I love writing Emma/Snow fics! Hope you like what you read! :)
Alas, I do not own OUAT.
Night had fallen and everyone, except for Hook who was mapping in his little nook, had retired below deck to get some sleep. Emma couldn't sleep though. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Henry's face - his inquisitive, warm eyes and toothy grin smiling back at her - and she wondered where he was and how he was and if Greg and Tamara had hurt him or were treating him right. And the more she thought about him, the more the tears flowed.
And Emma hated crying.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Being with your son wasn't supposed to be so difficult. Ever since Henry showed up at her apartment and declared himself her son, an endless chain of events had unfolded, each one worse than the last, making it hard to learn how to be a parent and just be his mother. When the curse broke she thought it'd be easier, that she'd be able to have the family she'd always wanted; but then they were separated for months because she and Mary Margaret had involuntarily taken a trip to the Enchanted Forest. And then Neal was back in the picture and even though she hadn't said it in so many words, it made her a little jealous to see them spend so much time together and have that kind of self-indulgent family time that forever seemed elusive to her. Of course, it didn't help that she was harbouring dormant feelings for Neal all the while.
And now, Neal was gone. And Henry was gone.
It just hurt so much. All of it.
Why were things so complicated?
Sick of staring at the same spot, Emma clambered out of her cot and made her way above deck. The night was chilly and the sky cloudless, displaying its impressive collection of sparkling stars. The rough seas from earlier had taken a break and melted into a calm glass and as she stood at the bow, she felt a slight peace knowing that not everything in the world – or any world, for that matter – was as turbulent as her life.
The blonde drank in the sea air, letting it fill her lungs as the tears tumbled over the contours of her face.
"Emma?"
Ugh, she should have known that Mary Margaret would notice her absence. The woman probably wasn't even asleep. Emma dragged her sleeve across her face in an attempt to wipe away any sign of her tears. "What are you doing up?"
"I couldn't really sleep. I'm not a big fan of boats." The brunette stood beside her, their arms barely touching.
"Bad experience?"
"More like lack of experience. When I was a child my father brought me on one of his trips to the other kingdoms and we had to take a boat to get to some of them, but other than that I'm afraid sea travel is not something I'm closely acquainted with." She let out a nervy chuckle.
There was still so much to learn about her mother and it amazed Emma how little she actually knew about the woman. Being below deck with nothing but her thoughts and fears to entertain her mind, she started to think about her time spent with Mary Margaret before the curse broke and the relationship they had had with one another. It was a sweet reprieve from letting her mind drift to the things that made her heart ache.
"We will find him, Emma. I don't doubt it for a moment."
The blonde's mouth twitched as she held back another bout of tears. "Have faith, right?"
Mary Margaret gently took Emma by the arms and turned her around so that they were face-to-face instead of facing the night. "I know right now it doesn't sound like much but you have to believe that you will be with him again. And I can feel it, Emma; he's okay."
"I know. I feel it, too."
The brunette flexed her jaw. "I know what it's like to feel like there's no hope. I know how hard it is to be separated from your child but I want you to listen to me: we sent you away as a baby, believing and hoping that in twenty-eight years you would come back to us," she paused to control her quivering chin, "and in those moments, when everything seemed so impossible and so incredibly bleak, my faith had never been so strong. I knew we would see you again. Having faith in our family is built into our DNA – it courses through our veins. And so does finding each other. As long as you believe you will see Henry again, it will happen."
"That's asking a lot to believe on faith…"
"I know how irrational it sounds and I'm aware how romantic the notion is but that is what helped me when I was sure there was no way out. And it will help you, too. Henry's a smart boy; he knows we'll find him."
She wasn't sure if what her mother was saying was helping or whether it was just a load of bluster but it made her feel better. There was just something so soothing about the way Mary Margaret spoke and the look of unwavering assurance that expelled from her green eyes meant that Emma couldn't help but be eternally grateful that Mary Margaret was her mother.
Words failing her for the moment, she wrapped her arms around the woman and held on for dear life. Her mother made no haste in returning the embrace.
They stood like that for a little longer, breathing in each other's presence. Emma was the first to break away. "Thanks," she said meekly.
"What are mothers for?" With her thumb, the brunette swiped away a loose tear that had trickled down the blonde's face, but unlike the time in the nursery, Emma didn't flinch from the gesture.
The blonde moved over and sat down against the ship, resting her body. She signalled for her mother to join her and Mary Margaret happily obliged.
They didn't talk for a while. They just sat side-by-side, content to enjoy one another's company. The stars shifted as the ship idly sailed along and at some point, Mary Margaret had laced her fingers with Emma's. She gazed at their locked hands before meeting her mother's soft eyes. "You were angry with me," she said.
The question seemed to catch the woman unawares. "What?"
"Just before the curse broke. You were angry at me."
Mary Margaret cocked her head to the side, visibly confused at the line of conversation. Nonetheless, she stayed silent, telepathically urging the woman to continue.
"I was thinking about that earlier. Thinking about what my life was like before I found out everything. Before I believed in Fairy Tales. And no matter what, I always come back to that. I remember you looking so disappointed when I came back after leaving and I remember you looking so hurt when I told you that I was still leaving Storybrooke, even though you were right about everything. Do you remember?"
She nodded. "I do."
Mary Margaret was reading a book at the table when Emma came down the stairs, duffel bag in hand. She pretended not to notice. She was still pretty angry at her for leaving and not saying goodbye. But she couldn't suppress the feeling that she was going to tell her something she didn't want to hear.
Emma didn't say anything at first; she stood there, arms crossed, long unruly blonde locks draping her shoulders. The brunette couldn't shake the feeling that Emma reminded her of someone – but of who she had no idea. She'd always felt that way around her; like she was someone she used to know.
"Going somewhere?" she asked, flipping the page in her book, feigning disinterest.
"Yeah," her friend replied breathlessly. "I'm…I'm…I think it's best for everyone if I leave Storybrooke for a while."
That was it. That was what she didn't want to hear.
Putting the book down, Mary Margaret fixed her gaze on the blonde, unable to mask her hurt. "You're still leaving? But what about Henry?"
"Regina and I are locked in a war and it's only going to get worse unless I do something about it. My being here is just causing too much trouble and Henry is getting caught in the crossfire. I can't let that happen anymore."
"So, what, you're just going to go and never come back?"
Emma shook her head. "No. I made a plan with Regina earlier and I'm gonna visit. As often as I can." Her eyes were soft as they landed on Mary Margaret. "I promise I'll visit you, too."
She rose from the table and stood in front of her best friend, desperately trying to control her emotions. "So you think that's what's best for him? You ducking in and out of his life?"
"For right now it's the best solution."
Mary Margaret was losing her best friend – the only best friend she had ever had. It was like her heart was breaking all over again and she furrowed her brow at the realization. "When do you leave?"
Emma swallowed. "First thing in the morning."
So soon. She nodded. "Have you told Henry?"
"He's on his way over."
"Then I guess I better get out of your way." She raced over to collect her coat and hat, her movements thick with emotion.
Emma was on the brink of tears and watched the woman carefully. Her cheeks were turning red. "Mary Margaret-"
"I'll see you later," the brunette shut her down, unable to listen to anything she had to say right now. She bowed awkwardly and left the apartment, the tears stinging her eyes. And as she scurried down the flight of stairs and flung herself out into the cold, the tears roamed freely.
Emma was leaving. Emma, the only family she had, the only real friend she had, would be gone by morning.
Her heart had never ached so much.
"That was the last time we spoke before…before I saw you again as you, as my daughter," Mary Margaret recalled, her tone leaden with emotion.
"You thought I was running away from my problems."
"I admit that I wondered about what it would do to Henry, but in that moment I was selfish in the fact that I didn't want you to go." Emma brought her knees to her chest and looked over at her mother whose face was illuminated in the pale moonlight. "The thought of losing my best friend was so overwhelming and the reason I rushed out of the apartment was because I didn't want you to see me cry," she laughed sadly.
The blonde snickered. "I didn't want to see you cry either," she teased.
"Oh, nice!" Mary Margaret playfully nudged the other woman. "But it's the truth. I was a mess afterward. And even more so when I got your voicemail telling me that Henry was in the hospital."
"That was one crazy day - and I'm not even going to get into the dragon slaying part of it," Emma sighed. "But even so, all of that - it got me thinking. I was always running, that's just what I did and whether I thought I was running toward something I don't know, but what I do know is that it's the only thing I've ever really known. The only thing I knew I was good at. Having Henry in my life made me want to change that and to stay in a place even when times were tough. And the truth is, I never had anyone to call me up on it; no one in my life had taken the time to tell me not to, to tell me that there were options, to tell me to stay. Until I met you. Running wasn't necessarily easy but it always looked the more attractive route than sticking around and wading through the mess that was my life. I needed that kick, that incentive to actually look at myself and what I was doing."
She squeezed her mother's hand and stared out in front of her. "I know I was leaving again that day but I really thought that was what was best for him. And I know you did ask me about my motives but you didn't flat-out tell me to stay. You didn't tell me I was wrong. I would have left – if it were not for the events that occurred after our conversation, I would have been gone by sunrise. I was even thinking about leaving you a note or something because I figured you would be too mad at me to talk face-to-face. I would have just gone."
She drew in a deep breath. "And I think that's why I've been thinking about it a lot lately. What if I had left and left the curse intact? Would you guys still be roaming around like zombies from day to day? Would anything be different? I was with my family and I just didn't know it. If I had left, I would have never truly discovered my family. We wouldn't be who we are now if someone hadn't told me what to do – if you hadn't become such an important person to me in my life."
"All of the 'what ifs' don't matter, Emma. We're a family now and that's never going to change."
"But it scares me to know that I was so close to losing it all. To losing this feeling of being-"
"Loved?" her mother softly asked. "Wanted?"
Emma bowed her head, her blonde hair creating a curtain between them. "I guess so."
"Oh, honey," the brunette breathed and she draped an arm around her daughter and drew her into her side. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. What could have happened doesn't matter because you're with your family now, the people who love you more than anything else. That's a fact. So don't dwell on it, okay? Besides, I know you would have found us some other way. You're our daughter and the saviour – it was prophesised."
The blonde closed her eyes and let her mother rock them, allowing the woman the added pleasure of getting to hold her daughter.
"So," Mary Margaret started, forcing Emma to look at her again, "you called me 'Mom'."
"I guess I did."
She pressed a light kiss to Emma's temple and sighed in content.
"Wait, that's it?"
Her mother smirked. "What do you mean?"
"You're not even going to comment?"
"Why should I?"
"Because you're…you. You love talking about these types of things."
"True, but I don't want to ruin that moment or this moment by analysing it to death. It was perfect." She risked another kiss to her temple. She was feeling brave now. "Now, I think we should try and get some sleep. We have to keep our energy up for tomorrow."
Emma grunted a response and was helped to her feet by Mary Margaret.
"Hey, mom?" she called as the brunette sauntered away, grabbing her attention, "thanks for listening."
"Oh course, honey," she beamed widely. "Anytime." She paused for a beat. "I love you, Emma."
Emma didn't hesitate. "I love you, too."
And that was a fact.
Sometimes I just can't help myself! Anyway, hope you enjoyed! :D