I was going through some of my old story ideas and I found this one under unfinished Criminal Minds stories. I never published it becasue I thought I'd add more, but I think it is fine how it is now. Keep in mind I wrote it about two years ago.

If he was being honest, he had no idea how he ended up here, laying on the floor of the BAU, holding his face, with so many old and familiar faces looking down at him with stony expressions. Jason had vowed to never return here again, and right now, with his old protege standing over him with no flicker of emotion on his face, he wished he had not broken that vow.

Ten minutes earlier…

Spencer was sitting at his desk finishing up a file he knew Morgan should be doing. He didn't mind doing the extra work, god knew he could finish it in a tenth of the time Morgan could, but he hated that the older agent tried to hide it and be sneaky. If he just asked Reid, he would do it. There was no need for the dishonesty.

Hotch and Rossi were both in their separate offices, the former doing paper work while the latter pretended he was. Both Garcia and JJ were crowded around Blake's desk while they talked about their plans for the following weekend with Morgan throwing in the occasional comment or suggestion.

The first one of the team to notice the older man walking through the glass doors was Blake, who even though knew of former agent Gideon, did not know of the way things ended between him and her team. All she knew was that he left, to be replaced by Rossi. That was why she didn't think better of asking, "Isn't that Jason Gideon?" At her words the team went quiet and the room fell silent. The only noise the sound of the older man's footsteps as he grew closer to the team.

Every pair of eyes in the room was on Gideon, except one. Spencer refused to turn around as he sat stiffly, listening as his old mentor got closer. He still didn't look back when Gideon softly said from behind him, "Spencer." He only turned around when a hand fell on his shoulder, making him flinch violently before jumping up from his chair. It was when he was taking a step away from the man he used to idolize that he noticed Hotch and Rossi standing on the platform in front of their offices looking down at him, both with frowns on their faces.

Spencer felt overwhelmed briefly by the nervousness he had long gotten over, but he quickly gathered himself again as he looked toward Gideon. He could see the surprise on the older man's face, and it didn't take a profiler to know were the surprise came from. With a slightly bitter tone Spencer responded to the man's unsaid words. "It's been over seven years, Jason. I've learned a thing or two since you disappeared; I've grown in more ways than one."

"I'm sure you have, Spencer. I'm happy to see it has been for the better." A slight smile formed on the ex-agent's lips, and then something he couldn't read flashed across Spencer's face but he continued. "I'm happy to see the job hasn't broken you, like it did me."

The bitter laugh that escaped Spencer at those words made a shiver run up not only Gideon's spine, but also the spines of every other person in that room. Spencer looked at Jason with a sad and broken smile as he asked, "Really, Jason? You think it hasn't broken me?" Spencer stepped closer, leaning in a little as he squinted his eyes slightly, and asked in a near whisper, "Do you remember any of what happened to me in the two years we were on this team together?" Jason, stunned by this side of Spencer only nodded slightly, horrible memories of what happened with Hankle flashing through his head as well as others. Spencer actually whispered, not that it did anything to stop it from reaching the whole of the silent room, as he continued, "Well let me tell you this, a whole lot worse has happened since." Gideon felt his face pale as he thought about that.

He was whispering too as he asked, stunned, "What could be worse than Hankle? You had drugs forced on you, you were forced to kill a man, you were tortured," his voice wavered as he added, "You died." Many gasps echoed in the room at his words. Every agent who had been there when the Hankle case happened knew that Reid had been harmed while kidnapped, knew he was the one to pull the trigger, but only the team and the higher ups knew that he had died, however briefly, while being held by the unstable man.

A look a pure agony crossed Reid's face that made Jason's chest feel tight. He didn't miss the sadness on the faces of the rest of the team either. Even the ever stoic Hotch had a sad frown across his face. Garcia had tears freely falling down her face as she thought of all, and more so one, of the things her Baby Genius had been through.

Jason looked back toward Reid, who finally spoke, once again with a bitter laugh. "Well let me tell you, aside from losing my mentor because he abandoned me," Jason couldn't help his grimace, "I've been shot, more than once," that was when Jason noticed the rather fresh scare starting to heal over on Spencer's neck, "also held hostage, again, more than one. I've watched as a young man was shot in the head right in front of me. I almost died from anthrax. I suffered from severe headaches witch baffled all the doctors I went to see making me fear the worst," with his hands in his pockets, Spencer rocked back on his heals as he said, rather neurotically, "and so many more just awesome things; and that is just the stuff that has happened to me." Jason didn't miss the quick look the young man threw toward Arron, but even Jason knew that story, if only the basics.

Then sounding more broken than any human should ever sound, Spencer looked back at Jason, tears now in his eyes, as he added, "Oh, I also found the love of my life; my soul mate. A woman I loved before I ever saw her face, and who loved me." Jason was afraid of what would come next. He knew better than to doubt that what he heard next would be soul shattering. Spencer was gritting his teeth as he stepped toe to toe with Jason before asking, "Do you want to know the best part?" Jason didn't move a muscle, so Reid continued, voice softer, yet harder somehow, "I never even got to hold her while she was alive," Jason took in a sharp breath before Reid finished by whispering, "Before I got a chance to, I watched a bullet go straight threw her brain." Jason closed his eyes in pain. He had only seen the aftermath of the woman he loved being killed, and that had broken him almost beyond repair. Just the thought of Reid having to watch that and with someone he must have loved so deeply, almost broke him all over again.

Every eye was now on Reid instead of Gideon. Of course, they all knew the story. They all knew what had happened to him, as they knew about what had happened to Hotch so many years ago. Those were the two things that everyone knew, but no one talked about, at least in the office.

After a few beats Reid took a step back. The bitter laugh joined with a broken one as he added, "So, Jason. I can tell you; this job has most definitely broken me. In fact, it has broken me time and time again, and every time I somehow put myself back together it just breaks me again, in some new and horrifying way." The still pained smile fell as he said, "Really, the only reason I got through any of it was because of my team." Reid face was completely emotionless as he finished by saying, "The difference between you and me, I broke, Jason, but I didn't run away. That is the reason why I was actually here for my team, for my family, when they needed me."

Even though there was no emotion in Spencer's words, the accusation was clear as day; as was the anger that was boiling beneath the surface. Gideon knew that he had to tread softly now. Even if Spencer didn't break, Gideon could see many others were very close to it, most of all Hotch, who had slowly been getting closer to the two men, flanked by who Jason recognized as David Rossi.

Clearing his throat, Gideon quietly said, "I didn't know about any of it. I didn't know you needed me, Spencer, or believe me, I would have been here for you."

Before he even saw Spencer move he felt a fist hit his face. He fell to his knees before ending up clutching his cheek on the ground. As he looked up at an emotionless face, Spencer evenly said, "I did need you Gideon, but not anymore."

BAU

Gideon stayed sprawled on the floor for a few minutes, staring up at empty faces, before Hotch and Rossi pulled him back up to his feet. Without another word spoken, the two agents lead the ex-agent to Hotch's office, leaving everyone else behind, most to stare dumbly.

Rossi was the first to break the silence as he said, "It's been a long time, Jason." The man let a very slight smile cross his face as he gently patted the man on the back.

Slightly awkward, Gideon responded, "It sure has, Dave. I thought you were retired."

With good humour, Rossi half joked, "Well, I was, but after someone disappeared in the night, someone had to make sure this team was holding together." The angry undertone was apparent as he added, "So here I am, taking on the job that belonged to someone else."

A little desperate, Jason pleaded, "Please, David, you retired once, for a reason. If anybody should understand why I did it, it should be you."

Rossi laughed a bitter laugh, different from Reid's, a more tired laugh, before correcting Gideon, "I retired, Jason. I retired when the time was right, when I knew I was leaving everything in good hands, or at least that's what I thought. I didn't just disappear one day leaving only a note behind, and I most definitely didn't leave anybody who depended on me behind." When Jason opened his mouth to protest, Dave stopped him with a raised hand before saying, "I saw how the kid was when I first showed up. You leaving, it devastated him." Rossi frowned as he added, "Even then, when I barely knew him, I hated seeing that look on his face." Rossi looked lost in thought for a moment, his frown growing deeper, before coming back from his thoughts with a slight shake of his head, and a whispered, "I really hate seeing him look like that."

Gideon opened his mouth to speak again, but this time it was Hotch who spoke before he could. The stoic look back on his face and in his voice, Hotch evenly asked, "Why are you here Jason?"

Jason opened his mouth a few times, only to close it a second later, before finally finding an answer. He tilted his head to the side slightly as he somewhat sadly answered, "I wanted to check on Spencer."

Hotch let out a puff of air as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Without letting go of his nose or looking up, as asked, "It's been over half a decade Jason, with not even a whisper of a word, so why now?"

Jason shifted slightly on his feet as Hotch looked up at his with his patented stare before quietly answering, "Well, as you know when I left I disappeared. I actually left the country, spent some time up in Canada. I bought some secluded land, only leaving for supplies. This is actually the first time I've been back in the States since I left." He looked at Hotch with pleading eyes as he added, "This is the first thing I've done, checking up on Spencer."

Hotch felt his resolve soften slightly, but he reminded himself that he wasn't the one that Jason needed to apologize to, that it was Spencer who had been hurt most by the man's disappearance. Hotch sighed as he sat on his desk, arms crossed. Looking at Jason tiredly, he told him, "It's not my forgiveness you need, Jason. I'm not the one who suffered because you left, that was Spencer. He was the one who you abandoned." Hotch remembered what it was like after Jason left; he remembered what Reid was like. At the time, he had never seen the younger man so broken up, of course since then, he had seen Reid a lot worse.

Gideon nodded, but it became apparent that Hotch was lost in his thoughts, so instead he turned to Rossi, who was openly showing his anger at the man with a prominent glare. "You know that no one on this team will forgive you until Spencer does, right Jason?"

Nodding again, Gideon said, "I know, Dave. I wouldn't expect it any other way. This team is a family, always has been, always will be," a sad smirk crossed his face as he finished, "and I hurt someone in the family, in what was once my own family."

Rossi let out a tired sigh, looking at Gideon's face, not even trying to hide the fact he was profiling the other man. After a few moments he took a step toward Gideon as he said, "You had better earn the kids forgiveness, Jason, or you'll have no place near anyone on this team." Rossi let his voice take on a dangerous edge as he added, "If you hurt him again, in anyway, it won't just be me you have to deal with, and it won't just be the team either. This family has grown beyond the BAU since you left, and trust me when I say, we are all very protective of one another, most of all Spencer."

Gideon couldn't help but take a step back at the threat. He knew how real it was, not just because he could read it off Rossi, or because he had once known the team, but also because he could remember the faces standing over him outside. Even the agents not on the team had seemed to share the feeling of those in the team he had thought he knew so well.

When it became obvious that Hotch would not be coming out of his thoughts for a while, and that Rossi had no intention of speaking further, Gideon turned to leave. Just as he opened the door, hand still on the handle, he quietly said over his shoulder, "I never meant to hurt him."

Just as quietly, Rossi said, "Ya, but you did, Jason."