Oh, by the way, you need to go out later, and get me some more Nutella, I finished off that jar last night when we got back from the pub"