Based off the Taylor Swift bonus track 'You are in love' off her album '1989'
I would recommend listening to the song whilst reading go get the full experience.
I literally can't listen to this song anymore without crying
I'm a horrible person.
[IM SORRY IN ADVANCE]
One look, dark room
I looked at Phil's face as we walk down a dark hallway. I could hear waves crashing against a shore and smell the strong salty seawater. We were on holiday in Hawaii with some other Youtubers. Phil had woken me up in our room (that we shared with troyler because apparently both me and Phil, and Tyler and Troye weren't trusted alone. Zoe's orders) he shook me awake, I groaned and looked at the clock; 2am. "What are you doing!?" I whisper-shouted.
"Get dressed, I have somewhere to take you" he whispers.
I give in and pull on a shirt and some jeans, and pulling on my shoes. I looked over at Troye and Tyler. Cutely spooning in their sleep. Any troyler shipper would die if they saw it, they aren't out of the closet together, unlike Phil and I,
We had been dating for almost 5 years now but our viewers had only known for 3.
We then both climbed out of the window of our hotel room and I to the bushes he gripped my hand tighter and lead me further down the dark hallway through an opening, to reveal the beach.
Meant just for you
He lead me to an under-cover eating area that looked out onto the beach. I looked back at him and saw that he was looking to our attached hands. He bit his lip nervously. I titled his head up to look at me and smiled at him "It's beautiful, Phil, but...Why?"
He sighed and looked out at the ocean one more time before digging in his jacket pocket and took out a small black box.
My heart sped up as I realised what comes next.
He looked nervously in my direction again and bent down on one knee, the sound of the waves hitting the shore serving as a background to this unforgettable moment.
He still looked nervous so I instantly grab his hand as he looks back up at me
"D-dan" he said.
Tears stung the back of my eyelids "Yes, Phil?" I say, still trying to sound calm
He took a deep breath "Will you marry me?" He looked up into my eyes with his beautiful blue eyes that one could get lost in. I let out a watery laugh as the tears came.
"Of course I will Phil!" I said. Excitedly. He stood and hugged me tightly as he slipped the beautiful gold ring onto my finger.
Time moved too fast
You play it back
Buttons on a coat
I laughed at him as he walks into our apartment soaked in rainwater from the crappy England weather that day.
He looked unimpressed at me and folded his arms over his chest, pouting
I chuckled and pulled him into a tight hug which lead to a passionate, watery kiss.
I drop my hands down to the bottom of his coat and start to un-do the buttons.
Let's just say he wasn't the only one covered in rainwater after that.
Lighthearted joke
I sat, looking at the computer screenof my laptop, smiling to myself as I watch Phil's first video for about the 19th time that day. I look up from the screen to see phil walk in, he was wearing his 'jake the dog' jumper I gave him for this birthday last year.
He looked up when he recognised the video I was watching
"No! Why are you watching that?!" He said, faking anger
I chuckle "I just wanted to see your 'first video blog' it's pretty ace" I laugh
He rolls his gorgeous blue eyes and sits next to me "you are ace" he said. I laugh and nudge him "no, you are ace"
We spent the rest of the night arguing over who really was 'ace'
No proof, not much, But you saw enough
We sat on Phil's bed, watching the final product of 'Phil is not on fire 4' before it was to be uploaded.
"It looks great, Phil!" I said excitedly. Staring into his eyes. I was still trying to figure out if he loves me as much as I did.
He blushes "Thanks, Dan" he says awkwardly. He either likes me or doesn't. I knew back then that Phil has always loved me, but I was still trying to figure out what kind of love it is.
I looked into his eyes and something triggered me to lean in towards him. His eyes went wide for a second before fluttering shut and leaning forward too.
Small talk, he drives
"So. Marriage" he states randomly. I look over at him his hands on the wheel but his head turned towards me. I give a look of confusion and he looks at the road again
"I mean like do you ever think about it" he blushed
I chuckle "obviously, Phil. I would live to marry you one day. It would be fun" I wink even though he couldn't see. He smiles "cool"
Coffee at midnight
He gently rubbed by back as he placed down my mug of coffee on the table. I had awoken his yet again after one of my nightmares
"It's okay Dan, are you going to tell me what it was about or ?" He said as he sat next to me. I nod and offer a shaky smile, grasping his hand
"Y-you had cancer..."
The light reflects The chain on your neck
"Dan and Phil" 6 year old Phil Lester says proudly as he puts a chain around my neck with a McDonalds Pokeball on it.
He then placed one with a crappy looking Pikachu on it around his own and grinned "best friends forever" I flashed him a toothy grin and pulled him into a hug.
"Hey Dan, you will never guess what I found" Phil said walking into our living room with our old 'friendship necklaces' in his hand. The light of the fire making them glow.
I laughed "Where the hell did you find those?!" I say, instinctively grabbing my Pokeball one and putting it around my neck, he did the same with his and put his arm lazily around me on the couch
"I found it in a box at Mums house today labelled "Dan and Phil best friend club" he chuckled. I sigh happily and pull him into a kiss.
He says look up, And your shoulders brush
Phil and Iwere vlogging a 'Day in the life of Dan and phil christmas special and where currently in a shop trying to find a game called 'Tokaido'
"Oh!" Phil yells as he runs down an aisle and finds the game I follow him, trying to record our win. Once I reach him I turn the camera to face me "We did it! Look Phil!" I fist pump. Phil chuckles and stands up and our shoulders brush together. A fat, middle aged woman pushes Phil into me as he tries to fit past us, I shuffle our bodies so she has more room to get past us, now Phil and I were close, we, on instinct leaned in towards each other, once our lips brushed we heard shriek
"PHAN IS REAL!"
fuck
No proof, one touch You felt enough
As I think back to all of our best moments together I stare into his eyes again, before crashing our lips together passionately.
You can hear it in the silence, silence
After that we had just spent about an hour, in content silence staring at the waves, out hands locked.
Phil sighs after a while "We should head back." He stares into my eyes I nod, squeezing his hand. I can't believe I am marrying this man, this beautiful, geeky man.
You can feel it on the way home, way home
We run back through to our hotel room, our hands interlocked, letting out playful giggles each time we nearly fell.
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
Wefell asleep again that morning, wrapped in each other's arms.
You are in love, true love
You are in love
Morning, his place
It was the morning after Phil told Dan about his terminal Cancer.
Burn toast, Sunday
Phil was sitting on the couch surrounded by pillows, curtesy of Dan. It was 5am, Phil had woken up due to a saw stomach. Which only made Me feel worse for him. Phil had only 2 more months to live and was incredibly weak, his skin was yellower and he was so skinny.
I walk in the living room with a plate of burnt toast for phil. Just how he now liked it considering his body couldn't handle cereal apparantly.
You keep his shirt
Phil noticed fan wearing his green totoro shirt he bought in Japan when they were on their honeymoon he laughed at Dan who had just sat down beside Phil. He put his arm around me and I sighed. "Will you still be here for My birthday?" I ask
"Of course"
"Promise?"
"Promise."
He keeps his word
"Happy birthday, Darling" he said, his voice breaking. Then he could only sit on the couch and was too weak to walk around. His face and body was so skinny and fragile, his eyes still bright blue
"Thanks, phil" dan said, trying not to cry
"Please don't cry, Dan"
I sniffled and nodded, kissing him passionately
And for once you let go, Of your fears and your ghosts
I did let go, I forgot his illness, the fact he would have to go to hospital in two days, and kissed him.
One step, not much But it said enough
It said enough. I was in love
You kiss on sidewalks
" aw! Philly!" My 4 year old self said and sat next him him on the sidewalk, staring at his scrape.
"No Danny! You can't look" he said and hid his knee.
I remember placing my little hand on his cheek and kissing it "it will be okay Philly" I say.
You fight and you talk
"I can't believe you Dan! How could you say that! What are you embarrassed? I can't exactly help being sick!" I say, angry
"No Phil! I just can't!" I say, frustrated with myself
he sighed, obviously exhausted from the yelling "why? Why can't you just tell the viewers I am going to die?" He asks. I burst into tears. I can't admit it, he is strong he knows he will die, he says it. I can't say it. I don't want it to be true.
One night he wakes, Strange look on his face
"What is it Phil! Are you in pain?!" I say, panicked. He shakes his head.
Pauses, then says
You're my best friend
"you're my best friend"
And you knew what it was
He is in love (an; I'm crying)
You can hear it in the silence, silence
You can feel it on the way home, way home
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love
And so it goes
You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round
In his hospital room there was two photos and a shit ton of flowers, mostly from viewers. One was a photo of us at our wedding, not professional, and we both had stupid looks on our faces.I remembered our wedding day, both of us danced, around and around. In love
And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown
There is also just a picture of me, at christmas back in 2014, I was sporting a green christmas sweater and smiling at the camera. You could see our ring. And that's how the phantom found out about our engagement. Phil always said it was his favourite photo ever.
And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words
But those last few days I realised my love for him simply can't be put into words. I was in love.
'Cause you can hear it in the silence
The long beep stopped in his room. He was gone.
You can feel it on the way home
I drove home, hours later, angry and lonely. He was gone.
You can see it with the lights out
I didn't sleep weeks after that. I just lay in the dark. Without him. He was gone.
You are in love, true love
You're in love
You can hear it in the silence, silence
The church was silent as I enter, I was the first guest to arrive. I see his coffin at the front.
You can feel it on the way home, way home
I walk to his coffin, preparing for the worst
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
I stared at his face, lifeless, lightless. But beautiful.
You are in love, true love
You're in love
The end
Hold me :(