Summer 1987
My toes are wet. The creek beside my uncle's house is cold and fresh. I see the little fish. My toes wriggle and they are white and puckered because they have been wet for a while.
Today is when my cousin Egon comes home. He's over at Columbia studying Parapsychology. He's coming home with a friend named Peter. Oh boy, I can barely wait. Peter is supposedly the star football guy - I can't tell those assholes apart anyways. He's going to be a loud, obnoxious shithead whose only concern is to have lots of sex and drink beer and scream all the time.
My uncle's house is quiet and no one really bothers me, which is really nice. Kazuo (my stepfather of 7 years) is always barging in wondering what the hell I am doing. He doesn't even bother to knock and even though I have told him a million times that he should knock, he doesn't. My mom calls him 'Kazu-chan', but I have another pet name for him: Kazoo. He should be named that instead because he wastes air and just sounds annoying, particularly when he 'lectures' me on every little thing. I was listening to some music late at night, and he said that what I was listening to was shit (if you can translate half of his ramblings) and that my brain would rot or something. Yes, Kazuo is Japanese Japanese, but I don't really care about that. He's just obnoxious as hell.
I stand up when I hear Egon's car put into the driveway. I put on my flip- flops and enter the house. I kick them off when I get in. It's the custom in my house now, but the floor feels really nice on my feet. My uncle is sitting there, with his glasses, and is reading the paper and occasionally grumbling. He's kind of a quiet guy. He doesn't seem to want to really talk, but just ruminate endlessly about this and that. I swear, he doesn't really have a hobby, he just studies all the time and never goes out. My aunt is nice, though, and she doesn't seem to mind her husband's quirks and strangeness. Which is good.
I go to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. As I drink it, I hear the main door close shut, and his mom's voice welcoming him home. I put down my milk to see what my cousin looks like now. I haven't seen him since he was fourteen, and now he's twenty-three. A lot can happen between that time. I bet I sure look different now.
I walk into the living room. The wood floor creaks and is cool beneath my feet. I see Egon hugging his mom, and a guy, still tall, but shorter, beside him. Aunt Esther turns to me and says, "Oh here's Nicole." She waves me over. "Come say hi."
That's my cue. I look at my cousin. His hair is white-blond, and he's got the same pair of glasses he did a few years ago. He's REALLY tall, and his suspenders and shirt accentuate his tallness. Not to mention, his pink shirt accentuates his dorkiness. Hahahaha.
As I get closer, I take a look at his friend. He's pretty tall, but not as tall as Egon. His hair is a dark brown and he's got a widow's peak at the top of his forehead. His skin is pale, like a nice peach, and he grins down at me. Oh no, here's the stupid little sister act. He's going to touch my hair and say how cute I am and I will be so pretty when I grow up. I'm fucking fifteen and I am definitely not a kid anymore. I kind of puff up like a porcupine fish and expect stupid pleasantries to exchange. Do they expect me to do a song and dance about the breadbasket?
Instead, he reaches down to shake hands with me, and I notice his eyes are a deep green. His voice is soft and pleasant as he says, "Hello Nicole. My name is Peter Venkman."
I must admit I was kind of nervous when walking up the steps to his house. I was tired, irritable from riding in a cramped car and sleep deprivation. No decent doughnuts or coffee along that way.
Pull yourself together, Petey. That's my favorite line when things go bad. Egon turned to me, and opened the door.
"Mom! We're here!" He called in the house.
His mom ran up. She was a blonde woman, handsome and strong. She hugged her son with vigor and affection. I kind of missed my mom and wondered what she was doing right now. However, with the same warmth, Egon's mother turned to me and gave me the exact same hug she gave her son. I felt kind of uncomfortable and I hug her awkwardly back. She tells me to call her Esther.
"Come on in, say hello to everybody. Egon, as you know, your cousin is here.visiting."
"Yes, I know." He turns to me. "You can also meet Dad too."
"My pleasure." I step in.
The floorboards creak under my sneakers. It's a rather homey place. Clean and spacious with all the right furniture and sunny room. It seems a nice place to take a nap.
I see a young girl come out of the kitchen and look at us. By the shade and shadows, she looks about thirteen, but her features are obscured.
Esther notices her calls out, "Come say hi."
A slow pad of feet comes towards me and as I see her face, I notice in the light that she is about fifteen. She seems to be made of bronze, gold, silk, silver, and honey. Her posture is straight but cautious. Her hair is a straight dark brown pulled back into a simple ponytail. She wears checkered shorts and a white T-shirt, with a bit of dirt on it. Her legs are long and coltish, but far from childish. She walks with a pace of a cat. Nicole stops in front of me and looks at me. Her eyes are beautiful. They are a soft, dark grey that changes often in shades. She scrutinizes me, not scornfully, but carefully. Her arms are at her sides, and they are slender and bronzed in the summer sun. Her neck is graceful and shapely. I extend my hand, and take her slender fingers in mine. I shake it and look at her eyes, lost in them. "Hello, Nicole." I say.
In a steady, soft voice that neither belies friendliness or hostility, but sweet just the same, "Hello, Peter."
Well, he seems nice.
First of all, he really hasn't drunk any beer, mostly soda and milk. He really isn't the loud, "PAH-TEEEE" kind of guy, but isn't that quiet. He speaks, but he doesn't chatter on and on. Some of the stuff that he says is funny, and some of it he says just to relieve tension. He sure likes to make people laugh. He's kind of growing on me.
Egon and him are going out in a boat. They invited me to come along. I think that would be fun.
At dinner, he started talking about the time that Egon left the mold in the main fridge too long, and then it took over the whole fridge, ruining their food. Aunt Esther and I thought it was pretty funny, but I think that Uncle Spengler got mad, because Egon slapped his hand over Peter's mouth. The funny part is that he continued talking through Egon's hand, which was really funny. He brings movement into this quiet house, and yet, it isn't bad. Egon started pounding him, which I never really saw in him before.
I think I like Peter.
All the girls dig me.
Nicole is not your average fifteen-year old. She's not bubbly, flirty, or giggly in any way. She's quiet, but not those average teen rebellion type quiet girls. She just is quiet and observes. I've never seen her laugh or chuckle, but she does take things in with reflection. I think she's a bit wiser than what a lot of people see her for, and I admire that. Her eyes are the kicker though, when she looks at me with those eyes, I shiver. These aren't shivers of fear, but of something else. It's quite nice being with her. She listens and doesn't talk or babble on endlessly, but speaks when she wants or needs to. Her voice is pleasant, almost soothing when she talks, but she doesn't really seem to want to talk that much. It's kind of sad, because she can speak to us about things that I wouldn't even dream of any fifteen year old thinking, let alone caring to think about. I think that she gets it from Egon's side, along with it being very quiet.
I was talking about the mold story. Egon had left a mold that he was growing off some Chinese tea leaves. Well, he decides to go and put it in the main fridge -which he is NOT supposed to do, but does. Pretty soon in the morning, I come in, wanting some juice, I blearily open the gallon container, and before this orange stuff splashes into my mouth, a huge CLOD lands on my tongue. I spit out this foul-tasting crap and see what looks to be a hairball. Wide-awake this time, I open the door to find that those same clods are scattered merrily over EVERYTHING. GROWING At this cue, Egon has popped his noggin in, and said, "Ahh, the mutant spore has bred successful, must make some notes."
I think I jumped on him and then start pounding his head. I yelled at him to clean it up.
Meanwhile, I got to IHOP for some pancakes and much-needed coffee.
Mr. Spengler looked kind of the same. All gruff and quiet. Esther was laughing, and Nicole was looking at me and smiled. Her eyes twinkled.
She's gonna make one guy happy someday.
I'm all wet today and it's Peter's fault.
Egon, Peter, and I went out in the dory (they call the boat that). It was nice. The sun was bright, but warm, and I trailed my hand in the water. It felt cool. I looked at Peter and Egon and they were in a heated discussion about Einstein's theory of relativity. Peter was arguing that sometimes things are spread unequally and Egon was arguing that things are meted out equally in accordance to size. I tended to agree that life sometimes hands you something short, but not always. I faded out until I heard Egon's voice.
".in short, that is why you are wrong and I am right."
Peter was sitting on the end of the boat, and he leaned back in silence. They both had their shirts off. They were white, but it wasn't butt-white. Peter's face had a look of surprise at whatever Egon told him. Egon turned back to rowing. He had a grin on his face.
Peter then shoved Egon out of the boat, which rocked. I grabbed the sides to not follow him along with it. I was laughing at the fact that Egon came up, spluttering, with glasses askew, blonde hair mopped with water, and a plant to add to that effect. Peter started roaring.
Egon narrowed his eyes and growled. "Peter, you will pay for this." He grabbed at the boat, rocking it. Peter was gasping through his giggles, "No, Spengler, no." The boat was tipping. Egon was grabbing at Peter to both yank him into the water and to step on his head to get back in. It didn't work that way.
We all fell in.
Whoops.
I shoved Egon into the water in an effort to shrink that ever-expanding head of his. He looked at me with this deathly look in his eyes and started to climb into the boat. I tried shoving him off, but that lanky bastard was pretty quick and strong for a nerd. But the rocking of the boat was too much and it tipped over.
We all fell in with a huge splash. I surfaced quickly, spit out some water and tried finding Egon to dunk him, when I only counted Egon's head.
Nicole?
"Egon, where's Nicole?" I looked around frantically. He looked around. Shit, she knocked her head and drowned when I was fooling around. I am such a dick..
"I'm here, guys."
I saw her sleek head pop out of the water. I was relieved to see her in one piece, but I did not see more of her head pop out. Egon and I started to swim for shore, but I noticed that she wasn't moving.
"Nick, what's wrong?" I asked her. "You hurt?"
"I need a towel."
"We'll get you one. Come inside."
"I don't want you looking at me."
"Your shirt didn't come off, right?" I remembered it was a pretty heavy shirt, but you never know.
"It's white." She burbled a bit when some water lapped up onto her face.
"Oh." His eyes widened. "OHHHHHhhh."
I think he understood. He turned to Egon and said something. Egon went to the garage and got an old horse blanket. I sure hope he shook it out. The last thing I want are some brown recluses biting me. I hate those things.
They held the blanket up at the shore.
"I don't want you looking at me. Turn around."
Rather than most guys still insisting you come anyways, Peter complied. He even turned away. Egon kept his eyes shut and I took the blanket from him and wrapped it around me.
"Okay, you can look now."
Peter turned back around and Egon opened his eyes.
"Thanks." I said.
I walk into the living room, and Nick is all gumped up on the sofa and we are reading a book. I'm reading OMNI and she is reading a really thick book. Geez. She even looks like Egon when she is lost in thought. That without the glasses that is.
I kind of feel like a big brother to her. She seems quiet and reserved, not like person should be. She doesn't seem to be sad, but when I see her on the phone with her mom, it doesn't seem all that great. In fact, her eyebrows crinkle when I sort of hear her mom's voice. She seems to be on the verge of crying, but then she goes into the pantry and shuts the door. An hour later, her face is flushed and I see no tears, but I can tell she has been crying. Then she goes to her room and doesn't come out. I kind of understand.
I look at Nick, she's reading 'The Slaughterhouse' .
She notices me looking at her and stares at me. Her grey eyes never waver. "What?"
I hide behind my magazine. I'm ashamed that I stare. "Good book?"
"Yes."
"What's it about?" Thought I very well knew what it was about. I studied it at Columbia for General Ed and did papers and millions of stupid discussions on it. I felt kind of stupid.
"It's about man's inhumanity to man. Well, it just shows how fucked up society is our relationship with each other."
I started. It's not the first time I heard the word 'fuck' from a fifteen year old's mouth, but it just kind of startled me that she would pick the right word to express that book. "You finished it, I take it?"
"Read it fifteen times already." She turned back to the pages.
I looked outside. The day was nice. Too nice. I immediately felt restless.
"Want to go out?"
"Where?" Still looking at her book.
"Out."
"Okay."
Today was too nice to stay in. Peter was right. We stopped by as I got my sandals on and Peter went to find Egon. I got down right when he said that he couldn't come. He had some new mold growing in the fridge and he wanted to study it some more. I rolled my eyes at Peter, who snickered. We got into Egon's Rabbit and Peter started the engine. It spluttered and coughed.
"So, how did you meet Egon?" Kak kak.
"We had the same class together in microbiology." Cough.
"So how did a jock like you get to know a nerd like my cousin?"
"Well, he and I got on a science project.and we sort of hit it off."
"All he talks about is mold and physics, what do talk about."
"GODDAMN FUCKING MACHINE!!!" Peter yelled and smacked the wheel. He turned to me, and said, "Well I introduced him to girls, that's why he stays."
"Bullshit." I countered. I reached over and flipped the ignition. It growled and roared. It ran.
Peter looked at me with disbelief. "How did you do that?"
"It likes me."
"Figures." He snorted.
The drive was long and winding. It was a bit of a ways to get back into town. Nicole was staring out the window. She was always thinking. What was she thinking about?
I decided to break the ice. "Stop being so loud."
"Sorry."
"No really." I nudged her. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"Jesus, you have to be so laconic?" I sighed. "Fine." I looked back at the road.
She looked at me. "What do you want to know?"
"Anything. You can just babble Latin. I figure anyone in Egon's family can speak Latin."
"Not really."
I stopped the car. "You CAN'T?" Wow, a member in Egon's family that can't read Latin.
"Well, I can read it better than speaking it."
"What can't you read AND speak?"
She paused and looked up, as if filing through her brain. "Mandarin Chinese, Tibetan, Laotian, and Taglog."
"That's all?"
"No, wait. Ancient Norse is on my next to learn list."
I shook my head and stepped on the gas again.
"So, what is your family like?"
"Nosy, aren't you?"
"Well, considering that I have only been here two weeks, and I only know what Egon's told me about you.which wasn't much if you want to know." I looked sidelong at her. "I want to know what you're about."
She returned my look. "What you are is what you get."
I stopped the car again. "What is wrong with you?"
"What?"
"Stop.this. I just want to know you better." I gesticulated helplessly.
She jumped out of the car and slammed the door.
Shit.
I opened the door and followed her.
"HEY! HEY!!!"
Tears are burning through my eyes as the dust kicks up around my feet. I hear Peter's door slam and that he's running up behind me. He grabs my shoulders.
"Nicole, look, that's not what I meant or what..." His eyes searched for the words. "I just wanted to get to know you better."
"Yeah" I screamed back, "What the fuck kind of question is that? My dad's in a fucking coma and he'll never recover. My mom's keeping him alive because she believes that it's wrong to turn off the machine. EIGHT YEARS! My dad has been on that goddamn machine because it's MORALLY FUCKING WRONG to let him die!!! She's even married someone else!!!!" Tears were stinging my eyes, but I didn't care. "She's keeping him alive. She is keeping him alive for no reason whatsoever. She's fucking taking away his dignity as a human being." I viciously wiped my hand across my eyes. My nose was running. Great. I look all snotty now. I'm a mess. I'm pissed. "My dad was a great dad!!! Why is he in this hell?!!??!! She needs to let him go!"
Peter bent down over me. His eyes were glistening when he heard this. "I don't know, honey. It isn't fair."
"I'm not your 'honey'. You asshole!" I banged at his chest with my fist. I wanted to hurt him. "It's not fair, I know that. Life isn't fucking fair! I know that crap. I'm not stupid!"
Peter drew me close and hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe. He murmured into my ear. "I know that. God knows I know that. You couldn't ask ANYONE to deal with that."
"How do you know?" I sobbed.
"My dad was a con man." His gentle tenor filtered in through my tangle of nerves, anger, hatred, bitterness, and sorrow. "We moved so many times that we all forgot to count. The cops were on us the whole time. We got evicted a lot. My mom got tired of it and threw him out. I think she did the right thing. I never really had a dad I think. He just comes when he needs money or a scam."
"Your dad's still alive. He still talks to you."
"Not to me. Not really, honey." His hands started rubbing my back, pressing out all my tension. Tears were just flowing now, from my eyes. "You kind of remind me of me, sometimes. Shhhhhh."
That was it. That was the last straw. I cried into his shoulder, rubbing my face in it. I felt that my whole heart was ripped open and the contents pouring out. Every horrible feeling I had ever had, I let go into his shoulder. He kept patting my back and holding me tight. He was rocking me back and forth.
I stopped crying after a while. It seemed like a long time. I wiped my eyes, and when they cleared, I saw that some tears had fallen from his deep green eyes and left wet traces down his cheeks to his chin. I was surprised. His eyes were like dark emeralds.
"You're crying."
He didn't bother to wipe them away. He just smoothed the tears from my cheeks. Peter smiled gently.
"I'm so sorry, Nicole. I'm so sorry that you have to lose a dad that way. I know it's tough on your mom, and she could probably deal with it better. But in the end, even when we grow completely up, we really don't know how to deal with the crap life throws at us."
I nodded. "It's so.hard." Damn, that sounded trite. So inadequate.
He nodded again. "I know it is, kid." For once, I didn't get pissed at 'kid'. I knew he didn't really see me as one. At least, a stupid one.
He put his arm around my shoulders.
"Now let's go to town, shall we?"
We walked to the car. As we were buckling up, Peter turned to me, "Oh yeah, don't tell the other guys that I cried. That might shake their image of me."
The glimmer in his eyes made me grin and I knew it was all right.
Wow. Ohio has sure some nice little towns. Some are the picture-perfect all- American dream and some are just small suburban townlets with their perfunctory ice cream parlor, library, and a little movie theatre.
We went and saw Hell Drivers. She laughed throughout the whole movie. It was so fucking cheesy and stupid that I laughed too. As we left the theatre, Nicole and I walk around because we feel stir-crazy. Then we got the small town ice cream. She mentions that we should market the town as 'Americana' and see how it sells. We could sell it all over the world and we would have millions of these kitschy towns. I laugh and say that it would just be a passing fancy, but she says that it's a plausible idea.
I love this crazy kid.
Nicole and I have been walking around for a couple of hours. She isn't really chatty, but she is beginning to talk a little more about things. A lot of things have happened to her that a kid shouldn't have experienced.
She says that her dad was in an accident and he's still kept alive in an irreversible coma. He's a vegetable. She's accepted it. However, every time she sees him, it breaks her apart inside. She sees no point in going there anymore, because he is less of what he once was to her. All the tubes, withered limbs and blank stares to the ceiling, were too much for her. The man that was once her father, is now atrophied, disintegrating. She told me how powerful, sweet, and caring her dad was. How much of a hero. How much he wanted to save people and help them. How much he loved her mom.
"Maybe your mom isn't ready to let go."
She shrugs noncommittally. "Sometimes, I just don't care anymore what she thinks. I just don't want her dragging me into it."
"Sounds like she loves him a lot."
She snorts derisively, and says in a bitter voice, "That sure was shown when Kazoo married her. It happened pretty close to a year afterwards. She goes off to Japan for a vacation to get away from things, and boom she comes back with this guy."
Nicole leaned back. Her soda balances perfectly in her lap. She sighs. "It's sure different. Kazoo's so uptight and barging in a lot and punishing me for this and that. This sure isn't Japan anymore, but hey, whatever."
"Does he hit you?"
"Sometimes." She looks straight ahead. "He smacks me." She looks at me. My rage boils at the thought of this girl being smacked around, for just the tiniest infraction. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Understand, he doesn't beat me. I'm not protecting him. It's just how things were and still are in Japan to some degree. He doesn't beat me with his fists, but he has slapped me several times. There are times when I DID deserve it." She smiles a bit..sadly? I still feel she's not telling me everything, but more than she ever said to anyone.
"I'd still like to slap him around." I understand, but I still don't like it.
"Well." she shrugs. She finishes her soda and puts it in the garbage. I like how she does things. Her movements are neat and deliberate. This is no ordinary fifteen-year old. Sometimes, she makes me feel like she is ageless, in her attitude towards life. Boys and makeup do not even enter the picture at all. Sure, she's had boyfriends, but they weren't important, at least not for now. Sounds like she has higher priorities. She decides to ruminate on them, like how Egon ruminates on several different ideas and concepts at once. Then, when they figure it out, it's a new milestone for them.
I completely understand.
I still want to kick the shit out of him.
It is night when we return to the house. Egon is still up. He's watching the nature channel. It's about how botulism takes over the human body. Nice. I'll never know what is in his noggin. Peter and I go up to my room. We crawl up onto the roof through my window. I lie down and put my arms behind my head.
He copies me, and turns to me. "So what are we looking for?"
I point upwards. "The stars. I start thinking about them. How far they are. How many of them, and how old I would be once I got there. Are they already gone? I think about how the universe is, how big it really is. and I start thinking is everyone else thinking the same way that I am?"
He looks at me. "Wow.um." He really can't say anything. I think he's blown away by what I just said.
I don't care. He doesn't need to. I turn and look at the Summer Triangle. It glitters and sparkles and I pretend it's a big pool cue, rounding up the balls.
I still scan for a shooting star. I can't find one. Yet.
Sunlight stabs into my eyes and it hurts. I open them and wince. My breath is foul and my back is kinked. I raise myself up.
Nicole is curled up next to me with her back to me. I sit up, pop my neck, wince and glance over. She's out cold. I gently take her shoulder and shake it. She murmurs to life and looks at me, her grey eyes all sleep-ridden and bleary. She blinks. Then rubs her eyes. How adorable.
She looks at me, lucid now, and touches my face. "Wow, I didn't know it could grow that fast."
"Oh this?" I touch my face and feel the stubble. "This is a result of staying a whole night up with a lovely lady until 6.am?"
Nicole's face turned a deeper shade of rosy bronze. Her eyes deepened into the loveliest shades of deep grey that I never knew existed or dreamed. She looked down in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness.
"I'm beautiful?" She asked almost incredulously. "Me? I would hardly think so."
I leaned closer to her to whisper in her ear. "Yes you are, and you gotta be careful with those eyes, you'll surely break some guy's heart with those if you aren't careful enough."
She laughs a bit. She looks down. "Okay I promise."
I grab her shoulders with my arm and put it around her. "You're a good kid, keep it up." I give her a friendly kiss on the cheek. I hug her. She's a great kid. Really she is.
A throat clears. I look through the window of the roof.
Egon is there and he looks pissed off.
Shit. Us, outside her roof, overnight, bedroom.
Goddamnit.
Peter looks like a dog about to be whacked with a newspaper. He comes down through the window and looks at Egon, who returns the look with venom. We didn't do anything. We just conked out looking at the stars. He knows me better than that.
Peter comes forward to help me through the window. Egon seems to nudge him out of the way and he grabs me, roughly, and helps me down.
"Go outside, Peter."
"Egon, I want to let you know NOTHING happened."
"Go outside, Peter." Doesn't even look at him.
Peter glances at me, rather worried. He's never heard Egon sound like this before. He goes out of my room and closes the door.
It's just me and Egon.
Egon glares at me. "What were you thinking? Were you just so deficient in your thoughts that you could just spend the night with Peter?"
"That wasn't it. We were watching the stars, and we just conked out. He didn't touch me or anything." I looked at him steadily in the face.
"He sure was comfortable with you when I walked in."
"That was just a hug. Nothing." I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you like Kazuo? Always suspicious that I'm going to mess up and throw things away? I thought you were better than that, Egon." I look squarely at him. I'm so infuriated and pissed off that I think Egon backs down a little.
"I'm sorry, Nicole. However, I am afraid of what people may think."
"Fuck what they think."
He sighs. "Nick, it isn't that simple. You being fifteen, you're under the age of consent, he's twenty-one, over the age of consent. That could get us into big trouble."
I narrow my eyes. "I KNOW what the age of consent is. We didn't DO anything. That is fact."
"Regardless, the general law would take your parent's side. I don't want that to happen." He sits on the bed and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Nick, I know that you don't care of what people think. That in itself is an admirable trait. I know that you and Peter did nothing that you can't tell the Pope about. However, the thing that will be racing through people's heads is - 'What is this twenty-one year old want with this fifteen year old girl?'. People are much more sordid and malicious as you may think or know."
"I KNOW what people can be."
"Just please, be careful. That's all I am telling you."
I don't say anything. I figure me telling Egon that Peter said I was beautiful, would not help things. I file it away like I do most things.
I wait by the door. I don't hear anything. I hope that Egon didn't verbally vivisect her. She wasn't to blame for anything.
I hope that she's all right. Because if Egon makes her cry, I swear I will beat him. I will beat him, even though he's at his parent's house.
I hope she's okay.
I hope that Egon doesn't beat my ass.
The door opens and I nearly start. "Jesus, Spengs." Egon looks at me with the same angry, but impassable stare. I babble stupidly on. "You could have given me a heart attack or something. Who will you live with next year? I need to know if you have a backup plan or something."
"Peter." His voice is implicit and stiff. "Nicole tells me that nothing happened last night between you two. Is that right?"
"Yes. Absolutely NOTHING happened."
"Good." He lowers his eyes. "I will let you know. If there is any falsehood, subterfuge, and any conspiracy you scheme up to make me believe otherwise, I will fucking kill you."
Woah. Egon said fuck. He must be really mad. I have never seen him this way.
He looks at me again. "Did you have intimate relations with my cousin in any way last night? If you didn't already know, she IS fifteen. I will, in your words, 'So beat the shit out of you.' if it is true."
"It IS true that we did NOTHING.Egon." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I wouldn't do such disrespect to your family. Nicole is a great girl. She has a lot of potential."
Egon's shoulder's sagged. His eyes looked deeply distraught. "Yes, she does. I just don't want it ruined for her. She's not had.an easy life. You know why she is here. She's hurt enough.. If being hurt enough was justification."
I nod. "Believe me, she has told me some details too." Egon raises his eyebrows in a Spock fashion. "I know. I know what she goes through. I just figure I would be there to listen to her."
Egon nods. Slowly. "I know, Peter. I just don't want anything to detriment anything she has going for her. She has so little."
I hug him reassuringly. "I know, buddy. I know."
He hugs me back, hoping that it is true.
Today's the 4th. It was either the choice for us to stay with his parent's get-together with friends, or a kid's night out.
We all chose to be by ourselves. When is it ever a bad time to get a couple of us crazy kids together to have fun? The neighbors will bullshit and moan about ten million stupid little things about their house, kids, mortgage, cars, and pets. We, on the other hand, will have kites and fireworks, and tons of hot dogs by the lake.
It'll be awesome.
The 4th was great. We got a cheesy little hibachi and some Farmer John's hot dogs and Peter insisted on lighting the fire, but Egon insisted on this new igniter that he cooked up. Peter said no way would I want charred wieners. Egon smacked him and said, "Mind my cousin, Peter."
We all joke about it now. Egon's realized that there's nothing but friendship between us. I relate to Peter as he does me. He's a great guy to talk to, and even though they say some pretty nasty things about college guys, he seems to be an exception.
It gets dark. The night is deep purple, and again the sky is clear. We've all gotten together and gazed at the stars. It's funny when Egon and Peter fight incessantly with this and that about physics, star theory, and the universe. Of course, I know what they are saying. Every word. Often, Aunt Esther would find all of us snoozing in a row in the early morning. It's gotten to a point that she kind of shakes her head at us when we tramp sleepily to breakfast.
I get the watermelon from the cooler and more lemonade. Peter bounds back with a blanket, and we watch the fireworks. It got annoying when Egon said at each igniting firework, "I can do that. I can definitely do that. Oh yes, that's easy." Eventually I smacked him and he shut up. For a while.
The 4th is nice, lazy and fun. The hot dogs could have been much to be desired, but the watermelon more than made up for it. The potato salad we brought looked kind of sickly and tired, so we fed it to the gulls, hoping that they would die. They didn't though. They must have cast iron guts. I hate gulls.
Egon gets up and says that he has to go to the bathroom and that he'll be right back. We say fine and he leaves.
"Try to find it in the dark, man."
Nicole slaps my arm.
"Careful, I'm ONLY fifteen."
Egon grins (?) and jogs off into the distance.
..
Peter and I are sitting out on the grass, on the lookout for shooting stars. We have both stared at the sky until both our necks are tired or we are. None have popped out yet, but I figure tonight should be the night, since it is the Fourth.
He and I stretched out on the thick, green grass by the lake. The night was clear and we watched in silence at the shimmering lights. Suddenly, a flash of light passed through the sky. It was beautiful. It seemed to run like quicksilver down a steep slope and vanish. If I had blinked, it would have been missed. I turned to him and his eyes met mine and twinkled as the stars did with happiness.
"You saw it?"
I nodded, a slow smile came on my face.
"What'd you wish for?"
"Well," I said slowly, "If I tell you, then it won't come true."
"Tell me." He reached over and started tickling me. I hate that. I keep laughing and I won't stop. I was writhing in pleasant agony as he was tickling me, as he chanted over and over, "Tell me, tell me, tell me..."
I managed to push away and start running away from his tickles. He tackled me, gently of course, and we fell to the ground. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. He was laughing really hard as well, as I was tickling him back, and as we caught our breath, I noticed that he was on top of me. His firm, strong body was pressing into me, and I could feel the color flush into my cheeks.
Then he looked at me. It was different. His eyes were emeralds. His dark hair frames his face as he looks down at me. His eyes are as soft and dark as his hair, a color I never saw before.
I chased her and picked her up. "Ahhh flying tackle, by Columbia's star, Peter Venkman!!!" I went "AAAAGHHHHH" like the crowd does at one of my plays, and I gently flung her onto the ground. She wriggled and kicked and squirmed, but we were both having a wonderful time. We were laughing like hell. I was tickling her, and she was tickling me back.
We both stopped, and I looked into her eyes. They were soft, deep, dilated in the night. The silver grey that was in her irises, had melted into a deep silver. I never saw eyes transmute like that. That was when I realized that her softness was pressing against me and my whole skin tingled and my face burned. Her hair was spread around us like a blanket, and some of it shrouded her face.
I took my hand and smoothed it off her face. Her skin was like silk, golden and bronzed. Her breath was soft, deep, and languid. Her mouth parted. Her fingers relaxed upon my arm and held me.
I drew closer. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her deeply. I wanted to feel her against me. My hand cupped her face. She was trembling, not from fear, but from anticipation. Her breasts pressed against my chest as I pressed onto her more. They felt soft and hot and were burning holes into me. Her eyes were soft, dark and I was losing it.
Her lips were just quivering, inches away from mine. Her head I cradled with my hands, as I stroked her cheeks and hair. Her eyes were dilated pools. She was so indescribably lovely, that she struck a deep nerve in me. I wanted to kiss her mouth. Badly.
I settled for the top of her forehead. I feared I wouldn't stop once I kissed her. I felt her soft skin on my lips, like silk, and inhaled the scent of her hair. They smelt of sunflowers and coconut. It was driving me crazy.
I hear Egon's voice. I get up immediately, wave my arms like everything is all right, and Nicole sits up, looking dazed.
What the hell just happened?
I jogged in the sand by the lake towards our spot. I catch up to Peter and Nicole, who are picking up their belongings. "Ready to go home?"
Peter grins at me. Something is hidden behind his eyes. I don't know if it is his random thoughts or another girl. Nicole is holding the blanket around her. She looks into the sky. Entranced. I shake my head. I will never know these two. Ever.
To Be Continued....
My toes are wet. The creek beside my uncle's house is cold and fresh. I see the little fish. My toes wriggle and they are white and puckered because they have been wet for a while.
Today is when my cousin Egon comes home. He's over at Columbia studying Parapsychology. He's coming home with a friend named Peter. Oh boy, I can barely wait. Peter is supposedly the star football guy - I can't tell those assholes apart anyways. He's going to be a loud, obnoxious shithead whose only concern is to have lots of sex and drink beer and scream all the time.
My uncle's house is quiet and no one really bothers me, which is really nice. Kazuo (my stepfather of 7 years) is always barging in wondering what the hell I am doing. He doesn't even bother to knock and even though I have told him a million times that he should knock, he doesn't. My mom calls him 'Kazu-chan', but I have another pet name for him: Kazoo. He should be named that instead because he wastes air and just sounds annoying, particularly when he 'lectures' me on every little thing. I was listening to some music late at night, and he said that what I was listening to was shit (if you can translate half of his ramblings) and that my brain would rot or something. Yes, Kazuo is Japanese Japanese, but I don't really care about that. He's just obnoxious as hell.
I stand up when I hear Egon's car put into the driveway. I put on my flip- flops and enter the house. I kick them off when I get in. It's the custom in my house now, but the floor feels really nice on my feet. My uncle is sitting there, with his glasses, and is reading the paper and occasionally grumbling. He's kind of a quiet guy. He doesn't seem to want to really talk, but just ruminate endlessly about this and that. I swear, he doesn't really have a hobby, he just studies all the time and never goes out. My aunt is nice, though, and she doesn't seem to mind her husband's quirks and strangeness. Which is good.
I go to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. As I drink it, I hear the main door close shut, and his mom's voice welcoming him home. I put down my milk to see what my cousin looks like now. I haven't seen him since he was fourteen, and now he's twenty-three. A lot can happen between that time. I bet I sure look different now.
I walk into the living room. The wood floor creaks and is cool beneath my feet. I see Egon hugging his mom, and a guy, still tall, but shorter, beside him. Aunt Esther turns to me and says, "Oh here's Nicole." She waves me over. "Come say hi."
That's my cue. I look at my cousin. His hair is white-blond, and he's got the same pair of glasses he did a few years ago. He's REALLY tall, and his suspenders and shirt accentuate his tallness. Not to mention, his pink shirt accentuates his dorkiness. Hahahaha.
As I get closer, I take a look at his friend. He's pretty tall, but not as tall as Egon. His hair is a dark brown and he's got a widow's peak at the top of his forehead. His skin is pale, like a nice peach, and he grins down at me. Oh no, here's the stupid little sister act. He's going to touch my hair and say how cute I am and I will be so pretty when I grow up. I'm fucking fifteen and I am definitely not a kid anymore. I kind of puff up like a porcupine fish and expect stupid pleasantries to exchange. Do they expect me to do a song and dance about the breadbasket?
Instead, he reaches down to shake hands with me, and I notice his eyes are a deep green. His voice is soft and pleasant as he says, "Hello Nicole. My name is Peter Venkman."
I must admit I was kind of nervous when walking up the steps to his house. I was tired, irritable from riding in a cramped car and sleep deprivation. No decent doughnuts or coffee along that way.
Pull yourself together, Petey. That's my favorite line when things go bad. Egon turned to me, and opened the door.
"Mom! We're here!" He called in the house.
His mom ran up. She was a blonde woman, handsome and strong. She hugged her son with vigor and affection. I kind of missed my mom and wondered what she was doing right now. However, with the same warmth, Egon's mother turned to me and gave me the exact same hug she gave her son. I felt kind of uncomfortable and I hug her awkwardly back. She tells me to call her Esther.
"Come on in, say hello to everybody. Egon, as you know, your cousin is here.visiting."
"Yes, I know." He turns to me. "You can also meet Dad too."
"My pleasure." I step in.
The floorboards creak under my sneakers. It's a rather homey place. Clean and spacious with all the right furniture and sunny room. It seems a nice place to take a nap.
I see a young girl come out of the kitchen and look at us. By the shade and shadows, she looks about thirteen, but her features are obscured.
Esther notices her calls out, "Come say hi."
A slow pad of feet comes towards me and as I see her face, I notice in the light that she is about fifteen. She seems to be made of bronze, gold, silk, silver, and honey. Her posture is straight but cautious. Her hair is a straight dark brown pulled back into a simple ponytail. She wears checkered shorts and a white T-shirt, with a bit of dirt on it. Her legs are long and coltish, but far from childish. She walks with a pace of a cat. Nicole stops in front of me and looks at me. Her eyes are beautiful. They are a soft, dark grey that changes often in shades. She scrutinizes me, not scornfully, but carefully. Her arms are at her sides, and they are slender and bronzed in the summer sun. Her neck is graceful and shapely. I extend my hand, and take her slender fingers in mine. I shake it and look at her eyes, lost in them. "Hello, Nicole." I say.
In a steady, soft voice that neither belies friendliness or hostility, but sweet just the same, "Hello, Peter."
Well, he seems nice.
First of all, he really hasn't drunk any beer, mostly soda and milk. He really isn't the loud, "PAH-TEEEE" kind of guy, but isn't that quiet. He speaks, but he doesn't chatter on and on. Some of the stuff that he says is funny, and some of it he says just to relieve tension. He sure likes to make people laugh. He's kind of growing on me.
Egon and him are going out in a boat. They invited me to come along. I think that would be fun.
At dinner, he started talking about the time that Egon left the mold in the main fridge too long, and then it took over the whole fridge, ruining their food. Aunt Esther and I thought it was pretty funny, but I think that Uncle Spengler got mad, because Egon slapped his hand over Peter's mouth. The funny part is that he continued talking through Egon's hand, which was really funny. He brings movement into this quiet house, and yet, it isn't bad. Egon started pounding him, which I never really saw in him before.
I think I like Peter.
All the girls dig me.
Nicole is not your average fifteen-year old. She's not bubbly, flirty, or giggly in any way. She's quiet, but not those average teen rebellion type quiet girls. She just is quiet and observes. I've never seen her laugh or chuckle, but she does take things in with reflection. I think she's a bit wiser than what a lot of people see her for, and I admire that. Her eyes are the kicker though, when she looks at me with those eyes, I shiver. These aren't shivers of fear, but of something else. It's quite nice being with her. She listens and doesn't talk or babble on endlessly, but speaks when she wants or needs to. Her voice is pleasant, almost soothing when she talks, but she doesn't really seem to want to talk that much. It's kind of sad, because she can speak to us about things that I wouldn't even dream of any fifteen year old thinking, let alone caring to think about. I think that she gets it from Egon's side, along with it being very quiet.
I was talking about the mold story. Egon had left a mold that he was growing off some Chinese tea leaves. Well, he decides to go and put it in the main fridge -which he is NOT supposed to do, but does. Pretty soon in the morning, I come in, wanting some juice, I blearily open the gallon container, and before this orange stuff splashes into my mouth, a huge CLOD lands on my tongue. I spit out this foul-tasting crap and see what looks to be a hairball. Wide-awake this time, I open the door to find that those same clods are scattered merrily over EVERYTHING. GROWING At this cue, Egon has popped his noggin in, and said, "Ahh, the mutant spore has bred successful, must make some notes."
I think I jumped on him and then start pounding his head. I yelled at him to clean it up.
Meanwhile, I got to IHOP for some pancakes and much-needed coffee.
Mr. Spengler looked kind of the same. All gruff and quiet. Esther was laughing, and Nicole was looking at me and smiled. Her eyes twinkled.
She's gonna make one guy happy someday.
I'm all wet today and it's Peter's fault.
Egon, Peter, and I went out in the dory (they call the boat that). It was nice. The sun was bright, but warm, and I trailed my hand in the water. It felt cool. I looked at Peter and Egon and they were in a heated discussion about Einstein's theory of relativity. Peter was arguing that sometimes things are spread unequally and Egon was arguing that things are meted out equally in accordance to size. I tended to agree that life sometimes hands you something short, but not always. I faded out until I heard Egon's voice.
".in short, that is why you are wrong and I am right."
Peter was sitting on the end of the boat, and he leaned back in silence. They both had their shirts off. They were white, but it wasn't butt-white. Peter's face had a look of surprise at whatever Egon told him. Egon turned back to rowing. He had a grin on his face.
Peter then shoved Egon out of the boat, which rocked. I grabbed the sides to not follow him along with it. I was laughing at the fact that Egon came up, spluttering, with glasses askew, blonde hair mopped with water, and a plant to add to that effect. Peter started roaring.
Egon narrowed his eyes and growled. "Peter, you will pay for this." He grabbed at the boat, rocking it. Peter was gasping through his giggles, "No, Spengler, no." The boat was tipping. Egon was grabbing at Peter to both yank him into the water and to step on his head to get back in. It didn't work that way.
We all fell in.
Whoops.
I shoved Egon into the water in an effort to shrink that ever-expanding head of his. He looked at me with this deathly look in his eyes and started to climb into the boat. I tried shoving him off, but that lanky bastard was pretty quick and strong for a nerd. But the rocking of the boat was too much and it tipped over.
We all fell in with a huge splash. I surfaced quickly, spit out some water and tried finding Egon to dunk him, when I only counted Egon's head.
Nicole?
"Egon, where's Nicole?" I looked around frantically. He looked around. Shit, she knocked her head and drowned when I was fooling around. I am such a dick..
"I'm here, guys."
I saw her sleek head pop out of the water. I was relieved to see her in one piece, but I did not see more of her head pop out. Egon and I started to swim for shore, but I noticed that she wasn't moving.
"Nick, what's wrong?" I asked her. "You hurt?"
"I need a towel."
"We'll get you one. Come inside."
"I don't want you looking at me."
"Your shirt didn't come off, right?" I remembered it was a pretty heavy shirt, but you never know.
"It's white." She burbled a bit when some water lapped up onto her face.
"Oh." His eyes widened. "OHHHHHhhh."
I think he understood. He turned to Egon and said something. Egon went to the garage and got an old horse blanket. I sure hope he shook it out. The last thing I want are some brown recluses biting me. I hate those things.
They held the blanket up at the shore.
"I don't want you looking at me. Turn around."
Rather than most guys still insisting you come anyways, Peter complied. He even turned away. Egon kept his eyes shut and I took the blanket from him and wrapped it around me.
"Okay, you can look now."
Peter turned back around and Egon opened his eyes.
"Thanks." I said.
I walk into the living room, and Nick is all gumped up on the sofa and we are reading a book. I'm reading OMNI and she is reading a really thick book. Geez. She even looks like Egon when she is lost in thought. That without the glasses that is.
I kind of feel like a big brother to her. She seems quiet and reserved, not like person should be. She doesn't seem to be sad, but when I see her on the phone with her mom, it doesn't seem all that great. In fact, her eyebrows crinkle when I sort of hear her mom's voice. She seems to be on the verge of crying, but then she goes into the pantry and shuts the door. An hour later, her face is flushed and I see no tears, but I can tell she has been crying. Then she goes to her room and doesn't come out. I kind of understand.
I look at Nick, she's reading 'The Slaughterhouse' .
She notices me looking at her and stares at me. Her grey eyes never waver. "What?"
I hide behind my magazine. I'm ashamed that I stare. "Good book?"
"Yes."
"What's it about?" Thought I very well knew what it was about. I studied it at Columbia for General Ed and did papers and millions of stupid discussions on it. I felt kind of stupid.
"It's about man's inhumanity to man. Well, it just shows how fucked up society is our relationship with each other."
I started. It's not the first time I heard the word 'fuck' from a fifteen year old's mouth, but it just kind of startled me that she would pick the right word to express that book. "You finished it, I take it?"
"Read it fifteen times already." She turned back to the pages.
I looked outside. The day was nice. Too nice. I immediately felt restless.
"Want to go out?"
"Where?" Still looking at her book.
"Out."
"Okay."
Today was too nice to stay in. Peter was right. We stopped by as I got my sandals on and Peter went to find Egon. I got down right when he said that he couldn't come. He had some new mold growing in the fridge and he wanted to study it some more. I rolled my eyes at Peter, who snickered. We got into Egon's Rabbit and Peter started the engine. It spluttered and coughed.
"So, how did you meet Egon?" Kak kak.
"We had the same class together in microbiology." Cough.
"So how did a jock like you get to know a nerd like my cousin?"
"Well, he and I got on a science project.and we sort of hit it off."
"All he talks about is mold and physics, what do talk about."
"GODDAMN FUCKING MACHINE!!!" Peter yelled and smacked the wheel. He turned to me, and said, "Well I introduced him to girls, that's why he stays."
"Bullshit." I countered. I reached over and flipped the ignition. It growled and roared. It ran.
Peter looked at me with disbelief. "How did you do that?"
"It likes me."
"Figures." He snorted.
The drive was long and winding. It was a bit of a ways to get back into town. Nicole was staring out the window. She was always thinking. What was she thinking about?
I decided to break the ice. "Stop being so loud."
"Sorry."
"No really." I nudged her. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"Jesus, you have to be so laconic?" I sighed. "Fine." I looked back at the road.
She looked at me. "What do you want to know?"
"Anything. You can just babble Latin. I figure anyone in Egon's family can speak Latin."
"Not really."
I stopped the car. "You CAN'T?" Wow, a member in Egon's family that can't read Latin.
"Well, I can read it better than speaking it."
"What can't you read AND speak?"
She paused and looked up, as if filing through her brain. "Mandarin Chinese, Tibetan, Laotian, and Taglog."
"That's all?"
"No, wait. Ancient Norse is on my next to learn list."
I shook my head and stepped on the gas again.
"So, what is your family like?"
"Nosy, aren't you?"
"Well, considering that I have only been here two weeks, and I only know what Egon's told me about you.which wasn't much if you want to know." I looked sidelong at her. "I want to know what you're about."
She returned my look. "What you are is what you get."
I stopped the car again. "What is wrong with you?"
"What?"
"Stop.this. I just want to know you better." I gesticulated helplessly.
She jumped out of the car and slammed the door.
Shit.
I opened the door and followed her.
"HEY! HEY!!!"
Tears are burning through my eyes as the dust kicks up around my feet. I hear Peter's door slam and that he's running up behind me. He grabs my shoulders.
"Nicole, look, that's not what I meant or what..." His eyes searched for the words. "I just wanted to get to know you better."
"Yeah" I screamed back, "What the fuck kind of question is that? My dad's in a fucking coma and he'll never recover. My mom's keeping him alive because she believes that it's wrong to turn off the machine. EIGHT YEARS! My dad has been on that goddamn machine because it's MORALLY FUCKING WRONG to let him die!!! She's even married someone else!!!!" Tears were stinging my eyes, but I didn't care. "She's keeping him alive. She is keeping him alive for no reason whatsoever. She's fucking taking away his dignity as a human being." I viciously wiped my hand across my eyes. My nose was running. Great. I look all snotty now. I'm a mess. I'm pissed. "My dad was a great dad!!! Why is he in this hell?!!??!! She needs to let him go!"
Peter bent down over me. His eyes were glistening when he heard this. "I don't know, honey. It isn't fair."
"I'm not your 'honey'. You asshole!" I banged at his chest with my fist. I wanted to hurt him. "It's not fair, I know that. Life isn't fucking fair! I know that crap. I'm not stupid!"
Peter drew me close and hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe. He murmured into my ear. "I know that. God knows I know that. You couldn't ask ANYONE to deal with that."
"How do you know?" I sobbed.
"My dad was a con man." His gentle tenor filtered in through my tangle of nerves, anger, hatred, bitterness, and sorrow. "We moved so many times that we all forgot to count. The cops were on us the whole time. We got evicted a lot. My mom got tired of it and threw him out. I think she did the right thing. I never really had a dad I think. He just comes when he needs money or a scam."
"Your dad's still alive. He still talks to you."
"Not to me. Not really, honey." His hands started rubbing my back, pressing out all my tension. Tears were just flowing now, from my eyes. "You kind of remind me of me, sometimes. Shhhhhh."
That was it. That was the last straw. I cried into his shoulder, rubbing my face in it. I felt that my whole heart was ripped open and the contents pouring out. Every horrible feeling I had ever had, I let go into his shoulder. He kept patting my back and holding me tight. He was rocking me back and forth.
I stopped crying after a while. It seemed like a long time. I wiped my eyes, and when they cleared, I saw that some tears had fallen from his deep green eyes and left wet traces down his cheeks to his chin. I was surprised. His eyes were like dark emeralds.
"You're crying."
He didn't bother to wipe them away. He just smoothed the tears from my cheeks. Peter smiled gently.
"I'm so sorry, Nicole. I'm so sorry that you have to lose a dad that way. I know it's tough on your mom, and she could probably deal with it better. But in the end, even when we grow completely up, we really don't know how to deal with the crap life throws at us."
I nodded. "It's so.hard." Damn, that sounded trite. So inadequate.
He nodded again. "I know it is, kid." For once, I didn't get pissed at 'kid'. I knew he didn't really see me as one. At least, a stupid one.
He put his arm around my shoulders.
"Now let's go to town, shall we?"
We walked to the car. As we were buckling up, Peter turned to me, "Oh yeah, don't tell the other guys that I cried. That might shake their image of me."
The glimmer in his eyes made me grin and I knew it was all right.
Wow. Ohio has sure some nice little towns. Some are the picture-perfect all- American dream and some are just small suburban townlets with their perfunctory ice cream parlor, library, and a little movie theatre.
We went and saw Hell Drivers. She laughed throughout the whole movie. It was so fucking cheesy and stupid that I laughed too. As we left the theatre, Nicole and I walk around because we feel stir-crazy. Then we got the small town ice cream. She mentions that we should market the town as 'Americana' and see how it sells. We could sell it all over the world and we would have millions of these kitschy towns. I laugh and say that it would just be a passing fancy, but she says that it's a plausible idea.
I love this crazy kid.
Nicole and I have been walking around for a couple of hours. She isn't really chatty, but she is beginning to talk a little more about things. A lot of things have happened to her that a kid shouldn't have experienced.
She says that her dad was in an accident and he's still kept alive in an irreversible coma. He's a vegetable. She's accepted it. However, every time she sees him, it breaks her apart inside. She sees no point in going there anymore, because he is less of what he once was to her. All the tubes, withered limbs and blank stares to the ceiling, were too much for her. The man that was once her father, is now atrophied, disintegrating. She told me how powerful, sweet, and caring her dad was. How much of a hero. How much he wanted to save people and help them. How much he loved her mom.
"Maybe your mom isn't ready to let go."
She shrugs noncommittally. "Sometimes, I just don't care anymore what she thinks. I just don't want her dragging me into it."
"Sounds like she loves him a lot."
She snorts derisively, and says in a bitter voice, "That sure was shown when Kazoo married her. It happened pretty close to a year afterwards. She goes off to Japan for a vacation to get away from things, and boom she comes back with this guy."
Nicole leaned back. Her soda balances perfectly in her lap. She sighs. "It's sure different. Kazoo's so uptight and barging in a lot and punishing me for this and that. This sure isn't Japan anymore, but hey, whatever."
"Does he hit you?"
"Sometimes." She looks straight ahead. "He smacks me." She looks at me. My rage boils at the thought of this girl being smacked around, for just the tiniest infraction. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Understand, he doesn't beat me. I'm not protecting him. It's just how things were and still are in Japan to some degree. He doesn't beat me with his fists, but he has slapped me several times. There are times when I DID deserve it." She smiles a bit..sadly? I still feel she's not telling me everything, but more than she ever said to anyone.
"I'd still like to slap him around." I understand, but I still don't like it.
"Well." she shrugs. She finishes her soda and puts it in the garbage. I like how she does things. Her movements are neat and deliberate. This is no ordinary fifteen-year old. Sometimes, she makes me feel like she is ageless, in her attitude towards life. Boys and makeup do not even enter the picture at all. Sure, she's had boyfriends, but they weren't important, at least not for now. Sounds like she has higher priorities. She decides to ruminate on them, like how Egon ruminates on several different ideas and concepts at once. Then, when they figure it out, it's a new milestone for them.
I completely understand.
I still want to kick the shit out of him.
It is night when we return to the house. Egon is still up. He's watching the nature channel. It's about how botulism takes over the human body. Nice. I'll never know what is in his noggin. Peter and I go up to my room. We crawl up onto the roof through my window. I lie down and put my arms behind my head.
He copies me, and turns to me. "So what are we looking for?"
I point upwards. "The stars. I start thinking about them. How far they are. How many of them, and how old I would be once I got there. Are they already gone? I think about how the universe is, how big it really is. and I start thinking is everyone else thinking the same way that I am?"
He looks at me. "Wow.um." He really can't say anything. I think he's blown away by what I just said.
I don't care. He doesn't need to. I turn and look at the Summer Triangle. It glitters and sparkles and I pretend it's a big pool cue, rounding up the balls.
I still scan for a shooting star. I can't find one. Yet.
Sunlight stabs into my eyes and it hurts. I open them and wince. My breath is foul and my back is kinked. I raise myself up.
Nicole is curled up next to me with her back to me. I sit up, pop my neck, wince and glance over. She's out cold. I gently take her shoulder and shake it. She murmurs to life and looks at me, her grey eyes all sleep-ridden and bleary. She blinks. Then rubs her eyes. How adorable.
She looks at me, lucid now, and touches my face. "Wow, I didn't know it could grow that fast."
"Oh this?" I touch my face and feel the stubble. "This is a result of staying a whole night up with a lovely lady until 6.am?"
Nicole's face turned a deeper shade of rosy bronze. Her eyes deepened into the loveliest shades of deep grey that I never knew existed or dreamed. She looked down in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness.
"I'm beautiful?" She asked almost incredulously. "Me? I would hardly think so."
I leaned closer to her to whisper in her ear. "Yes you are, and you gotta be careful with those eyes, you'll surely break some guy's heart with those if you aren't careful enough."
She laughs a bit. She looks down. "Okay I promise."
I grab her shoulders with my arm and put it around her. "You're a good kid, keep it up." I give her a friendly kiss on the cheek. I hug her. She's a great kid. Really she is.
A throat clears. I look through the window of the roof.
Egon is there and he looks pissed off.
Shit. Us, outside her roof, overnight, bedroom.
Goddamnit.
Peter looks like a dog about to be whacked with a newspaper. He comes down through the window and looks at Egon, who returns the look with venom. We didn't do anything. We just conked out looking at the stars. He knows me better than that.
Peter comes forward to help me through the window. Egon seems to nudge him out of the way and he grabs me, roughly, and helps me down.
"Go outside, Peter."
"Egon, I want to let you know NOTHING happened."
"Go outside, Peter." Doesn't even look at him.
Peter glances at me, rather worried. He's never heard Egon sound like this before. He goes out of my room and closes the door.
It's just me and Egon.
Egon glares at me. "What were you thinking? Were you just so deficient in your thoughts that you could just spend the night with Peter?"
"That wasn't it. We were watching the stars, and we just conked out. He didn't touch me or anything." I looked at him steadily in the face.
"He sure was comfortable with you when I walked in."
"That was just a hug. Nothing." I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you like Kazuo? Always suspicious that I'm going to mess up and throw things away? I thought you were better than that, Egon." I look squarely at him. I'm so infuriated and pissed off that I think Egon backs down a little.
"I'm sorry, Nicole. However, I am afraid of what people may think."
"Fuck what they think."
He sighs. "Nick, it isn't that simple. You being fifteen, you're under the age of consent, he's twenty-one, over the age of consent. That could get us into big trouble."
I narrow my eyes. "I KNOW what the age of consent is. We didn't DO anything. That is fact."
"Regardless, the general law would take your parent's side. I don't want that to happen." He sits on the bed and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Nick, I know that you don't care of what people think. That in itself is an admirable trait. I know that you and Peter did nothing that you can't tell the Pope about. However, the thing that will be racing through people's heads is - 'What is this twenty-one year old want with this fifteen year old girl?'. People are much more sordid and malicious as you may think or know."
"I KNOW what people can be."
"Just please, be careful. That's all I am telling you."
I don't say anything. I figure me telling Egon that Peter said I was beautiful, would not help things. I file it away like I do most things.
I wait by the door. I don't hear anything. I hope that Egon didn't verbally vivisect her. She wasn't to blame for anything.
I hope that she's all right. Because if Egon makes her cry, I swear I will beat him. I will beat him, even though he's at his parent's house.
I hope she's okay.
I hope that Egon doesn't beat my ass.
The door opens and I nearly start. "Jesus, Spengs." Egon looks at me with the same angry, but impassable stare. I babble stupidly on. "You could have given me a heart attack or something. Who will you live with next year? I need to know if you have a backup plan or something."
"Peter." His voice is implicit and stiff. "Nicole tells me that nothing happened last night between you two. Is that right?"
"Yes. Absolutely NOTHING happened."
"Good." He lowers his eyes. "I will let you know. If there is any falsehood, subterfuge, and any conspiracy you scheme up to make me believe otherwise, I will fucking kill you."
Woah. Egon said fuck. He must be really mad. I have never seen him this way.
He looks at me again. "Did you have intimate relations with my cousin in any way last night? If you didn't already know, she IS fifteen. I will, in your words, 'So beat the shit out of you.' if it is true."
"It IS true that we did NOTHING.Egon." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I wouldn't do such disrespect to your family. Nicole is a great girl. She has a lot of potential."
Egon's shoulder's sagged. His eyes looked deeply distraught. "Yes, she does. I just don't want it ruined for her. She's not had.an easy life. You know why she is here. She's hurt enough.. If being hurt enough was justification."
I nod. "Believe me, she has told me some details too." Egon raises his eyebrows in a Spock fashion. "I know. I know what she goes through. I just figure I would be there to listen to her."
Egon nods. Slowly. "I know, Peter. I just don't want anything to detriment anything she has going for her. She has so little."
I hug him reassuringly. "I know, buddy. I know."
He hugs me back, hoping that it is true.
Today's the 4th. It was either the choice for us to stay with his parent's get-together with friends, or a kid's night out.
We all chose to be by ourselves. When is it ever a bad time to get a couple of us crazy kids together to have fun? The neighbors will bullshit and moan about ten million stupid little things about their house, kids, mortgage, cars, and pets. We, on the other hand, will have kites and fireworks, and tons of hot dogs by the lake.
It'll be awesome.
The 4th was great. We got a cheesy little hibachi and some Farmer John's hot dogs and Peter insisted on lighting the fire, but Egon insisted on this new igniter that he cooked up. Peter said no way would I want charred wieners. Egon smacked him and said, "Mind my cousin, Peter."
We all joke about it now. Egon's realized that there's nothing but friendship between us. I relate to Peter as he does me. He's a great guy to talk to, and even though they say some pretty nasty things about college guys, he seems to be an exception.
It gets dark. The night is deep purple, and again the sky is clear. We've all gotten together and gazed at the stars. It's funny when Egon and Peter fight incessantly with this and that about physics, star theory, and the universe. Of course, I know what they are saying. Every word. Often, Aunt Esther would find all of us snoozing in a row in the early morning. It's gotten to a point that she kind of shakes her head at us when we tramp sleepily to breakfast.
I get the watermelon from the cooler and more lemonade. Peter bounds back with a blanket, and we watch the fireworks. It got annoying when Egon said at each igniting firework, "I can do that. I can definitely do that. Oh yes, that's easy." Eventually I smacked him and he shut up. For a while.
The 4th is nice, lazy and fun. The hot dogs could have been much to be desired, but the watermelon more than made up for it. The potato salad we brought looked kind of sickly and tired, so we fed it to the gulls, hoping that they would die. They didn't though. They must have cast iron guts. I hate gulls.
Egon gets up and says that he has to go to the bathroom and that he'll be right back. We say fine and he leaves.
"Try to find it in the dark, man."
Nicole slaps my arm.
"Careful, I'm ONLY fifteen."
Egon grins (?) and jogs off into the distance.
..
Peter and I are sitting out on the grass, on the lookout for shooting stars. We have both stared at the sky until both our necks are tired or we are. None have popped out yet, but I figure tonight should be the night, since it is the Fourth.
He and I stretched out on the thick, green grass by the lake. The night was clear and we watched in silence at the shimmering lights. Suddenly, a flash of light passed through the sky. It was beautiful. It seemed to run like quicksilver down a steep slope and vanish. If I had blinked, it would have been missed. I turned to him and his eyes met mine and twinkled as the stars did with happiness.
"You saw it?"
I nodded, a slow smile came on my face.
"What'd you wish for?"
"Well," I said slowly, "If I tell you, then it won't come true."
"Tell me." He reached over and started tickling me. I hate that. I keep laughing and I won't stop. I was writhing in pleasant agony as he was tickling me, as he chanted over and over, "Tell me, tell me, tell me..."
I managed to push away and start running away from his tickles. He tackled me, gently of course, and we fell to the ground. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. He was laughing really hard as well, as I was tickling him back, and as we caught our breath, I noticed that he was on top of me. His firm, strong body was pressing into me, and I could feel the color flush into my cheeks.
Then he looked at me. It was different. His eyes were emeralds. His dark hair frames his face as he looks down at me. His eyes are as soft and dark as his hair, a color I never saw before.
I chased her and picked her up. "Ahhh flying tackle, by Columbia's star, Peter Venkman!!!" I went "AAAAGHHHHH" like the crowd does at one of my plays, and I gently flung her onto the ground. She wriggled and kicked and squirmed, but we were both having a wonderful time. We were laughing like hell. I was tickling her, and she was tickling me back.
We both stopped, and I looked into her eyes. They were soft, deep, dilated in the night. The silver grey that was in her irises, had melted into a deep silver. I never saw eyes transmute like that. That was when I realized that her softness was pressing against me and my whole skin tingled and my face burned. Her hair was spread around us like a blanket, and some of it shrouded her face.
I took my hand and smoothed it off her face. Her skin was like silk, golden and bronzed. Her breath was soft, deep, and languid. Her mouth parted. Her fingers relaxed upon my arm and held me.
I drew closer. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her deeply. I wanted to feel her against me. My hand cupped her face. She was trembling, not from fear, but from anticipation. Her breasts pressed against my chest as I pressed onto her more. They felt soft and hot and were burning holes into me. Her eyes were soft, dark and I was losing it.
Her lips were just quivering, inches away from mine. Her head I cradled with my hands, as I stroked her cheeks and hair. Her eyes were dilated pools. She was so indescribably lovely, that she struck a deep nerve in me. I wanted to kiss her mouth. Badly.
I settled for the top of her forehead. I feared I wouldn't stop once I kissed her. I felt her soft skin on my lips, like silk, and inhaled the scent of her hair. They smelt of sunflowers and coconut. It was driving me crazy.
I hear Egon's voice. I get up immediately, wave my arms like everything is all right, and Nicole sits up, looking dazed.
What the hell just happened?
I jogged in the sand by the lake towards our spot. I catch up to Peter and Nicole, who are picking up their belongings. "Ready to go home?"
Peter grins at me. Something is hidden behind his eyes. I don't know if it is his random thoughts or another girl. Nicole is holding the blanket around her. She looks into the sky. Entranced. I shake my head. I will never know these two. Ever.
To Be Continued....